How would a virtuous person act in this situation?

[Subtle]

Hello TheTaobums,

I need your thoughts badly. My issue is that my neighbor keeps banging on the walls of my apartment....

 

Nonstop. All day. Everyday.

 

It is pissing me off, and I'm trying not to get pissed off, but then, I get pissed off that I'm getting pissed off, which is a downward slope from there. I have tried everything. Asking God for help(I feel like he told me to ask here). Meditating on emptiness. Asking myself how God would respond to such a scenario. I still get pissed off.

 

 

I tried doing it back to him, but all that did was made me feel terrible, and it gave him the reassurance that it was pissing me off, and now he does it even more. Big mistake. Should not have given him any validation.

 

I have thought about just knocking on his door and confronting him, but I don't think I would have the strength to not kill him if he acted belligerent. Or at least attempt to kill him which would get me in deep shit. I want to avoid that route because I don't even want to worry about the temptation arising.

 

Also, I have heard that he's a methhead, and I have definitely smelled marijuana in my apartment before due to a nearby apartment. I don't know what meth smells like.

 

I have thought about complaining to the landlady, but at the same time, I feel like this is a GREAT opportunity for me to cultivate calmness, kindness, selflessness and detachment even when facing a difficult person.

 

The problem is that it just pisses me off so darn much that I'm having a difficult time cultivating selflessness or kindness.

 

How would you respond to this situation? I feel like complaining to the landlady is the easy way out. I also don't know if she would do anything because he doesn't do it much at night. Just during the day. But during the day it is ALL the time. I don't want to complain to the landlady unless I truly am unable to cultivate.

 

I guess what I'm asking is how can I not get pissed off and cultivate? How would a wise person respond to this situation?

Edited December 19, 2012 by Subtle

[Aetherous]

Tell your landlady. Call the cops. Those are good and sensible ways to not get pissed off.

[Subtle]

You've convinced me. I'm just going to tell the landlady, and call the cops if it continues.

 

I know this is hateful but I've been suppressing it which isn't much good anyway. Fuck that ugly methhead.

Edited December 19, 2012 by Subtle

[Aetherous]

It's not hateful to get him to stop pounding on your wall.

[Subtle]

It's not hateful to get him to stop pounding on your wall.

 

Not talking about complaining to the landlady, lol. Boy, I'd truly be selfless if I was worried about that.

 

My last statement, "fuck that ugly methhead." Was what I was talking about, and as I said that all the hatred started welling up in me.

 

I've been brewing, and i just realized how much I hate this guy. I truly, truly fucking hate this guy.

 

It seems like all my spiritual practice (Loving-Kindness Meditation) does is suppress this deep hatred for people like this. The second it finds an opportunity to express itself it does.

 

Does anyone else notice this, or am I the only one?

Edited December 19, 2012 by Subtle

[Aetherous]

Ah I see.

 

Suppression is no good, of course. But loving kindness shouldn't have the effect of suppression.

 

Might I suggest...allow yourself to express (in safe ways) your frustrations...then when you feel normal, contemplate the things like: loving kindness, try to do tonglen (first on yourself, then friends, then family, then strangers who you feel deserve it, then enemies if you get to that point), pray for people in the world, try ho'oponopono, etc. Whatever method you like, if it brings you good results.

 

But don't use those methods as ways of suppressing frustration with someone...as a way of feeling better, when you're down...only cultivate with spiritual methods when you feel normal and all problems are solved in life.

 

In yoga they say, only practice when you're in a sattvic (pure or natural) state...not rajasic (riled up) or tamasic (dull or depressed).

 

It's been said by spiritual teachers, that before going to practice spirituality, if you have a problem with someone you should take care of it first...and only after it's been dealt with, and you feel normal, you can finally go do the spiritual thing. Otherwise, you're simply cultivating the negativity.

 

There's an idea that in order to get through negativity, we must give it some space and time, and basically wait for it to pass. By doing that, we're actually cultivating some virtues...such as patience, perseverance, acceptance, surrendering, strengthening ourselves, etc.

 

Of course, if something is causing you to become negative (such as pounding on your wall driving you nuts), it's totally virtuous to stop it in a good way. When someone is doing something cruel, unwarranted, etc, such as pounding on their neighbor's walls, it's totally in line with virtue to stop them for instance by calling the cops. It would be good to try and say you don't want to get them in trouble (mercy is a great virtue), but if they do end up getting in trouble, that's on them because of their behavior.

 

Anyway, rambling...but doing things sensibly, as a reasonable person would (rather than the idea of what a spiritual person would do) is sometimes the best way to go about things.

 

Just some ideas for you.

