Self Worth Of A Young Man

[skydog]

This issue bothers you because of the friends around you, media messages and you replaying the same beliefs, social conditioning etc.. Have a look at EFT Matrix Reimprinting..a million negative beliefs will appear, not going to lie this bothered me a bit too, but now Im not concerned with trying to bang a million women to impress friends or look macho or cool or whatever...Im happy bymyself, and I attract very high quality women, when the time is right, as a side thing to my already great life, instead of the other way around..

[growant]

Blue Monk 91-

 

I encourage you, when with others, to state how you're feeling and what you want aloud. For example, if you're around a girl who likes you, as you mentioned earlier, and you feel nervous, you can say 'I feel really nervous around you and like a spaz because I like you and I WANT you to like me too.' The point of this formula is not to get the girl/what you want (though that is a frequent side effect ), it is to build confidence. By stating aloud our innermost thoughts and exposing them to the air, we diffuse their power/hold on us (I feel like such a loser right now, etc..) and connect with others (who often feel the same), and by stating what we want we become more confident. So, practice this formula as much as possible (I feel, I want) with a detachment from outcome and the only goal of becoming more confident.

 

You can start small (approach a girl in a bar, say'I feel nervous right now but want to talk to you' and eventually you can end big 'I feel uncomfortable right now because I'm a virgin but I want you to want me anyway'). Try it out. Baby steps. Eventually you probably won't be saying you feel nervous or uncomfortable because you'll be innoculated to it. This formula can be used in all aspects/areas of your life.

Edited November 14, 2012 by growant

[GrandmasterP]

 

 

lol My body an energies yearn for the feminine but I think I have to beat social awkwardness before I even think about females. I am actively exploring the roots of who I am, I think loneliness with a clear head forces you to that if you don't try to escape the loneliness.

 

........

Less thinking more dating young man.

Sterling remedy to melancholia is getting your rocks off regularly.

Start small and work your way up.

Ugly or fat ladies are often grateful for the attention. Go amongst them smiling confidently, ask questions and feign an interest in their replies and pretty soon you'll be fighting them off with a stick

Yoga classes are chock a block with ladies in search of such as yourself if only they had the opportunity to meet you.

No charge for the consultation.

Edited November 14, 2012 by GrandmasterP

[Eric23]

What I find most interesting is the transformation you experienced when you went out and danced. There's something very magical about going to a club with a live band and just letting it all out on the dance floor. Not trying to pick up girls or do some particular style of dance, just let the music move you. Does a lot for the soul.

[Mandrake]

bluemonk,

 

A lot of the responses you have received are well meaning, but I would think through if what you are feeling is the natural inclination to overcome an obstacle that limits you.

 

There is a point in saying "All is well; whatever you do is fine", but one must recognize that there is another form of love that is equally important, but pushes you to evolve and become a master of your life. There is no point in being a baby throughout your whole life, and this kind of passivity (together with the passive, all-accepting love) can nurture much regret and pain later in life. There is a natural drift toward evolving oneself, and getting the confidenced that only comes from past experience of succesfully handling life and getting rid of artificial limitations. Learned helplesness is not where you want to end up.

 

You don't learn people skills through meditation. While it may help you evolve admirable emotional qualities if you do it right - such as compassion, sympathy, joy - this will not make you socially nimble. You learn people skills by being with people. Furthermore, throughout history there has always been an emphasis on relating to a sangha, to have a place with fellow cultivators who can support you, give you human contact, and balance your feelings. Only very advanced cultivators (I haven't met many) can stay alone for long periods of time without going at least a bit bonkers.

 

It is easy to sit at home and think that you are going forward, when in fact your meditation is stinking. Going out and working with life you could progress 100 x faster. Spiritual cultivation should encompass your whole life, and you should always go for your greatest weaknesses. This is why a lot of spiritual practitioners don't progress, because they shy their blockages, and naturally gravitate to activities that don't challenge them, and which don't increase their virtue.

 

Being with girls is a natural function of being human, and you should not deprave yourself from something that can teach you how to relate deeply to other people, and increase your qualities. Unfortunately, we live in a f*cked up society where the natural of male (and female for that matter) sexuality is caged and twisted, so a lot of older people are still wrestling with issues that optimally should have been resolved when they were fifteen.

It is easy for those people who already had sex with X amount of partners to say "it's not that important, you're ok", but they never had the limitations that you wrestle with, which ultimately are deeper than just getting rid of virginity.

