Loneliness is Killing MEE!

[Clarity]

Here's another perspective. Loneliness and friends is not really the disconnect. If it was a simple case of being lonely then your statement and the awareness of being lonely would make you feel better.

 

If I'm not mistaken, this is what RV was trying to point out. You want to get to what's underneath whatever it is you think or feel you are experiencing. In other words, If you are confused then you might not know what you are really experiencing.

 

For example, I can see that driving around all day by yourself has triggered your wandering and isolation experiences. And every time you mentioned the word 'hermit' or 'monk' I felt the energy drop out.

 

Feel free to PM me if you would like an energetic perspective on what's going on.

[Jetsun]

If you are looking at things from a Buddhist perspective I would be careful about those who say you should be happy alone and you don't need other people, really the truth of interdependence means that we are deeply connected to others and through much of our lives completely dependent on them for our welfare and survival. I think the more healthy approach is that of some lineages of trying to become a Bodhisattva so all of your practice is to benefit others and for other people. In such approaches you are taught to completely cherish other people as precious beings and love then with the same heart that you love your own mother, time alone in seclusion is useful but it is not so you can become separate from others like a separate lonely island, it is so you benefit others when you reenter the world with them and be closer to then , so going to a temple and seeking out community isn't clinging otherwise taking refuge in the Sangha wouldnt be one of the cornerstones of the path.

[eye_of_the_storm]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzhhmCXbYno&feature=related

 

Edited September 2, 2012 by White Wolf Running On Air

[eye_of_the_storm]

grasping at non grasping

 

attached to non attachment

[C T]

If you are looking at things from a Buddhist perspective I would be careful about those who say you should be happy alone and you don't need other people, really the truth of interdependence means that we are deeply connected to others and through much of our lives completely dependent on them for our welfare and survival. I think the more healthy approach is that of some lineages of trying to become a Bodhisattva so all of your practice is to benefit others and for other people. In such approaches you are taught to completely cherish other people as precious beings and love then with the same heart that you love your own mother, time alone in seclusion is useful but it is not so you can become separate from others like a separate lonely island, it is so you benefit others when you reenter the world with them and be closer to then , so going to a temple and seeking out community isn't clinging otherwise taking refuge in the Sangha wouldnt be one of the cornerstones of the path.

 

There is ample fuzziness around the 'becoming a bodhisattva' thingy... not understanding this has driven a lot of people away from the Mahayana path, or worse. Remember the words of the Buddha... there are no beings to save, to help, to care, to cherish. If someone of noble family thinks there are indeed beings to be saved, to be helped, to be cared for, and to cherish, then that someone has missed the whole point. Yet, there cannot be any activity, for one who thusly practice according to the Dharma, which is not filled with altruistic intentions, actions and results.

 

Thich Nhat Hanh puts it beautifully when he said, "The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers." So, what is suggested is to cultivate mindfulness, then total presence will follow. When mindfulness pervades most of our thoughts, the heart naturally opens and welcomes... then presence, or the awakened quality, shines forth effortlessly, and this in turn will touch others without the 'you' or 'i' arising. All genuine spiritual masters spontaneously manifest this awakened quality, which others will be drawn to because it can be quite captivating, even entrancing.

Edited September 2, 2012 by C T

[adept]

Maybe you're going through http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dark_Night_of_the_Soul. It is a temporary phenomenon which is common in spiritual cultivators. I'm not sure if I can help because I see myself as currently in this phase. In fact if I'm honest, I've probably been in the dark night of the soul for years now.

[konchog uma]

(er... where did my embedding power go? Anyway, click on it if you feel lonely, and know you are not alone.)

 

you can't embed encrypted sites (https)

 

if you take the s out and leave http it should work

[Everything]

Exactly

I now use the simple flowchart for everything

Hahaha, thats an act of non-action right there.

 

Surrender of your worry, yield to your joyful expectancy and delightful faith of all things good. Here's a toast to the surrender of all worries in life. Here's a toast to the surrender of feeling lonely. A toast to the evermore yielding nature of the liquid itself.

