PUA and Spirituality

[三江源]

I met the boyfriend of a very beautiful girlfriend... I was surprised : he was shorter than her and rotund and very possessive and much older than her. Turned out he had a yacht and bought her a house, and not only that, he was genuinely wanting to give her lots and lots of attention and make her central to his life.

[三江源]

i was honestly thinking that i would find some technique which has something to do with energy to attract women in this discussion

 

lol but this discussion is going somewhere else

Really? Just be heart centred and have humour.. that's the energy aspect of it in a nutshell. it aint rocket science.

[Maddie]

i was honestly thinking that i would find some technique which has something to do with energy to attract women in this discussion

 

lol but this discussion is going somewhere else

oh well that's easy, build a LOT of qi. Do that through lots of meditation and abstinence and creating emptiness by not wanting women, its really a paradox lol.

[三江源]

oh well that's easy, build a LOT of qi. Do that through lots of meditation and abstinence and creating emptiness by not wanting women, its really a paradox lol.

its easy to not want women, once you have a woman.

 

without a woman, you'd have to kill off parts of yourself quite radically, and /or be in denial.

[Maddie]

its easy to not want women, once you have a woman.

 

without a woman, you'd have to kill off parts of yourself quite radically, and /or be in denial.

no one said its easy lol, but then again letting go of clinging never is, but its possible and very rewarding

[nine tailed fox]

oh well that's easy, build a LOT of qi. Do that through lots of meditation and abstinence and creating emptiness by not wanting women, its really a paradox lol.

well i doubt about that not wanting women part

 

for whole 1 year i never actually wanted women (i was busy in other things , most of the time internet hahaha) but i didnt attract any women , how would you explain that ?

 

i have heard that tantric techniques can make you very attractive

 

there was a guy who used to teach this, forgot about him

 

any experience with tantra and girls ? (PLEASE I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT SEXUAL TANTRA)

[三江源]

no one said its easy lol, but then again letting go of clinging never is, but its possible and very rewarding

absolutely. wanting doesnt equal to clinging. they arent synonymous, actually.

[三江源]

well i doubt about that not wanting women part

 

for whole 1 year i never actually wanted women (i was busy in other things , most of the time internet hahaha) but i didnt attract any women , how would you explain that ?

 

i have heard that tantric techniques can make you very attractive

 

there was a guy who used to teach this, forgot about him

 

any experience with tantra and girls ? (PLEASE I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT SEXUAL TANTRA)

good point, forgetting about your sexuality doesnt make you attractive! How could it.. except to those who are looking for someone with a dormant sexuality?!

[Maddie]

well i doubt about that not wanting women part

 

for whole 1 year i never actually wanted women (i was busy in other things , most of the time internet hahaha) but i didnt attract any women , how would you explain that ?

 

i have heard that tantric techniques can make you very attractive

 

there was a guy who used to teach this, forgot about him

 

any experience with tantra and girls ? (PLEASE I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT SEXUAL TANTRA)

 

Cause I didn't say the key was not wanting women, I said the key was not wanting women, AND meditation, AND abstinence.

[Maddie]

absolutely. wanting doesnt equal to clinging. they arent synonymous, actually.

true, but in the lives of most people they are rarely separated

[三江源]

true, but in the lives of most people they are rarely separated

and we are most people. and trying to be the rare ones, hoping that what now seems rare will one day be usual.

x

[Immortal4life]

Again, more on why you shouldn't be looking to others, especially women, to determine if you are enough. You are enough and there is no reason to think you aren't enough. Let girls worry about that kind of thing. You on the other hand, don't look to others for approval, and are already a 10 out of 10-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CfIsR18mPqE

Edited May 25, 2013 by Immortal4life

[Immortal4life]

Here's an article by Chris Shepherd about why women don't give good dating advice. The analogy is, trying to learn to cook from a food critic

 

Why women give bad dating advice-

http://www.tenmagnet.com/2010/01/why-women-give-bad-dating-advice/

 

 

Chris Shepherd January 3, 2010

Why women give bad dating advice.

In January, the Toronto wind stings the skin and makes your lips crack. The only thing to do is wrap yourself up in a warm jacket, pull your toque over your ears, and run (slowly, so as not to slip), down the street to your local pub where your fellow pale and frostbitten Canadians are warming themselves with boozy egg nog and whiskey.

 

The door catches the wind and flies open as I walk in. Cold air blows over the occupants of the bar, who are cheery and stoic despite the misery outside.

 

I smile secretly inside, knowing I’m going to be in Honolulu* soon, I love my job. I get a little bit drunk with some friends and mention my upcoming trip.

