Popularity, Fitting In, Belonging, Solitude and what Women want in Men (LONG READ)

[becomethepath]

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Edited June 2, 2013 by becomethepath

[4bsolute]

All I have is my family, my career, my solitude, my compassion, my few good friends, hope, and buddhism. I'm thankful.

 

Start with simple Satsang. Who are You that you call I?

 

You have basicly listed what anyone would list that is on the way to discover his true self, but still stuck in what he or she calls "his life".

 

If you truely want to find out who you are, beyond all these concepts.. ideas.. and memories.. than start to ask questions.

 

Without questions, there is no need for a conversation.

Edited May 26, 2013 by 4bsolute

[Maddie]

The whole popularity thing is based upon our mental conditioning. I've been looking into the five skandhas lately and meditating and its been very useful. So basically we make these metal constructs based upon our senses. The five skandhas are form, sensation, conception, volition and consciousness. So as far as the popularity game goes this is kind of how it plays out (I actually spent a long time meditating on this yesterday lol)

 

Form: You identify yourself as being your body, and you identify other people's bodies in the world as being them.

 

Sensation: Your sense organs are what allow you to detect form, to know its there in the first place.

 

Conception: Conception takes sensation one step further and you then interpret what you see.

 

Volition: Ok this is where it gets tricky as far as social status goes. So all our lives we have been exposed to all this conditioning through media, movies, advertising, culture, friends, social peers and groups, and family values. It's our volition that adds value and judgment to all of this and its value that makes the popularity game go around.

 

So basically this game exists because in step one for what ever reason (listed above) we give ourselves relatively less value comparatively than we do to other people that we classify in our system as "more valuable" than us. Often due to our culture and conditioning this tends to be someone of the opposite sex.

 

Now since we internally determine that this person has more value and I have less our conditioning and value system tells us that in order to have value and thus feel good about ourselves we must get that value from that person who has more value than us.

 

Our mind then forms plans and tactics to get that value from that person or group of people. If our plans succeed (and the definition of success is also determined by our conditioning) then we feel good because we got what we wanted which is value. If our plans fail then we feel bad because we feel that our value is less.

 

The irony is that the only place that this exists is in our minds. This has no "real" objective form. Even in our minds it is not who we really are as we are not our thoughts, but it is our conditioning that we obtain through the five skandhas. If we can go in and realize that our thoughts, that our conditioning is not us, and dissolve these mental notions that do us no good, then basically we just stop playing the game and all the conditioning that once stressed us out is no longer applicable.

[skydog]

• They want a man that is not afraid to be alone. They want a man that has the courage to take a step into solitude. They want a man that isn't weak minded. They don't want someone that always has to depend on a crowd or always has to be with someone or is glued to his phone 24/7. They don't want a popular man, they don't want the popular party guy, they don't want a materialistic man, they don't want someone who will bring them drama, they dont' want someone that they have to compete with others or compete for time. They want a man that is tuned into nature, humble, free from restrictions. Women want a man that is himself, and the only way to find himself is in solitude and nature.
• I developed this loner/ solitude aura which came from lack of love and not hanging out with anyone back when I was a teen. People can sense this for some reason and find it extremely attractive . From the painful feeling of loneliness, I got use to it and it flowered into solitude. It took many many years before it turned into solitude. Solitude where I actually enjoy my own company and being by myself, no distractions or dependence on people or material things.
• Let me tell you the type of girls I attracted. The materialistic, the non materialistic, the beautiful ones, the shy ones, the mean bitchy ones, the popular ones. EVEN OLDER WOMEN, yuck haha.

 

• Trying to be popular, trying to belong somewhere, always hanging out with people, glued to Facebook, social media and the phone. Constant suffering, constant desire, constant for more and more. They live their lives for themselves, their egos.

Wow thank you very much for this post, I can really relate...Are you me? haha I used to play basketball for hours to keep me sane too

 

Contemplating this topic of trying to fit in, belong, attract women whilst reminaing spiritually orientated (yes yes, I know there is no difference between normal and spiritual...but there kind of is IMO!)

 

I am getting insecure about the common theme of accidentally shocking people with saying profound/deep/mystical things..some part of me thinks this is very anti social...I also think I cant help this which makes me lonely

 

But It is very helpful to change ones beliefs...I.e moving to zero...currently my thoughts illogically revolve around me thinking I need to be mr popular, on my phone all th time etc

 

That paragraph I underlined is perfect...

[becomethepath]

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Edited September 8, 2013 by becomethepath

[becomethepath]

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Edited September 8, 2013 by becomethepath

[WillingToListen]

Have you ever considered the fact that you may just be, an attractive person? It would make a lot of sense...

[becomethepath]

Have you ever considered the fact that you may just be, an attractive person? It would make a lot of sense...

you could be good looking but not genuine/ good/ honest

 

when you go into solitude, you find your true self, the genuine self, nature self comes out, and when you go out into society, people can sense it, they can sense that you're a good person and real and that itself is attractive

 

being good looking may play a small part but your aura and demeanor/ energy is the most important.

Edited May 27, 2013 by becomethepath