 

I want friends and I know I will have them. I know that the people I will have most fun with will naturally be attracted to me. I know that fun is effortless. That friendship is fun and effortless. What I really want is to feel inspired on an ongoing basis and flow this inspiration trough and share it with like inspired minds n peepol. I know what feels joyful to me and I allow it to be my guide towards all things good. It is effortless to be joyful and playful with life in this way. I trust that if I follow my passion in life and engage there, that all things will naturally fall into place. I know that I am a loving person, one who is always vibrating on excitement and bringing joy to the experience of others. I do it effortlessly, simply by being who I am. I know that people can not stay negative too long around me, because people naturally gravitate towards the suxion that is created and caused by my constant, complete and utter yielding to all things good and wonderful in life. If the energies are too high for some people, I know they will simply filter themselves out of this vortex of attraction that is constantly spiralling around me. This way, all I have to do is to be in joy and KNOW that the rest will take care of itself. How wonderful and simple that is! Yield to my joy oh lonely being! Yield to my love.

 

Cheers.

Edited September 2, 2012 by Everything

[Taomeow]

you can't embed encrypted sites (https)

 

if you take the s out and leave http it should work

 

Cool! It worked. Thanks!

[RiverSnake]

 

interesting! Thank you!

So you basically saying sitting with it and trying to dig internally?

 

The Taoist technique in the Inner Smile is a way of manipulating ones emotions in order to strengthen oneself energetically. The emotions being used is happiness or joy. However, we can use whatever emotions we want.

 

When we are longing for friendship, for sex, for companionship, for love....etc.......We are longing for an external stimulus that will trigger an internal response....however if we look at the Inner Smile as a technique we can see that instead of longing for external stimulus for joy we can master are own systems to achieve those emotional states...

 

Whatever emotion you are longing for can be achieved by taking command of your systems and stimulating them yourself rather than waiting around for external stimulus. Hope this is a clearer response.

 

-My 2 cents, Peace

[Jetsun]

 

 

There is ample fuzziness around the 'becoming a bodhisattva' thingy... not understanding this has driven a lot of people away from the Mahayana path, or worse. Remember the words of the Buddha... there are no beings to save, to help, to care, to cherish. If someone of noble family thinks there are indeed beings to be saved, to be helped, to be cared for, and to cherish, then that someone has missed the whole point. Yet, there cannot be any activity, for one who thusly practice according to the Dharma, which is not filled with altruistic intentions, actions and results.

 

Thich Nhat Hanh puts it beautifully when he said, "The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers." So, what is suggested is to cultivate mindfulness, then total presence will follow. When mindfulness pervades most of our thoughts, the heart naturally opens and welcomes... then presence, or the awakened quality, shines forth effortlessly, and this in turn will touch others without the 'you' or 'i' arising. All genuine spiritual masters spontaneously manifest this awakened quality, which others will be drawn to because it can be quite captivating, even entrancing.

 

I didn't mean what I said to be fuzzy, I just thought LeonBasins perspective of Buddhism was a bit bleak so thought I'd mention other perspectives such as the Lojong and Shantideva "All happiness comes from cherishing others, all misfortune from cherishing yourself"

 

The goal is to be more mindful and present like you say but there are different means to get there, these other teachings can be very skillful by showing you how to take any adverse circumstances on the path to aid you. For example he could use his loneliness for fuel for the Atisha meditation on "giving and taking" , so when you feel lonely you imagine your dearest loved ones in the same lonely isolated situation and it will awaken your compassion, then imagine all the other sentient beings in the same lonely place until the compassion is as intense as possible and then imagine willingly taking all of that suffering into your own heart so it ripens on you, then imagine giving away all your blessings, postive karma, good health etc to those beings so they become happy and awakened. If you are mindful to how your mind reacts against this giving and taking it can show you where it is fixated and clinging to things.

 

So with this sort of approach you are not going out actually trying to save all sentient beings in a lovely dovey way, you are using adverse circumstances such as loneliness and other people for your own mind training and to awaken your own unlimited compassion.

