dissociation and healing

[daojones]

I was wondering if anyone here has successfully been able to heal and unify their psyche from dissociation. This is a huge issue I am facing and have made strides, but am currently attempting to stare it down

 

Getting in touch with my body and getting grounded helped, but it didn't deal with the fundamental problem - there is a split in my psyche. It is difficult to bring into the present because when I touch it, fear reactions instantaneously come up and are overwhelming. I am now trying mindfulness breathing meditation which has been very effective, but I just cant seem to get the core issue - the dissociation which has created the split and the barrier in my psyche.

 

I come to impasses with meditation where I try to stay present but just can't. I get carried away by it. One thing I have tried is to let the fear kill me, which helps. There is strong family and societal conditioning that need to be dissolved in order for me to get through this.

 

Was wondering if anyone has had success in dealing with this type of issue and what methods/techniques they used.

[Jeff]

Hi Daojones,

 

What you are experiencing is very common. i have friends who have spent 6-9 months in that state. Often one finds themselves there because your psyche needs some peaceful healing time. The fear/issue is too much to face at the moment. Staying in the present is a great approach. Letting it "kill you", can potentially be giving strength to the fear. It is better to try to just "accept it" and eventually it loses power.

 

If you are looking for a practice that can help... Take an example memory of the core fear and imagine it outside of your body. Then zap it with divine light and allow whichever Being/Saint you believe in take it away. It also helps, if they take it in some silly/goofy way. (for my kids, it was the TV dinosaur Barney chomping it). Humor helps with fear.

 

[thetaoiseasy]

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Edited October 17, 2013 by thetaoiseasy

[Jetsun]

Dissociation is something I have looked into quite a lot, one Taoist I have found who talks about this problem clearly is Bruce Frantzis who talks about four main types of blockages you encounter during his Water Meditation which are strength, tension, contraction and something which doesn't feel quite right but you can't work out what is is. This 'something which doesn't feel quite right' he is talking about he also calls 'fog' which is basically the result in your energy of shock and trauma and he goes on to explain the many ways it can get trapped in your nervous system through things like birth trauma and pre verbal trauma, even womb trauma and all sorts of overwhelming experiences. But it can be dissolved in the same way other blockages, although more tricky it can be done with his Water Method. A woman named Jane Alexander has a blog and book about her healing her traumas using it.

 

Normal mind meditation may make this condition worse so I would be careful, Bruce Frantzis is the only one I have found who really talks about this in any significant way but I would be interested if there is anyone else out there . There is more I can write but will have to later on.

[skydog]

hmm interesting replys, I also felt a strong heart pain from dissassociation today

[Aetherous]

I once attended a psychology lecture, about "cutting" (note, my ideas aren't professional advice at all, they are just rumors). The psychologists discussed some of the reasons behind why it happens, and the methods they use to help the people. The reason was basically dissociation (so I think maybe their methods would also help with others who are dissociated). Some of the methods they used, were being in a relaxing and clean environment...listening to calming music...having different scents that the person would smell...getting massage...doing movements...etc. Basically getting out of the head and energy, and into the senses. I was amazed that this was actually a method they used for people that cut...and apparently it works well!

 

One potential problem with energy work, is that it is your mind and energy combined. Practitioners are stuck in feeling-energy-mode...stuck to the mind. The sense of touch is tied into this...so you might feel your entire body at once, but you're still dissociated. So with massage, for instance, it's a new stimulus, bringing attention away from the energy sensation, the constant awareness of the old nervous system...so that would actually be good. It will break the cycle of being stuck in energy feelings to some extent.

 

When I was going through qigong psychosis, I picked up on a technique...if I paid attention to certain colors and inanimate objects, it would make me feel much better, than if I paid attention to a storyline/people talking/my thoughts, etc. It was like an anchor back into the sane world. So that's another version of using the senses to break away from the mind. This is similar to the cultivating heartfulness book in my sig, where you're instructed to pay attention to novelty in the external world, and continually take attention away from the mind (where it's said that "attention black holes", such as bad experiences in the past, drain us of our well being. They literally dissociate us).

 

One way of doing this is, in the winter season, you can view nature pictures from around the world and feel a lot better. Just be immersed and try to notice all that you can about it: http://thechive.com/2012/12/12/middle-of-the-week-you-should-get-away-20-hq-photos-22/ Of course, it's much easier in the summer or if you live closer to the equator.

