Porn addiction

[Sloppy Zhang]

It's not an all or nothing situation. And it shouldn't be.

 

Some days or weeks you're going to be horny as fuck. You're gonna want to blow off some steam. It happens. Don't feel guilty about it.

 

Some days or weeks you're going to be busy with life, friends, exercising, your practice, etc, and you just won't feel like masturbating. So don't.

 

Then one day you're going to sit down and realize you're incredibly fucking horny and you've got every right to be.

 

It's not a problem unless you MAKE it a problem.

 

As your practice develops and as your awareness grows, you're going to be able to refine your vision. You may come to the conclusion that, after you can develop and circulate energy, you don't EVER want to ejaculate. Great. Or you might get to a point where ejaculation feels good and afterwards you feel fresh rejuvenated and rested.

 

You've got to pay attention and act in the needs of the moment.

[resonant111]

It's not an all or nothing situation. And it shouldn't be.

 

Some days or weeks you're going to be horny as fuck. You're gonna want to blow off some steam. It happens. Don't feel guilty about it.

 

Some days or weeks you're going to be busy with life, friends, exercising, your practice, etc, and you just won't feel like masturbating. So don't.

 

You've got to pay attention and act in the needs of the moment.

 

i agree, i need to pay more attention to what my body wants rather than setting up some rigid set of rules or whatever.

 

the thing that's annoying is that alot of times my "horniness" is forced. like i'll be bored and start thinking sexual thoughts or something. so it's not like i "need" to release at that time, but more like i'm just thinking about how good it feels so i end up doing it.

 

somehow, some way i'm going to find balance and let go of the worry. i've been making such a big deal out of this, it's just ridiculous. lol.

[Aaron]

i agree, i need to pay more attention to what my body wants rather than setting up some rigid set of rules or whatever.

 

the thing that's annoying is that alot of times my "horniness" is forced. like i'll be bored and start thinking sexual thoughts or something. so it's not like i "need" to release at that time, but more like i'm just thinking about how good it feels so i end up doing it.

 

somehow, some way i'm going to find balance and let go of the worry. i've been making such a big deal out of this, it's just ridiculous. lol.

 

[Note if you're feeling physical symptoms that are causing you distress, you should seek out a doctor to rule out any actual illness or trauma. If the doctor is unable to find any actual illness or cause, then you can consider the following...]

 

Sloppy Zhuang gave you some good advice, but also keep track of how long you spend masturbating. Remember most people don't take an hour to have an orgasm, so if you're extending your orgasm out for prolonged periods of time, or having multiple orgasms, then there's a good chance you may be exhausting yourself. Since you took a long break from masturbating, there's also the chance you're making up for lost time and overdoing it a bit. Before you get too concerned about the effects of masturbation, I would wait and see how you feel a few weeks down the line.

 

The one thing I worry about is that you're still fixated on masturbation and you're hyper vigilant for any sign or symptom that might arise from it, so there is a chance that you're associating certain symptoms with your masturbation that might not have anything to do with it. Just something to keep in mind. I would recommend taking a break from this thread for a couple weeks, letting this all go, doing what feels right to you and not worrying so much about it. I've never met anyone who died from masturbating, nor anyone who got sick from it. Again less focus on the effects and more on just returning to living a life that you find satisfaction in.

 

Aaron

Edited July 24, 2012 by Aaron

[Birch]

But Aaron! What about it causing blindness?? Or hairs to grow on yer palms??

I don't know much about the energetics of male sexuality but I do reckon I know that doing something you've been conditioned into doing or not doing is troublesome IME.

The only thing I wonder about sometimes is why do it alone? At the same time I've encountered men that act as if they're doing it alone, even if they're with you. And that is not any fun at all. None.

[Cat Pillar]

The only thing I wonder about sometimes is why do it alone? At the same time I've encountered men that act as if they're doing it alone, even if they're with you. And that is not any fun at all. None.

 

At least for me, I don't have anyone to do it with, so doing it at all means doing it alone.

[idiot_stimpy]

There is a difference between sexual repression and sexual transcendence.

[Birch]

How would you categorize masturbation?

Not to be harsh (except I'm about to) it has been my experience that I have been in some cases more of an accessory to a guy "getting off" than a participant in mutual sex. And that, friends is not a great experience.

[Sloppy Zhang]

How would you categorize masturbation?

Not to be harsh (except I'm about to) it has been my experience that I have been in some cases more of an accessory to a guy "getting off" than a participant in mutual sex. And that, friends is not a great experience.

 

Not to go down the path to another gender thread, buuuuuuut....

 

Guys ain't the only ones who masturbate

 

Anyone, men or women, can be a selfish lover. Anyone, men or women, could use the other just as an accessory to orgasm.

 

I think there are a lot of different possible explanations depending on the situation.

 

For instance, sexuality is pretty repressed in terms of how kids are expressed to it growing up. I don't know about the girls, but guys are conditioned pretty much to "jerk off" in as fast a manner as possible. Usually because you're trying to hide it. Get off in the shower. Get off in your bed to get rid of morning wood. Rub one out in as little time as it takes or else risk someone catching you do it.