Edited December 19, 2012 by turtle shell

[GrandmasterP]

Cultivation and calmness can go out of the window in dreadful situations like yours and neighbour nuisance is one of the most common stressors. Other people can be absolute toerags.

You are the innocent party and it is your peace that is being invaded so yes, landlady complaint and if that doesn't work call the authorities.

It's tough not to be angry but the noisy neighbour is the ersehole NOT you and once an eresehole......

Sometimes though you just have to move on, sounds like you may be in a pretty insalubrious place anyway what with the drugs and the noise.

[Protector]

A virtuous person would help him out and grab his head and bang it against the walls for him

[joeblast]

Cultivating kindness and compassion doesnt mean you have to be a doormat. If someone is encroaching in whatever manner, you have the right to stand up for yourself and speak up.

 

What it does mean, however, is that you let the emotions associated with your attachment to utter peace and calmness float away with the rest of the garbage. Standard protocol, before entering lightspeed

[eye_of_the_storm]

anger is a valid response

 

I think there is justified / intelligent anger (according to who?)

 

just as much as any other emotion

 

How we use such things *shrugs*

 

Sometimes calm (doing nothing) wont cut it

 

Unless you want /can completely ignore it.

 

I can sleep through near anything

 

its all about where ones attention goes

 

Bashing the walls... like a meditation bell? haha

 

Every time that person strikes the wall that impact is the epicenter of a love bomb that ripples /radiates throughout the entire neighborhood

 

Edited December 19, 2012 by White Wolf Running On Air

[Marblehead]

Excellent responses here. I have nothing to add except the suggestion that you do not kill him.

[ShenLung]

Bake some cookies. When the scent of hemp is strong, head on over, knock him up knock on the door, and explain that you overdid the recipie, and wound up with more than you can eat yourself, shame to waste, ect ... would the neighbor like some?

This gives you an opportunity to observe, and politely explore what this person's situation and mindset are, without a confrontation. The banging noise can come up in a conversation without IT and the disruption being the focus of the conversation. I don't know what the sound is, could be excercise on the heavy bag or something.

Perhaps an encounter with someone who is working on their inner self may be helpful to this person, more helpful than landlady conflicts, or police involvement. If not, there is still always plan B.

[Birch]

Angry methead? I would be careful (no I'm not 'acting from fear' but out of a reasonable assumption that I would put myself in harm's way. You might be 6'4 and built like a truck.) You're clearly the wronged party. I'd personally call the cops as that's their job to handle disturbances. I'd go landlady route last, as she won't have a lot of options unless she has the police record.

I had a 'musician' neighbour who played crap music behind where my head was until 4am. The last time I decided to go ask him to stop (kindly) he told me to fuck off. So cops it was.

[hydrogen]

Bake some cookies. When the scent of hemp is strong, head on over, knock him up knock on the door, and explain that you overdid the recipie, and wound up with more than you can eat yourself, shame to waste, ect ... would the neighbor like some?

This gives you an opportunity to observe, and politely explore what this person's situation and mindset are, without a confrontation. The banging noise can come up in a conversation without IT and the disruption being the focus of the conversation. I don't know what the sound is, could be excercise on the heavy bag or something.

Perhaps an encounter with someone who is working on their inner self may be helpful to this person, more helpful than landlady conflicts, or police involvement. If not, there is still always plan B.

 

Finally, a voice of reason.

 

If you really believe in the your buddha nature and your "God" nature. Then you should realize that "methhead" is a buddha as well. If you see a beatiful fallen angel from sky with wings, would you help her?

 

You don't know his name. You haven't seen his face (I assume). You already think the worst of him.

 

I used to smoke weed. So automatically I'm a "bad" guy?

 

Have compassion, help him as much as you can spare. Don't worry about the world hunger that you can't see. Help someone who bangs on your wall asking for help. Charity starts at home. It's your home. If you don't do good at your own home, where do you suppose to do good?

 

"To practice virtue is to selflessly offer assistance to others, giving without limitation one's time, abilities, and possessions in service, whenever and wherever needed, without prejudice concerning the identity of those in need." (Lao Tzu)

 

"Giving to others selflessly and anonymously, radiating light throughout the world and illuminating your own darkness, your virtue becomes a sanctuary for yourself and all beings. That is what is meant by embodying the Tao." (Lao Tzu)

Edited December 19, 2012 by hydrogen

[Vmarco]

Hello TheTaobums,

I need your thoughts badly. My issue is that my neighbor keeps banging on the walls of my apartment....

 

Nonstop. All day. Everyday.

 

 

Most people are inconsiderate,...not purposefully,...they're just self-centered,...you can observe it right here at TTB. Most people are so caught up in a dream, and there is little, if any awareness of others.

