Finding the inner man

[ganjaboy]

Greetings fellow friends. I come to you to discuss my past and sincere with a query of

how to save my life from certain misery in the future.

 

I am 18 yr old male and have had many problems in my life. As a small child I was always a non-aggressive type. I did not play rough games with other boys and preferred reading books to playing soccer or wrestling. I was short for my age - small. At this age, never did the concept of vanity or outward appearance occur to me. I was too preoccupied on intellectual pursuits.

 

When I hit puberty and teenager I became aware of the concept of physical attraction. I suddenly looked in the mirror and started to think about how members of the opposite sex would perceive me sexually, perhaps making assumptions far beyond my years. I started to become vain and preoccupied with the external body, which I believe is manifestation of yang. I masturbated incessantly to relieve additional yang energy, which after a couple years left me feeling very asexual and out-of-touch with myself. Still seeking something -- not even sure what, I became anorexic and all but destroyed my body, becoming malnourished and emaciated. I lost all concept of sexuality at this point and became very child-like in appearance, almost in a regressive fashion. I was always a late bloomer, but suddenly looked like I was 12 years old.

 

Today, at 18 years of age, I have recovered and am at healthy weight, but still have a long road ahead. I am only now beginning to develop characteristics of man's physique (shoulders, face). I attend college and people still think I am in high school, much as in high school, I looked like a middle schooler. I have tried very hard to quit masturbation as I have noticed this has a calming effect on my nerves and helps me be less impulsive and emotional, but it is extremely difficult. For many years during my earlier adolescence I all but forgot my creative pursuits in favor of purely physical, external manifestations of what i felt was "manly."

 

My trials have sapped me of joy in my life and have destroyed several relationships with close family members.

 

How can I use Tao to find the inner man within myself and grow into a man who can still have a promising future?

 

I will appreciate advice with an open and eternally grateful heart.

 

peace

 

Asan

 

 

[thelerner]

Hmnn, I've got 30 years on you. 18 is a confusing age, not a child anymore, but not a 'man' either.

 

The whole concept of 'being a man' is a stereotype. You don't have to look for it or change to become 'it' or find some elusive secret; get a bigger car, abs, shoulders or penis. Being a man is about accepting responsibility.

 

Using the Tao to find the inner man..?.. One translation of Tao is path. Find a discipline, a couple disciplines. Things for your mind body and spirit. Like waking up early. Physically a path like uhmm, martial arts or physical exercise like Convict Conditioning book where like a martial art you build skill in levels. Mind, put yourself on track to learn something difficult. Could be computer programming, could be sculpture, could be anything. Something you're interested in..make it into a way, work at it each day, get good teachers and strive to perfect it. In the East many skills follow a martial style path to mastery.

 

Spirit, look around for a path. Don't disregard the spirituality of your own tradition. Most have mystical branches if thats your thing. It all begins with quieting the mind and learning concentration.

 

Thats my advice, easy to give, hard to take. The trick isn't finding the inner man, its giving the outer man a path and discipline to follow it. Decide on your Way for Body Mind and Spirit, find the discipline to stay on them. What they are is secondary to the devotion you give them. Greatness can be found by meditating facing a wall. Along the way, you'll find helpers and friends. And when great teachers appears you'll be worthy of them.

Edited March 23, 2013 by thelerner

[Protector]

http://www.artofmanliness.com/

[Gerard]

.

Edited August 22, 2013 by Gerard

[chenping]

How can I use Tao to find the inner man within myself and grow into a man who can still have a promising future?

 

Is there anyone, dead or alive, who measures up to your ideal of manhood?

 

 

The whole concept of 'being a man' is a stereotype. You don't have to look for it or change to become 'it' or find some elusive secret; get a bigger car, abs, shoulders or penis. Being a man is about accepting responsibility.

 

Isn't accepting responsibility as stereotypical a concept of being a man as getting a bigger penis?

 

 

Introspection. Always check up on yourself and write about yourself, e.g. writing about your qulaities, good and bad, how you see things in life, ect. Sit in meditation and that'll bring up a lot of stuff you didn't know about yourself.

 

How about kicking that up a notch with CIA surveillance techniques: mounting cameras in every room as well as the car; wire-tapping; tracking expenses and following the money trail. Don't you think mapping out your pattern of life on the outside should also be included in gathering intelligence about the self?

