I'm I possessed?

[Turiya]

hello!

 

I just joined the forum and community and I'm happy to be here as I've been trying for the longest time to understand my experiences. If someone could share some insights that would be much appreciated!

 

I currently live in Toronto, Ontario Canada and unfortunately still have not been able to find a teacher or sifu to act as guidance on my path in discovering the art of taoism/truth/god/self.

 

Bare with me as I try to summarize everything:

 

THE ORIGIN:

Several years ago I went on a backpacking self discover journey. Life was going down hill and I was trying to find myself and understand the world. My heart brought me to China and I spent close to a month there. At first in cities and seeing the popular things like Great Wall, Stone Army etc, None of that was of real interest and felt cold. It was in the farmlands and mountains where I stayed at which was simple, tranquil and profound.

 

After weeks into my journey everything seemed like crap and seemed like a waste of time. I was on top of a mountain at the time and went into the Jade Emperor temple. There I started to pray and surrender. It was a total surrender as if everything was given up and acknowledgement that I knew nothing and genuinely seek truth, happiness and peace. In that moment there was a sudden jolt as if lighting in the whole body. It started to shake uncontrollable, then tons of deep belly laugher, cry, real crying, real laughing as if it was the first time I was really crying and laughing. Then pure silence and stillness and then my body started to spin and move on its own as if I was possessed. It felt like energy was pulling my body ever so gentle and guiding me around. My body was walking around as if I was drunk. But I was not drunk, I was fully aware and scared at the time, yet not scared. Then the body did these weird movements I think they were chi kung moves though I'm not certain, it was all effortless and then more laughter and crying and then boom... ran out of the temple and started to sing and dance around the mountain as if a new person. So much energy, so much joy, so much love, so much laughter, the whole world was so colourful. I felt one with the world, completely peace, no questions and all was geniunely well, that all problems and everything was made up and did not exist, that the mind took it self way too seriously and all problems were created and illusion. All was simply perfect, joy, love, thats the best I can describe it. I was running around hugging animals on the mountain, singing to trees and plants, hugging and smiling to people who thought I was crazy. The smile and laughter that came from me was automatic and I felt a energy carry me throughout everywhere.

 

Moments later I remember hearing the loudess thunder and lighting and heaviest rain storm every. The lighten shoke the mountain, and lit up the sky and the rain soaked everything. Yet I was still outside running and dancing in the rain and walking and dancing to the thump of the lighting, thunder and rain. Then as fast as the heavy rain and thunder came it stopped, but I was still so filled with love and joy and wanted to share it with the whole world and love everyone and wished everyone could be blessed with this

 

I remember I could feel tingling on the lower tailbone area, super sensistive to things, and when I did things it felt like I was really doing it, as if I was one with the movement. When drinking water, it was drinking water and enjoying it fully, the mind and body as one, not body drinking and mind somewhere else.

 

I remember someone randomly asked me how did I arrive at this state and the mouth automatically responded "follow your heart"

 

POST ORIGIN:

This bliss lasted for several days and then a thought came... "Oh my gosh, is this enlightenment?" The moment this came all doubts and fear came, second thoughts like "Will this last?" etc came. Then eventually the mind came talking and creating fear and then it all subsided. Physically I could still feel the tingling, and energy sensations.

 

Weeks later when I returned home from the trip. I would get random laughter and jolts, and shaking. People at home who saw me said I was glowing and looked so pretty, was like a new person, etc etc. I tried my best not to take all this to heart as it might build on the ego.

 

Many wonderful things happened, I hugged mom and dad for the first time and felt no fear to do it. I felt like breaking patterns, walking on grass instead of sidewalks and had the power to move clouds and such.

 

But eventually all this faded because of pressure from parents, friends and generally life to go to school, get a career. Ever since I went back to school and worked all this faded and I've become mundane or "normal" like the rest of the usual western society.

 

Then months later when I went on a trip with the family to Niagara Falls, aboard the Maiden of the Mist ride which brought you down close to the falls, a similar event happened. Pure joy in seeing the falls, pure energy and perfect bliss again and hugging and smiling to everyone and loving all.

