Help, how to deliver an important and delicate message?

[hydrogen]

My old girl friend borke up with me last year. One of the main reasons was that I wasn't fully divorced though I seperated from my ex-wife for over five years.

 

Now I have the divorce paper. How I can tell my ex-girlfriend?

 

She lives in another city some ten hours driving distance. I plan to fly there to tell her. However I don't think she'll be thrilled to see me suddenly show up at her work place.

 

Should I text her or send her a mail to make an oppointment at a coffee shop? Should I send her flowers along my invitation?

 

Yes, I want her back.

 

If it doesn't happen, I don't want to regret for I know I've exghausted every effort.

 

Any ideas and suggestion would be appreciated. I'd even consider some "crazy" ideas because I know I can embarrass myself by running naked on the street for her.

[ChiForce]

Oh..hmmm...this sounds...hmmm....difficult. Are you sure this is the right place to ask such questions or helps????

[Birch]

This is a great place to ask!

Just be discerning with the advice you do get.

 

---2cts---

[joeblast]

she broke up with you and moved 10 hours away because your divorce wasnt finalized yet?? tough, these situations are always so complex, and we've got but a trifling to go by I mean, how long were you together before it became an issue, what's the situation with ex wife, did that have anything to do with this...

[Sloppy Zhang]

My old girl friend borke up with me last year. One of the main reasons was that I wasn't fully divorced though I seperated from my ex-wife for over five years.

 

Well if the only thing she didn't like was the fact that you weren't fully divorced, call her or text her, say you want to talk, and get around to meeting her in person.

 

If she had other reasons beyond just you not being fully divorced, maybe you should make sure all of those reasons have been addressed as well?

 

Other questions to ask- does she still want you? Was it a reluctant breakup, where she really wanted to be with you but couldn't bring herself to put herself at risk to a guy who didn't love her enough to leave his still legal wife, or was she just using that as an excuse to otherwise get out of a relationship she wasn't too thrilled about?

 

I wouldn't invest too much money or emotions unless it's worth it.

 

Than again, part of being "worth it" is being able to sleep at night without having regrets.

 

So do what you feel you have to do to sleep easy.

[ChiForce]

This is a great place to ask! Just be discerning with the advice you do get. ---2cts---

Oh, well, since this is a message board about the Tao and the nature of Buddhism, it would be inevitable the issue of karma would come up. Has one caused negative karma to be in a divorce situation? Or being in a relation while you are still married? And a divorce situation that hasn't been completed or resolved for 5 years? Was she the reason for the divorce? I am just reading karma all over the place here.....

Edited April 16, 2013 by ChiForce

[liminal_luke]

Personally, I don't recommend a grand gesture right off the bat. Running through the streets naked while it would make a great scene in a movie, might not play so well in real life. Better, and more respectful, to approach the situation in a more low-key way and find out where she's at. Is she dating, seeing anybody else seriously right now? Is she interested in hearing your story about the divorce papers? I think a simple phone call to open the lines of communication is the way to start things. If she's happy about your news and wants to get back together there will be plenty of time for grand gestures later.

[dawei]

Pick up the phone and give her a call?

 

 

My advice:

 

Direct; Sincere; Honest... and eat as much crow as needed along the way as needed. Two things you don't want to let linger:

 

1. She regrets and/or holds something emotional (even unconscious) for the rest of life; caused by you.

2. Insert your name at first word in #1.

 

Good luck.

[dawei]

Oh, well, since this is a message board about the Tao and the nature of Buddhism, it would be inevitable the issue of karma would come up. Has one caused negative karma to be in a divorce situation? Or being in a relation while you are still married? And a divorce situation that hasn't been completed or resolved for 5 years? Was she the reason for the divorce? I am just reading karma all over the place here.....

 

Excellent point... and why I think directly and honestly nipping the karma producing event needs to end whatever lingers from it...

[BaguaKicksAss]

Definitely phone her first, or start with email if she was pretty pissed last you talked with her. Did you really go all this time with no contact whatsoever? (OK so maybe it's just me that has my ex on fb lolol). Definitely don't just show up in person; from most women's perspective this would come off as creepy and stalker like.

[BaguaKicksAss]

Also, the breakup wasn't because "you weren't divorced with a piece of paper yet", it was more likely from her perspective something like "he isn't serious enough to move on from his ex" or "he wasn't honest enough to tell me that day 1" or something along those lines. So addressing whatever the underlying emotions were that led to the breakup would be best, also letting her know that you are a different person today than you were back than. Er, also check to make sure she is still single before buying plane tickets .

[三江源]

Hydrogen, I think the running naked down the street naked is a good idea.

 

This is the way to move:

 

 

You need a boom box playing this:

 

[hydrogen]

No creative writers from "family guys" here.

 

Thanks for the advices. I think I'll send her a letter since she hasn't been answering my phone calls. Should I send it as email or a paper letter?

[三江源]

She might love seeing your handwriting. I find handwriting can be immensely touching and powerful.

 

There are programmes online where you can do a drawing and send it as an email, and the recipient can see the movement of your 'pen' as the drawing unfolds in front of their eyes.

 

 

http://fun4child.com/paintonline/

 

Congratulations on finalising of the divorce. What a relief!

Edited April 17, 2013 by cat

[joeblast]

No creative writers from "family guys" here.

 

Thanks for the advices. I think I'll send her a letter since she hasn't been answering my phone calls. Should I send it as email or a paper letter?

I dont think it matters, man. If she is avoiding talking to you, best be comfortable with the idea that nothing will come of this. Give it a shot anyway, but blow the intention off into the wind and let it disappear - if things are workable, she'll contact you back. If she hasnt returned calls thus far...it honestly sounds like more to it than just the divorce thing.

[BaguaKicksAss]

Avoiding your phone calls... I recommend some allowing yourself to move on work.