Are intimate relationships important?

[Cat Pillar]

Sometimes it seems like progress and regression are separated by a very fine line.

 

While I find myself making a lot of good progress in certain areas of my life (depression is almost gone, I don't hate myself anymore, I'm preparing to make some HUGE changes in lifestyle...) I find myself wondering if I'm starting to fall behind in others.

 

Lately I've been questioning a lot whether I want to even be open to the possibility of an intimate relationship with someone.

 

I used to long for intimate closeness with another...but the more I become comfortable with myself, the more I wonder if I really need that kind of relationship.

 

I have plenty of friends, so it's not like I'm isolating myself from the world. People aren't romantically attracted to me, so it's not like I'd have to change anything. I could alter aspects of my outward appearance and adjust my intent/internal state and probably have a decent chance of attracting someone, but...why bother? It would certainly prevent anything from ever interfering with celibacy practices should I choose to try some.

 

So what do you think? Is it a mistake to close yourself off to intimacy?

[idiot_stimpy]

I think, its only important to be intimate in relationships, if I believe its important to be intimate in relationships.

[thelerner]

Intimates or not, be happy where you are. Remember you can't spell intimate without inmates.

[Chang]

If someone is destined to come into your life then they probably will.

 

For the self cultivator choice of partner can be very important. Yes when you are alone you can do whatever you wish without concerning yourself about others but some would argue that the balance of yin and yang is important.

 

Just let whatever happens be OK.

[Everything]

... the more I become comfortable with myself, the more I wonder if I really need that kind of relationship.

 

...

I know exactly what you mean. Don't worry, trust that what ever you are feeling is perfect for the judgements you have chosen to place upon your lifes experiences. Never question any feeling or denie it. They are like messengers or indicators. You are now re orienting your judgements to allow for more unconditional love. This is a very good thing. You will discover the true meaning of love and its "unconditional" nature. UNCONDITIONAL.

 

Someone people fall in love with the whole universe and still enjoy flirting with women. Some stop doing that or change the way they do it, because they no longer operate out of fear.. Some like many intimate relationships, others enjoy one partner. Some people even make choose to have intimate relation ship with "ugly" women, because they suddenly have the ability to realize deeper or higher beauty within all women. I feel this too. Its you who can reflect the inner beauty of women and see them shine, no matter how they look. Your sexual fantasies also transform as they have already served their purpose, which was to focus you on your relationship with the feminine. You probably already learned whatever the experience was there for to begin with. The best advice I can give is: "follow your joy, bliss, passion." you can do whatever you want to do

 

The motivation always comes from moving towards your preferences, and less from moving away from your dispreferences, the more you shift towards unconditional love with all that is.

Edited May 30, 2012 by Everything

[eye_of_the_storm]

why not try and find out?

 

you can always return

 

saves guessing anyhow

[RiverSnake]

Continue cultivating and remain Open. No need to say Yes! or No! to intimacy or partners. Be natural and aware and you're Way will unfold before you.

 

-My 2 cents, Peace

[Cat Pillar]

Hi Cat Pillar. Why do you happen to put it so solidly as that? Is that how you view yourself, as not being able to attract a partner? And what's the dealio with your outward appearance? Is it ordinary? Non-ordinary? Arresting? Drab? Appealing? Just curious.

 

Oh, and I believe anamatva has written about retaining (is that the word?) while in a loving intimate relationship.

 

My appearance is usually shabby. I either look like a metalhead, a hippy, or your average long-haired IT guy (occasionally with a neckbeard if I get really lazy). I don't think I'd have a problem attracting a partner if I put some effort into it.

 

I put it so strongly because I am not aware of any women having shown romantic interest in me.

 

I believe retaining is the correct word...even if it isn't, I know what you mean.

 

-------------------------------

 

Continue cultivating and remain Open. No need to say Yes! or No! to intimacy or partners. Be natural and aware and you're Way will unfold before you.

 

-My 2 cents, Peace

 

If someone is destined to come into your life then they probably will.

 

For the self cultivator choice of partner can be very important. Yes when you are alone you can do whatever you wish without concerning yourself about others but some would argue that the balance of yin and yang is important.

 

Just let whatever happens be OK.

 

Intimates or not, be happy where you are. Remember you can't spell intimate without inmates.

 

These seem to be all along the same lines, and I have to admit it sounds like the Taoist thing to do. That's a perspective I'd probably be okay with, and am considering taking.