Edited September 3, 2012 by Jetsun

[DalTheJigsaw123]

The Taoist technique in the Inner Smile is a way of manipulating ones emotions in order to strengthen oneself energetically. The emotions being used is happiness or joy. However, we can use whatever emotions we want.

 

When we are longing for friendship, for sex, for companionship, for love....etc.......We are longing for an external stimulus that will trigger an internal response....however if we look at the Inner Smile as a technique we can see that instead of longing for external stimulus for joy we can master are own systems to achieve those emotional states...

 

Whatever emotion you are longing for can be achieved by taking command of your systems and stimulating them yourself rather than waiting around for external stimulus. Hope this is a clearer response.

 

-My 2 cents, Peace

 

It does a bit, but I'm still confused in how to approach it?

I need to read about Inner Smile to understand it?

Is there a simple 1-5 step technique you would suggest to start me off?

 

Thank You!

 

P.S. that sounds amazing! Definitely something I want to try!

[DalTheJigsaw123]

The Taoist technique in the Inner Smile is a way of manipulating ones emotions in order to strengthen oneself energetically. The emotions being used is happiness or joy. However, we can use whatever emotions we want.

 

When we are longing for friendship, for sex, for companionship, for love....etc.......We are longing for an external stimulus that will trigger an internal response....however if we look at the Inner Smile as a technique we can see that instead of longing for external stimulus for joy we can master are own systems to achieve those emotional states...

 

Whatever emotion you are longing for can be achieved by taking command of your systems and stimulating them yourself rather than waiting around for external stimulus. Hope this is a clearer response.

 

-My 2 cents, Peace

 

It does a bit, but I'm still confused in how to approach it?

I need to read about Inner Smile to understand it?

Is there a simple 1-5 step technique you would suggest to start me off?

 

Thank You!

 

P.S. that sounds amazing! Definitely something I want to try!

[DalTheJigsaw123]

Maybe you're going through http://en.wikipedia....ght_of_the_Soul. It is a temporary phenomenon which is common in spiritual cultivators. I'm not sure if I can help because I see myself as currently in this phase. In fact if I'm honest, I've probably been in the dark night of the soul for years now.

You probably right!

[RiverSnake]

It does a bit, but I'm still confused in how to approach it?

I need to read about Inner Smile to understand it?

Is there a simple 1-5 step technique you would suggest to start me off?

 

Thank You!

 

P.S. that sounds amazing! Definitely something I want to try!

 

Generally what ever we are longing for we tend to fantasize about it.....look at the fantasy or the emotions you are longing for ........ remember a time in your life or situation when you were filled with those feelings be it: Joy, Friendship, Happiness....etc........

 

Take those emotions and circulate them through your body....bring them down the front of your body through your internal organs all the way to your feet then bring it up the back of your legs and then up the spine too the head and then bring it back to the Lower Dantian.

 

As always make sure to bring energy back to the LDT

 

-My 2 cents, Peace

Edited September 3, 2012 by OldGreen

[XieJia]

don't run away from feeling, the more you run. the more it will comes.

 

throw all spirituality out the door for the moment

 

all "those", "this" and "that"

 

now come back;

 

you can't eradicate clinging by not wanting it.

It could be done only through thorough understanding.

 

even-though you went to temples, trying to connect to other people in other activities;

do you feel deep inside down that it doesn't really answer your question deep inside?

 

for the moment come back and

get back in touch with yourself.

 

whatever feelings you may have,

watch it...

watch the body having this feeling

watch the feeling as it is happening

watch the mind witnessing this feeling

 

now tell me, if you are watching then who is feeling the feeling?

 

p.s.

another method is the hold onto that feeling so tightly, carry it throughout your day.

I am curious about how long you can hold it for.

 

Peace, Mindfulness and Wisdom to all...

[Maddie]

This post got my attention because loneliness is also something I have been dealing with a lot lately as well, especially after my break-up. I'll have to say some of the advice here has been pretty good, and a lot of it seems pretty bad... at least from the perspective of someone who is also dealing with loneliness. Here is what I have noticed from my own experience so far.