 

Self-confidence, relational issues, fear etc. are things that definitely can be improved to a very high degree, and fortunately there is a mass of research that has delivered tools that help loads of people today. Find a therapist that works with attachment theory and cognitive behavioral therapy for example. These are treatments that again and again have been _scientifically_verified_as_effective_; you don't want to indulge in a lot of whimsical advice that never survived any scrutiny. Complement with some spirituality if you want, add some martial arts that teaches you how to handle aggression (which is THE repressed feeling of today), and get into social contexts where you can add people to your life. Move, if it helps, since sometimes a new situational dynamic can help change your life.

 

You are young. Work with this, and don't let ten years pass until you're thirty and your life's potential still curbed by some patterns that you never asked for. Set some goals that are meaningful for you, assemble the resources and people that will encourage and help you to fulfill those goals.

 

All the best to you,

 

 

Mandrake

[Apech]

........

Less thinking more dating young man.

Sterling remedy to melancholia is getting your rocks off regularly.

Start small and work your way up.

Ugly or fat ladies are often grateful for the attention. Go amongst them smiling confidently, ask questions and feign an interest in their replies and pretty soon you'll be fighting them off with a stick

Yoga classes are chock a block with ladies in search of such as yourself if only they had the opportunity to meet you.

No charge for the consultation.

 

Midgets then?

Graduating to ugly fat women.

Hmmm ...

[Harmonious Emptiness]

Just wanted to clarify:

 

20 to 30 minutes is a good starting goal for meditation. Even starting at 10 minutes and working up by 5 minutes is fine. Once someone gets good at meditation, even a short 5 minutes can help to re-center if that is all the time available.

 

The idea, of course, is to enhance, engage, and strengthen your spiritual connection to life, not to escape it. When you are centered, this is possible, and living virtuously allows one to remain centered more often. I know this because it works for me, but that doesn't mean I can master it all the time... Be easy on yourself.. It's a journey of knowledge each and every day for everyone.. As long as you're "present" you're learning..

Edited November 14, 2012 by Harmonious Emptiness

[johndoe2012]

.

Edited August 18, 2013 by chris d

[GrandmasterP]

 

 

Midgets then?

Graduating to ugly fat women.

Hmmm ...

 

You'd be lucky to come across any persons of restricted growth in Yoga class for the next couple of months, they mainly work in panto round his time of year.

I dated one once, a happy if somewhat short liaison.

Edited November 14, 2012 by GrandmasterP

[Apech]

You'd be lucky to come across any persons of restricted growth in Yoga class for the next couple of months, they mainly work in panto round his time of year.

I dated one once, a happy if somewhat short liaison.

 

Somewhat short! Very good.

[Isimsiz Biri]

I would also like to advise

 

"Ki in Daily Life" (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/4889960716/koichitohei-20)

 

and a digital book, "Ki Breathing" (http://www.shinichitohei.com/english/2005/09/ki-breathing--1.html)

 

If you do Ki Breathing and focus your mind on One-Point (Dan Tian) throughout the day, you will feel self confident

[三江源]

........

.

Ugly or fat ladies are often grateful for the attention. Go amongst them smiling confidently, ask questions and feign an interest

 

:( :( :(

[BlueMonk91]

I third fourth or fifth the suggestion to learn how to meditate as it helps to steal back your focus which gets pulled about by external expectations, past experiences, thoughts about future outcomes. You need to be able to catch yourself falling into thoughts about the past and the future, and just do the present. When your sitting, just sit. When your washing the dishes, wash the dishes. When your talking to a girl, talk to the girl. Don't think about what might happen in the future, or base your current experience on past experiences. Just do the present and don't think too much about it. Start with just sitting and don't think too much about it. You're not going to disappear, your mind is not going to stop working, your not going to forget how to talk. Nor are you going to become He-Man. But you might begin to gain a great strength which few people work on.. this will give you the advantage that you won't fall to the disadvantage. This is all you need.

 

Btw, lots of girls love to "work on" guys. they like to take a shy awkward dude with a bit of potential and 'turn him into a man.' It's like their nurturing impulse that draws them to this, also knowing that these good guys are honest and if they can just "work him" a little bit, he will be *perfect.* The women that do this are usually very outgoing and sexually open/comfortable, actresses.. actresses, they do this.. I don't know why... maybe they just love the plot development...

 

don't put all your eggs in one basket either.. tunnel vision is a one way train.. plus, talking to other women ups your "perceived value" rather than seeming like nobody's buyin'... pushin' the product too hard seems like you don't believe it sells itself.

 

listen, ask

 

that's it..

 

Hi. I think over the past few months my mindfulness in terms of focusing on what im doing has improved in conjunction with less meditating and more self observation and attention to new situations I would usually avoid.

[et-thoughts]

.

Edited December 11, 2012 by et-thoughts