Temperature of Hell

[Cat Pillar]

I finally found one of my favorite science-y jokes again, and thought I'd post it for others to enjoy. I'm sure many of you have already seen this. I snagged it from "http://www.enlightened-spirituality.org/Spiritual_Humor.html"

 

[The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so interesting that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now can enjoy it as well.]

 

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

 

[Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:]

 

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

 

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

 

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

 

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, “it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,” and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct... leaving only Heaven—thereby proving the existence of a divine being. Which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting “Oh my God!

 

[This student received the only “A” grade.]

[Vanir Thunder Dojo Tan]

but is the grade awarded in a physics class, or a philosophy class?

[Cat Pillar]

Supposedly it was in a chemistry class. I personally think it was probably just a funny piece written by a comedian somewhere, but who knows?

[Vanir Thunder Dojo Tan]

the person who write it first.

[xor]

http://astro.berkeley.edu/~gmarcy/thermal/tpteacher/jokes/hell.html

 

This seems to be the original. It also names the student and professor.

[Sloppy Zhang]

It's a more well rounded story if the guy gets the girl.

 

It's a more realistic story that the chemistry nerd didn't get the girl.

 

Both were pretty funny though.