Living at peace with society...

[Unseen_Abilities]

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Edited January 31, 2014 by Unseen_Abilities

[GrandmasterP]

Dissociation gets the job jobbed for us.

We don't socialise apart from work and centre and those are superficial 'of necessity' interactions.

Family apart, and we see those rarely as we live a couple of hundred miles away from the nearest; we tend to our own plot and let the world sail by.

Our nearest neighbour is a quarter of a mile away and she's a good chum as high fences make for good neighbours, we share horse work with her so mutual interest 'chums'.

Couldn't be doing with living cheek by jowl with people in a built up area. We have had to do that in the past and lived in London for some years but first chance we could we high tailed it into rural isolation.

Who was it said... "Hell is other people" ?

[Jetsun]

Acceptance I think comes from just observing your thoughts, emotions and reactions around the issue, so you can be at peace even if your mind isn't. As you observe your mind you can see it is just habitually reacting to things, so by observing you withdraw your identity from those reactions, they don't stop occurring they just stop controlling you so there is a distance between you and the reaction.

[skydog]

How do you do it? People around my area tend to, on the whole, be rather superficial and judgemental...I'm not saying this because I think I'm superior in any way, but after having some mind-blowing spiritual experiences, and being into all the stuff I am, I simply don't feel as if I belong/fit in around here at all. I've always been a bit "sensitive", and it's almost like I pick up, on some level, people's conditioned notions of what a male my age, in an area like this, "should" be like. The good news is, I'm working towards moving to another part of the country (or possibly overseas) next year, but in the mean time, how can I learn to just...accept? It's quite possible I'm making too much of this, and just need to seek out more friends in other parts of town, but for some reason I seem to have trouble in that area (making new connections that is).

 

Aaaaah, just venting.

 

 

Actually I think its important for you to feel like you can handle normal society, because if you dont you will have this nagging fear and feeling of powerlessness with you everywhere you go, even if you do go to some paradise you will have such fear of leaving. I am currently dealing with this.

 

There are two ways to go about living in society.

 

First of all be in the now, see reality clearly, the present moment, no thinking, all thoughts of idealism and conceptual thinking, philosophies, trying to change things should go.

 

When you can deal with the working world a bit then you feel more empowered.

 

Another thing that can help your way of thinking is something like http://www.amazon.co.uk/Healing-Code-Minutes-Success-Relationship/dp/1444727710 yuen method or shen healing can specifically target any mind patterns. I used it for things like working and being relaxed, after a minute my intent changed to "being relaxed, at ease, smiling, playful, while doing effortless errands for a good person/friend, so i can live according to my heart/make money/meet people, instantly im feeling like "I love work, I want a job" just after doing a little bit of specific healing.

 

After that I wont pretend that it is great to live in normal society, maybe you can and attend things like meetup.com where you can meet like minded people or living in communes/organic farms where like minded people are, or you can live somewhere nice like mexico which I plan to, although I dunno I thought australia was great.

 

I dont think I have gotten over this issue or dont ever get frustrated at this myself, but yeh my thoughts peace.

[GrandmasterP]

One way is to play with society.

There's a brilliant book been in print for years that's a useful 'how to' guide to doing that....

http://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0091906814/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1359119821&sr=8-1

 

 

Those old positive thinkers like Dale Carnegie knew a thing or two and his stuff really does work.

Over 20-million copies sold since that book came out before the last war and it's still selling well today.

Edited January 25, 2013 by GrandmasterP

[Unseen_Abilities]

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Edited January 31, 2014 by Unseen_Abilities

[WillingToListen]

Society isn't peaceful.

[Birch]

I think this is a moment or a stage related to meditation. I 'failed' at the acceptance of everything and everyone part and had to move on from some relationships that weren't any good for me. I didn't go anywhere, just changed the scenery. I know this is going to sound 'unspiritual' but sometimes a jerk is just a jerk. I don't discuss my 'spiritual' experiences with anyone (I tried at the start and I think I sounded like a nutcase) so I keep that part for the TTB's.

 

What has really helped my confidence in 'society' has been psychotherapy. Acceptance of self as well (I think that part gets missed out sometimes).