 

"All the joy the world contains

Has come through wishing happiness for others.

All the misery the world contains

Has come through wanting pleasure for oneself." Shantideva

 

It is not accurate that your neighbor bangs on the walls all day. Focus on when they do not,...and then, preferrably with a pressure-bass, blast noise towards their lair,..especially when they are watching their favorite mindless TV show, or having sex with themselves,...and train them to be aware of apartment living. Most important,...do it lovingly,...inconsiderate people are as sleep-walkers,...so aborbed in their own dream it's comical. You'll never wake them up,...only they can do that,...but you can play with them in a loving way,...no need to get upset with those who are asleep,...they're asleep.

Edited December 19, 2012 by Vmarco

[thelerner]

I'm with Shenlung approach, at least at first.

 

Without a plan we feel helpless, with a plan of action we feel like we have some control back. The worst thing to do is fester angrily. So something like, Plan A start with kindness and see if you can develop some connection, go in friendly with as little pent up angst as possible. Try it for a while, once is not enough, cookies are good.. If you've tried a few times then maybe plan B would be calling each time he's loudly annoying, being pleasant but persistent. Plan C, get the landlord involved - have a record of problems in writing, plan D, the cops.

 

We have lovely neighbors across the street, their teenage son would play basketball late at night and the sound would loudly echo to our bed room. We went plan A through D. Ultimately it worked, more importantly by creating a floor of kindness with the parents, we were able to stay friends while calling the cops in his kid.

 

I'd add imo getting into a sound war with the guy should probably be quite a bit further down on the plan list.

 

further add- as a person into guided meditations I'd 'prescribe' to myself Master Chens Wu Dang Emotional Peace meditation from his WuDang Album, or free itunes podcast from Roy Masters called Part 2. The Free Guided Meditation, it also deals with getting to peace with emotional issues.

Edited December 19, 2012 by thelerner

[ChiDragon]

Hey....

Speaking about someone banging on your wall.

I use to live an apartment, this couple next door with their bed was just a wall between mine head to head. Every morning five o'clock am, their bed was banging on the wall and I kept on hearing the woman moaning: "Fuck me, Larry. Fuck me, Larry". So I lose lots of sleep then went to work. After work, I rushed to my apartment and tried to catch my sleep. At five o'clock in the afternoon, I heard the sound again: "Fuck me, Larry. Fuck me, Larry".

 

On one Saturday morning, I saw the guy came out from his apartment. Guess what I said to the guy...???

 

I said: "Hi, Larry". Two week later, Larry offered me some fishes after his fishing trip.......

Edited December 19, 2012 by ChiDragon

[Flolfolil]

This is a challenge to your practice. It has been said "go to the empty forest to meditate, away from the city. But when you get there you will realize you still hear the sounds of the birds and the air. Those too are distractions"

[三江源]

This is a challenge to your practice. It has been said "go to the empty forest to meditate, away from the city. But when you get there you will realize you still hear the sounds of the birds and the air. Those too are distractions"

 

heh heh.

[zanshin]

I agree with the friendly neighbor approach at least at first. Maybe go tell him you heard banding and wanted to make sure they were okay and see if they needed help with whatever they are building.

[Aetherous]

This is a challenge to your practice. It has been said "go to the empty forest to meditate, away from the city. But when you get there you will realize you still hear the sounds of the birds and the air. Those too are distractions"

 

Or they are helpers. Nature is so much more beneficial to the mind than unnatural and human sounds.

[ChiDragon]

Move out of that apartment.

[eye_of_the_storm]

Move out of that apartment.

 

Perhaps it is a sign to move out?

 

Who knows...

[eye_of_the_storm]

Or they are helpers. Nature is so much more beneficial to the mind than unnatural and human sounds.

 

I spent a day in the bush / wilderness yesterday... ahh soo good

 

I felt my body/being relax at a deep level.

 

The sounds of the cicadas and other insects buzzing at a high frequency seemed to be working at a cellular level, uplifting.

 

Edited December 20, 2012 by White Wolf Running On Air

[mYTHmAKER]

You've convinced me. I'm just going to tell the landlady, and call the cops if it continues.

 

I know this is hateful but I've been suppressing it which isn't much good anyway. Fuck that ugly methhead.

 

Fuck the ugly meat head is not the virtuous route.

1 Ask him nicely to stop

2 if he persists tell him you will have to complain to the landlady and or call the police which

is something you would rather not do however if her persists he gives you no choice.

Maybe go with someone else to help you not lose your cool.

 

This has nothing to do with virtue.

Edited December 20, 2012 by mYTHmAKER