What is wrong with me?

[Birch]

sure?

Take your time with all this advice. There are lots of folks trying to help from their own perspective but you know yourself best. You have been through a lot. I think the internet is great for venting and finding people going through similar things but it has the emotional warmth of a wet rag sometimes:-) A face to face counsellor (not the internet) would be IMO/IME much help at this point.

[Stosh]

Unpleasant as it is..

A wet bed is as good a reason to get up ,

as the smell of bacon frying.

[Lindelani Mnisi]

I'm sorry to hear about everything you've been through. I love you. We all love you...that's why Im going to give you my advice. Its not professional, or even the best, I may even be wrong, but I still want to do my utmost best to help you, because I love you, all us taobums do....Maybe its your subconscious, maybe after being treated bad for so long, it just accepted that that's how its supposed to be and therefore...tells/invites others on sub level to treat you so. Maybe its your vibe, when meeting someone for the first time you usually get a feeling about them or something, so maybe you need to increase your vibrations closer to the love frequency, the higher frequency (try using meditations that clear your energy, or try using binuaral beats). Also, whats your hobby, you need to connect to/with people you share something in common with, that's the basis of relationships. Also get books on how to be conversate or seem more appealing. What I'm trying to say is, there is nothing wrong with you(provided you're happy with who you are), you are perfect the way you are. But unfortunately we cannot change the way people think, but we can change the way they think about us. The problem is not you, it is within you, and it is within your reach and power to solve it. My friend told me today, 'start with yourself'. And you may want to be a non-passive/a bit aggressive, since people like pushing around people they see as push-overs. I may be wrong, but thats still my advice. Peace and love

[voidisyinyang]

I thought bluemonk was referring to Theolonius! haha.

 

Blues music is the secret to feeling better - the catharsis of the blues is to make a person happy.

 

Like the band Cowboy Junkies --

 

Blue light increases your serotonin levels.

 

Get a blue light and soak it in -- blue is the color of Krishna because the blue light makes your blissed out.

 

Blue Light is the Light That Matters: Here's Why

 

http://www.psycheducation.org/depression/BlueLight.htm

 

However, now a very small light box is available for around $140 (e.g. from Costco last winter) that's much more portable, so you can use it where you happen to be in the morning. The key was finding just the right wavelength of light for this purpose, which allowed the box to be much smaller. I hope you already know, from the story above, what wavelength that is: blue light -- the striped peak in the graph above, which comes from the manufacturer's website (I have no financial connection to that manufacturer, and get no gain from telling you this story. I'm telling it here because I think it's a great story, and because understanding it may help people get an effective treatment they might not have considered otherwise).

 

http://www.psycheducation.org/depression/LightTherapy.htm##which

 

 

 

This recently discovered receptor^{Brainard 2001} is there just to tell your brain whether it's light or dark outside. It can do this even when your eyelids are closed! (Your eyelid is moderately transparent: close your eyes and look at the light in the room where you're sitting -- you can tell when you're looking toward, or away from that light, right?) So it's actually quite old, evolutionarily, a holdover from when eyes where first evolving from a patch of skin that could tell light from dark. (If you have trouble with "evolution", try my little essay on that, linked from the bottom of this page; for now, read on. I think this story actually makes the evolution thing more believable, at least to me).

Interestingly, this light/dark receptor is tuned to sense only blue light.

 

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2011/01/26/light-therapy-promising-for-treating-major-depression.aspx

 

This involved spending an hour each morning with the same kind of light-therapy box as that used for treating seasonal affective disorder.

 

Yeah blues music is slow syncopation which is 60 beats per minute and this causes increase alpha brain waves as increased serotonin. It's called the Mozart Effect. So it's from slow Baroque music or slove movements of Mozart but blues music is slow also -- so blues music actually increases serotonin!

 

 

Serotonin, the brain hormone associated with mood elevation, rises with exposure to bright light and falls with decreased sun exposure. This has been proven by many scientific studies, including one reported in the well-respected medical journal

Lancet in 2002

. This study measured blood levels of serotonin, finding that production of serotonin by the brain was directly related to the duration of bright sunlight.