 

I don't know how I feel about "destiny." I suppose it is possible I am fated to meet someone, but that's outside of my ken.

 

As far as balancing yin and yang, wouldn't cultivation practices take care of that anyways?

 

 

-------------------------------

 

I think, its only important to be intimate in relationships, if I believe its important to be intimate in relationships.

 

When it comes down to it, yes. But I'm still interested in others' perspectives as sometimes they have a vantage point I would not thought to have considered looking from.

 

-------------------------------

 

why not try and find out?

 

you can always return

 

saves guessing anyhow

 

Not sure it's worth the effort, yet.

[eye_of_the_storm]

Not sure it's worth the effort, yet.

 

aye, probably true in most cases

[Cat Pillar]

I know exactly what you mean. Don't worry, trust that what ever you are feeling is perfect for the judgements you have chosen to place upon your lifes experiences. Never question any feeling or denie it. They are like messengers or indicators. You are now re orienting your judgements to allow for more unconditional love. This is a very good thing. You will discover the true meaning of love and its "unconditional" nature. UNCONDITIONAL.

 

Someone people fall in love with the whole universe and still enjoy flirting with women. Some stop doing that or change the way they do it, because they no longer operate out of fear.. Some like many intimate relationships, others enjoy one partner. Some people even make choose to have intimate relation ship with "ugly" women, because they suddenly have the ability to realize deeper or higher beauty within all women. I feel this too. Its you who can reflect the inner beauty of women and see them shine, no matter how they look. Your sexual fantasies also transform as they have already served their purpose, which was to focus you on your relationship with the feminine. You probably already learned whatever the experience was there for to begin with. The best advice I can give is: "follow your joy, bliss, passion." you can do whatever you want to do

 

The motivation always comes from moving towards your preferences, and less from moving away from your dispreferences, the more you shift towards unconditional love with all that is.

 

Bah, didn't mean to leave you out, Everything.

 

I generally tend to question my feelings, although I'm getting better about not denying them. I like what you said about seeing the higher beauty in all women, although I am not yet at that point.

 

I also like the distinction between moving towards preferences vs. moving away from dis-preferences. A salient point I find helpful.

[Cat Pillar]

I nearly busted out laughing when I saw this in the ads here:

 

"Meet Chinese Lady: Feel Lonely? Seek a Loyal Chinese Girl to Warm Up Your Soul.Free Join"

[Everything]

Bah, didn't mean to leave you out, Everything.

 

I generally tend to question my feelings, although I'm getting better about not denying them. I like what you said about seeing the higher beauty in all women, although I am not yet at that point.

 

I also like the distinction between moving towards preferences vs. moving away from dis-preferences. A salient point I find helpful.

I cannot stress the importance of that distinction enough. All pain and suffering come from resistance and all love and joy comes from allowing. Yet, people confuse the two all the time. Saying "I want a diploma!" while they actually are saying "I don't want to be poor or live on the streets!" there is no allowance in such a statement. And we can all tell the diffrence when we're honest with ourselves. Its not that hard really. I have faith in you and everyone, because I know how easy it is for myself.

[mYTHmAKER]

I could alter aspects of my outward appearance and adjust my intent/internal state and probably have a decent chance of attracting someone, but...why bother? It would certainly prevent anything from ever interfering with celibacy practices should I choose to try some.

So what do you think? Is it a mistake to close yourself off to intimacy?

 

It's a mistake to close ones self off in general.

i am guessing here as i have no idea what you look like.

is it possible you are subconsciously using your appearance to keep from having a relationship.

[Master Logray]

My appearance is usually shabby. I either look like a metalhead, a hippy, or your average long-haired IT guy (occasionally with a neckbeard if I get really lazy).

 

Well, it happens that Taoists do look like this . And very often they intentionally dress like that to avoid unnecessary attentions and external interferences.

[Brian]

Well, it happens that Taoists do look like this . And very often they intentionally dress like that to avoid unnecessary attentions and external interferences.

 

Can someone post a link to the official Taoist Dress Code, please? I might be out of uniform.

 

Edited May 31, 2012 by A Seeker

[Stosh]

Like anything else ,

It is exactly as important as you believe it is

Peace should be yours either way

Choosing to extend that into a harmony

Is a choice

There is a reason why the wise went off into the wild

To get a grasp of things

Nature is complete

It has no unanswered questions

And a man can relate to himself in that peace

Bringing other folks in

Subjects him to all the issues of their craziness

Draws him from his peace

He was complete, and now he is not!