 

I remember feeling that there was so much energy that the body could barely contain it all, I could feel the limits of the body and witnessed the body, mind and energy seeing it all seperately yet one as well. The energy was best described as spirit, almost like a child, new, fresh, loving, innocent. My second thoughts would be fear as if I was possessed by a ghost or demon took over body.

 

Years later these moments became more rare, it would come in difficult life situations when things were not well, i would be in my room meditating and then the profoundness would come again.

 

Just recently had similar experience again but this time the body did a dance, like chi kung, tai chi, martial arts move, it was moving so gracefully on its own and felt like energy was just carrying it, I felt like the anicent sages were dancing through me, and the body would do all these weird breathing, inhaling fast, then slow, then making different noises, and different movements and poses, all effortlessly, all spontanously. Then immense laughter and some tears again.

 

I have not done much chi kung, the only thing I dabbled into was six healing sounds and smiling excercises by Mantak Chia

 

And primordial chi kung by Michael Winn, this was done during the china trip and when I came back I did a bit more, but stopped as I didn't know if I was possessed and if it was doing more damage or good. I also felt very ungrounded at the time, as if I could just float away

 

Before all of this I did a form of tibetian martial arts called Boabom and Seamm Jasani.

 

I stopped all exercises as I felt learning from books could only take one so far and felt I needed real guidance and a teacher. I was always trying to save up money to find and meet these teachers but the opportunity just didnt come as things always came up.

 

Now life is pretty much "normal" There is still this inner strive for truth, at first it was a longing for the original feeling again. But I think i've grown wiser now and realize to appreciate it for what it was and now was to move on and keep searching for truth as that was perhaps just a taste. Currently in a somewhat negative thinking, depressed state. Despite all the experiences, ever since coming back, many surgeries, accidents befell me and kept breaking my spirit, body and mind. Lost 10 teeth, had to get many dental surgeries, root canals which were painful, expensive and took years to heal, and felt immunity and health declined from that, then nerve pinch, siatic lower back and spinal problem from falling on tailbone and overall weakness and frailty etc.

 

Anyhow, I just wanted to know if anyone could explain what these experiences could be, are they dangerous, is this negative chi energy that was cultivated or uncontrolled? is it possessed by a demon and I'm being tricked its all good?

 

And if anyone knows of any genuine teachers in Toronto area you could recommend that would be great!

 

Thank you for your time!

[Fū Yue]

hello!

is this negative chi energy that was cultivated or uncontrolled? is it possessed by a demon and I'm being tricked its all good?

 

Joy, love, laughter, release... none of these things should ever be looked upon as negative. Catharsis is healthy. It sounds like the original spirit was trying to show you some truth.

 

Don't let this stress-laden civilization keep you down; the truth is that we are all wild and free. Good luck!

[C T]

http://www.riwoche.com/

 

 

Wishing you the very best in the sublime understanding of the truth that there is nothing more certain than change.

[Aetherous]

Yes, as Fu Yue said...sounds like a positive experience.

 

"By their fruit you will recognize them."

 

About problems occurring in your life, it's not something to be encouraged, but it can be a sign that you're moving forward spiritually. Could be "bad karma" resolving.

 

There are two ways that we become purified...

1) Punishment (like bad things happening) and us meeting the challenges.

2) Conscious cultivation of good thoughts, feelings, actions, words, etc...in each moment.

 

If you choose number 2, you can offset number 1 so that you have good luck instead. So much more preferable.

 

Good to cultivate awareness of things, for instance, finances. A person could pay little attention and end up losing a few thousand by accident. Or they could choose to pay close attention and ensure that they don't lose it. If some mistake in the bank happens, the person will notice it right away and have their own records proving that the money was there...they're on top of their responsibilities.

 

Concern yourself with the mundane things! It's like zen monks cleaning the place...normal people might scoff at chores, but that is a big part of their spiritual path. So be normal.

 

That's part of being grounded. Being very full of love is great, it's like you're a young leaf on a branch full of life, but as the wise ones say, you must at the same time also have deep roots and be very sturdy. Or else you'll be broken off from the branch, get blown any way the wind decides, and end up dying early. Cultivate a normal mindset, and keep spirituality as only a percentage of your overall life.

