Suppressed/repressed anger.

[CrunchyChocolate555]

Hey guys,

 

I just made the HUGE realization that I have an immense amount of anger locked up inside of me that I somehow pushed away for god knows how long, and I had somehow managed to hide it from myself.

 

I don't identify myself as an angry person, I am not violent or mean in any way, but it seems that sometimes my body language displays anger even though every part know to be good and tries to be good. Sometimes people seem to be downright afraid of me, even though I really DO like them, wanna help them, and be a good person.

 

I think one of the main reasons is I suppressed the anger for many years with drugs and other things, and now that I'm much more sensitive to qi, it's obvious my liver is holding on to a lot of crap.

 

I was initially surprised when I was told that I had liver qi stagnation. I was all like, "me, angry? pfff... no way, man." But then it dawned on me, yup. I'm angry and frustrated in many, many ways, and I've been directing it inward all this time.

 

Aside from the typical advice like channeling this energy outwards in a creative means and taking care to detox and rebalance the liver, are there any "deeper" ways to release anger and frustration once and for all?

 

Also, how can I come across as being less angry??? I still have to function in day-to-day life, and I don't want people thinking I'm pissed off at them when really I'm just pissed off at myself. If I try to be nicer, it just seems insincere and it makes things worse.

[Birch]

Find out why.

[CrunchyChocolate555]

How?

 

Find out why.

[Birch]

What situations make you feel angry? (Take note of them)

What are the other situations that are similar? (Take note of them)

What's the farthest back you can go and remember a similar situation? (Take note)

 

All of that in detail, the people, the sensations, the emotions, the thoughts, what it made you believe about yourself, others, and so on and so forth for all of them until you have full consciousness of what happened. In full honesty and acceptance of your feelings and thoughts and ideas.

 

That's how I've been doing it. I found meditation brought a lot of it up unasked and that mindfulness practice does the dot-connecting part.

 

I also went in for psychotherapy.

 

Not finished but I understand it a hell of a lot better.

 

 

[CrunchyChocolate555]

Thanks K, I think I figured it out. I hurt some people in the past but now there is no way I could ever "repay" them or fix it. It was a long time ago, and I've just been carrying the guilt with me all this time.

[CrunchyChocolate555]

Even deeper now: I'm finding it very hard to forgive myself for what I did. It seems part of me won't even allow myself to forgive myself.

[skydog]

I wouldnt spend a lifetime trying to REMOVE all past anger, maybe you can do a bit of that, but in my opinion just dwells on it and perpetuates it. Im not sure about this though, I did a lot of that and think it has its place but definately fuels a lot of egoic psychoticness. If you do want to work on this trauma things like eft matrix reimprinting, shen healing, the healing codes yuen method may address certain specific things.

 

Also being yourself and expressing yourself has its place but at the same time IMO people take this quite far to the extreme and just vomit out all their anger too, in my opinion this is unneccessary and perpetuates ideas of "being an angry person" or dwelling on past hurts.

 

Better to raise your vibration read the taoteching or chuang tzu, emphasises gentleness, peace, contentment etc, being angry has a lot to do with unfulfilled expectations, resistance etc, find a method that will help connect you to the NOW, present moment, there are many I prefer stillness movement. You can heal things WHILST being in a state of deep peace...also the idea of healing perpetuates a lot of silly ideas.

 

I dont mean to put down healing..I think it has its place sometimes, but it is also limiting in my opinion.

 

Just my thoughts peace

[GrandmasterP]

Well you can't undo what's done and you have learnt from it so maybe forgive yourself and move on.

Pobody's Nerfect.

[CrunchyChocolate555]

I've already started doing this unconsciously by giving away money at every ocasion I get. Leaving huge tips, giving money to strangers, etc. and I'll keep doing that, as it makes me feel great. I guess that kind of gives away what it is that I did wrong, eh? I'm not too proud of it if I do say so myself.

 

Being a student of Kundalini, I find myself finding the answers to things quite rapidly, but it always helps when others share their wisdom, and that is why I thank you guys. But there is still more unresolved anger within me, and I think I am now being called to take a nice long hike on the mountain for a little self-reflection.

 

I do apologize if this post seems self-serving. I'm in no dire need of help, just words of wisdom so I don't be so hard on myself.. I tend to do that a lot.

Not that it directly repairs any harm you feel you have done to the people you cannot repay, but have you considered engaging in charity work? In this way you can be helping others who you do not know with no expectation of recognition or reward. This type of thing can have the tendency to make it easier to find forgiveness for yourself since you are not able to contact the people you harmed directly.