 

I had been feeling pretty lonely so I decided to get out and spend some time with friends. Once I got out there with friends I would notice that I still felt lonely. So I realized that the loneliness was not based upon being around people. I also noticed at times when I was by myself I would feel at peace and content. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying we don't need people, because as human being we are social creatures. I did like RV and OldGreen's input about going with in and finding out what makes one feel lonely, and using inner techniques to do something about it.

 

I have noticed that doing the inner smile has helped quite a bit, though not completely. Since it helped up to a point, but I could feel that there was something more going on, I decided to dig deeper. This has led me to working with the sacral chakra. It makes sense as the sacral chakra is about being social, connecting with others, and happiness. When one is lonely they are not feeling connected to others, and its is not a happy feeling at all.

 

While I am still working on this, all I can say is that while I still have moments, things seem to be steadily improving. Here is the technique I am using to work with my sacral chakra

 

http://www.eclecticenergies.com/chakras/open.php

 

I am also using a sacral chakra crystal elixir that I make myself. Also the inner smile is useful as well, as the heart deals with interaction with others, the lungs with grief and sorrow, and the spleen about being centered. All of which are important when dealing with loneliness.

 

Hope that helps.

[RiverSnake]

This has led me to working with the sacral chakra. It makes sense as the sacral chakra is about being social, connecting with others, and happiness. When one is lonely they are not feeling connected to others, and its is not a happy feeling at all.

 

 

Indeed, its also been my observation that the Sacral has a lot to do with socializing and wanting to go out and "connect" with others.

 

Also on that site eclectic energies they have something called a chakra test. While probably more psychological in nature than anything else its an interesting tes to take and i have used it in the best to find out which areas of life i needed to work on.

 

-My 2 cents, Peace

[Maddie]

Indeed, its also been my observation that the Sacral has a lot to do with socializing and wanting to go out and "connect" with others.

 

Also on that site eclectic energies they have something called a chakra test. While probably more psychological in nature than anything else its an interesting tes to take and i have used it in the best to find out which areas of life i needed to work on.

 

-My 2 cents, Peace

 

I agree, I like that test too :-)

[Mal]

I need to read about Inner Smile to understand it?

Is there a simple 1-5 step technique you would suggest to start me off?

 

 

Dr. Morris's Secret Smile & Breathing basic KAP 1 (Giri for the Tao Bumbs )

 

 

powerful yet basic, an essential fundamental.

[Maddie]

I think everyone experiences loneliness. Even if we surround ourselves with people, we still feel lonely. you feel even more lonely when you're with someone and you two aren't talking. honestly, I think loneliness is something that is very deep and something you have to be mindful about. Write about your loneliness, meditate on it watching each event, when you find out the true reason for your loneliness, it's narrowed down and then you can fix that easily. Maybe your loneliness has to do with self love which I see is common in people who are always lonely. They're uncomfortable being by themselves.

 

Adding to this, this past week I have been working a lot on my Liver using the inner smile, and I found a lot of stuff there. It would seem that in the past my understanding of the Liver apparently was simplistic. I knew the emotion of the Liver was anger, and its virtue was kindness. What I did not realize was that a lot of the feelings of loneliness I think I have felt were Liver based. What I mean is I was lonely because by myself my Liver lacked kindness for myself, so therefore I wanted to find kindness from the outside (as in from another person). I'm not saying that every person who feels lonely, or even every time I've felt lonely its because of this reason, but I definitely see how this aspect played a large role. Another emotion of the Liver is depression (anger directed inward) and so another thing I think I've wanted is someone to make me not feel depressed, when in reality the problem was an internal one. I have to admit that in the midst of working on my Liver, its not a very pleasant process because its dredging up a lot of uncomfortable feelings, but on the other hand I feel less compulsion to have to be around someone to not feel lonely or down.

 

I think someone asked where to learn the inner smile, I learned it from Master Chia

 

http://www.universal-tao.com/article/smile.html

 

Hope this is helpful, I'm still in the midst of this.

