Am I just going crazy, or getting duller?

[WillingToListen]

Since my "K-arousal",

 

I can't bring myself to be passionate about something. It seems that now I am more aware of how some things work so I'd be ignorant not to acknowledge that and be content with much more than i was before. But it seems I'm just content to shrivel up and die here. I can't find the "fire" I used to have when making music. All my illustrious careers of past have sort of turned into vapor and sailed on.

 

Why can't I care about anything?

 

I've been trying and it's like I don't care about music anymore, I don't even like most of what I used to listen to.

Alot of the time when I listen to music loudly or try to sing, it makes my brain feel funny(not in a good way, but it doesn't hurt).

 

My mental processes feel like they've slowed down a lot. When problematic situations arise, I'm very composed and it's like I "see the truth" of the matter and a lot of times that leaves me with nothing to say about what's happening, I'm far less opinionated. A lot fo the people I associate with now are 3 to 4 years younger and I'm starting to feel like a shallow imbecile.

 

Not many things make me happy that used to. Seeing a baby/animal and getting to speak to it makes me really happy, I don't really care for anything on television/most of popular culture.

 

I feel like I can't even level on many things with people my age.

 

My non-existent love life is threatening to never happen now. I over think everything it seems. I'm overly critical of myself and its like I can't change it.

 

Atleast all the dogs I come across love me...

 

Most of the time what i feel about people tends to be correct, and a lot of the time it stresses me out in some way. I call it "the wave" and only one other person i've known is "tuned in" to it.

 

Peoples true intentions tend to float to the top of conversation, like a lie detector i can't turn off.

 

I try not to help people as much as I did when it first started, because it seemed like it back fired and made me suffer for a while. But people still reach out and ask for help from me, many other people have blocked me off- I guess for acting "crazy"

 

And recently when I look at people in their eyes its like i can see into their hearts, like i get these "thoughts" about things that are going on with them in thier life, maybe they're nothing but my own pre-conceived notions about the person, but they seem to be accurate more than half of the time.

 

I feel blank. I feel like I'm not me.

Nothing that used to make me happy does. I feel like a mannequin with a heart.

 

I want my life back.

 

I need to quit smoking weed, and I need to start retaining, but I just don't care.

I don't like being alive right now and not for the last months- passively

Edited May 15, 2013 by WillingToListen

[hydrogen]

Man, I think you need help.

 

If you can't afford formal theropy, you may want to check out some help group meeting.

[Maddie]

Since my "K-arousal",

 

I can't bring myself to be passionate about something. It seems that now I am more aware of how some things work so I'd be ignorant not to acknowledge that and be content with much more than i was before. But it seems I'm just content to shrivel up and die here. I can't find the "fire" I used to have when making music. All my illustrious careers of past have sort of turned into vapor and sailed on.

 

Why can't I care about anything?

 

I've been trying and it's like I don't care about music anymore, I don't even like most of what I used to listen to.

Alot of the time when I listen to music loudly or try to sing, it makes my brain feel funny(not in a good way, but it doesn't hurt).

 

My mental processes feel like they've slowed down a lot. When problematic situations arise, I'm very composed and it's like I "see the truth" of the matter and a lot of times that leaves me with nothing to say about what's happening, I'm far less opinionated. A lot fo the people I associate with now are 3 to 4 years younger and I'm starting to feel like a shallow imbecile.

 

Not many things make me happy that used to. Seeing a baby/animal and getting to speak to it makes me really happy, I don't really care for anything on television/most of popular culture.

 

I feel like I can't even level on many things with people my age.

 

My non-existent love life is threatening to never happen now. I over think everything it seems. I'm overly critical of myself and its like I can't change it.

 

Atleast all the dogs I come across love me...

 

Most of the time what i feel about people tends to be correct, and a lot of the time it stresses me out in some way. I call it "the wave" and only one other person i've known is "tuned in" to it.

 

Peoples true intentions tend to float to the top of conversation, like a lie detector i can't turn off.

 

I try not to help people as much as I did when it first started, because it seemed like it back fired and made me suffer for a while. But people still reach out and ask for help from me, many other people have blocked me off- I guess for acting "crazy"

 

And recently when I look at people in their eyes its like i can see into their hearts, like i get these "thoughts" about things that are going on with them in thier life, maybe they're nothing but my own pre-conceived notions about the person, but they seem to be accurate more than half of the time.

 

I feel blank. I feel like I'm not me.

Nothing that used to make me happy does. I feel like a mannequin with a heart.

 

I want my life back.

 

I need to quit smoking weed, and I need to start retaining, but I just don't care.

I don't like being alive right now and not for the last months- passively

Sounds like your heart qi is low. By your own words you feel like the "fire" has gone out of your life, and the fire element is in the heart. Also the heart houses the shen/mind so if your mental process is dull it would be explained by that as well.

