My last post for a while, many are appeased.

[WillingToListen]

Hi everyone, I've reached a breaking point. I can't do this anymore. Today I start a new life again.

I have a few questions,

 

When I was practicing celibacy still, I felt like I was literally operating in a higher plane, so now that I no longer have that 'clean streak' my mind feels 'lower' to the ground. I don't know, I had these 'rolling epiphanies' throughout every day but now they seem to almost never happen now that I am not celibate again. My vocabulary and general understanding of some things also seem to 'constrict' at times while at others overflowing. Does celibacy have that much influence over brain function?

 

I know everyone has to walk their own path. I've fought this K experience so much. The only time when I can really 'feel good' or content is when I'm helping someone. I think I went through a bit of ego death at a point, more than I realized at the time, so now I feel odd a lot of the time during conversation. I just can't seem to rejuvenate that interest in material things, or even making music (the only thing I cared about).

This hurts me a lot. I don't know exactly when it got bad, but at some point I really started wanting out of life.

I still don't care at all about television programming, buying new things, clothes, having money, eating, my hygiene(myself), video games, reading, making a living 'american dream'. I've become so dissatisfied with so many facets of my life, that I really don't want to be alive anymore. I don't want any of this.

It's really hard to speak to people sometimes, sometimes I'll just go completely blank. Like I care for them but not for anything that they're talking about- a lot of people I've felt take offense to it, It's just so trivial.

This is not good. I'll be 25 at the end of the year and society expects things of me, goals that I am fairly far away from- I don't really have any of them accomplished, and all of this 'reflects on my character' every day, and I'm a felon. I don't care about this place.

 

So now I find myself completely at odds with this new life I've started, I can't be 'normal' and I can't even be/do what I really want to, music.

I just feel really unmotivated and empty all the time, I don't know if its the same emptiness everyone rants about but it sucks.

It's so hard to care about anything 'material' or 'selfish'. This is what scares me more than anything else has, I don't want to feel like I'm so separate from everything and everyone/like nothing matters- for the rest of my natural life.

 

So I'll just throw my life away and help others, my life fell apart somewhere these last months and I don't think it'll ever be anything like I wanted/want.

 

At a point towards the beginning of this whole spiritual experience, my main drive was to help others/be 'saintly'. That didn't end well, although it started off rather nicely. Since nothing is the same, I think I'm going to go for the 'saintly' direction again, that was when i felt the best this past year.

 

I think it'd be good for me and I might as well be of use to someone if I can't even get my own life together,

I want the little balance I did have in life, back. I lost all faith.

 

I've gotten my sleep schedule back on, improved my diet and am slowly easing back into some of my previous practices.

 

I'm thinking of incorporating some things from this system. Does anyone have any experience with chrism?

 

http://www.kundaliniawakeningsystems1.com/index.html#.UbiYjZyUdUY

 

 

I'd also really like to work on my empathic abilities, not only strengthening them but gaining control over it so I can do better about keeping a lid on it in certain situations.

 

I know you can only help people that want to be helped, and I feel like there's times where you can try to help someone and still end up hurting them. I don't know what to do.

 

I don't know. I don't want to give up on life.

 

I don't want superpowers. I just want a life that I enjoy living.

 

 

**I think a lot of the people who've experienced kundalini that I read about online were liars.

[skydog]

[liminal_luke]

Have you listened to the Adyashanti video being discussed in another thread? He talks about some of the difficulties people have after having had an awakening experience. I don't know, but it sounds to me like very much the kind of thing you are going through. Hope you feel good/better in whatever you decide to do next.

 

Liminal

[WillingToListen]

Have you listened to the Adyashanti video being discussed in another thread? He talks about some of the difficulties people have after having had an awakening experience. I don't know, but it sounds to me like very much the kind of thing you are going through. Hope you feel good/better in whatever you decide to do next.

 

Liminal

 

I'll check i out then.

 

One more thing.

 

I feel like I've given/stirred K energy in a few people who are/were very close to me, through my voice. They started to say things that they normally wouldn't and started being very "open". I feel like I did a really bad thing by giving advice to them/'teaching' because I've seen some of their new thinking lead to some of the same lows I'm experiencing, I feel like I'm going to be punished for it. I know it might be in my head, but I feel it most certainly isn't.