 

Maybe you will be able to find a lot of other ideas about grounding on this forum. The way I see it, the more grounded (smart, calm, clear headed) a person can be in any situation, the more spiritual they are.

[Jetsun]

Some people get possessed on purpose such as Shamen and Oracles, so possession doesn't have to be a negative thing, it might be a talent of yours and can help get information and predict the future. The Tibetan government still employ state Oracles who helps them out with state affairs and advice on occasion

[dwai]

hello!

 

I just joined the forum and community and I'm happy to be here as I've been trying for the longest time to understand my experiences. If someone could share some insights that would be much appreciated!

 

I currently live in Toronto, Ontario Canada and unfortunately still have not been able to find a teacher or sifu to act as guidance on my path in discovering the art of taoism/truth/god/self.

 

Bare with me as I try to summarize everything:

 

THE ORIGIN:

Several years ago I went on a backpacking self discover journey. Life was going down hill and I was trying to find myself and understand the world. My heart brought me to China and I spent close to a month there. At first in cities and seeing the popular things like Great Wall, Stone Army etc, None of that was of real interest and felt cold. It was in the farmlands and mountains where I stayed at which was simple, tranquil and profound.

 

After weeks into my journey everything seemed like crap and seemed like a waste of time. I was on top of a mountain at the time and went into the Jade Emperor temple. There I started to pray and surrender. It was a total surrender as if everything was given up and acknowledgement that I knew nothing and genuinely seek truth, happiness and peace. In that moment there was a sudden jolt as if lighting in the whole body. It started to shake uncontrollable, then tons of deep belly laugher, cry, real crying, real laughing as if it was the first time I was really crying and laughing. Then pure silence and stillness and then my body started to spin and move on its own as if I was possessed. It felt like energy was pulling my body ever so gentle and guiding me around. My body was walking around as if I was drunk. But I was not drunk, I was fully aware and scared at the time, yet not scared. Then the body did these weird movements I think they were chi kung moves though I'm not certain, it was all effortless and then more laughter and crying and then boom... ran out of the temple and started to sing and dance around the mountain as if a new person. So much energy, so much joy, so much love, so much laughter, the whole world was so colourful. I felt one with the world, completely peace, no questions and all was geniunely well, that all problems and everything was made up and did not exist, that the mind took it self way too seriously and all problems were created and illusion. All was simply perfect, joy, love, thats the best I can describe it. I was running around hugging animals on the mountain, singing to trees and plants, hugging and smiling to people who thought I was crazy. The smile and laughter that came from me was automatic and I felt a energy carry me throughout everywhere.

 

Moments later I remember hearing the loudess thunder and lighting and heaviest rain storm every. The lighten shoke the mountain, and lit up the sky and the rain soaked everything. Yet I was still outside running and dancing in the rain and walking and dancing to the thump of the lighting, thunder and rain. Then as fast as the heavy rain and thunder came it stopped, but I was still so filled with love and joy and wanted to share it with the whole world and love everyone and wished everyone could be blessed with this

 

I remember I could feel tingling on the lower tailbone area, super sensistive to things, and when I did things it felt like I was really doing it, as if I was one with the movement. When drinking water, it was drinking water and enjoying it fully, the mind and body as one, not body drinking and mind somewhere else.

 

I remember someone randomly asked me how did I arrive at this state and the mouth automatically responded "follow your heart"

 

POST ORIGIN:

This bliss lasted for several days and then a thought came... "Oh my gosh, is this enlightenment?" The moment this came all doubts and fear came, second thoughts like "Will this last?" etc came. Then eventually the mind came talking and creating fear and then it all subsided. Physically I could still feel the tingling, and energy sensations.

 

Weeks later when I returned home from the trip. I would get random laughter and jolts, and shaking. People at home who saw me said I was glowing and looked so pretty, was like a new person, etc etc. I tried my best not to take all this to heart as it might build on the ego.

 

Many wonderful things happened, I hugged mom and dad for the first time and felt no fear to do it. I felt like breaking patterns, walking on grass instead of sidewalks and had the power to move clouds and such.