 

Might want to give these herbs a try.

http://agelessherbs.com/blood-mansion-formula/

[voidisyinyang]

Actually what you describe sounds like my life also.

 

But the only thing is you should quit weed since the smoke causes sadness - and so I think that's what you're describing really.

 

But as for seeing the deeper level of things - yep --

 

Still you should be smiling all the time with no need for weed - the smile should be an "inner smile" from the pineal gland.

 

I've actually had family members go - "why are you smiling?" as a threatening interrogation since I was smiling at a time that was socially inappropriate.

 

"I'm not smiling!" I would shoot back all self-defensively. haha.

 

Oops. How can I explain? Ummm. Well see my pineal gland, magnetic bliss, and really you don't have to be sad if you understand things this way.. and try to explain a deeper side of things.

 

Nope. haha.

[joeblast]

heh, nobody ever said the falling back into worldliness part was entirely enjoyable, or entirely horrible, for that matter. karma flows from the choices made

[Jetsun]

Sounds like you might be a bit depressed, and the most reliable way to help get out of that is regular exercise like running, which is twice as good if done in nature.

[WillingToListen]

Actually what you describe sounds like my life also.

. Living for solely my family is getting awfully old. I'm 24, I can't do this another decade.

 

How do you cope? Do you have any interests/hobbies?

 

But the only thing is you should quit weed since the smoke causes sadness - and so I think that's what you're describing really.

I don't care. It's not the only thing causing sadness, there is the whole me not having any goals(Or being passionate enough to be able to make any goals) anymore and family problems. Life, I know, is a great thing- I just don't care anymore, it's like I'm watching my life happen from someone elses viewpoint and there's nothing I can do/feel.

 

It's like I don't belong to me anymore.

But as for seeing the deeper level of things - yep --

It's so stupid. I don't feel any kind of way about peoples ignorance about certain matters anymore, even when they're obviously trying to send me some negativity. but in doing that I feel blank, like I'm this robot with no feeling.

Like I couldn't be angry if I wanted to.

 

Still you should be smiling all the time with no need for weed - the smile should be an "inner smile" from the pineal gland.

I like weed because when I smoke enough I go into this haze/stupor where time flies by and I don't have to think too hard about anyhthing, I even pass out for hours- that's the fun part, not "being here".

 

I don't like smiling, everyone likes mine enough for me. Sure I smile because of things, but it's nothing ever really about me anymore.

Most of the time I'm not smiling about something "normal" to smile about.

 

I feel like I don't even belong here anymore.

I really don't want to do this for long, I'll leave.

[WillingToListen]

and im noticeably balding, one of my parents is ill, moneys getting tighter even though I went out and got a job, everyone stares at the scars on my arms while I'm working- all the time, evrything seems so pointless, I'm nothing to society, i can't maintain a relationship with a girl!!!!!!!!!:(!!:(! Sorry for spamming the forums with my bullshit. This is as close as I get to "talking with someone" about it now

 

 

**I love cigarettes.

[h.uriahr]

SANTIAGO DOBLES

 

SUSAN CARLSON

 

Both will help you if you contact them.

[h.uriahr]

Contact Santiago. Especially since you mention music. He's a guitar god.

 

Hit him up.

[voidisyinyang]

. Living for solely my family is getting awfully old. I'm 24, I can't do this another decade.

 

How do you cope? Do you have any interests/hobbies?

 

I don't care. It's not the only thing causing sadness, there is the whole me not having any goals(Or being passionate enough to be able to make any goals) anymore and family problems. Life, I know, is a great thing- I just don't care anymore, it's like I'm watching my life happen from someone elses viewpoint and there's nothing I can do/feel.

 

It's like I don't belong to me anymore.

It's so stupid. I don't feel any kind of way about peoples ignorance about certain matters anymore, even when they're obviously trying to send me some negativity. but in doing that I feel blank, like I'm this robot with no feeling.

Like I couldn't be angry if I wanted to.

 

I like weed because when I smoke enough I go into this haze/stupor where time flies by and I don't have to think too hard about anyhthing, I even pass out for hours- that's the fun part, not "being here".

 

I don't like smiling, everyone likes mine enough for me. Sure I smile because of things, but it's nothing ever really about me anymore.

Most of the time I'm not smiling about something "normal" to smile about.

 

I feel like I don't even belong here anymore.

I really don't want to do this for long, I'll leave.

 

24?

 

You're a young buck!!!!!

 

haha.

 

I'm.... the opposite age of you.

 

42.

 

haha.

 

Yeah all I can say is when I get a lung blockage from smoke - like wood smoke since I heat the house with wood in Minnesota -- so yes I get very SAD.

 

Also my sister had depression and she was a smoker from high school on and so she still gets sad but I suck it out of her. haha.