 

“For work? What do you do?” says a brunette with big green eyes that my buddy has been chatting with all night.

“Chris is a dating coach” my buddy answers. I smile…. I know exactly what she’s going to say next, becauseI always get the same response.

 

“Do you hire women? I would make a great dating coach”.

 

It’s cute that they literally say the same thing every time, but it’s also kind of troubling. The fact is, most women give terrible dating advice, and they don’t even realize it.

Why do women give bad dating advice?

 

Straight women certainly know what they like – but they don’t know where it comes from. They have no perspective on what goes into the things they percieve as smoothness, confidence and style. They only know it when they see it.

One good analogy is: getting dating advice from women is like taking cooking lessons from a restaurant critic.

 

Restaurant critics understand food, they know what they like, and they may even know a little bit about what went into preparing the food they ate, but in the end, their experience as a critic doesn’t make them qualified to teach you how to grill a steak or make a soufflé.

 

After all, who would you rather learn cooking from: Jamie Oliver? Or some person who writes for the New York Times and ate at Jamie Oliver’s restaurant a few times and also ate at a lot of crappy restaurants and can explain the difference?

In some ways, a good food critic probably knows more about food than most chefs, and women often have a deep understanding of relationships and dating, but not from a perspective that is useful for the average guy looking to improve his game.

 

Let’s take this thought experiment further, and compare the advice that women often give, with the kind of advice a food critic would give on cooking.

 

“Just be confident. But don’t be too confident”

“Don’t over cook the food, but don’t undercook it either”.

 

“You should cut your hair and wear some xxx designer, women love that”

“Indian food is the best, cook that and you can’t go wrong”.

 

“I love it when a guy does nice things for me, like buy me flowers”

“The pickles on a hamburger are the best part!”

 

Now, you’ll notice that none of these statements are untrue. But they’re useless to someone who is looking for help on making a good meal, and quite a few of them are really misleading if taken too seriously.

 

Now, I don’t mean to say that women can’t teach pickup, or provide good advice to men. In fact, I have a few female friends who I bring out on bootcamps and who are really helpful with guys. But maybe 1 in 10 women I’ve met have the intuition and awareness to give good, useful advice in field, and only after they’ve read a fair bit of game – giving them an idea of what goes on in “the kitchen”. Simply being a woman does not by itself give one any special insight into dating – if anything, it makes it harder to get the required experience that men need.

 

So what should you take from this? Treat all advice from your female friends with a grain of salt. When a woman is giving you advice from the female perspective, when she’s telling you how a woman reads or experiences a particular situation, you can often rely on that information. But when her advice starts getting “in the kitchen”, you need to recognize that she probably knows less about what she’s talking about than you do.

 

Anyway, if you came here looking for some dating advice you can really use, I suggest you check out my post on how to pick up women for beginners. Or better yet, sign up for the Love Systems Insider, our online mailing list that will teach you the fundamentals of how to meet and date beautiful women – for FREE!

 

Oh, and here’s a hilarious example of why you shouldn’t take dating advice from women.

 

www.youtube.com/watch?v=6eizw1SbtAQ

Edited May 25, 2013 by Immortal4life

[三江源]

Again, more on why you shouldn't be looking to others, especially women, to determine if you are enough. You are enough and there is no reason to think you aren't enough. Let girls worry about that kind of thing. You on the other hand, don't look to others for approval, and are already a 10 out of 10-

Wouldnt you want everyone on the planet to be self determining individuals.. why consign girls to external locus of evaluation mode.. lets all be free.

[三江源]

Here's an article by Chris Shepherd about why women don't give good dating advice. The analogy is, trying to learn to cook from a food critic

 

Why women give bad dating advice-

I would so agree with this, and I would only add the obvious fact that this article forgets to mention : men give bad dating advice too. Taking any advice without a grain of salt is naieve consumerism.

 

Nobody can accurately advise you how to be, when you are alone with someone that you like, in the conversation you are having with them, at that time, in the context of your relationship. If they try to, it is all heavily in need of Salt.

 

Unless you want to be a forumulaic consumerist.

[Immortal4life]

Wouldnt you want everyone on the planet to be self determining individuals.. why consign girls to external locus of evaluation mode.. lets all be free.

Sure, that's fair enough.

 

It's just that society and social conditioning seems to be going the other direction. Men are more and more looking to others and the environment for validation, rather than women becoming more independent of social conditioning and what others think of them.

 

Edited May 25, 2013 by Immortal4life

[三江源]

Sure, that's fair enough.