 

But eventually all this faded because of pressure from parents, friends and generally life to go to school, get a career. Ever since I went back to school and worked all this faded and I've become mundane or "normal" like the rest of the usual western society.

 

Then months later when I went on a trip with the family to Niagara Falls, aboard the Maiden of the Mist ride which brought you down close to the falls, a similar event happened. Pure joy in seeing the falls, pure energy and perfect bliss again and hugging and smiling to everyone and loving all.

 

I remember feeling that there was so much energy that the body could barely contain it all, I could feel the limits of the body and witnessed the body, mind and energy seeing it all seperately yet one as well. The energy was best described as spirit, almost like a child, new, fresh, loving, innocent. My second thoughts would be fear as if I was possessed by a ghost or demon took over body.

 

Years later these moments became more rare, it would come in difficult life situations when things were not well, i would be in my room meditating and then the profoundness would come again.

 

Just recently had similar experience again but this time the body did a dance, like chi kung, tai chi, martial arts move, it was moving so gracefully on its own and felt like energy was just carrying it, I felt like the anicent sages were dancing through me, and the body would do all these weird breathing, inhaling fast, then slow, then making different noises, and different movements and poses, all effortlessly, all spontanously. Then immense laughter and some tears again.

 

I have not done much chi kung, the only thing I dabbled into was six healing sounds and smiling excercises by Mantak Chia

 

And primordial chi kung by Michael Winn, this was done during the china trip and when I came back I did a bit more, but stopped as I didn't know if I was possessed and if it was doing more damage or good. I also felt very ungrounded at the time, as if I could just float away

 

Before all of this I did a form of tibetian martial arts called Boabom and Seamm Jasani.

 

I stopped all exercises as I felt learning from books could only take one so far and felt I needed real guidance and a teacher. I was always trying to save up money to find and meet these teachers but the opportunity just didnt come as things always came up.

 

Now life is pretty much "normal" There is still this inner strive for truth, at first it was a longing for the original feeling again. But I think i've grown wiser now and realize to appreciate it for what it was and now was to move on and keep searching for truth as that was perhaps just a taste. Currently in a somewhat negative thinking, depressed state. Despite all the experiences, ever since coming back, many surgeries, accidents befell me and kept breaking my spirit, body and mind. Lost 10 teeth, had to get many dental surgeries, root canals which were painful, expensive and took years to heal, and felt immunity and health declined from that, then nerve pinch, siatic lower back and spinal problem from falling on tailbone and overall weakness and frailty etc.

 

Anyhow, I just wanted to know if anyone could explain what these experiences could be, are they dangerous, is this negative chi energy that was cultivated or uncontrolled? is it possessed by a demon and I'm being tricked its all good?

 

And if anyone knows of any genuine teachers in Toronto area you could recommend that would be great!

 

Thank you for your time!

 

You were lucky to have such profound and deep experiences! There are no such things as demons or evil spirits. Only demons are in our selves...in our habits and thoughts...that wer us down and tie us down in infinite loops. Experiences such as yours are the way to break the cycle. It doesnt matter if you had but a glimpse....only for a fleeting moment....the wisdom of eternity will always stay. And to access it, all you have to do is open your heart and mind....

[gendao]

I just joined the forum and community and I'm happy to be here as I've been trying for the longest time to understand my experiences. If someone could share some insights that would be much appreciated!

 

After weeks into my journey everything seemed like crap and seemed like a waste of time. I was on top of a mountain at the time and went into the Jade Emperor temple. There I started to pray and surrender. It was a total surrender as if everything was given up and acknowledgement that I knew nothing and genuinely seek truth, happiness and peace. In that moment there was a sudden jolt as if lighting in the whole body. It started to shake uncontrollable, then tons of deep belly laugher, cry, real crying, real laughing as if it was the first time I was really crying and laughing. Then pure silence and stillness and then my body started to spin and move on its own as if I was possessed. It felt like energy was pulling my body ever so gentle and guiding me around. My body was walking around as if I was drunk. But I was not drunk, I was fully aware and scared at the time, yet not scared. Then the body did these weird movements I think they were chi kung moves though I'm not certain, it was all effortless and then more laughter and crying and then boom... ran out of the temple and started to sing and dance around the mountain as if a new person. So much energy, so much joy, so much love, so much laughter, the whole world was so colourful. I felt one with the world, completely peace, no questions and all was geniunely well, that all problems and everything was made up and did not exist, that the mind took it self way too seriously and all problems were created and illusion. All was simply perfect, joy, love, thats the best I can describe it. I was running around hugging animals on the mountain, singing to trees and plants, hugging and smiling to people who thought I was crazy. The smile and laughter that came from me was automatic and I felt a energy carry me throughout everywhere.