[CrunchyChocolate555]

Will forgiveness resolve the karmic imbalance I incurred? I'm just trying to find a reason why I *shouldn't* feel bad for what I did.

 

Well you can't undo what's done and you have learnt from it so maybe forgive yourself and move on.Pobody's Nerfect.

Edited January 26, 2013 by CrunchyChocolate555

[timelessness]

Nice thread. I need to resolve my anger and guilt issues as well. I am just too ashamed and embarrassed to talk about it to anyone. I hope to hear words of wisdom as well.

[Seeker of Wisdom]

Hi Crunchy. I've done a lot of work on the twisted underbelly of my own psyche, so I have a few insights and tips for you.

 

 

First, as you already know repression is worse than useless. What you want to do instead is watch your angry thoughts and emotions, as they arise, as a neutral observer. This gives you the mental space needed to get to the root of the problem, and not act inappropriately.

 

 

Now, you can introspect. Sit down with pen and paper. Write what made you angry and why. Then question the reason for your anger, and keep going until there's no further to go.

 

 

An example of how this may go could be:

Builder made me angry->hammering disturbed me->trying to work->I was inconvenienced->I should have quiet in my own home->I have right over my home to be as I want.

 

 

So in this example, we now see that the builder actually prompted anger because of an unreasonable territorial mindset. Now we can work on this root mindset calmly by making factual statements:

 

 

I can't always expect to have control. He was just doing his job. My neighbour has the right to get a builder to work on her house. This is a house, not territory I need to defend from invaders.

 

 

What this exercise does is actually get to the root of our thinking and reprogram it, making it more helpful, accurate and reasonable. You will often find rigid 'shoulds' that lead to anger and frustration when they are inevitably broken, like 'others should follow my standards'. You'll find territorial, aggressive, defensive\paranoid mental habits, leftovers from the jungle. Read 'the chimp paradox' for more on that!

 

 

Continuing our example, now we can approach the builder calmly if we wish and sort out a solution, such as not working at a specific time or doing a different task at that time. Much better than screaming at him or sitting at home getting worked up and suppressing it!

 

 

Hope that helps. And of course, there's the good old 'talk to a friend' for clearing anger which you've already suppressed. Meditation rocks too, check out 'the attention revolution' by Allen Wallace.

Edited January 26, 2013 by Seeker of the Self

[三江源]

Cleansing with qigong.

 

no 'deeper' method available.

[CrunchyChocolate555]

Feel free to PM me. I'm in the same boat as you. We can overcome this.

 

Nice thread. I need to resolve my anger and guilt issues as well. I am just too ashamed and embarrassed to talk about it to anyone. I hope to hear words of wisdom as well.

[CrunchyChocolate555]

This is amazing. Thanks.

Hi Crunchy. I've done a lot of work on the twisted underbelly of my own psyche, so I have a few insights and tips for you.

 

 

First, as you already know repression is worse than useless. What you want to do instead is watch your angry thoughts and emotions, as they arise, as a neutral observer. This gives you the mental space needed to get to the root of the problem, and not act inappropriately.

 

 

Now, you can introspect. Sit down with pen and paper. Write what made you angry and why. Then question the reason for your anger, and keep going until there's no further to go.

 

 

An example of how this may go could be:

Builder made me angry->hammering disturbed me->trying to work->I was inconvenienced->I should have quiet in my own home->I have right over my home to be as I want.

 

 

So in this example, we now see that the builder actually prompted anger because of an unreasonable territorial mindset. Now we can work on this root mindset calmly by making factual statements:

 

 

I can't always expect to have control. He was just doing his job. My neighbour has the right to get a builder to work on her house. This is a house, not territory I need to defend from invaders.

 

 

What this exercise does is actually get to the root of our thinking and reprogram it, making it more helpful, accurate and reasonable. You will often find rigid 'shoulds' that lead to anger and frustration when they are inevitably broken, like 'others should follow my standards'. You'll find territorial, aggressive, defensive\paranoid mental habits, leftovers from the jungle. Read 'the chimp paradox' for more on that!

 

 

Continuing our example, now we can approach the builder calmly if we wish and sort out a solution, such as not working at a specific time or doing a different task at that time. Much better than screaming at him or sitting at home getting worked up and suppressing it!

 

 

Hope that helps. And of course, there's the good old 'talk to a friend' for clearing anger which you've already suppressed. Meditation rocks too, check out 'the attention revolution' by Allen Wallace.