Likewise, in the latest study, people who were

exposed to bright blue light

for an hour each morning for just three weeks experienced more improvements in their depressive symptoms than the control group, which was exposed to red light. They also had increased levels of

melatonin

in the evening, which helps with sleep and regulating your internal body clock, and lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol. Further, the improvements felt by the light-therapy group were comparable to those experienced by using antidepressant drugs.

[BlueMonk91]

I thought bluemonk was referring to Theolonius! haha.

 

Blues music is the secret to feeling better - the catharsis of the blues is to make a person happy.

 

Like the band Cowboy Junkies --

 

Blue light increases your serotonin levels.

 

Get a blue light and soak it in -- blue is the color of Krishna because the blue light makes your blissed out.

 

Blue Light is the Light That Matters: Here's Why

 

http://www.psycheducation.org/depression/BlueLight.htm

 

 

http://www.psycheducation.org/depression/LightTherapy.htm##which

 

 

 

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2011/01/26/light-therapy-promising-for-treating-major-depression.aspx

 

 

Yeah blues music is slow syncopation which is 60 beats per minute and this causes increase alpha brain waves as increased serotonin. It's called the Mozart Effect. So it's from slow Baroque music or slove movements of Mozart but blues music is slow also -- so blues music actually increases serotonin!

The name Bluemonk does refer to Thelonious monk my favourite musician. I listen to a lot of jazz and classical it provides brief moments of pleasure.

[BaguaKicksAss]

Here's the catch, cycle of abuse. We get treated a certain way by our parents when we are young. We (cause we are young and don't know better and are human) associate this with love and attention. So then later in life, we subconsciously go around attracting the same type of treatment.

 

As far as finding people to hang out with, what I found works is to find people like yourself with your own interests, instead of just random people. This tends to work really well. However trying to befriend random average jo/jane never seems to work well... for me anyways.

[suninmyeyes]

Anyway how you feeling today Blue Monk ? Any more inspired ? Or ?

[manitou]

LOL. sorry for the assumption, BlueMonk. I too am a Thelonius Monk fan, along with Coltraine. and Nina Simone? Woof. and I love the fact that PythagoreanFullLotus is old enough to remember Thelonius as a generational thing, I'm guessing.

 

But, on the other hand, think about it. If you sign on each day as BlueMonk (despite the fact that Thelonius did indeed do an incredible job on the blues) you are taking on the persona of a Blue Monk. How often have you felt that you are a blue monk? My guess is pretty often. That, combined with the avatar that you use, triangulates together to emit an unhappy presence. Be real careful that you're not taking on the BlueMonk identity as something that is committing you to that mindset.

 

I have been clinically depressed my whole life. I've discovered something. If I clean my house or my car or do something physical to manifest a more healthy mindset that it actually takes my thoughts off of myself and I have a chance for a nice day. (Actually, this doesn't much happen any more, but I had to do it that way for many years). Our physical surroundings are a direct reflection of what we have attracted to ourselves. The trick is to figure out why we continue to attract these things to ourselves. At the bottom of the tendency may lie a memory that needs to be re-imprinted into a different direction.

[BlueMonk91]

Anyway how you feeling today Blue Monk ? Any more inspired ? Or ?

errr......I think i'm getting worse everyday although I manage to workout everyday and get other things done. I'm booking an appointment to see a councilor. I feel like crying everyday but nothing comes out. I applied to volunteer for an organization that helps people going through similar issues.

[xor]

When you are depressed nothing sounds like it will help. Also you won't understand a friendly gesture when you see it, it will feel fake or even hostile.

[voidisyinyang]

errr......I think i'm getting worse everyday although I manage to workout everyday and get other things done. I'm booking an appointment to see a councilor. I feel like crying everyday but nothing comes out. I applied to volunteer for an organization that helps people going through similar issues.

 

cool -- EAT DATES.

 

Eat bananas -- a couple a day at least.

 

90% of serotonin is in our lower body.

 

Sitting in full lotus gets the blood up to the brain.

 

Otherwise do standing active exercises to get the blood up to the brain.