 

It's just that society and social conditioning seems to be going the other direction. Men are more and more looking to others and the environment for validation, rather than women becoming more independent of social conditioning and what others think of them.

Lets all drop the oppressions and seperatist stuff as much as possible, we'll all feel so much lighter, at least, I know I will.

 

We're all in this together, to imagine otherwise is adding to the divisiveness we are being sold by the media onslaught.

 

If men are becoming insecure, the same medicine is needed for them as for women... have an inner locus of evaluation and cultivate unconditional positive regard for yourself and others.

 

Quoting Carl Rogers, here.

[Immortal4life]

I would so agree with this, and I would only add the obvious fact that this article forgets to mention : men give bad dating advice too. Taking any advice without a grain of salt is naieve consumerism.

 

Nobody can accurately advise you how to be, when you are alone with someone that you like, in the conversation you are having with them, at that time, in the context of your relationship. If they try to, it is all heavily in need of Salt.

 

Unless you want to be a forumulaic consumerist.

 

Ultimately you have to develop your skill through your own experience, and develop your own calibration.

 

However, learning from those with experience and success is very helpful. You can learn what not to do. You can learn what things will mess it up. You can learn what is generally effective, and then how to calibrate to each individuals' personality and responses to you. You can be prepared, like if this happens, then do this. But if that happens, then do this etc.

 

Here Mystery talks about it a bit-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4i06ROwMAg

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uc_BG-vsmpY

[Jetsun]

I guess the more cerebral and brainwashed we become the more insecure also. I imagine when people did more manual work and worked using their bodies all day without constant bombardment of hypnotic advertising they felt more embodied and more secure that they actually exist than folks these days.

[三江源]

I like Mystery. I was really sorry when he cracked up so badly when his real love relationship went wrong. I guess he has recovered now.. I havent looked at what he has been doing since neil strauss wrote his first book.

 

I guess I took from that , that it can throw you in precociously if you follow advice on beginning stages, guidance which can only peter out as a relationship evolves and you simply are out of your depth emotionally.. not truly equipped to deal with what is going on.

 

Of course, maybe none of us are ever truly equipped to deal with what is going on..

 

Its like someone telling you how to start ski -ing and then leaving you on the slopes..

 

but yeh I dont mean to be black and white about it, like 'dont take advice'.. just really playing up the need for salt. And good old spontaneity and authenticity.

[Immortal4life]

Well if we are going to start qualifying relationships as "real" vs. "practice", I'm not so sure we can ever really judge other's relationships as "real" or "fake". It starts becoming too much like a "real" vs. "fake" Scotsman, for my liking.

Edited May 25, 2013 by Immortal4life

[Immortal4life]

Hehe, Julien on how being fat can get you laid haha!-

[suninmyeyes]

............

Edited May 27, 2013 by suninmyeyes

[Creation]

Really? Just be heart centred and have humour.. that's the energy aspect of it in a nutshell. it aint rocket science.

You know cat, I profile you as someone who has never had any trouble attracting the members of the opposite sex that you desire, and those who you have been with as themselves not having any trouble attracting the members of the opposite sex that they desire.

 

So my question is, do you know what it is like to be unable to attract the opposite sex, or have you been with a man who had trouble attracting women?

[三江源]

You know cat, I profile you as someone who has never had any trouble attracting the members of the opposite sex that you desire, and those who you have been with as themselves not having any trouble attracting the members of the opposite sex that they desire.

 

So my question is, do you know what it is like to be unable to attract the opposite sex, or have you been with a man who had trouble attracting women?

Thats a good question. I have never known anyone who was unable to attract someone, no. Not ever... I have known people very out of shape who have found partners, people very thin and neurotic who have found partners, people who are to me, deeply tedious who have found partners. To be honest, my viewpoint is that people want to be together.

Not to say that people dont have dry spells where the pool looks devoid of possibilities.

Currently I know one of a woman who is having a long dry spell. She ticks the boxes, on the outside, she's slim, presentable, attractive. but in her head she has a strong script of what her next partner must be like.. and she hasnt found him yet.. I see her script as limiting her a good deal, and blocking her ability to meet anyone of an unexpected nature. If she doesnt ease up on her list of wants, I think she may stay solo.

 

A member of family suffered quite a lot of facial paralysis and brain damage at an early age, it affected her looks radically, her mood and personality, we were all pretty concerned at how life would pan out for her. She fell in love and got married and had children.

 

I dont mean to minimise the pain of being single, and how painful it must be to feel unable to find a partner. I'm sorry if I appear to be doing that. I am sorry if I appear glib or priveleged about relationships, that must be kind of irritating..