 

 

Get involved with traditional internal arts taught by teachers who learnt traditionally. Examples are Baguaquan or Xingyiquan. Depending on your location you need to enquire about teachers available. Ask here or here.

 

Is fighting an essential part of being a man?

[daojones]

Hey,

 

Thanks for sharing so deeply your troubles.

 

Based on your writing, my perception is that a core issue is self esteem. While your concern with physical appearance is likely an aggregate of other things going on in your psyche, it seems to me that low self esteem is the driving force of other negative components of your psyche.

 

I think low self esteem is really really common. If it wasn't, there would be many more happy people in this world. Don't worry, it really doesn't matter worrying is a waste of energy, most of the time.

 

Perhaps working on acceptance would help. But then you may come into the problem, that accepting yourself is hard b/c you may not look at yourself positively. So then your challenge is to also work on yourself to be the person you want to be, on a deep level, and then acceptance may come easier.

 

I think all the issues described tie in well with becoming a man. This is the journey. For me, being a man means only I define what being a man means. This is actually complicated, but on a simple level I find it both to be true and helpful! However, given our situation as humans I can learn a lot from other men because there are general categories of needs and psychological factors that are shared. For example, women. The male wants the feminine, but wants it in different ways for different reasons....comfort, sex, etc...

 

What are your needs? What are your needs as a man? I think manifesting will makes a man, or that this is a core male trait. But this is difficult and requires inner work to know and recognize your will and also external work of skill development to help manifest it. I think being in touch with emotion/feeling is essential. As well, a spiritually oriented life is also essential. Caveat emptor, things that are essential, should feel essential. It may be a mistake to pursue certain things just because someone tells you to. Feel into yourself, into your pain, into your body. For me getting in touch with body is essential, but perhaps you need a more intellectual pursuit - I don't know. Find out where you are balanced and imbalanced...proceed accordingly. Kick a$$

 

[gendao]

As a small child I was always a non-aggressive type. I did not play rough games with other boys and preferred reading books to playing soccer or wrestling. I was short for my age - small. At this age, never did the concept of vanity or outward appearance occur to me. I was too preoccupied on intellectual pursuits.

 

For many years during my earlier adolescence I all but forgot my creative pursuits in favor of purely physical, external manifestations of what i felt was "manly."

 

How can I use Tao to find the inner man within myself and grow into a man who can still have a promising future?

The whole concept of 'being a man' is a stereotype. You don't have to look for it or change to become 'it' or find some elusive secret; get a bigger car, abs, shoulders or penis. Being a man is about accepting responsibility.

This is actually a great, deep, philosophical question worthy of serious contemplative self-inquiry...

 

What exactly does "being a man" mean?

Accepting responsibility? What about children or women who accept responsibility - does that make them men too, then? And what about serial womanizers who refuse all responsibility - yet remain irresistible to women - are they not manly? All those women must certainly not think so?

I think men in America today are especially conflicted about this - because responsible beta males often struggle through life as unsung "zeros" while alpha male cads get unconditionally worshipped despite all actions to the contrary.

Winners here (on planet Earth, really) take all - and by any means necessary.. And the ends are used to justify the means.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kUdKh1jnSQ

Can a zero still be a "man?"

Or does one have to be a hero to be a "man?"

Is "manliness" something you're either born with or not - or can it be earned, unleashed or further developed?

 

Or...is "manhood" an evolutionary Campbellian journey that includes ALL such archetypal phases as crucial rites-of-passage for self-discovery?

Has anyone here ever tried taking a retreat from the ManKind Project?

Edited March 23, 2013 by vortex

[三江源]

The Campbell One.

[ganjaboy]

This exactly describes my problem. I am intelligent, polite, friendly, and outgoing to girls and women, but I do not attract them because to them I do not embody a concept of "masculinity" (not muscular / athletic / rugged enough). I think that in the West there is a tendency for attraction to be such a physical one, wherein a partner with otherwise redeeming qualities will be rejected based on appearance alone.

 

I have trouble with the self-acceptance because I crave acceptance and "fitting in" with others.

[chenping]

This is actually a great, deep, philosophical question worthy of serious contemplative self-inquiry...

 

What exactly does "being a man" mean?

 

Good question. I would say it means having a biologically male body, to start with. That's the costume for playing the part of a man. Some of us have problem playing the part.