Even as he pursues a new completeness

But he may find it a much greater peace

Expanded into harmony

[zanshin]

Sometimes it seems like progress and regression are separated by a very fine line.

 

While I find myself making a lot of good progress in certain areas of my life (depression is almost gone, I don't hate myself anymore, I'm preparing to make some HUGE changes in lifestyle...) I find myself wondering if I'm starting to fall behind in others.

So what do you think? Is it a mistake to close yourself off to intimacy?

 

Looking at the first part you wrote, I think you should definitely avoid romantic relationships for now. Glad you are feeling more relaxed and happy, but relationships can really hack that up. Once you've done some of the other things you want to do and feeling more consistently calm and content, then later if you feel like it's a piece you want in your life you can become more open to romantic relationships.

[Seth Ananda]

I would say yes, it is a mistake to close off the possibility for having an Intimate relationship, if one is not an ascetic yogi.

 

But that does not mean one should rush in to any old thing just because it turns up.

There are lots of really defunct people out there, and being in a relationship with them would probably teach a lot but would bring no joy. Who wants that? I am personally very cautious and fussy when considering a new relationship, and am never in a hurry.

I enjoy being single untill the right one appears, and sometimes that one takes years.

I am friends with all my previous lovers and feel very grateful to all of the women who have blessed my life as greatly as they have.

 

I feel that some of the greatest learning comes from having a relationship. All of a sudden all ones so called 'calm' gets tested by another being, and one gets to grow in the areas your partner may excel at, but that you may be behind in.

 

I love Relationships!

 

[konchog uma]

Lately I've been questioning a lot whether I want to even be open to the possibility of an intimate relationship with someone.

 

I used to long for intimate closeness with another...but the more I become comfortable with myself, the more I wonder if I really need that kind of relationship.

 

So what do you think? Is it a mistake to close yourself off to intimacy?

 

i don't think there's an easy answer to that one. or a real answer that doesn't come from within your own heart.

 

IME the best relationships come from cultivating a relationship with yourself that is healthy and loving and as full and rich as possible, and putting romance far from your mind. Not only is this the best for you personally, which is something one should never lose track of in their seeking intimacy, but from a romantic point of view, i think women are inevitably curious about those kinds of guys. That is to say, the kind who *aren't* overtly looking for lust or love or anything in between.

 

Having a healthy relationship with yourself could be the most important thing in life, let all good things flow from that!

[Cat Pillar]

I cannot stress the importance of that distinction enough. All pain and suffering come from resistance and all love and joy comes from allowing. Yet, people confuse the two all the time. Saying "I want a diploma!" while they actually are saying "I don't want to be poor or live on the streets!" there is no allowance in such a statement. And we can all tell the diffrence when we're honest with ourselves. Its not that hard really. I have faith in you and everyone, because I know how easy it is for myself.

 

I understand what you mean. Same basic principle as working with your subconscious (or things like sigil magic, which rely heavily on the subconscious aspect).

 

Something I'm familiar with, but still working on practicing effectively.

 

Even minor alterations to perspective using that distinction can have a huge effect.

 

----------------------------------------

 

It's a mistake to close ones self off in general.

i am guessing here as i have no idea what you look like.

is it possible you are subconsciously using your appearance to keep from having a relationship.

 

It is entirely possible that my appearance is a subconscious reflection of disinterest in romantic entanglement.

 

----------------------------------------

 

Well, it happens that Taoists do look like this . And very often they intentionally dress like that to avoid unnecessary attentions and external interferences.

 

It works pretty well.

 

----------------------------------------

 

Like anything else ,

It is exactly as important as you believe it is

Peace should be yours either way

Choosing to extend that into a harmony

Is a choice

There is a reason why the wise went off into the wild

To get a grasp of things

Nature is complete

It has no unanswered questions

And a man can relate to himself in that peace

Bringing other folks in

Subjects him to all the issues of their craziness

Draws him from his peace

He was complete, and now he is not!

Even as he pursues a new completeness

But he may find it a much greater peace

Expanded into harmony

 

There's been many a time I've thought how great it would be to leave civilization behind and just rest in nature...but I have too many people depending on me to get away with that. At least for now.

 

----------------------------------------

 

Looking at the first part you wrote, I think you should definitely avoid romantic relationships for now. Glad you are feeling more relaxed and happy, but relationships can really hack that up. Once you've done some of the other things you want to do and feeling more consistently calm and content, then later if you feel like it's a piece you want in your life you can become more open to romantic relationships.

