2-15-2005

[fatherpaul]

I am not

 

tonight the winter rain

melts the snow into the grey sky

the tree barks dark and wet

the wind blends into the bending pines

 

it is here now it fills one

the song of a million yesterdays

fills this empty afternoon

the touch so firmly gentle

on the rough edge of man

forever without time

it is and i am not

[voice]

Love it!

 

...except for the tree "barking", and the last line mirroring the first-- those contrivances are too cutesy for me.

 

Wonderful mood evocation.

 

thanks,

Chris

[fatherpaul]

thank you for your critique

you have very valid statements regarding the contrivances

i was really unaware of them. i see it now.

 

peace and happy pancakes,

paul

[TonyTao]

This is beautiful. It conjures the idea of nature merging in itself (eg "wind blends", snow melting into the sky) and the idea of "firmly gentle" is sensual and draws the tension of opposites manifest by the tao. Hope that makes sense! And I'm a bit of a sucker for repeating lines in poetry so I liked the "i am not" twice. From a taoist perspective, it draws in all the stuff about repeating patterns, seasons, etc... I vote for you to stick with it as it is!!!!

 

Great, your poem was the highlight of my afternoon,

Tony

[fatherpaul]

This is beautiful. It conjures the idea of nature merging in itself (eg "wind blends", snow melting into the sky) and the idea of "firmly gentle" is sensual and draws the tension of opposites manifest by the tao. Hope that makes sense! And I'm a bit of a sucker for repeating lines in poetry so I liked the "i am not" twice. From a taoist perspective, it draws in all the stuff about repeating patterns, seasons, etc... I vote for you to stick with it as it is!!!!

 

Great, your poem was the highlight of my afternoon,

Tony

 

i am pleased you understand

it remains as is

just so....like the oneness

that this poem tries in vain

to explain