Feels like Death -shamatha before bed

[Tibetan_Ice]

Hi

I've been into spiritual practices and meditating for years. I've experienced samadhis, some jhanas, strange experiences and other things, so I'm not a beginner. I have been studying anapanasati much more deeply, the variations and techniques, for the last month or so.

 

A week ago I received the book called "Stilling the Mind" by Alan Wallace. I think it is a great book because it answered many of my questions and showed me a few pointers in Shamatha practice. The advice I took to heart was "Rest in the natural state, without distraction, without grasping". Just "let it be". Good advice. The other advice I took was that you can't get enlightened with an unstable mind. Hence, Shamatha.

 

So, during my meditations this week, instead of repulsing the visions, pushing away the thoughts and returning to my object of concentration, I decided to just "let it be". When I did that, I did notice that everything eventually dissolves into the substrate consciousness. I also noticed that I got much deeper than I usually get, as exmplified by the luminous brilliant colors; I seemed to have passed through most states or stages fairly quickly.. the heat stage, the visions stage (lucid dreams-visions), the pulsing light at the brow, the golden rainbow light of self (don't know if that is a stage), awareness watching awareness.. even watching slices of reality like cascading panes or slices appear as if frozen in time..

 

Last night, after reading about the technique of "breathing in attentiveness and exhaling relaxation" in another one of Alan Wallace's book about Dream Yoga, I decided to do that for my before-bed meditation at 12:15 am.

 

At first, I just sat and watched my thoughts without grasping and I noticed that there weren't that many. Then, I turned my attention to my breath and then started breathing in attentiveness, and totally relaxing the body on the exhales.

 

I did this for about 5 minutes when all of a sudden, my whole being shifted. I felt this movement, but it felt like the whole locus of the conscious mind had disengaged from it's usual location. It felt like a swoon, like I was about to pass out, or that my entire conscious field was diminishing and sinking rapidly. This feeling was very intense. This was accompanied by the vision of very black space growing larger. I felt like I was dying. There was immense fear. I held on for a bit and noticed that my heart was beating faster. I also noticed that whole top of my head had changed into a different texture and I could feel droplets of sweat starting to form. I also noticed that the watcher, the place where my location of feeling of self turned into an array of golden and rainbow lights streaming forth.

 

Due to the fear, I had to stop, but I did make an effort to go as far as I could and pick up as many impressions and sensations as I could before I stopped.

 

Now, I suspect that the increase in heart rate and sweating top-of-the-head is due to some kind of fear reaction. But what I would like to know is this:

 

What is that experience? Is this the start of nirvikalpa samadhi? Is this what occurs when one breaks through the substrate consciousness and goes into the beyond? It feels like a death experience. It does not feel good in any sense of the word. It is very scary for me, like "I" is going to be anihalated. At the same time it was awesome. I look at it like "Death came calling".

 

But I won't really die, will I? I will probably fall over, bang my head and then "wake up" hours later with numbness in the various body parts, feeling quite disoriented, right?

 

I'm familiar with astral travel, and believe me, this "death experience" far surpasses any astral projection.

 

I recall that Ramana had an experience of death when he was in school and this was what apparently enlightened him. Is this what is happening to me? Are there any equivalent stories or recounts of this kind of experience in Buddhism? Have you experienced nirvikalpa samadhi? Does this sound like it, or at least the start of it?

 

Any comments will be greatly appreciated.

 

TI

 

*Edit: Ha ha, figured out how to edit the title.. You have to use the full editor..

Edited July 6, 2012 by Tibetan_Ice

[konchog uma]

when i started to follow the 6 instructions of tilopa and began to sit in the mahamudra, i had similar experiences, not with death, but with my energies completely opening up as i just "let it be" and let go of attachment to sensations and meditation. Rushes and surges and bliss, the wildest bliss feelings, and waves of energy. But nothing like the experience you described per se.

 

i haven't experienced nirvikalpa samadhi in any sustained way, that is to say, for more than five minutes at a time or so. If you have experienced layasamadhi and savikalpa samadhi and asamprajnata<sp> samadhi, your experiences might indeed be the onset of nirvikalpa samadhi. As i understand it (via

) that is the order of the unfolding of the progression towards nirvikalpa samadhi and the pure instinct state of sahajasamadhi

 

sounds like an awesome experience. Keep letting go and letting it be

[XieJia]

The Greed, Hatred and Delusion was afraid that it was going to die.