 

Like, years ago when I had a court date for a violation(It was VERY probable for me to go to prison) and I was speaking to the judge, it was like I sent him a message of how I really was as a person using 'the wave'. Like I started talking to him, then my focus became a point between his eyes and everything outside of my line of vision started to get blurry like tunnel vision, it was like I was suddenly 100 ft away from the judge. I blanked out- I don't even remember what I said to him, just the feelings I was sending. I ended up recieving a really light sentence. Idunno I've thought about that day lately.

 

I really want to work on how I end up influencing others, I don't really want to influence them at all.

[BaguaKicksAss]

The path is never in a straight line; it goes up and down. If it did not go back down from time to time, we would have no hurdles or tests to help us grow.

[skydog]

Also pay attention to Yin/Yang balance...spirituality makes you very yin, Use exercise for yang

[skydog]

All advice given by me...Is me talking to myself..

[Marblehead]

Just try and be sure that what you have elected to do is the 'real' you and not just something that has rubbed off on you from someone else.

[Vmarco]

Hi everyone, I've reached a breaking point. I can't do this anymore. Today I start a new life again.

I have a few questions,

 

 

**I think a lot of the people who've experienced kundalini that I read about online were liars.

 

The name Willing To Listen and your Christian icon, are in direct opposition. While you start this new life, perhaps you should consider,...are you WillingToListen or are you a Christian?

 

What is a Christian?

 

John C. Green, director of the Ray C. Bliss Institute of Applied Politics at the University of Akron in Ohio, said that despite many variations, Christians generally adhere to four core beliefs: the Bible is without error, salvation comes through faith in Jesus and not good deeds, individuals must accept Jesus as adults and all Christians must evangelize.

 

As for the Abrahamic religions and Taoism, the contrast is clear,...they do not mix. Taoism begins when religion and theism ends.

[oildrops]

Hey man, the early-mid 20s were hard years for me too. There are a lot of societies expectations weighing down on you during this time. I lost myself for a few years during that time, and it took me a while to get back. I sounds like you are on your way back. As a few more years pass you will probably accept deeper parts of yourself and chill out a bit.

[alleswasderfallist]

The name Willing To Listen and your Christian icon, are in direct opposition. While you start this new life, perhaps you should consider,...are you WillingToListen or are you a Christian?

 

What is a Christian?

 

John C. Green, director of the Ray C. Bliss Institute of Applied Politics at the University of Akron in Ohio, said that despite many variations, Christians generally adhere to four core beliefs: the Bible is without error, salvation comes through faith in Jesus and not good deeds, individuals must accept Jesus as adults and all Christians must evangelize.

 

As for the Abrahamic religions and Taoism, the contrast is clear,...they do not mix. Taoism begins when religion and theism ends.

 

but he's here, so he's obviously... WillingToListen

[skydog]

.

Edited June 13, 2013 by skydog

[WillingToListen]

but he's here, so he's obviously... WillingToListen

 

Yea, I've been through enough to know by now. You are also making some pretty sweeping generalizations there Vmarco, even during the height of my 'Christianity' I held none of those beliefs.

[Marblehead]

You are also making some pretty sweeping generalizations there Vmarco, ...

Ah, sweeping generalizations are neat. They offer many opportunities for disagreement and discussion, and they offer the opportunity to demonstrate that there are very few, if any, absolutes.

[三江源]

.

Edited April 23, 2015 by 三江源

[h.uriahr]

I have no idea why you haven't contacted anyone in the KAP network. I mean Phore is here on the bums'. He went through it.

 

My personal opinion is that the reason people have had more success with K than you is because they actually did something besides post on a forum. They maybe got in contact with people instead of post and then ignore suggestions?

 

Steps to success.

 

1.get a job (if you have one then skip to 2) 2.take a KAP class. Santiago Dobles has juice. I don't endorse people that I don't have any experience with. I can tell you that he has juice. Real juice. 3. Once enrolled....quit posting on here for the entire KAP duration. 4. Eat a cookie because by then you will earned it.