 

And I can't speak highly enough of travelling. It'll force you to learn more than any Dale Carnegie book (although his suggestions are useful:-))

[suninmyeyes]

How do you do it? People around my area tend to, on the whole, be rather superficial and judgemental...I'm not saying this because I think I'm superior in any way, but after having some mind-blowing spiritual experiences, and being into all the stuff I am, I simply don't feel as if I belong/fit in around here at all. I've always been a bit "sensitive", and it's almost like I pick up, on some level, people's conditioned notions of what a male my age, in an area like this, "should" be like. The good news is, I'm working towards moving to another part of the country (or possibly overseas) next year, but in the mean time, how can I learn to just...accept? It's quite possible I'm making too much of this, and just need to seek out more friends in other parts of town, but for some reason I seem to have trouble in that area (making new connections that is).

 

Aaaaah, just venting.

Always keeping alive to : peacefullness is a state of being , not the external factor. External factors do help , but if they dont manifest -- they dont .

It doesent matter if people are superficial , this is nature. There will always be superficial people , becouse otherwise there would not be any non superficial people.

Finding peaceful satiation in doing what I need to do regardless of circumstances , prepared to let go of all expectations .

 

There is a zen story if I remeber it correctly (?)..

This guy was cahsed at the end of the cliff by a tiger , he felt down but caught a branch that was growing from the rock. Whilst hanging on that branch of the tree , he saw a strawberry growing next to it.

He picked that strawberry and ate it.

How delicious it was.

Edited January 25, 2013 by suninmyeyes

[Flolfolil]

never figured it out myself. i would like friends, but i rarely find them

 

i kinda just watch things like a movie happening, and try not to let it get to me.

 

then again i have a partner that gets me, so having other people isn't too much of an issue...

 

was just talking with him last night after some stupid crap happened with trying to talk to a potential friend saying "how come people with similar interests never have a compatible personality and how come people with a compatible personality never have similar interests??"

 

maybe don't listen to me, when it comes to not having friends i am kinda depressed

[i am]

I guess I'm lucky to live where I do. There are of course the vain closed minded people around here, too, but what an "adult" should be doing with their lives is pretty open to interpretation, where I live. I think it's partly because you couldn't really make a ton of money here if you tried. So the kind of people who stick around, don't much care what you do with your time, more or less, as long as you aren't bothering them.

[Owledge]

Lack of self-confidence and sensitivity aren't the same thing. Much of society is heavily influenced by bullies, thus sensitive people are more vulnerable to the psychological warfare going on in society. But that sensitivity has an upside: It's a more detailed awareness, more desire to bring new into the world. The old resists the new. If you CAN find the means to move to a more supportive environment and are confident that it's not an 'escapism', do it.

Don't blindly trust people telling you you have to learn to deal with major crap. It might be just their own inferiority issues talking. People who are less sensitive will naturally assume that the environment that provides them an easy way is the 'normal' condition and try to perpetuate it. Don't adapt to something that does not resonate with your core as the way to go. Crap is not there for people to adapt to it, but to get rid of it. Adaptation is merely a less-than-ideal strategy for when the alternative is too difficult.

Edited January 26, 2013 by Owledge

[Marblehead]

It is my opinion that there is a big difference between acquaintances and friends.

 

I have many acquaintances but few friends. My friends are those I can share my life with.

 

My acquaintances are those I share their and my needs with. These are people who can do things for me (and I can do for them) for fair compensation.

 

We invite acquaintances into our life for a limited time. Friends are always with you.

[Vanir Thunder Dojo Tan]

hmm... that sucks to be me.

Few acquaintences, most whom cant do a thing for me... and fewer friends

BUT....... I share my life here on TTB.... feck TTB is more of my life than my own life is

[Marblehead]

I have no way to respond to that post but wanted to let you know that I read it.

[Apech]

I think this is an important issue. Milarepa seemed to need to move to a higher cave (i.e. one more remote from people) frequently when involved in deep practices. However for most of us this is not possible. We have to live in proximity with other people. Some places are better than others for practice but I don't think there are any earthly utopias. So the thought of moving on ... well it might be frying pan and fire. There's a saying 'the way through is the way in' ... so usually if you want a situation to change you have to work on what you have now instead of thinking out some other place where everything will be different.

