Feeling Passionate About Fighting With My Neighbour

[swampland]

I've been at home on the countryside for about 1 1/2 months now, but now I'm back in the city and the old problem with my neighbour keeps continuing.

He's loud at night because of all the people he's inviting. He's doing this often 2-3 times a week. Because I could cope with it once, but not again and again.

 

So I'm lying in my bad and I continuosley hear people laughing and ringing the bell and walking around on the corridor and it starts pissing me of.

So I take a hammer and knock on the wall. For about 1 minute. Nothing changes.

And I've tried a lot here. Calling the Police used to help. But I only did this once and I somehow don't like it.

 

So yesterday (or today actually), I really went off as I shouted in an immensely loud voice while hammering on the wall and stomping on the floor. It was pretty insane and it was a waste of energy.

I felt pretty bad about treating my body in this way later on.

But first, one neighbor knocked on his door and inquired, whether someone died.

As he started to talk shit about me again, I opened the door and engaged in the conversation.

Which ended as always: Like him stating I should live on a cementary and It wasn't all that loud and stuff.

 

When this was done I administered myself two enemas to calm down, which did help, but not sufficiently, so I could not sleep either way. I lay their partly in anger and in shame about what extreme conditions I exposed my body to (when I was shouting like mad).

As I couldn't sleep, I realized, that my anger about the noise was in hindsight not the only motivation or the only drive for all this.

It is not so easy to explain, because initially it was. But when I started knocking first and nothing happened I got really angry. The noise was not my basic motivation any longer. It was, that I was beeing passed by unnoticed.

All the action that followed, was rooted in passion for the fight. And that's basically it. I can't let go of the fight. I even sort of crave the next confrontation with my neighbor. Because if I don't and I don't stay focused, he might catch me cold next time.

But that's not the only thing. It is also the feeling that there is a huge thing, that I can win out of this.

I just don't know what that would be, so I'm thinking it's merely an illusion.

 

So, does anyone here have similar experiences. How do you cope with these sorts of attachments?

 

I mean, it is sort of a perceived form of danger. But it's just noise. It impairs me, but it won't kill me.

I was thinking about this "sealing the senses" stuff and if maybe that could help me. But I haven't looked at that any closer and it's probably too difficult to master, especially in a stressful environment as this.

[Stosh]

Well if you give yourself enemas to calm down ,you are a lot more hard core than I am

but I have read that distractions can be considered advantageous for developing discipline

My own approach to the issues could take several forms

but an effective one from recent events was that

instead of fighting them

join em

Stosh

[swampland]

Well, I'm sure distractions can develop discipline, but only if you don't get overwhelmed by them.

But this is my home. It is supposed to be my peaceful place of recovery with nothing to be too

diciplined about.

 

They probably wouldn't like me to join them. And they didn't invite me either.

But also if they would, there will come a time, when I just want to have my peace and that would

be the turning point, when I wouldn't know how to ask for silence, when last week, I was partying with them.

So it's difficult, at least for me.

[Stosh]

Its a tough nut to crack for sure,

If youll allow me to say a critical thing ,, right now you have a lot of expectations

about how things should be and which way they will go.

I contend that Buddhas best point about the human condition is

that he said we tend to make ourselves less happy than we could be.

Letting go of expectations , for real , ,,pausing a moment and saying to oneself

How is it I am driving myself up a wall over this, and what options do I have if I

break with my normal habits etc alllows you to make the proverbial lemonade

out of lemons.

When I was a kid there were a few years when the apartment we could afford

was maybe forty feet from the tracks of an elevated subway (like in the movies)

We had to stop talking when the trains went by and sometimes

they went by every few minutes, but It was entirely possible to get used to it ,

I might have woken up a few times the first week and then after that

there was just the pulse of city life.

The same is true for you , regardless of external circumstance , you can still pursue

the paradigm of your peace,, and as long as you expect the outside world to conform

to an ideal situation to foster your peace , the outside situation will remain a crutch.

Just now I went outside to have a smoke , and there in front of me a flock of white Ibis are quietly feeding right next to an active construction zone with bulldozers ,soil compactors and giant backhoes.

JMO

Stosh

Edited October 19, 2012 by Stosh

[gendao]

But when I started knocking first and nothing happened I got really angry. The noise was not my basic motivation any longer. It was, that I was beeing passed by unnoticed.

 

How do you cope with these sorts of attachments?

Lol, well you already answered your own question, if you didn't notice...

 

The deeper inner issue here is likely that your Soul is feeling drowned out and unnoticed by your distracted, egoic monkey mind. It is extremely frustrated that it is not being heard. So, this internal conflict is now simply being projected outward onto your neighbor.

 

The answer then is to calm your frantic, extroverted beta state and drift deeper down introspectively into your own heart.. Don't think, LISTEN/FEEL and dwell in your own Presence. Honor and be considerate of your inner Self to give it inner peace free from incessant mental chatter...