 

let that be

Edited June 16, 2012 by XieJia

[gatito]

Hey TI

 

Nirvikalpa samadhi is a gift of Grace.

 

Also, I have heard my teacher say that courage is a gift of Grace.

 

May you find such a teacher.

 

g

 

[Tibetan_Ice]

when i started to follow the 6 instructions of tilopa and began to sit in the mahamudra, i had similar experiences, not with death, but with my energies completely opening up as i just "let it be" and let go of attachment to sensations and meditation. Rushes and surges and bliss, the wildest bliss feelings, and waves of energy. But nothing like the experience you described per se.

 

i haven't experienced nirvikalpa samadhi in any sustained way, that is to say, for more than five minutes at a time or so. If you have experienced layasamadhi and savikalpa samadhi and asamprajnata<sp> samadhi, your experiences might indeed be the onset of nirvikalpa samadhi. As i understand it (via

) that is the order of the unfolding of the progression towards nirvikalpa samadhi and the pure instinct state of sahajasamadhi

 

sounds like an awesome experience. Keep letting go and letting it be

 

Hi Anamatva

Thanks for your comments and thanks for the link to Mark's talk about samadhi.

I've listened to that talk before. He doesn't talk about the preliminary states/signs just before the experience. He does mention the blackness, but he doesn't mention the feeling of dying, the sinking of consciousness, the increased heart rate, the fear etc..

What I am looking for is someone to confirm the characteristics that one experiences just before the onset of nirvikalpa samadhi. If you have experienced nirvikalpa samadhi, do you experience those characteristic signs before going into it?

 

Also, just a nit-picky distinction. I've done many meditations of letting go. The difference here with what I've learned is that "letting go" can be miscontrued as a form of aversion, that is, letting go is not letting be. In my new understanding, to me, for example, letting go is seeing a vision and then realizing that a vision has appeared and then letting it go and returning to the object of concentration or awareness. Letting be is not the same. In letting be, you acknowledge that the vision is there and you are fine with that. You keep watching but you don't grasp onto it. You don't turn your attention away. You stay neutral. The vision dissolves on it's own. There is no act of turning away from the vision, nor is there any mental comment like "Oh, a vision. I must not look at. I must return to my object of concentration." See what I mean? No grasping.

 

 

TI

[Tibetan_Ice]

Hey TI

 

Nirvikalpa samadhi is a gift of Grace.

 

Also, I have heard my teacher say that courage is a gift of Grace.

 

May you find such a teacher.

 

g

 

 

Hi Gatito

Could you do me a favor? Could you ask your teacher what the signs that one experiences are just before one goes into Nirvikalpa Samadhi? Or perhaps describe the events and ask him/her what they are a prelude to?

 

Characteristics are:

Major swoon like a giant magnetic field has pushed or shifted your consciousness.

Butterflies at the lower tan tien (lower abdomen).

Sinking consciousness, like the space at the brow is moving through the center of the head/neck downwards towards the heart.

Blackness appears. Very Black.

Feeling of dying accompanied by fear.

Increased heart rate.

Top of head turns to jello and the feeling of sweat beads start appearing rapidly on the whole top of the head.

 

I would certainly appreciate that.

 

Thanks.

 

TI

[konchog uma]

Also, just a nit-picky distinction. I've done many meditations of letting go. The difference here with what I've learned is that "letting go" can be miscontrued as a form of aversion, that is, letting go is not letting be. In my new understanding, to me, for example, letting go is seeing a vision and then realizing that a vision has appeared and then letting it go and returning to the object of concentration or awareness. Letting be is not the same. In letting be, you acknowledge that the vision is there and you are fine with that. You keep watching but you don't grasp onto it. You don't turn your attention away. You stay neutral. The vision dissolves on it's own. There is no act of turning away from the vision, nor is there any mental comment like "Oh, a vision. I must not look at. I must return to my object of concentration." See what I mean? No grasping.

 

i think thats an important distinction TI, thanks for clarifying.

[gatito]

Hi Gatito

Could you do me a favor? Could you ask your teacher what the signs that one experiences are just before one goes into Nirvikalpa Samadhi? Or perhaps describe the events and ask him/her what they are a prelude to?

 

Characteristics are:

Major swoon like a giant magnetic field has pushed or shifted your consciousness.

Butterflies at the lower tan tien (lower abdomen).

Sinking consciousness, like the space at the brow is moving through the center of the head/neck downwards towards the heart.

