A Beginners Guide to Starting a Cult!

[Aaron]

Okay, so I can see that there are a few people interested in starting up a cult or cult following on this forum, so I thought it might be compassionate of me to explain the process, for those who might not be well informed in that regard.

 

Step One- Make sure that you convince people that there is something wrong with them!

 

Step Two- Convince them that you have the only way to make them right!

 

Step Three- Convince them that there is something wrong with being like other people!

 

Step Four- Convince them that by joining you they will become special!

 

Step Five- Never give them a straight answer. Make sure that you only provide half truths! Lots of quotes work well in this regard. This way the potential follower will always be dependent on you for the answers, and you're never really giving them a full answer.

 

Step Six- Find a place where there are a lot of people who feel neglected. Street Kids, Homeless people, lower middle class, anyone that feels disenfranchised, perhaps an online forum, then begin to discredit everyone else, while promoting yourself as the one true authority. Using phrases like "sheeple", "ignorant masses", etc. helps in this regard.

 

Step Seven- Never admit that you are wrong! Remember you are the prophet, messiah, guru, or whatever you want to call yourself, so you are above reproach, and certainly above making mistakes. In fact you should convince them that everyone else is wrong and only your way of thinking is right. i.e. to have any other religious beliefs or ideas, other than your own is wrong, sinful, bad, etc.

 

Step Eight- Make sure that what your offer gives people a false sense of security.

 

Step Nine- Anyone who questions your groups should be immediately marked as unclean and targeted as an enemy! Make sure that you point out that they are one of the above mentioned groups!

 

Step Ten- Distort common definitions to suit your purposes. For instance, if you use the word compassion, make sure that you include violent or hurtful acts in that definition. For instance you could say, "allowing people to live in their delusional states is not compassionate" or "there is nothing compassionate in allowing people to disagree with what I say." You get the picture... distortion is important, otherwise they might actually believe in the actual definition and question your motives.

 

Well I hope that helps anyone out there who is trying to start a cult. I'm sure other people might have other useful suggestions as well.

 

Aaron

Edited December 26, 2012 by Aaron

[skydog]

I wana start my own cult..I cant think what it should be about though..

 

hmmm like building permaculture villages and spiritual practices/living and volunteer projects, also it would involve focusing on your self and living in harmony, the cult would light the light more brightly instead of cursing the dark, oh and also trees, cool trees and forests ah and food,

[skydog]

I got a nice dog too I think everyone should worship her

[skydog]

anyone seen that film princess mononoke all worship the forest spirit <

[ShenLung]

I dunno, Aaron ... that sounds like a lot of work .. Isn't avoiding real honest work part of the attraction in being a cult leader?

[konchog uma]

I got a nice dog too I think everyone should worship her

 

if i was dyslexic that would seem like a better idea

[ShenLung]

I'm pretty sure that's a commune. There is certainly nothing wrong with a commune, but if you want to run a cult you need to take a bit more sinister approach. If you want to run an efficient cult you have to focus more on controlling people and building your power structure. One of the only things the OP neglects to mention is that it is handy to set up a pyramid structure to your organization with those closest to you promised the innermost secrets of your teachings. This has been a wildly successful model for a number of cults and cult like organizations. It has the benefit or removing the burden of management from the leader and allowing them to enjoy their position from above, having the added benefit of giving them a godlike appearance and putting them beyond reproach.

 

 

True, that - gotta delegate.

[三江源]

..... a godlike appearance and putting them beyond reproach.

 

what if they have a doglike appearance and you put them beyond reproach but they wont stay there.

 

what happens then?!!!

[skydog]

yeh I know i just felt like this thread was an attack felt like being silly..

[skydog]

what if they have a doglike appearance and you put them beyond reproach but they wont stay there.

 

what happens then?!!!

 

yeh like my dog!!

[Birch]

I don't think Aaron is very far off with his steps.

[ShenLung]

Very important: if some final battle between the forces of good and evil is going to be a central part of the dogma, do not provide a date for this event. Time catching up and putting the lie to it can unhinge the entire plan.

[skydog]

if you dont believe in it and accept the leader as your saviour you will suffer eternal damnation

 

the leader died for all your sins

 

the only way to be saved is to pray to the leader

[ShenLung]

The following announcement has just been handed down from our beloved guru:

"The demonic identity of the false prophet declaring Dec. 21st as the end of the world has been revealed, and the unclean spirit has been bound for 1000 years. Do not be dismayed, and remember to continue the daily recitation of the mantra:

Owa, Tegu, Siam! Enlightenment will surely come upon you."

[Apech]

Someone once said I was a cult ... at least that's what I think they said.

[C T]

Someone once said I was a cult ... at least that's what I think they said.

 

count yourself fortunate, sir, that so n'so did not call you a 'clut' instead.

Edited December 26, 2012 by C T

[Protector]

1. HOLY CRAP! YOU'RE NOT DOING ENOUGH HORSE STANCE!!!
   
2. But don't worry, I got this. Start doing the horse stance right now.
   
3. All them other people, are not doing horse stance. DO YOU WANNA BE LIKE THEM?
   
4. BECOME ONE OF THE HORSE STANCERS
   
5. Global warming? Horse stance
   
6. Oh hey, Tao Bums
   
7. Let me kick you a bunch of times to show how strong my legs are
   
8. With horse stance, your legs will be as strong as mine
   
9. You fell off a cliff and broke your legs? HERETIC!
   
10. Horse stance... is like magic mountain sex...
    

[Marblehead]

And how much is it going to cost me to become a member of this cult? I know that there ain't no free lunches.

[Apech]

And how much is it going to cost me to become a member of this cult? I know that there ain't no free lunches.

 

An arm and a leg, sir.

[ShenLung]

I ... have just realised ... I .... I'm not doing ... enough horse stance!

[Marblehead]

An arm and a leg, sir.

I was thinking that it would be something like that. I mean, afterall, how else is that pyramid going to get built?

[Marblehead]

Go horsies, GO! And you little ponies too. Beginners' of horse stance ae allowed to do the pony stance.

[Apech]

Go horsies, GO! And you little ponies too. Beginners' of horse stance ae allowed to do the pony stance.

 

And when we've finished standing round like horses ... what then ... a gallop to the paddock?

[Marblehead]

... what then ... ?

Play time in the clover if your legs can handle it.

[ShenLung]

I hear they're serving oats and molasses at the holy house of Sinfest .. he IS a demigod, isn't he?