 

Yeah so the TCM truth of sadness and lungs has to be dealt with.

 

Actually I was at work in full lotus - alone - and my coworker walked in.

 

He was 24 at the time. He just looked at me and I was overwhelmed by his sadness - I blurted out:

 

Why are you so sad!!

 

He was shocked because he had not said a word, nor did he have any expression on his face.

 

So then I said:

 

You know smoking causes depression.

 

Then soon after he quit smoking and his sadness went away.

[baiqi]

I also feel some kidney deficiency from what you wrote. But this need to be checked by a tcm doctor.

 

 

 

 

I want my life back.

 

I need to quit smoking weed, and I need to start retaining, but I just don't care.

Contradiction spotted here!! You do care, but you don't have enough energy to fight. Try to start with the simplest things you can do. You can't stop smoking weed? Alright, just reduce it for the moment. See if you feel better. See if you can take it. Reduce again. Eventually, stop completly.

 

 

 

Seeing a baby/animal and getting to speak to it makes me really happy, I don't really care for anything on television/most of popular culture.

...That part sounds healthy to me! Continue to speak to them . Hug trees. Get grounded. Go out. Do whatever it takes to get out of this state of mind.

[Maddie]

From a TCM point of view I see several things going on.

 

Lung: yes unhealthy lungs do cause sadness as the emotion of the lung is sorrow and grief.

 

Kidney: they house the will and the jing. If your jing is low then the kidney's governing action on the head hair is lost and it falls out. Also if the kidneys are weak the will, will also be weak.

 

Heart: its emotion is joy so if your heart qi is low then you won't have a lot of joy. The heart also houses the mind/shen/spirit, so if your mind is dull that is also a heart issue. This also does relate to the pineal gland as Drew was mentioning as in internal branch of the heart meridian goes up to the brain where the pineal gland / upper dan tien is. This helps explain why you hear that the shen is located in the heart and the upper dan tien. That is the connection.

 

Liver: if liver qi becomes stagnant then one will often feel depressed.

[Maddie]

I dont give a fuck anymore. fuck off

guess "willing to Listen" is no longer applicable.

[Clarity]

The "K arousal" triggered your negative life experiences. So you were on a high for a while, and then you come down and get hit with all your negative life experiences from the past. So now it's time to resolve all the karma and spiritual experiences that have been painful for you for thousands of years. I say so because the first weakness for you is struggling with your spirit.

 

The reason why people stare at your arms all the time (and it bothers you) is because you haven't resolved your cutting karma. That's the karma of cutting yourself (in this life) and of cutting others (from the past, spiritual experiences). Really, it's the karma of cutting others that is the weaker of the two.

 

Going against the grain, I recommend you NOT stop smoking. If you do stop, you must replace it with another habit that supports you. Smoking does not cause depression, that is misinformation. Yes, it can be a nasty habit (I know because I used to smoke).

 

Also, you have a lot of pent up anger and frustration around not getting what you want out of life, let's delete that now. All of the over-thinking weakens your emotions and then you kind of suppress the anger and frustration and shut yourself down.

 

You also need more separation in your life triads. It's like your thinking and emotions are all mixed up and confused. The same is true for the emotions and reactions.

 

You have spiritual experiences of making other people feel kind of hopeless and powerless alongside a karma of suicide.

 

If you are having suicidal thoughts, please contact a mental health professional. I'm pretty sure you can get some kind of free counseling for this if you live in a major metro area.

 

The energy where you sleep is also very weak, strengthening that now. The energy in your bedroom is kind of keeping you down, better now. I strengthened you to the hopelessness.

 

Reset and re-integrate spirit, mind, body (in that order).

[liminal_luke]

Ah willingtolisten, don't be that way. I get that you're in a lot of pain, I do. But you know what? There are a lot of people here who are very knowledgeable and happy to offer help if you'll let them. You've been referred to some very knowledgeable and competent people (Santiago Dobles, Susan Carlson), and been given a suggestion for chinese herbs from an acupuncture student. What's the harm in trying out some of the freely given expert advice you asked for? You can always give up later.

 

It takes energy to get help; it takes energy to listen. Could be that you just don't have it in you at the moment and that's ok. I'm sure the taobums will be here in the future if you're up for discussion down the road.

[Vanir Thunder Dojo Tan]

Ahh... W2L we're in much the same boat... i've been struggling with the "lie detector" thing all my life.... used to get me in trouble when i called people out on it, cuz i could never prove anything but was always adamant.


I'm happy to see clarity's post in here, cuz those words were a good read even for me, i can only hope they help you a billion times over.


Stay well, W2L! dont think that there arent folks here who dont care about you!! I'd be one of the offended folks if ya did!

