Finding the inner man

[ganjaboy]

A TON of good information here. Thanks so much to everybody for all of their

input, it is good knowing that I can find productive ways to deal with these issues.

How to expand upon the options available for males other than just the alpha/hero/warrior type? Check out your other options. Google them. The poet, the bard, the jester? Where would society be with only sporting heroes, yet no-one to make you laugh, dance, cry or sing? Don't stop there, Google archetypes, Google masculine archetypes. There are so many options. If Mikhail Baryshnikov is your archetype of masculine aesthetic, chase it up. If it is Rumi, grab a pen and explore how your soul longs for union with the divine. Become who you are (a Nietzsche quote).

Thanks for the examples. My calling is most certainly in music performance, though I also have a sharp wit and a good sense of humor. A lot of possibilities there, I think. And it's interesting that when somebody IS somebody, who offers something special to the world, society usually overlooks their shortcomings in favor of their greater contributions (except in the case of celebrity tabloid magazines, but I don't even like to think about that…)

A few words on porn. Unrealistic representations are being made here upon BOTH genders. If you want to become sexually confident & competent, by all means, chase your interest up with training in Tantra or something else that validates us humans as both sexual and spiritual beings without it being a conflict of interest. Just don't (as an 18 year old male) be fooled into thinking that sexual prowess & performance will bring you more rewards than:

1) showing a continued personal interest in a potential partner's interests, character & wellbeing, or that

2) realising simply smiling, & (the reasons behind) cuddles on the couch, and a continued interest in catering for the 'small details' will get you further in life than trying to match some unrealistic gender based sexual archetype, whether it is expected of yourself, or from her.

I'm lucky in that I never got addicted to or reliant on porn. I'm nearly 19 and used porn a couple times at around 17 or 18… for some reason it didn't last. Once I sensed the false nature of it, it just no longer seemed erotic in any sense; it was merely images with no emotional connection.

Testosterone is the juice of manhood. Keep on your path of not whacking off. When you builds up this I energy inside of you.....you wont need others people to tell you what it is to be a "Man". You'll feel it firing through your veins like a race horse.

I have experienced this energy. It's to the point that when I do jerk off, I immediately sense a loss and am left wondering why I bothered. I think this is a good sign that I'm starting to draw the link between sexual / spiritual energy. The problem is that if I do nothing sexual, it's just another extreme of imbalance. I find that I then do something else in my life to excess, and lose touch with myself. During one these periods, I smoked pot for awhile, before learning about how bad it was for me, and I quit.

Why masturbation? What do you think about sex? Can you find someone to have sex now? If you experienced sex, you might have different idea about masturbation. If you can't find willing partner soon, is escort legal in your state?

I'm on the fence about this. I have heard opinions both for and against waiting to have sex (I don't believe in marriage, but I think it might be a good idea to avoid having sex until later in life. In the meantime, things are difficult, however).

Is your masturbation the biggest problem in your life? You must have a good life. I have a few things in my life that cause me big headache. Making my penis happy is just one of them.

It really isn't my biggest problem. I was raised in a Catholic background, however, and of course masturbation was viewed as evil. This is a guilt complex which I still can't really shake to this day. On one hand, there are people saying that it is natural and healthy, etc…on the other, there are people advocating methods such as Tantra (with a partner) for energy cultivation…and then there are still others who talk about "solo" cultivation. I don't like to make things more complicated than they need to be, but I will say that I like being aware of these sort of energy channels and how to use them more efficiently.

 

I am a student of philosophy, musician, and a long distance runner. All of these are activities which require energy, physical, mental and spiritual. In theory, all of the energy is there - I just need to know how to tap into it.

Edited March 25, 2013 by dhiggs

[RiverSnake]

Man was not meant to waste all his energy busting nuts on a computer screen. There's nothing strange about retaining, here's a couple links that can help you, I recommend you get a spiritual practice, it will help you gain clarity and mastery in your life:

 

1. http://thetaobums.com/topic/22912-semen-retention-100-days-and-my-experiences/

2. http://thetaobums.com/topic/26533-great-spiritual-physical-mental-benefits-from-semen-retention-celibacy-and-mental-emptiness-my-experience-and-thoughts/

 

My 2 cents, Peace

Edited March 25, 2013 by OldGreen

[ganjaboy]

Thanks. I've tried that before and was able to last up to two months. From past experience, it has been easy at first, because I feel like I've got some sort of horny, energized state giving me motivation to get things done. I'm able to moderate and detach from worldly things more easily because I always have this internal energy to fall back on. After a couple weeks, however, complete abstinence from anything even slightly sexual gets very hard for me, and I lose focus. Do you have any recommendations to help me keep in touch with that energy without giving in too much to fantasy? I imagine this would be easier if I had a sexual partner, because I could recharge through Tantric practices etc.

Edited March 26, 2013 by dhiggs

[RiverSnake]

 

Thanks. I've tried that before and was able to last up to two months. From past experience, it has been easy at first, because I feel like I've got some sort of horny, energized state giving me motivation to get things done. I'm able to moderate and detach from worldly things more easily because I always have this internal energy to fall back on. After a couple weeks, however, complete abstinence from anything even slightly sexual gets very hard for me, and I lose focus. Do you have any recommendations to help me keep in touch with that energy without giving in too much to fantasy? I imagine this would be easier if I had a sexual partner, because I could recharge through Tantric practices etc.

All the advice needed is in those two links.

Edited March 26, 2013 by OldGreen

[zanshin]

Rudyard Kipling

If

 

If

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;

If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with triumph and disaster

And treat those two imposters just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,

And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breath a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,

And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

[rex]

Any, all or none of these may be of use:

 

Celebrating the Male Mysteries

http://www.amazon.com/Celebrating-Male-Mysteries-R-Stewart/dp/1873596014/

 

The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work and Sexual Desire

http://www.amazon.com/Way-Superior-Man-Spiritual-Challenges/dp/1591792576

 

Verbal Judo

http://www.amazon.com/Verbal-Judo-Gentle-Art-Persuasion/dp/0060577657

 

The rough unpleasant stuff:

http://streetfightsecrets.com/tailor-made-packs/

 

All the best.

 

edit: tpoys

Edited March 28, 2013 by rex

[ganjaboy]

@ rex: Thanks! I got a pdf copy of the first book online and am working through it. a lot of good advice in there, not just on the above issues discussed....

 

@OldGreen: as of today, I am on the retention path for over a week (though I've gone up to a month before). Not going to provide "updates", but just some quick observations. I feel a lot less lethargic, and more motivated in both my athletic and artistic pursuits...I think the trick is keeping the energy diverted into something, gotta keep yourself busy. Thanks for your input, I'm wondering if I can potentially reap greater benefits by starting these practices at my young age (19)!