Hello

[Jordan]

Hello everyone! I am 19 and from California. I read both the Tao of Pooh and the Te of Piglet my senior year of high school and really appreciated the wisdom of Taoism. I am becoming more aware of my controlling nature and truly wish to rid myself of the stress that I have brought on myself. I am having some serious stomach problems that I think are due to the stress in my life. Signing up here is my way of turning over a new leaf. I hope that from this day on, I can truly just let things go and live a happy, peaceful life. I am hoping that when I get frustrated or discouraged, I can come here and get some positive reinforcement. I am becoming completely overwhelmed with all of the negative thoughts in my head and frustrated that I don't know the answers. I am at a point in my life where I want to understand everything, which I know is futile, which only makes me more frustrated. I need help. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to train myself into letting little things go? If this unrest goes on any longer, I don't know what will happen. I might go crazy.

 

Jordan

[freeform]

Hi Jordan, welcome to the forum

 

I'll make a suggestion for you - but you might not like it at first - it's kind of counter-intuitive. Obviously you already notice when you feel stressed or when you feel down or when you feel some emotional need to fill an empty hole in yourself... noticing this is already a good sign...

 

The next step is when you notice these feelings in yourself let them happen - I mean let the feeling really maximise and do it's thing - if you feel sad or scared really get into the very feeling of this and pay great attention to it - then accept the feeling unconditionally!. You know you feel this way, so accept it rather than trying to get rid of it, making it feel better or distracting yourself... just feel it through and smile an accepting smile... If you catch yourself talking in your head, saying things like 'I'm not good enough', 'I wish I was better at x', 'I cant do this' etc. just notice and accept unconditionally...

 

When you do this for a little while you'll notice something facinating happening... once you accept your faults and feelings you'll start to transform each of these, and I'm sure you'll notice a big change in yourself!

[Jordan]

Thanks freeform, I am going to give it a shot.

[thelerner]

The thought 'I want to be peaceful and happy' is a common answer to the wrong question.

 

Life is about change. Crap will happen. Non peace will happen. In the midst of it you won't and shouldn't be happy. But you can be centered. You can know that what ever happens now, everything will be alright (its just gonna take a while).

 

So treat yourself as you would a good friend. Stay a little ahead of schedule in most things and take time for your passions.

 

Michael

[Wayfarer64]

Hi there Jordan,

 

I have been pretty down at times also. And stress has jumped on board to give me anxious moments and even then a seemingly endless train of events piled up until i just couldn't believe how bad things had gotten...and I too felt on the edge of desperate means to find some relief.

 

I began my efforts to change my life by realizing & remembering that I had already been through the worst of it and managed to be able to laugh at the irony and unbelievable aspects of what had befallen me - and even though the joke was on me -I had to laugh at the sheer folly of my situation.

 

Then I began a serious schedule of walking. I tried to walk five miles every day and usually did so. In the most beautiful woods I could find-old growth and full of wild-life. If this is not possible any quiet destination will do- a church or a good friend's home or the bakery where you went as a kid, anything to improve yr mood will be of some benifit. But it was the walking itself that gave me an outlet for my pent-up energy and tired me some and just made me feel much better.

 

I also began an effort to meditate an hour a day. I cut back on red-meat as I understand it may create some chemical reactions that raise blood pressure and machismo etc... I cut wayback on my coffee intake and ate more greens and fruit and generally did those things I've always heard were good for me. The effort to make my self feel better was reinforced with a sense that I deserved to feel better, and that my life style was what had layed me low to some extent. I also drank a glass or two of good red wine every night

 

I admitted to myself and those who I had troubled that I had made mistakes and taken foolish options. I then thought through what the mistakes were and how I could get beyond them and basically took stock of myself.

 

Honest introspection is our greatest source of strength. With this tool we can see ourselves and our place in the world clearly and truly. Walking and thinking honestly about my own values and how they relate to my true needs helped me put my life into focus.

 

My very understanding and supportive girl friend at that time was also a great help in keeping my spirits up. Sharing love just can't be beat for giving hope and real joy to the shared life it creates.