[de_paradise]

I think you are on the right track. There's this saying that, in the presence of love, the body seeks to cure all other emotions unlike itself. So as you continue on the spiritual path to greater love, these emotions come to your attention to be resolved.

The body is a storehouse of negative emotions that get stuck, because in the past you didnt know how to let them pass through. You didn't know that it was harmful to your own body to show lots of anger, because it worked for you. There's always some benefit: self-assertion, or motivation, etc, with your family and friends. So the body developed this pattern of anger. Except that you know, people can feel around you, that anger, especially when you keep it inside yourself, or the basic negative emotion of feeling hurt, when you keep it inside yourself, shows up in other ways. It shows up as areas of tension, and the muscles and tendons, etc of the body will keep the patterns, if practised long enough. It shows up in the face expresion, the stiff shoulders, knotted stomach, etc. Perhaps the anger was a way of self-protection in the beginning, as in, dont mess with me. Anyway, I dont want to guess. Only to say that, there are ways of finding and releasing the pockets of negative emotion. Releasing this stuff allows mental clarity, more self-control. Our natural state is one of enlightened equanimity, similar to bliss. Problems and challenges come and go, but our natural state is to breath through the emotions as the come. Our natural state allows for expression of emotions, and also calm.

 

Starting with the list, as mentioned is good. You've already done some good detective work, so its a fair guess that this stuff wants to come up and get resolved. Anyway, pm me if u want to work a few issues out, as I have some training in this.

[hydrogen]

Will forgiveness resolve the karmic imbalance I incurred? I'm just trying to find a reason why I *shouldn't* feel bad for what I did.

 

Yes. God already forgave you.

 

I know the hardest part is to forgive yourself. I'm struggling with it as well. Conceptually I'm OK. But sometimes the guilty feeling still drive me into despair.

 

I think forgiveness is not about feel good about your deed. You should feel bad and still be able to forgive yourself. Forgive is not forget.

[Harmonious Emptiness]

Surely there are different reasons that people succumb to anger beyond their control, but I feel like when it is a random thing lurking underneath that it is a protective mechanism to keep one's self from getting damaged. This is a rational mechanism since one does need to be able to protect themselves emotionally, energetically, psychologically, and physically, but there may be circumstances that need to be addressed so that one does not easily suffer these things.

 

Speculating, but I think your practice of generosity is in the right step, as it helps to open the heart center and let others in, rather than feeling like everything is in danger of being stolen. Can't steal what you're giving away right? You can also be generous with love, patience, time, etc.. doesn't have to be material things, though giving food to someone rifling through a trash can is a very rewarding and uplifting thing to do too..

 

 

Do you have any chi gong practice right now? It helps to release negative energy in a harmonious way so that you've got "nothing for the tiger claws to grab onto."

 

That said, I'm not a master of anger, though possibly go there less than average.

 

Feel free to PM me for practice resources..

[Jetsun]

What I have learned is that If your anger is repressed it might not be a good attitude to try to get rid of it as that may just lead to more repression so you get nowhere, so you are better starting off befriending it, see how it is trying to help you.

 

In Buddhism the classic advice for how to deal with anger comes from chapter 6 of Shantideva's Bodhisattva Way of Life, which has a number of points, but the essential point is that you need patience.

[Gerard]

.

Edited September 13, 2013 by Gerard

[mike 134]

The only positive I have ever experienced from kundalini syndrome is lack of guilt. All the other symptoms suck hard, but not being burdened by guilt definitely has its positives. It's not an attitude change caused by reflection or whatnot, but more like a physiological change in the brain that is caused by the syndrome. It happened within a span of only days.

[konchog uma]

The only positive I have ever experienced from kundalini syndrome is lack of guilt. All the other symptoms suck hard, but not being burdened by guilt definitely has its positives. It's not an attitude change caused by reflection or whatnot, but more like a physiological change in the brain that is caused by the syndrome. It happened within a span of only days.

 

you are always going on about how horrible kundalini is but how seriously have you worked with it? what steps have you taken to integrate the energy and move it in the central channel, ida and pingala, and the chakras, and through your body? if you worked with it instead of just complaining about it you might get somewhere.

 

sorry to the OP, i dont mean to derail the thread and won't continue in this vein, just wanted to make one comment because mike 134s complaining is like a bad broken record. a lot of people have it worse and have good attitudes in spite of having actual problems.

[voidisyinyang]

Diet really will affect repressed anger.

 

In other words diet creates repressed anger.

 

If your liver is clogged from high cholesterol food (or especially alcohol) then you will get angry easier.

 

Now most civilized people repress their anger -- but nevertheless it was the high cholesterol food that clogged the liver that caused the anger.

