Are intimate relationships important?

[manitou]

In order to HAVE the relationship we want, we must BE what we want. If we jump into a relationship before we are truly self-realized, then 'It' will use the relationship as a continuation of your own personal growth. The relationship may be a rough path to a particular realization - but the relationship path can aid with self-discovery in a big way. We now have another person to consider - their wants. Whereas previously it was only Our wants that were important.

 

Having a serious relationship is a one-day-at-a-time journey into self, if we take it seriously. If we use the relationship only to Make Ourselves Happy, then it's destined to fail. If we use it to learn to live with another human and consider their needs at least 50% of the time, then this is a big step toward our own liberation.

[Cat Pillar]

In order to HAVE the relationship we want, we must BE what we want. If we jump into a relationship before we are truly self-realized, then 'It' will use the relationship as a continuation of your own personal growth. The relationship may be a rough path to a particular realization - but the relationship path can aid with self-discovery in a big way. We now have another person to consider - their wants. Whereas previously it was only Our wants that were important.

 

Having a serious relationship is a one-day-at-a-time journey into self, if we take it seriously. If we use the relationship only to Make Ourselves Happy, then it's destined to fail. If we use it to learn to live with another human and consider their needs at least 50% of the time, then this is a big step toward our own liberation.

 

I can see how intimate relationships can help with personal growth. And I did learn a lot from my last relationship. But unless an intimate relationship is vital to personal growth, I think I'd rather avoid the complication.

 

I tend to ignore my own needs in favor of helping out my friends, and it's been causing me a lot of problems lately. I need to learn to take care of myself for once.

 

In any case, I think I can be content with the lazy approach. Just not worry or think about it, and let what happens happen. I won't completely close myself off to the possibility, but I'm not going to be putting any effort into finding someone, either.

[Death to Human Ego]

i don't think there's an easy answer to that one. or a real answer that doesn't come from within your own heart.

 

IME the best relationships come from cultivating a relationship with yourself that is healthy and loving and as full and rich as possible, and putting romance far from your mind. Not only is this the best for you personally, which is something one should never lose track of in their seeking intimacy, but from a romantic point of view, i think women are inevitably curious about those kinds of guys. That is to say, the kind who *aren't* overtly looking for lust or love or anything in between.

 

Having a healthy relationship with yourself could be the most important thing in life, let all good things flow from that!

 

Once a man is so desperate for love that he spent countless time and energies on relationships and matter of the heart yet all of his relationships ended in failures.

 

Then he went inside himself to find His True Love waiting for him inside him and he totally lost interest in women and external relationships yet all of a sudden, women begin to flock to him like bees to honey despite the fact that he doesn't need them anymore.

 

Women are just crazy creatures u know. When you want to be together with them and spend so much time, money and energy on them, they do not know how to appreciate good things. Then when you stop giving shit about them, all of a sudden, they begin to spend time, money and energy on you instead. RFLOL!

[konchog uma]

Once a man is so desperate for love that he spent countless time and energies on relationships and matter of the heart yet all of his relationships ended in failures.

 

Then he went inside himself to find His True Love waiting for him inside him and he totally lost interest in women and external relationships yet all of a sudden, women begin to flock to him like bees to honey despite the fact that he doesn't need them anymore.

 

Women are just crazy creatures u know. When you want to be together with them and spend so much time, money and energy on them, they do not know how to appreciate good things. Then when you stop giving shit about them, all of a sudden, they begin to spend time, money and energy on you instead. RFLOL!

 

borrrrring

[Small Fur]

Sometimes it seems like progress and regression are separated by a very fine line.

 

While I find myself making a lot of good progress in certain areas of my life (depression is almost gone, I don't hate myself anymore, I'm preparing to make some HUGE changes in lifestyle...) I find myself wondering if I'm starting to fall behind in others.

 

Lately I've been questioning a lot whether I want to even be open to the possibility of an intimate relationship with someone.

 

I used to long for intimate closeness with another...but the more I become comfortable with myself, the more I wonder if I really need that kind of relationship.

 

I have plenty of friends, so it's not like I'm isolating myself from the world. People aren't romantically attracted to me, so it's not like I'd have to change anything. I could alter aspects of my outward appearance and adjust my intent/internal state and probably have a decent chance of attracting someone, but...why bother? It would certainly prevent anything from ever interfering with celibacy practices should I choose to try some.

 

So what do you think? Is it a mistake to close yourself off to intimacy?

 

 

There is the general answer and there is the personal answer- and the two don't necessarily have to be the same. The important question here isn't about the generalized principle, but about who you are and how you choose to live your life: it is about what you need to be well in the world.

 

What I hear you saying is that there is both a new sense of comfort and an old apathy (giving in to the way its always been) belying your confusion. On the one hand you have increased you sense of self-comfort and are more content than you've ever been to be alone. On the other hand there is a 'giving in to the path of least resistance' which in some ways is a continuation of a type of depression you've lived with.

 

When the question isn't about the theory of intimacy, but the present moment of your life right now (ie. "is intimacy important?" vs. "do I want to be in an intimate relationship right now?") and when the answer arises from neither desire nor resistance, then the most intimate path of your life will naturally unfold.

 

Today it may be to lovely rest quietly and alone among the falling leaves and in another season you may find it equally beautiful to walk hand-in-hand through the flowering gardens with a Beloved. Be with yourself now, one step at a time, in the ever changing moment.