 

Another thing that helped me was watching stupid and lighthearted comedy TV shows. I watched every episode of Psych. It's good to laugh...releases the mind and energy. Good to not take things seriously (in a fun way, not in a sarcastic way). When that lightheartedness is in your environment, you feel safe coming back into yourself. Surround yourself with good things!

[Cookie Monster]

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Edited May 5, 2021 by Ocean Form

[Jetsun]

I would avoid any method which is going to add energy or speed up your nervous system, so stay away from Pranayama, vigorous yoga and powerful movement Qigong, I say this because when I was trying to deal with the worst stage of my dissociation I was being treated by a Cranio-Sacral Therapist and she was treating me by slowing down my nervous system in areas where there was excessive energy, but one session I asked her to do the opposite thinking if the energy was sped up I could discharge it, but the result was that I went away and was so dissociated and spaced out I could barely talk or think for a good few days, it was very unpleasant.

 

So I would listen to what everyone else is saying in this thread about taking it easy, getting into nature and grounding and not doing a lot of energy work or meditation.

 

The Shamanic approach to Soul Retrieval is another area which could be looked at if its your sort of thing, Shamen have seen that we lose parts of ourselves or we protect parts of ourselves by hiding them when we encounter a great stress or trauma so as a result we become split and dissociated from the present. The main thing I have learned from this is that it is usually a childhood part which has become lost but in order for it to return you have to create the environment in yourself where it feels like it might want to return, so if you are never relaxing, never having fun or playing, over working or abusing yourself the child part will not return to your energy because it will not find living in that way any better than being cut off, just like a real child would hate living in that sort of way. So you might not be able to heal yourself whatever method or amazing healer you find to help you if you haven't created this more loving hospitable environment in yourself.

[ChiDragon]

Daojones....

 

"I was wondering if anyone here has successfully been able to heal and unify their psyche from dissociation. This is a huge issue I am facing and have made strides, but am currently attempting to stare it down "

 

When you say "able to heal", what is exactly you are trying to heal. Anyway, regardless what you are trying to heal, there was an intend for you to heal something.

 

"I am now trying mindfulness breathing meditation which has been very effective, but I just cant seem to get the core issue - the dissociation which has created the split and the barrier in my psyche."

 

When you do breathing, it doesn't matter what it was called. Your body will be going through an internal change. It all depends what kind of unknown problems that your body has but it will heal itself. Anyhow, the body will heal itself by going through a healing process whether you like it or not, so to speak. During the healing process, one will have to face something like "cold turkey". In your case, you have to go through a mental state which is the most difficult thing to fight. Eventually, you will get over it just like those who are getting over the "cold turkey" in the process of cutting their drug habit.

Edited December 12, 2012 by ChiDragon

[GrandmasterP]

Cultivating can make you feel worse for a while and some give up on it because of that but if you persevere and just cultivate through the pain you'll be home free .

The simple repetitive discipline of a daily set form pays dividends.

Something easily learnt and do-able without too much disruption to your day.

8 Strands of Silk Brocade standing form QiGong is excellent , expect to see tangible results after about three months of daily practice and from then on it just gets better and better.

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=zxm9GGUDYCM&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Dzxm9GGUDYCM&gl=GB

Edited December 12, 2012 by GrandmasterP

[Creation]

This is a huge issue I am facing and have made strides, but am currently attempting to stare it down

Hi daojones. These words apply to me as well. I have been pushing hard in this direction for a long time and only very recently have I felt I've begun to make progress. So I don't have a linear progression laid out, or any techniques that worked for me, just the sense of what was actually important and what was not. Generally, I would say that techniques, in and of themself, are not important. The most important factor for me has been the deep intention and willingness to walk the path. This particular issue is rooted at this very deep level, so accessing that depth is paramount. When you have that deep intention and willingness, then it is just a matter of time.

 

Now, what do I mean by deep? Shallow intention is the intention that most people are aware of, what we use to do our dally tasks. But any time there is a deep longing, deep pull, etc for something this a sign that what is being engaged is a deeper part of us than our ordinary discursive mind.

 

What has really helped me get in touch with this depth within me is contact with people who operate from a very deep level. My two teachers helped me with this, but less because of actual techniques they taught and more by my just being exposed to how they operate. The person who really helped me get connected to this through direct personal guidance was Mila Le. You can find her here: http://solamita.wix.com/welcome

 

I like the advice others have given about being in nature, etc. and something that I utilize is doing physical activity and being as aware as possible while doing so. But in both these cases it is so easy to bob on the surface of our ordinary habits of mind, so accessing the depth is what actually allows these things to be as beneficial as they could be.