 

In other words -- you are ripe for anger from the food and then a social setting comes along that triggers it.

 

Consider the phrase "Get a rise out of you."

 

Some people will sense that you have extra energy -- and they want that energy -- but maybe it's not appropriate for the person to hit on you or use lust to get your energy - so instead the person

 

"gets a rise out of you" and then you emit anger and they can feed off the anger.

 

It's sad - since people trying to feed off your anger doesn't work for them either.

 

Anyway -- so if a person tries to get a rise out of you -- and then you repress it.

 

For me the only effective means is through the meditation -- the complementary opposites like full lotus, tai chi, mind yoga.

 

Exercise will do it but you have to be careful - since it is not a harmonization practice.

 

So a couple weeks ago I sprained my wrist using the bow saw too strongly -- but the real reason was repressed anger.

 

A couple months ago I sprained my left knee from working but again the real reason was repressed anger.

 

So if there is anger that is repressed it is best to just meditate more.

 

Once this person was really mad at me and I could sense their anger -- even though they tried to hide it in nice words in an email.

 

The energy of the email was strong anger even though the words of the email were nice.

 

So I took in that anger energy and I fasted for three days in full lotus and finally the anger was transformed into a huge internal erotic bliss that shot up my spine.

 

So anger is not bad in itself - if it can be transformed and used properly.

 

The liver is how we can build up power -- but we have to be careful.

 

So an easy way is to eat more green foods and cut back on high cholesterol foods.

 

When I was in first grade I held my breath till I passed out.

 

I didn't realize till 30 years later that actually I had strong repressed anger.

 

Normally it's impossible to hold your breath till you passed out.

 

I had been forced to go on this date with this girl in first grade who liked me - but it made me feel like a piece of meat.

 

So being so young I couldn't express my anger.

 

Anyway meditation enabled me to figure out that connection of how I had been able to hold my breath till I passed out.

Edited January 27, 2013 by pythagoreanfulllotus

[JustBHappy]

Congratulations for seeing/feeling the repressed anger. The truth is, a large part of our culture and society creates and encourages this to the point where most people are completely unaware of this dynamic hidden in plain sight. Everyone, and I mean everyone has seeds of anger that can be watered at any time, few notice it, and even fewer admit it.

 

Don't try to not be angry or hide any anger. This is dishonest and ineffective.

 

In my experience, and from what I learned from my teachers, the wisest thing to do is simply become aware. See anger when it arises instead of getting caught up in the story line and believing it. Smile at it, and make it your friend. Resisting and fighting it will only make it stronger. Instead of being an angry person and believing the story, be awareness that sees anger.

 

Sounds silly, but this is a huge and powerful shift. Anger is only a problem if you get caught by it, if you believe it instead of seeing it directly. The shift to being the awareness removes the identification, the "I am angry." Feel the body, feel the breath, relax into the experience of anger without identifying with it. Smile at it, make it your friend. What you resist, will persist. See it as an object of your awareness, a fascinating ripening of karma.

 

On the practical level there are things you can do to make this easier.

The first one is to simply hold your middle finger with your other hand. The same finger you use to flip someone off, just grab it with the other hand and hold it for a few minutes. If your at all sensitive to energy flow in your body, you will feel a quite substantial change take place. After a few minutes you will likely start to feel a pulse in the middle finger, a few more breaths and you should be back to normal.

 

The other technique is to further refine your awareness. So not only are you awake enough to see anger arising and view it as an observer, but you start to notice triggers. We all have our triggers. Pavlovian dogs walking on two legs. Our perceptions trigger a variety of feelings and emotions and thoughts. Once we start to be aware of the triggers that lead to anger, we have a valuable tool in which to examine and go beyond being controlled like puppets on a string. We slowly start to move from unconsciousness into awareness.

[ragamor]

There is a lot of stuff about ourself that we suppress.

A lot of it might not even be from this lifetime or others, but something that is fundamently wrong with you, an dark spot in your very being.

 

I can tell about my own challange:

In me I found a whole lot of "self/existance pain" in my own hearth chakra. I never knew about it presence, but had always been there in my life, expressed itself true me in many ways and holding me back as a spiritual being. However I did something, I faced "it" while meditating with no bias and learned what was needed to make things right, and it thus disolved away.

 

Awareness of the darkness is the only way you can face the darkness in the first place, and so long you don't try to suppress it then it will disolve. Think about it like this, things of shadow will always disolve in the light of awareness, however suppression nourishes and maintains.

 

I hope this helps

Edited January 27, 2013 by ragamor