 

The whole "blood brain barrier" is bunk because the cerebrospinal fluid goes directly to the pineal gland and bypasses the blood brain barrier.

 

All the science people say bananas don't really help depression because the serotonin doesn't bypass the blood brain barrier.

 

 

A banana gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy. Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout.

 

So if you're working out -- the thing is you want to make sure your energy is good.

 

 

 

• ccording to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating a banana. This is because bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier.
• PMS: Forget the pills - eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.

 

 

http://rense.com/general85/bananas.htm

 

 

 

Dr Caroline Longmore, author of The Serotonin Secret, believes the best way to stock up on serotonin is by eating lots of tryptophan-rich foods such as turkey, cottage cheese and bananas - and even plums. She suggests eating between four to 11 bananas a week.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1166002/The-health-commandments-women-know-based-research-examining-MILLION-us.html#ixzz2PvAnjzwM

Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

[voidisyinyang]

The name Bluemonk does refer to Thelonious monk my favourite musician. I listen to a lot of jazz and classical it provides brief moments of pleasure.

 

Dude Theolonius is my FAVORITE.

 

When I did road trips I would listen to the same Theolonius 90 minute tape over and over and it was trance music to me and I never got bored with it because Theolonius is always changing it up.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JfoTv-08KHg

[Mal]

errr......I think i'm getting worse everyday although I manage to workout everyday and get other things done. I'm booking an appointment to see a councilor. I feel like crying everyday but nothing comes out. I applied to volunteer for an organization that helps people going through similar issues.

Great Actions!

 

You inspire me

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4946796

Unearthing unknown Monk Coltrane recording

Edited April 9, 2013 by Mal Stainkey

[C T]

...and me, too.

[Songtsan]

hmmm...perhaps some kind of extreme catharsis is needed? This helped me at one point. Finding my crystallized anger at childhood issues that were never properly dealt with led to great emotional release...expression of extreme sadness and anger eventually led to extreme happiness and a feeling of being alive again. I did stuff like punching pillows, screaming as loud as I could in bridge tunnels, and had some excellent results through practicing pranayamas (yogic breathing techniques - especially nadi shodhana, and surya bedhana)- they seemed to incite and then release alot of frustration/anger in me, which later led to peace. Also, practicing toning exercises (chanting vowel sounds ah, ee, oo, etc.) in various positions seemed to release a lot of trapped emotional energy, especially in a sitting position with the head thrown back...just let the tones naturally come out.

 

Also, something not to be overlooked is seeking out novel experiences...this is directly correlated to increased dopamine release....it even helps if there is an added element of stress involved. For example, one time when I was really depressed in general, I decided to start taking partner dance lessons in East Coast Lindy Hop, Samba, and some others...this actually made me feel alive again. Throw yourself into something that provokes some anxiety. When you go to partner dance classes, you are forced to be in close contact with people - this would be good for you. Many people's lives are so regimented and predictable, that the brain stops producing feel good chemicals as much because the challenge is gone. Thats why hobbies such as beach combing, using a metal-detector, mushroom hunting- anything where you find something are so exciting...think back to our primate days - we are meant to be constantly searching, discovering...you need to break out of your mold. Go skydiving! I cannot imagine that someone could go skydiving and not have an exciting experience.

 

Also, I just wanted to recommend some nootropics: 5-hydroxytryptophan (5-HTP) and L-Dopa (see: mucuna)-these are the precursors for serotonin and dopamine respectively - you should be able to buy 5-HTP at any big chain grocery store, take as directed, more is not better...mucuna at a vitamin store, or else on the internet....they are pretty cheap....they have worked for me to some extent....

 

You also have to start thinking in terms of making 'small gains' - for example you have had a lot of good advice in your thread...there are many things which will help: blue light, vitamin D, exercise, nootropics, dont masturbate, internet dating, massages, cleaning your room, etc etc....if any one of these things produces even a 1% change...then do as many as possible and you will see a significant change...think 'overkill' do everything at once that is recommended...something will happen...guaranteed. Work from all angles, physical, nutritional, social, environmental, and so on....try everything...you have a purpose right now....to feel better. Make a list of things to do and get to doing them.