 

How come other animals with male bodies have no problem playing the part at all? I can't imagine an African lion or a Silverback gorilla having dhigg's problem.

[chenping]

This exactly describes my problem. I am intelligent, polite, friendly, and outgoing to girls and women, but I do not attract them because to them I do not embody a concept of "masculinity" (not muscular / athletic / rugged enough). I think that in the West there is a tendency for attraction to be such a physical one, wherein a partner with otherwise redeeming qualities will be rejected based on appearance alone.

 

The first part of your problem is the attitude of others whom, you insinuate, are drawn to stereotype hunks. It's not just the west. Women everywhere are attracted to manly men. It has to do with ying-yang magic of the Tao. It is the western rejection of traditional values of manhood and womanhood that is messing you up.

 

I have trouble with the self-acceptance because I crave acceptance and "fitting in" with others.

 

The trouble you have is your own attitude. You just don't want to fit in. You want the world to cave in to your western philosophy of the right to self-determination. You want to pervert the Tao which is very black and white, male and female, right and wrong, with no ifs and buts about life.

 

You don't crave acceptance. You just want others to feel guilty for following the Tao of Lao Tzu. You want others to follow the Tao of dhiggs.

[ganjaboy]

The first part of your problem is the attitude of others whom, you insinuate, are drawn to stereotype hunks. It's not just the west. Women everywhere are attracted to manly men. It has to do with ying-yang magic of the Tao. It is the western rejection of traditional values of manhood and womanhood that is messing you up.

 

 

The trouble you have is your own attitude. You just don't want to fit in. You want the world to cave in to your western philosophy of the right to self-determination. You want to pervert the Tao which is very black and white, male and female, right and wrong, with no ifs and buts about life.

 

You don't crave acceptance. You just want others to feel guilty for following the Tao of Lao Tzu. You want others to follow the Tao of dhiggs.

I'm not sure if I understand correctly, but you're saying that I am not I am not "yang" or outwardly masculine enough and this is the source of the problem? Furthermore, to what rejection of traditional values of manhood and womanhood in the West are you referring? Plenty of men look masculine but act like children.

[chenping]

I'm not sure if I understand correctly, but you're saying that I am not I am not "yang" or outwardly masculine enough and this is the source of the problem?

 

I don't think you, personally, have a problem. Eighteen year-olds don't open up on the net about their problems. If things get bad enough, they just hang themselves.

 

Furthermore, to what rejection of traditional values of manhood and womanhood in the West are you referring? Plenty of men look masculine but act like children.

 

There you go. At 18, you've got your shit together about people a lot better then most folks here and their median age is closer to 80 than 18.

 

You want the ladies and they don't want you? Relax. It's not about you. It's about money. If you have the money, honey, you would be a chick magnet even if you are a dwarf with two heads.

 

Feel better now? No? You want to pose another problem about women not wanting you just because you are not wealthy?

Edited March 24, 2013 by chenping

[ganjaboy]

Feel better now? No? You want to pose another problem about women not wanting you just because you are not wealthy?

I think what you're doing is testing me to gauge my level of self-acceptance. If you are, know that it's still a work-in-progress for me. That's why I wrote "finding the INNER man." I don't think it's at all entirely external things that determine manliness. It's just a hard precept to break, especially from someone raised surrounded by Western values such as myself.

 

And my experience so far has been that many women don't have external criteria for men; their criteria are based more on character. I think they care that men accept themselves and are comfortable in their own skin, because men who are are less self-centered and outgoing to others.

 

Women who use EXTERNAL criteria wouldn't be ones I would be interested in anyway, lol.

 

I know this, and it's simple really. Just insanely difficult to apply. Freeing the mind is the name of the game.

Edited March 24, 2013 by dhiggs

[chenping]

I think what you're doing is testing me to gauge my level of self-acceptance. If you are, know that it's still a work-in-progress for me. That's why I wrote "finding the INNER man." I don't think it's at all entirely external things that determine manliness. It's just a hard precept to break, especially from someone raised surrounded by Western values such as myself.

 

Is manliness an idea or is it something as substantially real as the eyeballs in your head?

 

And my experience so far has been that many women don't have external criteria for men; their criteria are based more on character. I think they care that men accept themselves and are comfortable in their own skin, because men who are are less self-centered and outgoing to others.

 

You need to keep your story straight. I thought you said women have external criteria and you have a problem with them because you don't fit their idea of masculinity.