It's not easy, it's not fun, it's hard, but you gotta stay in the game jsut a little while longer... everything is boiling over and the fireworks are about to start

[hydrogen]

I did my manly-man running yesterday. I felt good.

 

Girly-man: I run fast.

 

Manly-man: I run for fun. To loose my bones. I'm not concerned about speed. I try to block as much space as possible. Instead linear forward, my line is more like zig zag. It's more like swagger around in my hood.

 

Girly-man: What if you need speed to run away from danger?

 

Manly-man: I never run away from enemy. There is no need for speed.

 

Girly-man: What if you need to chase your enemy?

 

Manly-man: That's what my mouth for. I can do the lion roar. You should meet my buddy John. He can simply say "stop". His enemy would be weekened in their knees and drop to the ground.

 

After you smoking weed, instead curling up like a girl-man inside your room, you should do manly-man run in your hood.

[Vanir Thunder Dojo Tan]

im sure if i needed to.... i could roar like a lion too i've caught myself once... yesterday in fact... ranting at the sky and raving about some stupid little incedent... and i noticed my voice........ i scared me and then laughed and wasnt pissed anymore!

[WillingToListen]

Cool story. Most of these things I know as I lived a fairly isolated life on a vegetarian/pescatarian diet, meditating and abstaining from all subatances. I simply stopped caring. The fire went out.

One night I swear I was being followed by a large entity as I heard loud booming following me at night from about 150 meters away, then I quit doing everything "right"if because I wanted out of everything that involved the path.

Now I feel as if I'm going crazy sometimes because I constantly awake to a life that I want nothing to do with. I am fairly unhappy with things but that isn't the biggest issue, it's that I feel as though I've already lived/died and have nothing else to live for.

Not much concerns me currently and that's a bit scary. I simply can't find the passion within myself right now. I'm so fucking fed up with everything. I'm living a life that doesn't even feel like it's mine, it all feels like a bad dream now.

People always say to hold on, why bother. I don't even know if any of this legitimately happened to me

[skydog]

Passion is related to second chakra.

 

At the risk of repeating myself, you have to quit fapping you will turn into a beast, you have to exercise, work the muscles, be out in nature. Get rid of the energetic weaknesses. Have fun

 

You said you were powerful at prayer..I try to show these things to people but after countless effort showed that one to my dad only thing he listens to he says his arthritis pains are gone in like 3 weeks.

 

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Healing-Code-Minutes-Success-Relationship/dp/1444727710

 

This is very powerful too

 

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Shaking-Medicine-Healing-Ecstatic-Movement/dp/1594771499/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1368738183&sr=1-1&keywords=shaking+medicine

 

I have so much passion now Im sure this is slightly anti social...oh well I dont care for the moment.

 

peace and blessings

[skydog]

Questions to ask oneself.

 

 

What would I do if there was no one (I thought I had to please)?

What do I really want?

Why do I want those things?

What is stopping me from getting those things?

What might be nice to do?

If I had 2 days left to live? 2 months left to live? 2 years left to live?

What skills could I focus on in order to be in a better position in 4 years, what could I dedicate myself to?

How can I make it fun?

Edited May 16, 2013 by sinansencer

[Clarity]

Now I feel as if I'm going crazy sometimes because I constantly awake to a life that I want nothing to do with. I am fairly unhappy with things but that isn't the biggest issue, it's that I feel as though I've already lived/died and have nothing else to live for.

Not much concerns me currently and that's a bit scary. I simply can't find the passion within myself right now. I'm so fucking fed up with everything. I'm living a life that doesn't even feel like it's mine, it all feels like a bad dream now.

People always say to hold on, why bother. I don't even know if any of this legitimately happened to me

 

Alienating and isolating others, and making other people give up is a karma from your past. I say so because when I think about you and isolation, then stop thinking and feel, I feel the weakness. Disentangling all of that right now, for you, your ancestors (isolating themselves from others), and your spiritual experiences.

 

You don't have to hold on to anything. The Buddha didn't tell people to hold on, he told them to be skillfully mindful. This means not clinging, grasping, or dwelling in form. This means letting go of any concept of what you think it means to be you.

 

Reset mind, spirit, body.

[WillingToListen]

I can't help it, people don't want me to be myself.

They're so miserable and they want so desperately to share that. When I go back to where I should people still approach me but many are turned away and I'm isolated all over again.

I care so much in a world thar doesn't.

 

I don't want anything but to not exist.

[WillingToListen]

I feel everyone and sometimes their intentions, so dark/ignorant, become so loud. Theyre so sad.

I feel this ifinite logical sadness most times, for them- but now its not as bad because i can't think as well.

For the longest I wanted more than anything to help others and to make a difference, but now I find that next to no one is quick to accept help. Now what? I feel like most of me dissolved.

 

So I get better, then what? I grow that much further from society?

 

I'm really hurt. Everything