Blackness appears. Very Black.

Feeling of dying accompanied by fear.

Increased heart rate.

Top of head turns to jello and the feeling of sweat beads start appearing rapidly on the whole top of the head.

 

I would certainly appreciate that.

 

Thanks.

 

TI

 

Hi TI

 

Unfortunately, I can't ask my teacher at the moment. However, happily, I'm able to answer the question myself and I believe that the answer lies in the false premise inherent in the question.

 

If nirvikalpa samadhi is timeless and objectles, how can it have a beginning and/or an ending?

 

g

[xabir2005]

Thusness: "...As for the taobum feels-like-death thread, that is not the whole practice of

letting go if there is not full openness in acceptance of whatever arises,

if that is the case, then the letting go process is still by way of

disassociation. To be the letting go itself (letting go non-dually), wide

openness to whatever that happens must be thorough; experience fully all

arising the sensations, experience with the entire body-mind the

manifestation of the "fear of going into exstinction"...this I believe I

have told Longchen b4 "in experiencing all the sensations fully even when u

r going to faint..."

 

Yes the process of letting go till a phase do happen as described and the

extinction of self is put to challenge. When the letting go goes deep, the

the intensity of the fear manifested must fully and completely turn into the

experience of "just the sensations" with wide open acceptance without self."

[Tibetan_Ice]

Hi TI

 

Unfortunately, I can't ask my teacher at the moment. However, happily, I'm able to answer the question myself and I believe that the answer lies in the false premise inherent in the question.

 

If nirvikalpa samadhi is timeless and objectles, how can it have a beginning and/or an ending?

 

g

 

Ha Ha, Gatito

Perhaps you could also ask your teacher that question.

As for my questions, they are not about nirvikalpa samadhi but what happens to you just before going into nirvikalpa samadhi.

 

TI

[Tibetan_Ice]

Thusness: "...As for the taobum feels-like-death thread, that is not the whole practice of

letting go if there is not full openness in acceptance of whatever arises,

if that is the case, then the letting go process is still by way of

disassociation. To be the letting go itself (letting go non-dually), wide

openness to whatever that happens must be thorough; experience fully all

arising the sensations, experience with the entire body-mind the

manifestation of the "fear of going into exstinction"...this I believe I

have told Longchen b4 "in experiencing all the sensations fully even when u

r going to faint..."

 

Yes the process of letting go till a phase do happen as described and the

extinction of self is put to challenge. When the letting go goes deep, the

the intensity of the fear manifested must fully and completely turn into the

experience of "just the sensations" with wide open acceptance without self."

 

Hi Xabir,

Wow. That first part is hard to understand.

Isn't "experiencing all the sensations fully even when ur going to faint" a form of grasping?

The reason for my confusion on these statements is that "to experience something fully" wouldn't that also involve the conceptual mind? Not grasping means to not use the conceptual mind.

The last paragraph is somewhat clearer. Experiencing it as "just the sensations" to me is a better way to put 'non-grasping'.

Thank you for affirming that the extinction of the self is put to the challenge and that the fear must become "just the sensations". I will work on it.

 

TI

[gatito]

Ha Ha, Gatito

Perhaps you could also ask your teacher that question.

As for my questions, they are not about nirvikalpa samadhi but what happens to you just before going into nirvikalpa samadhi.

 

TI

 

I'm not joking here TI and I don't need to ask my teacher about nirvikalpa samadhi.

 

You asked some very serious questions and I gave you some very serious answers.

[xabir2005]

No, when you experience something fully, it is immediate, direct, with no room for conceptual mind.

 

Thusness (2006) on Maha:

 

"Fear is just like Self, is a process being molded into a label. What hides behind this label is a vivid process of involvement, interplay between the causes, conditions giving rise to all appearances. The activity is alive and vivid. The flow of blood, the pulsating of the heart beats, the humming of the aircon, the cold air touches the skin, awareness is all these. It is a mere knowingness without effort to recognize anything, it is one whole sensing. All true knowledge must evolve from the mere Presence."

 

 

Thusness:

 

http://awakeningtoreality.blogspot.com/2008/09/six-stages-of-dropping.html

 

Six Stages of Dropping

 

First is ‘someone’ is dropping…

Second is dropping appears as a mirror reflecting…

Third is there is only endless dropping without footing and mental reasoning…

Fourth is dropping as vivid wide opening…

Fifth is vivid wide opening as everything…

Sixth is only Dharma spontaneously manifesting…

 

......