 

I don't think acceptance is the thing. It might be for some but for me I don't see why I should accept jealousy, greed, anger, bullying, stupidity and so on. Why should I? I think its more about seeing everything as part of the 'work'. And generating good will to others even in the face of their behaviour while protecting your own space/freedom.

 

People affect you on a number of levels - not just the obvious social interaction - but also their thoughts and opinions are like a sticky glue which gets attached to you and you have to wash it and burn it out otherwise it will infect your energy. I know this sounds a bit strong but this is what I have found empirically from cultivation/spiritual work ... I would have it otherwise and I wish everyone happiness and enlightenment without reserve but I take people as I find them.

[Marblehead]

I don't think acceptance is the thing. It might be for some but for me I don't see why I should accept jealousy, greed, anger, bullying, stupidity and so on. Why should I?

This warrants repeating.

[Vanir Thunder Dojo Tan]

I have no way to respond to that post but wanted to let you know that I read it.

what you just said works well right here too




edit: added quote+
Whoa, I got two posts in between the one I was replying to d'oh!

 

 

Edited January 26, 2013 by Northern Avid Judo Ant

[thetaoiseasy]

Edited January 26, 2013 by thetaoiseasy

[skydog]

 

 

 

 

 

Can you repeat lol

[skydog]

Yeh its tricky, I might be rationalising that one should try to live through it, because of some inferiority issues or something, on the other hand I may be what one calls sensitive, I dont think that being sensitive should always mean being in hiding, I mean I can walk in a rough place with a happy carefree gentle attitude etc, and people smile back this has nothing to do with being tough really.

 

Also I thought of some other things I used to hate going to work and having to deal with being constantly treated like a piece of dirt by some boss, I used to hate seeing "rich" people while I would struggle for nothing. But I guess like most things this is my own mind rubbish, my own arragance possibly but not fully on one level its good to have some level of pride on another, everyone probably needs to take orders sometimes, I struggled taking orders when not given respectfully.

 

Also if you think about it people like to challenge themselves...fasting, celibacy/retention, solitude etc etc, if someone is super rich and lives the most perfect lifestyle, perhaps one day they might like to challenge their inner peace to see if they can still be calm in normal life, i mean it makes sense I probably would like to know that I could handle normal life and am not completely "incompetent of it" perhaps it is sensitive, i dunno, i dont know if i want to pay attention to that word though.

 

I heard of a japanese master of seiki (kind of spontaneous movements/shaking whatever) would make one of her students wash her floor for hours everyday for years, this is interesting, going with the flow and letting go being taught here I guess.

Edited January 26, 2013 by sinansencer

[Birch]

+10 for that excellent post Apech.

 

I'm not confounding sensitivity and confidence. In fact IME, the more sensitive one is, the more real confidence (and self-mastery) one NEEDS to handle it well and not mistreat self or others in the process.

Unfortunately, what I reckon happens, is people are so affected by their own sensitivity (and, no, we haven't had an overarching culture that deals with it adequately for several thousand years) that they shut it down and shift it to the unconscious. So many people walking around that seem filled with confidence are simply unconscious or acting to cover up their real feelings and perceptions for the sake of some form of collective 'peace'. In passing, making that kind of 'confidence' a goal is the reverse of what I'd consider a goal, but I digress.

[Vmarco]

How do you do it?

 

Can you visualize a World of Peace with Beware of Dog signs, and the terrorism of millions getting bit every year?

http://thetaobums.com/topic/26667-pit-bulls-do-they-get-a-bad-rap/

 

What would a Peaceful World look like? And who is preventing it from being a reality?

[Vmarco]

I don't think acceptance is the thing. It might be for some but for me I don't see why I should accept jealousy, greed, anger, bullying, stupidity and so on. Why should I? I think its more about seeing everything as part of the 'work'. And generating good will to others even in the face of their behaviour while protecting your own space/freedom.

 

So,...are you suggesting that righteous intolerance is appropriate?

[Apech]

So,...are you suggesting that righteous intolerance is appropriate?

 

I would not use that phrase. It sounds a little high minded for me. So it depends what you mean I suppose.