 

I remember I could feel tingling on the lower tailbone area, super sensistive to things, and when I did things it felt like I was really doing it, as if I was one with the movement. When drinking water, it was drinking water and enjoying it fully, the mind and body as one, not body drinking and mind somewhere else.

 

I remember someone randomly asked me how did I arrive at this state and the mouth automatically responded "follow your heart"

 

Weeks later when I returned home from the trip. I would get random laughter and jolts, and shaking. People at home who saw me said I was glowing and looked so pretty, was like a new person, etc etc. I tried my best not to take all this to heart as it might build on the ego.

 

Just recently had similar experience again but this time the body did a dance, like chi kung, tai chi, martial arts move, it was moving so gracefully on its own and felt like energy was just carrying it, I felt like the anicent sages were dancing through me, and the body would do all these weird breathing, inhaling fast, then slow, then making different noises, and different movements and poses, all effortlessly, all spontanously. Then immense laughter and some tears again.

 

Now life is pretty much "normal" There is still this inner strive for truth, at first it was a longing for the original feeling again. But I think i've grown wiser now and realize to appreciate it for what it was and now was to move on and keep searching for truth as that was perhaps just a taste. Currently in a somewhat negative thinking, depressed state. Despite all the experiences, ever since coming back, many surgeries, accidents befell me and kept breaking my spirit, body and mind. Lost 10 teeth, had to get many dental surgeries, root canals which were painful, expensive and took years to heal, and felt immunity and health declined from that, then nerve pinch, siatic lower back and spinal problem from falling on tailbone and overall weakness and frailty etc.

 

Anyhow, I just wanted to know if anyone could explain what these experiences could be, are they dangerous, is this negative chi energy that was cultivated or uncontrolled? is it possessed by a demon and I'm being tricked its all good?

Many start out on their spiritual awakening this way. It's "textbook," actually.

 

First, they have a blissful, mystical opening...

 

Kriyas are often experienced at this initial stage - as commonly seen in various forms of "spontaneous qigong" (search "Kunlun" here) or "

." IMO, these are due to high energy pushing through your larger, gross blockages.

 

After this initial revelatory high though, comes the crash back down to mundane Earth.

 

This is where you enter your detoxing phase - which will typically manifest in both your physical health and "outer" life as a whole. Here, you must constantly heal yourself and actively resolve your karmic issues that will keep on surfacing. The journey spirals inward and becomes intensely personal and psychological now.

 

Because one must master their own humanity before their divinity. MASTER THYSELF!!!

 

And 5 years after my first ecstatic opening...I'm still working through this stage...lol.. So uh, join the club?!

Edited April 10, 2012 by vortex

[Birch]

Club member

 

Although my most ecstatic (when it didn't matter) was circa '90's. The other stuff was a bit different.

[Harmonious Emptiness]

Not much I can say about the awakening experience. You might do some research on spontaneous Kundalini awakenings which you will surely relate to in a number of ways though it could have been something similar yet different that you experienced.

 

I don't know about Kriya yoga masters in Toronto, but I believe Master Helen Wu, granddaughter of Wang Ziping, teaches Tai Chi just outside of Toronto in Richmond Hill.

 

http://www.helenwutaichistudio.com/?page_id=202

 

"Helen Xiao-Rong Wu was born in Shanghai, China in 1956. She began her training in the martial arts when she was 3 years old, studying under both her grandfather, legendary martial artist Zi-Ping Wang, and her mother, Professor Ju-Rong Wang, the first female professor of martial arts in China."