 

Simpo:

 

Dear Friends,

 

If you want to experience non-duality, you must completely let go. That means you must not argue with yourself and you must not run away from any sensation, thoughts or feeling that is being felt at that moment.

 

You must not give yourself excuse to be not what you are at that moment. You must not reason yourself away from the situation that you are in at that particular moment.

 

If this persist long enough, something 'magical' will be percieved...

 

--------------------------

 

This is by Jean Klein:

 

Questioner: In certain situations in life I feel blocked by a fear which prevents me from acting. How can I be free from this obstacle?

 

Jean Klein: First free yourself from the word, the concept, 'fear'. It is loaded with memory. Face only the perception. Accept the sensation

completely. When the personality who judges and controls is completely absent, when there is no longer a psychological relationship with the

sensation, it is really welcomed and unfolds. Only in welcoming without a welcomer can there be real transformation.

 

We are in essence one with all existence; when we truly observe ourselves there is ultimately no observer, only observation - awareness.

 

----

 

“In simple openness which is welcoming you will come to accept and get to know your negative feelings, desires and fears. Once welcomed and nondirected attention to these feelings will burn themselves up, leaving only silence. “

 

~ Jean Klein

Edited June 18, 2012 by xabir2005

[styrofoamdog]

Those who read the Buddhist sutras will know that none of these things qualify as samadhi or dhyana.

[Tibetan_Ice]

[C T]

In dzogchen retreats, when such experiences occur, there is a guideline given to be observed in order to manage one's understanding of experiences so that clarity arises.

 

One such guideline is:

 

Unwholesome karma may be the cause.

Disturbing emotions may be the circumstance.

Conceptual thinking is the link.

Prana wind is the bridge.

Gods and demons act as supporting the continuity of grasping.

 

The ascribed antidote:

 

Best to leave experiences to liberate naturally.

In the preliminaries, dont pursue the experiences.

During the main practice, dont encourage the experiences.

In concluding the practice, dont dwell on the experiences.

 

In this way, the potential for seeds of grasping and aversion to take root is averted. One merely watches in absence of i. Old experiences are unknotted and new ones bring no harm.

 

In locating the seat of experiences, finding it to contain nothing (empty of...), one ends all self-deceptions.

[gatito]

Hi,

Gatito, I'm sorry for your reluctance to ask your teacher.

 

..........................................

 

Anyway, thank you to all whom have responded. I appreciate it.

 

 

TI

 

Hi TI

 

I'm giving you the answers that I have been given to me by my teacher.

 

One other thing that I have heard him say recenltly to someone else....

 

Real Advaita is living from real unknowing.....

 

However, I paraphrase; and as this is a living teaching, the real teaching can be missed if one is not in the physical presence of one's teacher.

 

I hope that helps to clarify my previous answers.

 

g

 

[Tibetan_Ice]

In dzogchen retreats, when such experiences occur, there is a guideline given to be observed in order to manage one's understanding of experiences so that clarity arises.

 

One such guideline is:

 

Unwholesome karma may be the cause.

Disturbing emotions may be the circumstance.

Conceptual thinking is the link.

Prana wind is the bridge.

Gods and demons act as supporting the continuity of grasping.

 

The ascribed antidote:

 

Best to leave experiences to liberate naturally.

In the preliminaries, dont pursue the experiences.

During the main practice, dont encourage the experiences.

In concluding the practice, dont dwell on the experiences.

 

In this way, the potential for seeds of grasping and aversion to take root is averted. One merely watches in absence of i. Old experiences are unknotted and new ones bring no harm.

 

In locating the seat of experiences, finding it to contain nothing (empty of...), one ends all self-deceptions.

 

Hi CT

Thank you for that. This coincides with what Alan Wallace is saying: if you don't grasp onto it, it will not harm you.

Have you been to a dzogchen retreat? If so (lucky you!!!), did you ever see anyone fall over, quit breathing and appear to be dead, and remain like that until someone revived them?

 

TI

[Tibetan_Ice]

Hi TI

 

I'm giving you the answers that I have been given to me by my teacher.

 

One other thing that I have heard him say recenltly to someone else....

 

Real Advaita is living from real unknowing.....

 

However, I paraphrase; and as this is a living teaching, the real teaching can be missed if one is not in the physical presence of one's teacher.