 

Women who use EXTERNAL criteria wouldn't be ones I would be interested in anyway, lol.

 

So, you don't have a problem then.

 

I know this, and it's simple really. Just insanely difficult to apply. Freeing the mind is the name of the game.

 

Try straightening it out if you haven't lost it already.

[ganjaboy]

Is manliness an idea or is it something as substantially real as the eyeballs in your head?

Don't know. If I knew for sure that it was an entirely mental construct, an idea, I would just detach from the physical world. What would be the point of caring?

You need to keep your story straight. I thought you said women have external criteria and you have a problem with them because you don't fit their idea of masculinity.

It's not black and white. Some do, some don't. I've already encountered both.

So, you don't have a problem then.

Until I meet a girl whom I completely hit it off with, except for the fact that she is into musclebound men. I know it may sound as if I am arguing with myself, but I'm really not. I'm just eccentric. My perspective on things changes day to day, minute to minute. Furthermore I think that it's possible for some people to simply defy categorization of any sort, myself included. Why can't we just "be"?

Try straightening it out if you haven't lost it already.

Heh. I went mad a long time ago.

Edited March 24, 2013 by dhiggs

[Birch]

Er, I just wanted to add that at 18 it wasn't particularly obvious to me what the whole 'woman' thing was either.

 

Of course now I'm much older and still get referred to as a 'girl' for some reason but sometimes get rejected by men my age in favour of much younger women as well as getting hit on by men 15 years older than me, well. None of which I really appreciate. I'm not making any sense of it and I'm not going the 'evolution' route to justify any of it either.

 

 

I'd tend to agree with Cat as far as my personal preference goes but I really haven't run into that type of person in a while. Perhaps this has to do with the type of person I am and where I might be on the hamster wheel (er, 'hero's journey') since I'm thinking that it applies to men and women both.

 

---2 cts---

[三江源]

Greetings fellow friends. I come to you to discuss my past and sincere with a query of

how to save my life from certain misery in the future. first thing to do is examine the negative script you have written right there. its rather dramatic, isnt it.

 

I am 18 yr old male and have had many problems in my life. As a small child I was always a non-aggressive type. I did not play rough games with other boys and preferred reading books to playing soccer or wrestling. I was short for my age - small. At this age, never did the concept of vanity or outward appearance occur to me. I was too preoccupied on intellectual pursuits.

 

When I hit puberty and teenager I became aware of the concept of physical attraction. I suddenly looked in the mirror and started to think about how members of the opposite sex would perceive me sexually, perhaps making assumptions far beyond my years. People of all ages make assumptions...its the chief human hobby. I started to become vain and preoccupied with the external body, which I believe is manifestation of yang. I masturbated incessantly to relieve additional yang energy, How do you know you had additional yang energy.. ?after a couple years left me feeling very asexual and out-of-touch with myself. Still seeking something -- not even sure what, I became anorexic and all but destroyed my body, becoming malnourished and emaciated. I lost all concept of sexuality at this point and became very child-like in appearance, almost in a regressive fashion. I was always a late bloomer, but suddenly looked like I was 12 years old.

 

Today, at 18 years of age, I have recovered and am at healthy weight, but still have a long road ahead. I am only now beginning to develop characteristics of man's physique (shoulders, face). I attend college and people still think I am in high school, much as in high school, I looked like a middle schooler. I have tried very hard to quit masturbation as I have noticed this has a calming effect on my nerves and helps me be less impulsive and emotional, but it is extremely difficult. For many years during my earlier adolescence I all but forgot my creative pursuits in favor of purely physical, external manifestations of what i felt was "manly." So you were acting out a false self. Finding your real self is what you can do now, instead of focus on 'manly' just focus on being real as yourself.

You seem in quite a hurry to be manly when actually, you are a boy. Your desire to grow up quicker than you possibly could and quicker than you were ready for resulted in unpleasant stuff for you. Stop pushing yourself around.

My trials have sapped me of joy in my life and have destroyed several relationships with close family members.

 

How can I use Tao to find the inner man within myself and grow into a man who can still have a promising future?

You cant use the tao.. this utilitarian attitude is the same attitude you showed toward your body, isnt it.. a 'what can you do for me'/ 'be as I wish' attitude instead of something like 'i love you, I accept you, I honour you as a gift." You can work to be more in alignment with your truth and with tao as authenticity.