 

The biggest difficulty for me has been just how painful it is to face what is inside me, which has but strong constraints on how deep and how fast I can go. Courage and pain tolerance help a lot.

Edited December 13, 2012 by Creation

[skydog]

While I agree with some of the responses.

 

The healing codes worked amazingly well today

like seriously my mind was blown, and I dont think it is wrong to combine it with a method. Its just setting the intent of what you actually want healed.

 

Also applying rosemary or sage oil around ones own aura is very powerful.

 

Yeh I guess one can just watch, but its also nice to be able to zap pain instantly no one should have to writhe in pain similar to getting your heart stabbed

Edited December 13, 2012 by sinansencer

[silas]

“Do not go with fear, Grasshopper; fear is eternal darkness.

Go instead with inner strength, for it is like a deep river into which all streams flow.

It increases, always moving forward.

And soon, there is nothing that can stand in its way.”

 

Try a subliminal meditation, a form of fire meditation, meant to break through difficult blockages. Use it to guide yourself out of darkness, but you must compose the script carefully.

[hydrogen]

Getting in touch with my body and getting grounded helped, but it didn't deal with the fundamental problem - there is a split in my psyche. It is difficult to bring into the present because when I touch it, fear reactions instantaneously come up and are overwhelming. I am now trying mindfulness breathing meditation which has been very effective, but I just cant seem to get the core issue - the dissociation which has created the split and the barrier in my psyche.

 

I don't know about your particular situation. Usually the split was born out of fear. The current psyche can't handle the external presure. The split psyche is created to escape. Unless the perceived external factor is removed, or your main psyche can deal with the unpleasant environment, it's pointless to do anything else.

 

You can't use meditation to create a personal haven shelting your from the "real" world. Inside is outside; outside is inside. Meditation can magnify the effect of the external condition. You can hide and run for a while. Eventually you have to face the music.

 

The first step is to be honest with yourself. You know the core of the problem. Write it down. Then do something different about it. If you keep doing the same thing, you'll get the same result.

 

I'm sorry. I wish there were easy solutions.

 

Believe in yourself, you can survive and be happy.

Edited December 13, 2012 by hydrogen

[silas]

You can't use meditation to create a personal haven shelting your from the "real" world. Inside is outside; outside is inside. Meditation can magnify the effect of the external condition. You can hide and run for a while. Eventually you have to face the music.

 

I have heard of people who live inside a persistent state of meditation that functions like a shelter against the "real world", but for many it is more like a personal force field that lets one interact with the real world without being debilitated by it. Subliminal meditations, a specific form of guided meditation, smash through blockages (so to speak) that may be too complex to resolve quickly. In both cases though, a person continues to function while they work (if they choose) on identifying and healing the sources of those blockages.

[hydrogen]

I have heard of people who live inside a persistent state of meditation that functions like a shelter against the "real world", but for many it is more like a personal force field that lets one interact with the real world without being debilitated by it.

 

It's the main psyche to build strong hold against outside element. It's diffeent than building a hide out.

The original poster has a split psyche.

 

I think I'll speak out of my depth here. I don't believe the shelter you spoke of is a rigid solid wall. It's more like a flexible energy convertor. It convert negative energy into positive as much as possible, and let the excess energy pass through without losing one's center. It's more like small flexible grass in the wind than a big strong tree.

 

If there is a big splinter on the bottom of your feet, no amount of meditation would help.

[silas]

If there is a big splinter on the bottom of your feet, no amount of meditation would help.

 

If a splinter in skin is left alone, the body will automatically eject it. Meanwhile, one can say: "it doesn't bother me, it doesn't bother me, it doesn't bother me..." until it's gone.

Edited December 13, 2012 by silas

[Cookie Monster]

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Edited May 5, 2021 by Ocean Form

[daojones]

Thanks to everybody for the great replies. I am travelling and havent had the chance to respond, but am grateful for having the amazing community here. Seems like the only place where I fit in

 

I did a buddhist meditation retreat for 2 weeks. This helped tremendously. I love stewing in my own energy It really helped me get in touch with my own rhythm. I think this is very important for dissociation. I got a hold on energy patterns and deep problems in my psyche. Although the truth is, I find it very hard to differentiate between energetic patterns and psychological dispositions at this point. Is this possible?!?!

 

Through meditation I realized the dissociation is protecting my psyche. It cant handle with the fear, self-hate, shame, guilt, and anxiety. Thus, split.