 

It does sound as if you may need to speak to someone who can offer a deeper evaluation of what is really troubling you, and help you to work through the mental processes needed to regain your best way to be.

 

In any case I wish you well and hope that the wacky/wonderous nature of this forum can loosen-up some of the angst yr living with. There is some very heavy and amazing stuff on this site and the sheer wonder of it all may just lift your spirits some! I hope so.

Edited November 7, 2006 by Wayfarer64

[Jordan]

Thank you, everyone, I can honestly say that today, I went out into the world and just saw things as they were. I told myself "if this guy wasn't such a bad driver, then there would be no way of knowing who is a good driver..." and little things like that. I'm sure that is the most topical form of Taoism, but it did make me feel a little better about the situation. I also did get really frustrated at this kid who was walking down the road and stuck his gum on the back of someone's car who was parked there. Instead of making excuses, I let the frustration build up and then realized that there is absolutely nothing that I can do about it and that maybe someday that kid will grow up and do something really good with his life. I also kept a very peaceful melody in my head all day that I would hum to myself. It gave me something positive to focus on. I think music is probably the best thing humans have ever created. I do wonder, however, what some of you do when little everyday things bother you. I have a lot to learn, but I can already tell that this is going to make my life much better.

[raymond]

I do wonder, however, what some of you do when little everyday things bother you. I have a lot to learn, but I can already tell that this is going to make my life much better.

 

Hi Jordan

 

It looks to me like you are on a good path. We all seem to have an inner guidance system that keeps us on the path, if we are able to hear it.

 

I use the irritation of things as a device that I can harness and use for transformation of my body-mind. And also to give me an increased ability to listen to the inner guidance. I simply focus on the feeling instead of the rant that is running in my head. Emotions are alchemical agents that can be used to cultivate a higher capacity for awareness and happiness.

 

By the way, you might want to consider if you might have the "thousand horse condition." By horses, I mean units of intelligence. Most of us have about 100 horses, and with difficulty we can keep them from going in too many directions at once. If you have a thousand horses you can do amazing things, but you can also become lethally depressed if the horses start tearing you apart.

 

If you ever get into serious trouble along those lines, (I don't think you will) I can ask a friend of mine who has one thousand horses to give you some tips. But I don't want to ask him for this unless/until you get into serious trouble.

 

ciao,

raymond

[Jordan]

Raymond, when you mentioned the "thousand horse condition," it struck a chord with me. I would like to read more about this, are there any resources? I have consciously realized that at any one time I can have as many as 3 or 4 different thoughts in my head. I play drums, so I am usually playing a song back in my head and under that, I can be thinking of how my body feels, what I need to do today, what I did in the past and what I will do in the future. As long as I can remember, I have only known thought. I am starting to feel trapped, like no matter what I do, I can't stop thinking.

[thelerner]

First advice, beware free advice from strangers.

 

Second advice, counting. Count your in and out breaths. Not during meditation, but through out the day, well start with say an hour or during breakfast. one through ten, then back. Count inhales and exhales separately.

 

This is one of those simple but hard exercises that is ideal for focusing and controlling the mind.

 

Michael

[raymond]

Raymond, when you mentioned the "thousand horse condition," it struck a chord with me. I would like to read more about this, are there any resources? I have consciously realized that at any one time I can have as many as 3 or 4 different thoughts in my head. I play drums, so I am usually playing a song back in my head and under that, I can be thinking of how my body feels, what I need to do today, what I did in the past and what I will do in the future. As long as I can remember, I have only known thought. I am starting to feel trapped, like no matter what I do, I can't stop thinking.

 

Hi Jordan

 

Unfortunately very few write anything about it until it reaches the level of a medical problem. It is not very useful to look at it that way, for it is a valuable natural skill like having a left-handed pitching arm.

 

I think many of the practices that are written about in these pages would be helpful, perhaps it would be well to practice some form of martial arts.

 

Sitting on the mind is a difficult but very useful practice.

 

ciao,

raymond