 

I will appreciate advice with an open and eternally grateful heart.

 

peace

 

Asan

Drop the 'manly' and pick up the 'authentic'.

 

 

And my experience so far has been that many women don't have external criteria for men; their criteria are based more on character. I think they care that men accept themselves and are comfortable in their own skin, because men who are are less self-centered and outgoing to others.

How about focusing on love and generosity and passion. Follow your Bliss.

 

When I was 18 it was all about art, literature, music, dancing, friends.... if you can find what sparks your passion and follow it.. you will wonder what on earth was going on that you ever vexed yourself about having to develop 'manliness'... as though it were something that you couldnt trust, something that wouldnt develop, something outside yourself that you had to go chasing.

 

Like yourself more.

[gendao]

How come other animals with male bodies have no problem playing the part at all? I can't imagine an African lion or a Silverback gorilla having dhigg's problem.

Actually, they do. Out in the wild, males are typically judged and ranked in a "pecking order" by their size and relative power/skill as determined through competitive battle.

And one could say that ultimately in this mating game, females are the judges. So, what is a "man?" Perhaps one who excels in the key criteria that women often use to judge males?

Women everywhere are attracted to manly men. It has to do with ying-yang magic of the Tao.

You want the ladies and they don't want you? Relax. It's not about you. It's about money.

So, what are the real top criteria then? Being a strong winner vs a weak failure? Biological "alpha" manliness? "Beta provider" resources (money)? Other traits? How important is the "outer man" vs the "inner man?"

 

And, are women really the (or a) final litmus test for validation of manhood?

 

Probably at least to some large degree - as they choose what traits get passed down or not. Hence, beetles evolved with ridiculously oversized horns that serve no other function than to turn chicks on! Which is testament to the power of female preference in literally shaping men (and vice-versa)!

Is manhood based ultimately on how sexually-attractive he is to women? So, he who can get the most, most awesome women is the manliest?

If not, then what would be?

 

 

Anyhow, I was probably the first one here to really acknowledge the growing struggles of a new underclass of lost Millenial "beta" males - who regularly stumble in here one-by-one like clockwork every few months.. The mere existence of which must be denied by a society still driven by Baby Boomer feminists who view "male victims" as an inherent oxymoron (unless he's of only certain select minorities, nationalities or homosexual). Hence, we simply have a generic "gun problem" and not an "outcast beta male problem."

 

Yet, these are not merely isolated anomalies - but a whole new, legitimate sociological issue approaching its tipping point into the mainstream consciousness..

Welllcccomme to America 2013! Please enjoy your stay, unless you look like one of these guys!

Obviously, you are not the first to experience this open question, nor will you be the last. Don't expect the existing Baby Boomer status quo to solve this "problem" for you - as they essentially helped engineer it. It's YOUR bag now and up to YOU. So, do keep up the soul-searching and let us know when you figure out an answer!

Edited March 24, 2013 by vortex

[chenping]

 

Obviously, you are not the first to experience this open question, nor will you be the last. Don't expect the existing Baby Boomer status quo to solve this "problem" for you - as they essentially helped engineer it. It's YOUR bag now and up to YOU. So, do keep up the soul-searching and let us know when you figure out an answer!

 

How can you discuss the Dao when you are so blatantly political?

[gendao]

How can you discuss the Dao when you are so blatantly political?

I was discussing gender archetypes & politics, the actual topic of this thread.

(But would the "Dao" not apply to any topics, anyways?)

 

Regardless, I would like to hear deeper wisdom about the fundamental question at hand here.

[chenping]

I was discussing gender archetypes & politics, the actual topic of this thread.

(But would the "Dao" not apply to any topics, anyways?)

 

It sure does.

 

Regardless, I would like to hear deeper wisdom about the fundamental question at hand here.

 

Ok, buddy. You are very expressive visually. I do like your pictures, though.

[Sanzon]

Again, I have written a thesis to have it disappear at the stroke of a button..........

 

I have to say, I side with Cat & K on this issue of masculinity, and funnily enough, they are both female.

 

You seem in quite a hurry to be manly when actually, you are a boy. Your desire to grow up quicker than you possibly could and quicker than you were ready for resulted in unpleasant stuff for you. Stop pushing yourself around.

 

Drop the 'manly' and pick up the 'authentic'.