 

Dissociation leaves me feeling I am in some sort of void and very out of touch with myself. The regiment of the retreat and the silence in my mind from the breathing really helped a lot and I could realize what was going on. That being said, physical activity is definitely necessary. Dealing with dissociation is very much a balancing act, you need different things at different times.

 

I have liver qi stagnation and a solar plexus blockage/problem (I am really interested in the relation between solar plexus and individuation and will make a separate post for this). These are key components to the dissociation and are part of a general existential/psychological problem - I doubt I am the only one with such obstacles. I found this amazing article published in the journal of medical acupuncture that explains dissociation and liver qi stagnation through the perspectives of jungian psychology and tcm. You can read it here: http://www.paradoxpublishing.com/assets/files/publications/articles/aama/vol-13-1-compartmentalization.pdf

 

What worked for me:

One part of dissociation is that I would experience such strong emotions like fear, that instigated physical actions that made me dissociate (eating too much). I didnt even experience the fear, just the desire to eat. Meditation slowed down the process and I could deal with the fear by allowing it inside me and experiencing it. I was killed many a time in various gruesome ways and I felt good after! I think dismembering is part of the rebirthing process.

 

Massaging my own feet

 

Get a good schedule

 

I agree with thetaoiseasy. It is good to get in touch with nature and just live your life. However, my psychological blockages prevent me from doing this. I cant have fun. I just want to do serious things. I think this is related to the solar plexus blockage. Also, having external boundaries. So important and I am working on this a lot. When in group situation I tend to lose myself and meld with the group consciousness or whomever is the most dominant in the group. Working on boundaries I feel also relates to the solar plexus and is important for containing myself and not dissociating.

 

Jetsun: the water meditation sounds interesting. I will look into it. I think we have similar blockages btw. I had intuited that soul retrieval was the right thing for me before you posted! I think I have a shamanic path weaved into my life and am just discovering it. I will definitely pursue this. And yes, you are correct tons of childhood stuff.

 

Also, Turtle Shell talked about anchoring. This is key. For me, I can't anchor the way he mentions, it just doesnt work for me. I need to anchor into ME. My needs, my breath, my body. me, me, me

 

See 9 seconds in:

 

 

Creation: yes, I agree with you about courage to enter. Dissociation takes a long time to heal b/c its modus operandi is to stop you from entering the battle. I would imagine anyone on this forum is a strong warrior and once entering the field would be able to succeed in their healing journey. What characteristics about your teachers helped you (if you dont mind me asking)?

 

I will look into subliminal meditation. I think it looks good and should help.

Edited December 28, 2012 by daojones

[Birch]

Interesting link. Thanks! It is also my point of view that what I'd refer to as '3rd chakra issues' are relative to a split between real/true self and the conditioned split/self, created to protect the self as it grows/ survive/function in society. Dissassociation is, as far as I understand it, a survival mechanism. I often wonder about the 'witness' created or cultivated in mindfulness practice in this light.

 

---speculative opinion alert---

[GrandmasterP]

Or you could meditate on the splinter to increase circulation and speed up healing.

Meditators can do that. And they can heal their dissociation

.....

Tweezers are good.

Pull the pesky splinter out.

Job done.

[Cookie Monster]

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Edited May 5, 2021 by Ocean Form

[Birch]

As far as I can tell, the only acceptable situation for ego is one of coherence. So if coherence involves denying evidence or throwing it under the carpet (unconscious) then I suspect that's what happens. I'd say best bet is to assume yourself to be 'big enough' for any kind of coherence. But still, I don't reckon that counts as 'enlightenment' in the classic sense which is the realisation that there is no-one to get enlightened. Yes I have my suspicions that many people (re)coalesce into this 'witness' situation and assume they're done, not realizing what's happened. I see it as unfortunate and a waste of people. But then I am neither enlightened nor a permanent resident of the witness state so take what I'm saying with a bale of hay:-)

 

----personal opinion alert---

 

 

[GrandmasterP]

Bit like receiving a scenic postcard from Alaska through the mail and thinking that's what the place is all about without ever actually having visited Alaska

[Birch]

Well I suppose each person knows whether they've been to Alaska or not. This enlightenment business seems to be the only situation I've come across which you're supposed to both know whether you're in Alaska or have just visited a few times AND have the extent of your knowledge judged by others who haven't been to Alaska yet ever. But of course, in this enlightenment situation, no-one is going anywhere so why bother?