[suninmyeyes]

errr......I think i'm getting worse everyday although I manage to workout everyday and get other things done. I'm booking an appointment to see a councilor. I feel like crying everyday but nothing comes out. I applied to volunteer for an organization that helps people going through similar issues.

Booking a councilor is great move , as well as volounteering with people going through same issues .

You have to let us know how it goes after a longer while too , dont forget .

Come back and report .

Edited April 11, 2013 by suninmyeyes

[manitou]

Mal - thanks for the link. But Nina was missing.

[Stosh]

errr......I think i'm getting worse everyday although I manage to workout everyday and get other things done. I'm booking an appointment to see a councilor. I feel like crying everyday but nothing comes out. I applied to volunteer for an organization that helps people going through similar issues.

 

 

That which follows becomes first , the first becomes last

 

Translation ,, I am really doing a great job , taking care of myself , and I dont really need any assistance. I feel happy most of the time and Im enjoying my life. I feel Ive got things pretty well figured out and so I am going to try to help others who arent doing so hot.

[Birch]

Stosh, I think we'd never have any therapists if we held them to some degree of having resolved things for themselves before they started their practice/training...

 

Joke aside, I agree that it could be counterproductive for others to be helped by someone who needs to help themselves more first. I think we do have to be careful on the forum not to offer too much of a pointed diagnosis.

 

--opinion etc--

[johndoe2012]

.

Edited August 18, 2013 by chris d

[Stosh]

Stosh, I think we'd never have any therapists if we held them to some degree of having resolved things for themselves before they started their practice/training...

 

Joke aside, I agree that it could be counterproductive for others to be helped by someone who needs to help themselves more first. I think we do have to be careful on the forum not to offer too much of a pointed diagnosis.

 

--opinion etc--

 

Yeah I think I agree K , but I am not sure I understand how you mean that.

 

Blue seems to be doing the right things to address his situation , but claims to be unhappy.

Depressed folks tend to take care of themselves with less diligence, withdraw from society, cry easily and hide their emotions.

The idea that the connection between ones internal state is predicated on ones external circumstance , is largely a loose one.

The earth is neither heaven or hell except for the thinking that makes it so... as in Hamlet .

We know little about Blue besides what he has written , so all I would try is to present considerations that may or may not suit him to consider. (any tao that can tao is not a constant tao) Since he appears to be looking for feedback - I consider it invited comment.

[Xienkula1]

hmmm...perhaps some kind of extreme catharsis is needed? This helped me at one point. Finding my crystallized anger at childhood issues that were never properly dealt with led to great emotional release...expression of extreme sadness and anger eventually led to extreme happiness and a feeling of being alive again. I did stuff like punching pillows, screaming as loud as I could in bridge tunnels, and had some excellent results through practicing pranayamas (yogic breathing techniques - especially nadi shodhana, and surya bedhana)- they seemed to incite and then release alot of frustration/anger in me, which later led to peace. Also, practicing toning exercises (chanting vowel sounds ah, ee, oo, etc.) in various positions seemed to release a lot of trapped emotional energy, especially in a sitting position with the head thrown back...just let the tones naturally come out.

 

Also, something not to be overlooked is seeking out novel experiences...this is directly correlated to increased dopamine release....it even helps if there is an added element of stress involved. For example, one time when I was really depressed in general, I decided to start taking partner dance lessons in East Coast Lindy Hop, Samba, and some others...this actually made me feel alive again. Throw yourself into something that provokes some anxiety. When you go to partner dance classes, you are forced to be in close contact with people - this would be good for you. Many people's lives are so regimented and predictable, that the brain stops producing feel good chemicals as much because the challenge is gone. Thats why hobbies such as beach combing, using a metal-detector, mushroom hunting- anything where you find something are so exciting...think back to our primate days - we are meant to be constantly searching, discovering...you need to break out of your mold. Go skydiving! I cannot imagine that someone could go skydiving and not have an exciting experience.

 

Also, I just wanted to recommend some nootropics: 5-hydroxytryptophan (5-HTP) and L-Dopa (see: mucuna)-these are the precursors for serotonin and dopamine respectively - you should be able to buy 5-HTP at any big chain grocery store, take as directed, more is not better...mucuna at a vitamin store, or else on the internet....they are pretty cheap....they have worked for me to some extent....

