Stosh Posted September 19, 2012 Well that may be true , but then again, there are manipulative adults who do things with hostile intent, and there are kids that do things that some consider evil. I clearly remember dumping a chicken leg behind the couch once... Stosh 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
et-thoughts Posted September 19, 2012 true but in a way everyone is a kid, they just get older, also every kid is kind of an adult..if there is no evil manipulative kid, there is no evil manipulative adult... Â Thats generally true... once one learns certain lessons one rarely goes back to less desirable ways... still at each moment one chooses if to walk in one direction or the other direction... and at certain levels there is quite a dance with dancers seeking to push and pull individuals a certain way... some want to help you and then some want to--- do something else ... still everyone can end up helping you... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie Posted September 19, 2012 It seems that a lot of the discussion lately (for good reasons) is about compassion/love vs the need for boundaries, whether its letting a child or a partner manipulate you. I think this line can be tricky sometimes. One thing I started to contemplate yesterday in regard to this is about how we feel about ourselves, and how that relates to our boundaries and to what we perceive as appropriate compassion.... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
et-thoughts Posted September 19, 2012 It seems that a lot of the discussion lately (for good reasons) is about compassion/love vs the need for boundaries, whether its letting a child or a partner manipulate you. I think this line can be tricky sometimes. One thing I started to contemplate yesterday in regard to this is about how we feel about ourselves, and how that relates to our boundaries and to what we perceive as appropriate compassion.... Â With pure compassion/love the boundaries sort of just vanish.... Sometimes what one feels about oneself ought to be irrelevant and put aside... replaced by what others feel think say! In other words, if one feels inadequate and other tell us that we are adequate that should suffice... evidently considering that others actually express the factual truth! Â Yea sometimes what one feels about oneself ought to suffice, just make sure that its actually based on the factual truth and not just some feeling one holds... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Birch Posted September 19, 2012 It seems that a lot of the discussion lately (for good reasons) is about compassion/love vs the need for boundaries, whether its letting a child or a partner manipulate you. I think this line can be tricky sometimes. One thing I started to contemplate yesterday in regard to this is about how we feel about ourselves, and how that relates to our boundaries and to what we perceive as appropriate compassion.... Â Oh, I'm very deeply in the middle of this right now with a 'boundary-busting' aging mom. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie Posted September 20, 2012 Oh, I'm very deeply in the middle of this right now with a 'boundary-busting' aging mom. Â It's tricky fo sho Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Birch Posted September 20, 2012 I bought an interesting book on it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Birch Posted September 21, 2012 On "busting boundaries" with moms? No, on moms who bust them and what to do about it (aside from never seeing them ever again, although that is suggested as an option if she's one of the more dangerous types - either to you, others or herself) If you have these people in your life (or are one) it's worth a look. It's not 'spiritual' much as a book, more of something I read to calm myself down:-) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
et-thoughts Posted September 21, 2012 No, on moms who bust them and what to do about it (aside from never seeing them ever again, although that is suggested as an option if she's one of the more dangerous types - either to you, others or herself) If you have these people in your life (or are one) it's worth a look. It's not 'spiritual' much as a book, more of something I read to calm myself down:-) Â 'never seeing them ever again' seems like such a copout from learning to deal with such individuals in effective ways... besides I would rather learn how to change myself and change than choose to never see oneself ever again... :-) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aetherous Posted September 21, 2012 What's the book? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Birch Posted September 21, 2012 'never seeing them ever again' seems like such a copout from learning to deal with such individuals in effective ways... besides I would rather learn how to change myself and change than choose to never see oneself ever again... :-) Â Ah, yes indeed. Such a cop-out. Have you ever had to deal with such 'selves' Mr Gagnam? Suggest you attempt it :-) Sheesh I find you irritating - must work on that. Â Â Book here: http://www.amazon.com/Understanding-Borderline-Mother-Unpredictable-Relationship/dp/0765703319 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
et-thoughts Posted September 21, 2012 Ah, yes indeed. Such a cop-out. Have you ever had to deal with such 'selves' Mr Gagnam? Suggest you attempt it :-) Sheesh I find you irritating - must work on that. Â Book here: http://www.amazon.co...p/dp/0765703319 Â Oh YES I have to deal with such selves... it can be irritating, frustrating, and many other things... until one learns better ways to deal with it... :-) and even then it can still be quite a challenge... and it can also be quite enlightening... if you learn to deal with THEM you can deal with anyone :-) so lean to live with them :-) Â Liked the synopsis points of the book and sort of generalized them as: how to care without rescuing them (allowing them to learn and fix it themselves), how to attend without feeding their dependancies, how to love without subjugating, how to live with the oppressor without being victimized. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
johndoe2012 Posted September 22, 2012 (edited) . Edited August 18, 2013 by chris d Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
et-thoughts Posted September 22, 2012 seems like a naive and possibly dangerous outlook on life...  Why do you consider that learning to deal with such individuals in effective ways... seems like a naive and possibly dangerous outlook on life...? It seems to me you advocate escapism rather than learning to deal with the situation and dealing with it once and for all  OBTW I see from your response that you didn't get the notion: one cant escape oneself, even if one pretends self doesn't exist self exists... one better learn how to change and change... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
johndoe2012 Posted September 22, 2012 (edited) . Edited August 18, 2013 by chris d Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
et-thoughts Posted September 23, 2012 Sometimes leaving the situation is the best. If not then it is best to learn to deal with it I agree. Â There is this notion that one can only work on oneself instead of changing the other. This is false in my experience and is a misunderstanding of the self. Â Maybe we agree after all. Â Most of the time it is best to learn to deal with it... that way if it ever presents itself we deal with it ... Sometimes leaving the situation is the best and then Sometimes changing the situation once and for all is the best... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
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