 

Best of luck

 

 

[Marblehead]

Everyone always quotes Ray See Bliss if they have the opportunity.

I have never quoted that person and even more, I don't even know who the person is.

 

If one were feeling nasty one could say that this is an excellent representation of my ignorance. (Don't say it Cat!!!)

[Flolfolil]

imo it isn't really emptiness if you still feel shitty. could be wrong though...

[Vmarco]

Impressive source you quoted there, VMarco. Everyone always quotes Ray See Bliss if they have the opportunity.

 

Thank you so much,...the best laugh I had today.

[hydrogen]

I have never quoted that person and even more, I don't even know who the person is.

 

If one were feeling nasty one could say that this is an excellent representation of my ignorance. (Don't say it Cat!!!)

 

You don't know who Ray See Bliss is!

 

He's apparently the definite authority on Christianality. Jesus seeks regularly his advice about how to be a good Christian.

[WillingToListen]

I have no idea why you haven't contacted anyone in the KAP network. I mean Phore is here on the bums'. He went through it. My personal opinion is that the reason people have had more success with K than you is because they actually did something besides post on a forum. They maybe got in contact with people instead of post and then ignore suggestions? Steps to success. 1.get a job (if you have one then skip to 2) 2.take a KAP class. Santiago Dobles has juice. I don't endorse people that I don't have any experience with. I can tell you that he has juice. Real juice. 3. Once enrolled....quit posting on here for the entire KAP duration. 4. Eat a cookie because by then you will earned it. Best of luck

 

Sorry I don't share your same definition of 'success' with kundalini. Another difference between myself and those who have done this 'KAP' system is that they are actually trying to have a kundalini awakening. I wasn't then, nor am I now.

 

To me 'success' with my kundalini would be me enjoying life again as I did a year ago.

I don't care about fighting people or 'using the force'.

The only thing I'm trying to attain is control over my life/emotions.

 

It seems like everyone here wants superpowers so bad, I ignored a decent amount of suggestions because I felt many had the air of "I want telepathy, eye lasers and a spandex suit"- that info wouldn't suit me, because I don't care.

[WillingToListen]

imo it isn't really emptiness if you still feel shitty. could be wrong though...

 

That's kind of encouraging

[Jetsun]

They do clearing of the Kundalini channel in a method called Vortex Healing, if your intuition is attracted to it and want more info pm me

[idiot_stimpy]

The only thing I'm trying to attain is control over my life/emotions.

 

 

Your thoughts control your life and emotions. Turn inside to watch these controllers. Thoughts/the thinker, is something that has latched onto you. What is that which is aware of thoughts? Something to ponder.

[Guest munky]

Sounds like you went through a big change, and came out for the better probably. Because isnt the spiritual path about spiritual growth? We can't really expect to always be the same person with same outlook on life and interests, enjoying the same things as the rest of society, as hard as it is initially to accept and let go of. The true beauty of life and existence continues to gradually reveal itself if you accept the growth, moving to a higher level of existence, but not without some hardships especially if there is resistance to the change
With continued spiritual growth you're aiming to move toward higher vibrations and nature. And so you find you dont fit in with what many in society do or what society expects of a young person, because society was not made for that. The hardships you go through in society however help you to grow spiritually as you may have noticed and we are always learning from experiences with people and it grows wisdom so don't look at it so negatively. Just uncover more of your pure simple spiritual nature as you go through what you're going through as that is the thing that will allow you to hold your head up no matter what happens in your external life.
Don't resist the change in interests but continue to do what you still can and what will allow you to function and sustain yourself. Simplifying life and maintaining connection with nature you can still harmonise with society and live in it without being bogged down emotionally and also still keep spiritually growing. As you said, your interests have shifted to helping people and empathy.

The world runs on mental ideas about what is good or bad and how you should act in situations with manners, rules and morality. But in cultivation we aim for the true universal virtue through a pure heart and that needs none of the above. And many people just won't understand, but you should still stay true to yourself.

Edited June 14, 2013 by munky