Self-consciousness / Egoic-awareness

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I feel that I am caught in an awareness bubble. I believe there is a definite distinction between awareness and egoic-awareness or self-consciousness. I am very aware of myself as the awareness of my thoughts, emotions, bodily posture... but I am not free! I do not feel free to join with my emotions, or thoughts, to experience them fully. Although I am highly aware of what I experience, my awareness is somehow divided, or trapped. I feel unable to ever fully give my attention to the external world... some part of my attention is always kept inwardly pointing, maintaining some mental sense of self.

 

Energetically speaking I have found that my energy breaks right at the brow above the eyes and turns inward, twisting downward around my face and into my lower body. It almost feels that I am always looking inward with my eyes while pretending to look outward. Or that what I see is a bent version of what is actually out there. I have practiced a certain breathing technique where I breathe directly into my eyes and it initially had shocking effects, as it seemed to dissolve whatever energetic twists occur there. But the energetic structures feel very resistant and the technique is less effective now than it used to be.

 

Does anybody know of good material relating to being able to really forget oneself, or dissolve self-conscioussnes, or about the difference between egoic awareness and awareness?

 

It really is a tremendous relief to be able to give attention FULLY to the external world and not have to retain some on oneself. I believe it has to do with grounding oneself in the physical body as well... To be able to choose to be purely physical, to not have any attention mingling with your body at all, to leave it completely alone...

 

Any suggestions are appreciated

Edited February 9, 2013 by Guest

[Harmonious Emptiness]

The Mind Inscription Scripture