 

Here is a great article by her sister, talking about growing up with her grandfather:

 

http://ezine.kungfumagazine.com/magazine/article.php?article=84

[Astral_Anima]

Turiya - Yeah man thats the same stuf I got from kunlun. I wondered myself if I was possessed. To be honest I think it just raises awareness. The reason I wondered if I was possessed wasn't just from the shaking and laughter and crying and general heart opening but I began to notice my thoughts and realized a difference between thoughts that I was consciously thinking and thoughts that seemed to be "fed" to me. Once I became aware of this I began to suspect spiritual influence and stopped practicing. In hindsight however I think it just raised awareness, and I (and probably most people) already had issues but I just wasn't aware of them. I think most people have alot of things going on with them that they're not aware of. It may seem that the meditation practices "cause" these problems however I think they just raise your awareness of these problems. Kinda like the matrix. You can take the red pill (awareness) or the blue pill (unawareness), either way your reality doesn't change, only your ability to percieve it.

 

But then again I could be completely wrong, but those are my thoughts.

 

-Astral

[de_paradise]

I agree with the main analysis that you had an awakening experience, and that now there's "karma" or deeper issues resolving themselves. You are at the stage of intensifying your practise and desire to reach the higher spiritual levels, it's a kind of milestone where perhaps you can re-align your lifestyle and values to include more spiritual practise.

 

The experience in the Jade Emperors temple is auspicious and perhaps gives you a clue to the past and future that you can follow a Taoist path or practises and doors will open for you at the right time. I would check out Kunlun neigong or Jenny Lamb, since this practise is origin Taoist. Besides Kunlun, I think you will fall into stride with some kind of meditation. You can also go to a Chinese temple or make an altar, and burn incense to the Jade Emperor with the your questions. This may seem really odd if you are not Chinese, but given the experience you had, there is alot of logic to keeping this relationship going.

 

I had a similar experience to you due to deep trance hypnosis, gave me a kind of short term enlightened state. It was only after I had taken steps to meditate several hours each day, avoid losing jing (ejaculation), and became familiar with the reality of the alchemy path, that energetic things started to happen on a more day to day level and Kundalini awaken. There's many meditations out there, and each teacher has his/her preference, and you can find them. Alot of what one needs to do to make progress is to avoid what not to do, avoid time wasting, avoid pointless thoughts, etc. It is getting down to business, focus.

[z00se]

hello!

 

And if anyone knows of any genuine teachers in Toronto area you could recommend that would be great!

 

Thank you for your time!

 

I think you sound like bruce lee trying to find a teacher to teach you how to do a basic punch. You know it all already, it's already been exposed to you in it's entirety. You have found the secret that others spend a long time seeking.

 

You're trying to justify and explain your experiences when you already know this is the truth and you've already been at the destination. You know things that have happened in your life that have taken away these great feelings, and you know the things that have contributed to them.

 

Now you walk the path as you choose. Lean towards the wonder of the tao or be trapped in the material things. Both are good but you can choose your path. Anyone that offers you any advice to do anything than what you really want to do is silly. You know both sides of the coin. For you to follow somebody else's advice would be silly because you have already been exposed to everything. Now it is ur time to choose and if you choose a midway place you can but don't make it because of someone else's advice, make it because of your own choice!

[Mokona]

It started to shake uncontrollable, then tons of deep belly laugher, cry, real crying, real laughing as if it was the first time I was really crying and laughing. Then pure silence and stillness and then my body started to spin and move on its own as if I was possessed

 

I've been blessed a few times in my life to have experienced higher/divine energy - that is exactly how I reacted to be filled with it.

 

I'd take it as a positive sign, and start up a serious(but playful) internal energy cultivation activity such as Zen meditation and QiGong. Good luck.

 

As a side note(Disclaimer: I don't know these facts for sure it really is only a guess)

- Sounds like what some describe as the "Higher Self" took control, too. Who knows, though.

 

Good luck !

 

P.S.

 

 

It may be hard to find a "master" in person - but skype works great for getting assistance when distance is an issue. I might suggest the Kundalini Awakening Program(Glenn Morris)

Or contacting a instructor listed on the website and sharing your experience and what you want to do, to see if that class would help, becuase it might not be what your looking for.