 

Just be careful with the 5HTP and mucuna.....there can be unwanted side effects with these two..

[Birch]

"Yeah I think I agree K , but I am not sure I understand how you mean that."

 

I mean that the 'therapeutic world' (more so the 'self-help' industry and forums;-)) is filled with people attempting to resolve other people's problems while their own largely remain unexamined and unresolved.

 

It (IMO/IME) can result in less than fortunate consequences for the people seeking help because they can inadvertently become the means towards the therapist's end and not their own. I'd say especially if the latter has no training but it is mitigated by self-awareness. I'd suggest further, it's not good 'energetic' practice to involve people in one's own resolution in this matter. I realise the irony of saying this on a forum with a heavy amount of dedication to DIY healing, self-development etc and I have done it myself.

 

Curiously, my interest in being a 'healer' of any kind for the reasons cited above has evaporated with my own progress.

 

--opinion etc--

[Stosh]

_{"Yeah I think I agree K , but I am not sure I understand how you mean that."}

 

_{I mean that the 'therapeutic world' (more so the 'self-help' industry and forums;-)) is filled with people attempting to resolve other people's problems while their own largely remain unexamined and unresolved.}

 

_{It (IMO/IME) can result in less than fortunate consequences for the people seeking help because they can inadvertently become the means towards the therapist's end and not their own. I'd say especially if the latter has no training but it is mitigated by self-awareness. I'd suggest further, it's not good 'energetic' practice to involve people in one's own resolution in this matter. I realise the irony of saying this on a forum with a heavy amount of dedication to DIY healing, self-development etc and I have done it myself.}

 

_{Curiously, my interest in being a 'healer' of any kind for the reasons cited above has evaporated with my own progress.}

 

_{--opinion etc--}

 

_{Well then- I can say I comfortably agree with what you have said , I read in the TTC admonishment regarding interfering with the affairs of others.}

_{It makes sense because they will likely just you as a crutch, or someone to blame, or just ignore that which they would ignore hearing from themselves.}

_{It makes sense to just leave folks be ,, they often ask for it -to be left be- by name ! as in the phrase " mind your own business" etc}

_{and it is often nice to just have somebody listen without tossing their own two cents in, (the goal being to communicate but not really for the other person to try to resolve the issue )}

 

_{On the other hand its quite obvious that anyone posting here about some difficulty or other , IS going to be inundated with opinions regarding said difficulty . ( and so they have no leg to stand on -if they get such feedback )}

 

_{If one wants to be seen as wise , and have folks go to them for advice , the ttc says one should pretty much keep their mouth shut and say stuff that really doesnt address the issue,,,}

_{, Ironically , wanting to be seen as wise is personal bias revolving around ego ! -which doesnt set one towards finding peace from within ( independent of external factors).}

_{So the TTC doesnt really tell you you should either try or not try to be wise , nor does it tell you to keep quiet about other folks business !}

_{It does outline the relationship between giving and getting advice , or being seen as wise vs foolish. .. So one takes ones pick.}

[BlueMonk91]

"Yeah I think I agree K , but I am not sure I understand how you mean that."

 

I mean that the 'therapeutic world' (more so the 'self-help' industry and forums;-)) is filled with people attempting to resolve other people's problems while their own largely remain unexamined and unresolved.

 

It (IMO/IME) can result in less than fortunate consequences for the people seeking help because they can inadvertently become the means towards the therapist's end and not their own. I'd say especially if the latter has no training but it is mitigated by self-awareness. I'd suggest further, it's not good 'energetic' practice to involve people in one's own resolution in this matter. I realise the irony of saying this on a forum with a heavy amount of dedication to DIY healing, self-development etc and I have done it myself.

 

Curiously, my interest in being a 'healer' of any kind for the reasons cited above has evaporated with my own progress.

 

--opinion etc--

Sorry I should have been more specific, I would be volunteering in the IT or administration areas of the organization not directly involved with the people who come for help.