 

That sounds like really good advice. I also appreciate getting a female perspective on the question.

 

----------------------------------------

 

I would say yes, it is a mistake to close off the possibility for having an Intimate relationship, if one is not an ascetic yogi.

 

 

I feel that some of the greatest learning comes from having a relationship. All of a sudden all ones so called 'calm' gets tested by another being, and one gets to grow in the areas your partner may excel at, but that you may be behind in.

 

I love Relationships!

 

 

I can see your point. While I understand that intimate relationships are on a much deeper level, my calm is tested constantly by my friends.

 

I'm certainly not an ascetic yogi, and don't have any plans to be.

 

-----------------------------------

 

i don't think there's an easy answer to that one. or a real answer that doesn't come from within your own heart.

 

IME the best relationships come from cultivating a relationship with yourself that is healthy and loving and as full and rich as possible, and putting romance far from your mind. Not only is this the best for you personally, which is something one should never lose track of in their seeking intimacy, but from a romantic point of view, i think women are inevitably curious about those kinds of guys. That is to say, the kind who *aren't* overtly looking for lust or love or anything in between.

 

Having a healthy relationship with yourself could be the most important thing in life, let all good things flow from that!

 

That makes a lot of sense. Having a healthy relationship with myself is something I've been working a lot on lately. Made a lot of good progress too.

 

------------------------------------

 

I think for now I'll just keep it simple and not worry about it. I'm not going to make any effort to attract anyone, and if I do get approached anyways I'll at least think about it and not immediately turn it down.

[Death to Human Ego]

Sometimes it seems like progress and regression are separated by a very fine line.

 

While I find myself making a lot of good progress in certain areas of my life (depression is almost gone, I don't hate myself anymore, I'm preparing to make some HUGE changes in lifestyle...) I find myself wondering if I'm starting to fall behind in others.

 

Lately I've been questioning a lot whether I want to even be open to the possibility of an intimate relationship with someone.

 

I used to long for intimate closeness with another...but the more I become comfortable with myself, the more I wonder if I really need that kind of relationship.

 

I have plenty of friends, so it's not like I'm isolating myself from the world. People aren't romantically attracted to me, so it's not like I'd have to change anything. I could alter aspects of my outward appearance and adjust my intent/internal state and probably have a decent chance of attracting someone, but...why bother? It would certainly prevent anything from ever interfering with celibacy practices should I choose to try some.

 

So what do you think? Is it a mistake to close yourself off to intimacy?

 

If a human isn't enlighened, then he or she is not fit to have another relationship with another human being as the human egos of both these unenlightened humans will cause endless problems.

 

You can see what I mean in all the examples in your life.

 

The only relationship worth cultivating is your own personal relationship with the God inside you. All other relationships are superfluous.

[Death to Human Ego]

Looking at the first part you wrote, I think you should definitely avoid romantic relationships for now. Glad you are feeling more relaxed and happy, but relationships can really hack that up. Once you've done some of the other things you want to do and feeling more consistently calm and content, then later if you feel like it's a piece you want in your life you can become more open to romantic relationships.

 

if a spiritual seeker seeks intimacy, the only external relationship worth cultivating is with another human who is enlightened..

 

but seriously, how many humans are there on this earth who are truly enlightened? and why would they wanna be with someone who has not yet reached enlightenment?

[Seth Ananda]

if a spiritual seeker seeks intimacy, the only external relationship worth cultivating is with another human who is enlightened..

 

but seriously, how many humans are there on this earth who are truly enlightened? and why would they wanna be with someone who has not yet reached enlightenment?

Wow, this sounds like tulku! Is that you tulku?

 

If not, tulku, I think you have a twin out there somewhere, but don't bother talking to each other because you are not enlightened yet.

[Cat Pillar]

Wow, this sounds like tulku! Is that you tulku?

 

If not, tulku, I think you have a twin out there somewhere, but don't bother talking to each other because you are not enlightened yet.

 

It's tulku. It's obvious from his other posts. Guess he's jonesing for some troll time on TTB.

[Enishi]

if a spiritual seeker seeks intimacy, the only external relationship worth cultivating is with another human who is enlightened..

 

Not accurate, whether one is enlightened or not, you're better off being with someone whose spiritual and psychological progression is at roughly the same level as your own. If not, one partner may end up draining the other.