 

I hope that helps to clarify my previous answers.

 

g

 

 

Hi Gatito

Thanks for your reply.

If you don't mind me asking, who is your teacher?

 

Ok. I understand where you are coming from. Vedanta! The ultimate top-down approach. Yes, I think that one could accomplish self-realization like that with the help of the authentic guru. It would be so wonderful to remain in the presence of such a guru and become enlightened by contact. When a small flame is placed close to a larger flame, the small flame always get bigger burns brighter!

 

I've got "I AM THAT" and several of Nisargadatta's books. I also have the three discourses by Krishna Menon, several John Wheeler books, Sailor Bob's book and have studied that for some time. Remaining centered in the self is quite a challenge. I can't seem to do it.

 

The only thing Nisargadatta said about nirvikalpa samadhi is this (from I AM THAT):

 

M: Everything is a play of ideas. In the state free from ideation (nirvikalpa samadhi) nothing is perceived. The root idea is: 'I am'. It shatters the state of pure consciousness and is followed by the innumerable sensations and perceptions, feeling and ideas which in their totality constitute God and His world. The 'I am' remains as the witness, but it is by the will of God that everything happens.

 

But that doesn't make much sense to me. How can the "I am" remain as the witness if pure consciousness is shattered?

 

I appreciate what Alan Wallace has written in his books, and especially in his "Stilling the Mind" book. In it, he says that several famous Buddhists claims that for most people, one must practice Shamatha because it is a necessary step towards the higher practices. Without the ability to bring the mind to rest in the natural state, there can be no sustained concentration on anything. I agree. I can catch fleeting glimpses of my "I AM", my sense of being, but I can't remain there for very long.

 

And, like Alan Wallace explained, it is very hard to sustain concentration on a visualized object. Not only does it require enormous concentration and willpower, but it renders the practitioner exhausted and increases the reluctance to continue with such a practice. However, by learning Shamatha, by learning how to rest the mind in the natural state, one gains the ablility to rest awareness on any visualized object and sustain this awareness for great periods of time. He keeps saying that the test is to be able to sit for four hours, entirely focused on the mental object. AND, he claims that after the four hours, the practitioner is blissful, refreshed and just raring to go for more. Once the state of Shamatha is realized, one is then fit to start the Dzogchen practice because at that point, the mind becomes supple, maleable and fit for practice.

 

TI

[C T]

Hi CT

Thank you for that. This coincides with what Alan Wallace is saying: if you don't grasp onto it, it will not harm you.

Have you been to a dzogchen retreat? If so (lucky you!!!), did you ever see anyone fall over, quit breathing and appear to be dead, and remain like that until someone revived them?

 

TI

Greetings, TI.

 

In answer to your question, no, i have not seen anyone 'die' to be revived during any retreats i have attended. I am not sure its encouraged to use one's own physical body to delve into such a practice when one can, in the latter stages of mastery, generate a tulpa for such exercises, wherein one aims to gain mastery over the bardos -- this reduces the risk of harm to one's physical body.

 

This is acknowledged as a 'closed door' practice, naturally.

[rex]

Have you been to a dzogchen retreat? If so (lucky you!!!), did you ever see anyone fall over, quit breathing and appear to be dead, and remain like that until someone revived them?

Delogs are interesting cases - they 'die' then come back to life a few days later and with stories to tell. Here's a link to one Delog's

account: Delog, Journey to Realms Beyond Death

 

Some teachers stress how going to sleep is like dying so dream practice is good training for death.

[Tibetan_Ice]

Greetings, TI.

 

In answer to your question, no, i have not seen anyone 'die' to be revived during any retreats i have attended. I am not sure its encouraged to use one's own physical body to delve into such a practice when one can, in the latter stages of mastery, generate a tulpa for such exercises, wherein one aims to gain mastery over the bardos -- this reduces the risk of harm to one's physical body.

 

This is acknowledged as a 'closed door' practice, naturally.

 

Hi C T

Well that was an interesting read. Yes, thought forms. tulpa

I wonder how many people have unknowingly created their own versions by repeating their compulsive thoughts..

 

Thanks.

 

TI

[Tibetan_Ice]

Delogs are interesting cases - they 'die' then come back to life a few days later and with stories to tell. Here's a link to one Delog's

account: Delog, Journey to Realms Beyond Death

 

Some teachers stress how going to sleep is like dying so dream practice is good training for death.