 

How about focusing on love and generosity and passion. Follow your Bliss.

 

When I was 18 it was all about art, literature, music, dancing, friends.... if you can find what sparks your passion and follow it.. you will wonder what on earth was going on that you ever vexed yourself about having to develop 'manliness'... as though it were something that you couldnt trust, something that wouldnt develop, something outside yourself that you had to go chasing.

 

Like yourself more.

 

The silverback didn't have an issue with masculinity. He won his position by sheer brute force. All the other males within his community however never even got to express their genetic or sexual/gender potential as a result of his alpha dominance. We are humans, and not apes my friend. Please, always remind yourself of that.

 

In my experience, your inner man will reveal himself to you as trust is gained that he will not be judged or rejected by society, or yourself. If you would give him your personal acceptance without judgement or unrealistic expectation, I imagine you will come to know yourself, and him more.

 

How to expand upon the options available for males other than just the alpha/hero/warrior type? Check out your other options. Google them. The poet, the bard, the jester? Where would society be with only sporting heroes, yet no-one to make you laugh, dance, cry or sing? Don't stop there, Google archetypes, Google masculine archetypes. There are so many options. If Mikhail Baryshnikov is your archetype of masculine aesthetic, chase it up. If it is Rumi, grab a pen and explore how your soul longs for union with the divine. Become who you are (a Nietzsche quote).

 

A few words on porn. Unrealistic representations are being made here upon BOTH genders. If you want to become sexually confident & competent, by all means, chase your interest up with training in Tantra or something else that validates us humans as both sexual and spiritual beings without it being a conflict of interest. Just don't (as an 18 year old male) be fooled into thinking that sexual prowess & performance will bring you more rewards than:

1) showing a continued personal interest in a potential partner's interests, character & wellbeing, or that

2) realising simply smiling, & (the reasons behind) cuddles on the couch, and a continued interest in catering for the 'small details' will get you further in life than trying to match some unrealistic gender based sexual archetype, whether it is expected of yourself, or from her.

 

Find yourself, then let that other person find you.

 

Please apply a grain of salt if I am rambling & this does not apply to you. I wish you well in you r quest.

[RiverSnake]

Testosterone is the juice of manhood. Keep on your path of not whacking off. When you builds up this I energy inside of you.....you wont need others people to tell you what it is to be a "Man". You'll feel it firing through your veins like a race horse.

 

From then onward if you want to jump on the path then I say get a spiritual practice.....but that's a personal choice and may or may not be for you at this time.

 

My 2 cents, Peace

Edited March 25, 2013 by OldGreen

[hydrogen]

How can I use Tao to find the inner man within myself and grow into a man who can still have a promising future?

 

I will appreciate advice with an open and eternally grateful heart.

 

Hello, I'm not qualified to give any advice since I have no idea about life myself. All I know is that I have to keep going forward. I do what I can to make the journey pleasant for me and my follow travellers. I do my best to not destroy the path on the way. I may enhance the scenery if I have spare energy.

 

For a 18 years old, you are exteremely intelligent and self aware. You have good temper to deal with critism as well. If I were a girl of your age, I'd definitely feel dumb around you.

 

I'll offer a few ideas, some may be stupid. Hopeful you'll find some useful.

 

Why masturbation? What do you think about sex? Can you find someone to have sex now? If you experienced sex, you might have different idea about masturbation. If you can't find willing partner soon, is escort legal in your state?

 

Do you know that ejaculation can be separated from climax. When you masturbate, do you concentrate on your genital area only, or do you spread the good vibration all around your body? Have you had a brain orgasm? It's good to learn masturbate correctly.

 

How many girls do you want to attract? Do you want to be pursuit by a legion of girls or you just want to find the ONE? There are billions of females on this planet? Are you sure none of them may be attracted to you?

 

Is your masturbation the biggest problem in your life? You must have a good life. I have a few things in my life that cause me big headache. Making my penis happy is just one of them.

 

Most time, we don't see ourselve clearly. Are you a good son to your parents? Good brother to your siblings? Good friends to your mates? Good student to your teacher? You mentioned that you had conflicts with your relatives? People tend to show their true color more in these situation. Do you want to share more?

 

What kind of physical excercise do you do? Qi Gong? Yoga? martial art? Weight lifting? socer? tennis?

 

Be true to yourself, you'll find answer sooner or later.