[et-thoughts]

It is a funny thing isn't it. How our negative emotions are. We feel lonely but we shouldn't feel lonely at all. There's really no need to have to find a "soul mate" and when we do, after a while, you become less attracted or in love with them. Yes we need mates for procreation but for happiness that we can cultivate inside of us, no. One Egyptian the brother of Ptah Hoteps realized that all the happiness and stuff that he wanted was inside of him thus he lost his interest in seeking love from a woman. He literally only took a wife for children because as a pharaoh, it was his responsibility. I think this is why in Buddhism is to not have attachments because all the joys you can get from your attachments can be cultivated internally. Takes a long time though.

 

One feels what one feels... Indeed, "There's really no need to have to find a 'soul mate'"... its more of a loving choice! When one does find them then one has the choice as to what will happen next... to become less attracted or in love with them... to become more attracted and in love with them ... to be with them and be in love with them.

 

While it is true that our happiness can be cultivated inside of us regardless of whats going on outside of us its much better when the internal and external enrich each others experiences... not bases on 'the binding needs', rather based on individual choices...

[et-thoughts]

Yup exactly. There's nothing wrong with finding a mate but it depends on what you'll get out of it. Not futile needs which seems to happen nowadays such as searching for a partner for only sex. People enter into a relationship and it breaks up within a month. I find it's because the two were looking for happiness that is missing because of a deeper cause. I never understood that when I'm in relationships, where I strive for it to grow. A lot of the time, it's hard in this society finding a girl who is willing to do that.

 

I believe in balance. One should cultivate the internal and the external. I believe a person should balance his spiritual life with physical life. Because both give you wisdom through experiences. Like a person could meditate all day, but as soon as he gets out of practice, he cusses out someone or gets frustrated over the simplest thing. The point is to take what you got from meditation and take it to your physical life. vice versa. Usually it'll happen intuitively. Sometimes, it doesn't where you have to strengthen your willpower.

 

To really understand focus on what one will give to it... If one is in it to get something out of it, it tends to break up ... if one is in it to give something to it, it tends to grow. Few people enter into a relationship committed to making it work and grow... willing to do what it takes to make the other happy and help them grow... Many keep looking for happiness that is missing because of a deeper cause... rather than seeding and cultivating happiness with a caring loving way...

 

To me 'the balance' involves developing 'the spiritual-the physical-the intellectual-the emotional' in singular wise ways. Though come to think a bit more of what you said, I would say you believe in 'congruence' rather than 'balance'... " The point is to take what you got from meditation and take it to your physical life. vice versa".

 

To strengthen one willpower one can work on the body, the mind, the spirit, the practices, and a bit more... Ok that something that I now need to apply myself... thanks for helping me realize this...

[Maddie]

I thought I'd share what I've been up to this week. I have now been working on my Lungs, as the Lungs deal with grief, sadness, sorrow, loss, ect... During my meditations I had become aware that an additional aspect to feeling lonely was the issue of wanting comfort from internal grief, sorrow, and sadness. Grief and the Lungs are metal; the heart, love, and intimacy are fire; fire controls metal. I think based on this that a lot of loneliness and the desire to find someone out of a motivation of loneliness is wanting fire to control metal. Wanting someone's love, affection, kindness, and the like to subdue our own feelings of sadness, lack, loss, and grief.

 

The problem with using this external method is that since the medicine to our problem is coming from an outside source, this makes us needy, and dependent upon the person who is giving it. Any relationship that us based upon a foundation of lack and need is doomed.

 

Better is to resolve this imbalance with in first, and then when we meet someone it will not be based upon lack, or need, but can be built upon a good foundation where one is already feeling pretty good within. ;-)

[et-thoughts]

The problem with using this external method is that since the medicine to our problem is coming from an outside source, this makes us needy, and dependent upon the person who is giving it.

 

Well consider that this external method functions a bit different... and that instead of seeking to get one be seeking to give...the person who is giving it is the self ... based on this find someone out of a motivation to give love and as one does this and lights the fire one controls the coldness of metal within. Wanting someone's love, affection, kindness, and the like requires giving them those things... to subdue our own feelings of sadness, lack, loss, and grief... give joy, abundance, understanding, compassion... what you cultivate is what you get...