 

Hi Rex

Thank you for the info and introducing me to the term "Delog". There is so much to learn!

 

I also have a book by Alan Wallace about Dream Yoga which I haven't read yet. I have sort of skimmed it. It reminds me of the old practice of "looking at your hands" throughout the day, by Carlos Casteneda. By getting into the habit of doing that during the day, when you dream you will look at your hands and you will realize that you are dreaming. That is when the fun begins!

 

I did that a few times when I was 15 yrs old.

 

The first time I succeeded I found myself in an old style ghost town in a desert somewhere. All the colors were very bright and clear. Very crisp. Better than High Def TV. Once I was familiar with the surroundings and what state I was in, I told myself, "If I am dreaming I should be able to fly". So I soared up into the sky. When I was up there, I thought to myself "I should be able to fly through the ground". So I flew straight at the ground, like I was going to fly through it. But when I hit the ground, an outline of my body appeared and I experienced a kind of a shock wave which woke me up. It was so much fun!

 

TI

[gatito]

Hi Gatito

Thanks for your reply.

If you don't mind me asking, who is your teacher?

Hi TI

 

I don't mind you asking: are you looking for a teacher?

 

Ok. I understand where you are coming from. Vedanta! The ultimate top-down approach. Yes, I think that one could accomplish self-realization like that with the help of the authentic guru. It would be so wonderful to remain in the presence of such a guru and become enlightened by contact. When a small flame is placed close to a larger flame, the small flame always get bigger burns brighter!

 

I've got "I AM THAT" and several of Nisargadatta's books. I also have the three discourses by Krishna Menon, several John Wheeler books, Sailor Bob's book and have studied that for some time. Remaining centered in the self is quite a challenge. I can't seem to do it.

 

We are always centred in the Self; check it for yourself.

 

Books can be helpful, unhelpful or neutral in my experience. For example, I didn't find Notes on Spiritual Discourses of Sri Atmananda by Nitya Tripta particularly helpful. However, I have found Atma Darshan and Atma Nirvriti by Sri Atmanada (Krishna Menon) extremely helpful, especially when coupled with The Nature of Man According to the Vedanta by John Levy plus time spent with a living teacher who is prepared to clarify these writings in the light of their own knowledge and my own questions.

 

 

The only thing Nisargadatta said about nirvikalpa samadhi is this (from I AM THAT):

 

 

But that doesn't make much sense to me. How can the "I am" remain as the witness if pure consciousness is shattered?

 

I wouldn't worry about nirvikalpa samadhi - as I've said before, it's a gift of Grace and one of Krishna Menon's prakriyas circumvents the whole subject very elegantly.

 

I appreciate what Alan Wallace has written in his books, and especially in his "Stilling the Mind" book. In it, he says that several famous Buddhists claims that for most people, one must practice Shamatha because it is a necessary step towards the higher practices. Without the ability to bring the mind to rest in the natural state, there can be no sustained concentration on anything. I agree. I can catch fleeting glimpses of my "I AM", my sense of being, but I can't remain there for very long.

 

And, like Alan Wallace explained, it is very hard to sustain concentration on a visualized object. Not only does it require enormous concentration and willpower, but it renders the practitioner exhausted and increases the reluctance to continue with such a practice. However, by learning Shamatha, by learning how to rest the mind in the natural state, one gains the ablility to rest awareness on any visualized object and sustain this awareness for great periods of time. He keeps saying that the test is to be able to sit for four hours, entirely focused on the mental object. AND, he claims that after the four hours, the practitioner is blissful, refreshed and just raring to go for more. Once the state of Shamatha is realized, one is then fit to start the Dzogchen practice because at that point, the mind becomes supple, maleable and fit for practice.

 

TI

 

I'm not familiar with Alan Wallace but I'd reiterate that anything with a beginning has an ending, so that doesn't sound like what you're looking for. However, if you're interested in this approach, I'd suggest that you contact him and get his teachings first-hand. I used to underestimate the importance of a living teacher myself. It's not a mistake that I'll make again.

 

G

[Jeff]

Hi TI,

 

Consciousness "shatters" because one tends to percieve consciousness in "layers" (or as worlds).. Just like the concept of meditation (or going into deeper states), in shattering, you realize that everything is the same "layer" (or integrated) and accessible.

 

The early times going in to "nirvikalpa samadhi" can feel like being sucked, pulled or falling into a void. This is particularly true when pulled in by a guru.