 

And God forbid someone find you doing it! Not only because sex is bad, but if you're a guy, jerkin it means that you're not man enough to be having sex with a woman (which is its whole other can of issues)

 

So the initial experience of sexuality- that of your own body- is necessarily a solitary experience. It's no wonder that the next step of experiencing sexuality- experiencing it with a partner- is for many a continuation of the same- a mostly solitary experience about what feels good for you, and what gets you directly off.

 

I'd imagine for many there's a pretty big learning curve- realizing there's another person, realizing what makes them feel good, realizing what makes you BOTH feel good, realizing what makes you feel good and gets them off, realizing what makes them feel good and gets you off, and what makes you both feel good AND get off.

 

I'd say that that's a pretty darn big time commitment. It takes time, it takes effort, it requires practice, it involves putting yourself out there, it involves letting someone in, it involves failing, it involves losing face, it involves being honest (sometimes brutally), it involves taking another person's honesty (sometimes brutally), it involves trying again.

 

Most people aren't ready to undertake that journey PERSONALLY. Let alone with another person.

 

So I'd wager most sex, from any/all genders/orientations, in "modern society" (the definition of which is, itself, a whole other bag of issues), is most likely going to carry an inherent element of selfishness first and foremost (unless aforementioned process, or analogous process, has already been underway)

[Birch]

Great post Mr Slopps. Not my intent to make it yet another 'gender thread'. Appreciate you putting it the way you did.

[Diamond Spectrum]

I have some advice for you. Considering the nature of your being duped by an "illusion" when you get those feelings, go and find a strip club, go sit down and "talk" to a lady who would actually get naked or you. I will receive criticism for making this suggestion, but what I suggest is channeling your misguided energy into a communicative conduit created out of neccesary. This way you may do something that scares you, before you do something you morally regret. Food for thought.

[Observercenter]

[mrtiger]

i've been trying for the past year to completely eliminate "willful ejaculation" from my life. in my experience, there is no benefit to ejaculation whatsoever (besides a moment of fleeting pleasure) and i would much rather use the sexual potential energy in other endeavors.

 

nonetheless, the porn habit of my past CONTINUALLY comes back to haunt me. i can go up to a month circulating the energy, but sometimes an overwhelming lust overtakes my being. the lust always comes back in the form of porn images i used to watch. i try to meditate, i try to "do something else" to forget about it, but the once the images start i can't stop them. the longer i try to "forget" about the images, the stronger they seem to become.

 

it usually ends up with me "giving in" to the temptation and releasing my seed to some trashy porno flick.

 

how can i overcome this obstacle? i feel so empty and depleted after watching this stuff...i always say "never, ever again!" but it always comes back.

 

any advice?

 

I found that I've actually got a bit of an internet addiction. I'm browsing useless stuff whilst I'm supposed to be working or doing something else.

 

I downloaded an App called freedom which just switches off your internet connection for a specified amount of time.

 

I think a lot of the things we do are just habit.

 

It sounds like your addiction could also be a habit. So you need to break your way of thinking and create a new habit. I think NLP is quite good for this. Take a look at Richard Bandler's book Get The Life You Want.

[Tom Lin]

I found that I've actually got a bit of an internet addiction. I'm browsing useless stuff whilst I'm supposed to be working or doing something else.

 

I downloaded an App called freedom which just switches off your internet connection for a specified amount of time.

 

I think a lot of the things we do are just habit.

 

It sounds like your addiction could also be a habit. So you need to break your way of thinking and create a new habit. I think NLP is quite good for this. Take a look at Richard Bandler's book Get The Life You Want.

 

 

Haha richard bantler has demonic intentions.

 

[chi 2012]

I'm at the end of day 13 of no ejaculation. I said in a thread a while back(don't remember which one) I was going to do 100 days. When I got to about day 8 I screwed it up a few times. Now I'm on day 13 and have figured it out now. I'm going to do 30 days first - then re-evaluate if I want to do 100.

[Observercenter]

Hi resonant111, Maybe you would want to take a look into this campaign to read some accounts of POIS sufferers:

 

http://www.indiegogo.com/research-for-POIS?c=home

[resonant111]

thanks observercenter. i'm not sure if i actually have POIS or if i've just psychologically created it by becoming too obsessed with ideas like retention and energy conservation.

 

i've been putting less emphasis on those things and my post-orgasmic symptoms have improved quite a bit. I still generally don't enjoy the feeling after sexual acts though it's not as crushing as it was before.

[Observercenter]

thanks observercenter. i'm not sure if i actually have POIS or if i've just psychologically created it by becoming too obsessed with ideas like retention and energy conservation.

 

i've been putting less emphasis on those things and my post-orgasmic symptoms have improved quite a bit. I still generally don't enjoy the feeling after sexual acts though it's not as crushing as it was before.

 

You are welcome, resonant111. I do not want you to become obsessed with this issue. Just watch carefully your reactions after an Orgasm. Stress is one things that can cause a worsening of POIS symptoms. I used to have POIS symptoms for more than a week after an O. My mind was literally crippled by after-orgasms effects. I tried to ignore those feelings, but they were overwhelming, so I could not. At the end, The only possibility was total abstinence, and it was not a 100 per cent solution, because a wet dream wreaked havoc on my system again. If you are very sure that you have POIS, then let me know about it.

 

Best regards and cheers up!