Unbalance Between Career & Spirituality?

[LeirTheFox]

Hi fellow bums,

 

I'm turning to you, more experienced travellers on the Way to ask for help. I don't know who else to seek for support in this subject, because few people I've met have embraced taoism, and their answers doesn't seem to help either.

 

I had a dream: to become a writer and live writing. It all started when I discovered this passion, when I was 16 years old, but I only had the guts to follow it four years later, after spending that time working on jobs I hated and following a career that made me unhappy.

 

When realizing how unhappy I was, I decided to leave everything and follow this dream, as unreal as it seemed to me, because I had few people giving me support to chase it. I dropped off university, and slowly started to change my career from graphic design to writing-related activities.

 

As one step further towards what I wanted, I decided to join a course that made me write a lot, so I applied myself to one of the hardest vestibulars (a brazilian special exam for admission in universities in Brazil) in Journalism. It took me a lot of commitement and dedication, but I made it.

 

I think it's worth mentioning that I never felt so happy than when I was writing. It was an experience that made me explode in excitement. I don't write for admiration, ego-boosting or fame. I write because what I feel when writing, I haven't found out anywhere.

 

But then, I decided to take a better look at the spiritual subject. It started with Aikido, and then Meditation, and then I got into the cultivation practices I first saw here on The Tao Bums. After reading so much of Taoism and Buddism, I start getting in touch with concepts of "abandoning the self", "dedication to enlightement" and other stuff that seem to imply so much on "abandon" this dream.

 

Thing is, all this stuff started to make me question my dream, and slowly, I stopped writing. It's not anything related on writer's block, but more over on "not doing it because it's an attachment." And to be truly honest, in comparison to writing, I don't feel as blissful when meditating.

 

I must admit that I do not write "enlightened," beautiful stuff with "conscious" messages. In fact, I'm a big fan of writing detective noir stories, and writing humanistic dramas (Henry Miller, Phillip Roth and Bukowski, for example) filled with sexploitation, violence and other nasty content of urban settings.

 

But the more I hear on abandoning it, and the more I decide to give my writing career up, I feel unhappiness. I don't want to abandon my dream, as I don't want to stop seeking enlightement the spirit. Am I not ready to follow enlightement because of this?

 

I feel confused, and I'd like to see some other bums opinion.

 

Namaste,

Edited June 25, 2013 by LeirTheFox

[silent thunder]

Really good stuff you're engaged in, even though it likely feels shitty. This confusion is born from questioning the source underlying your life and will no doubt lead you to stronger footing soon. I applaud you.

 

While I have no answers, there are a couple questions I'd ask if you were hanging at my campsite.

 

Are writing and cultivating mutually exclusive, or can you find a balance for them that works beneficially?

Has cultivating brought you to an awareness that your happiness from writing was not true happiness and no longer serves you?

 

Any passions as great as the ones you have for writing and cultivating usually stem from your core. Even if following them takes you a bit off-center at times, I would be very wary about casting off anything so close to your heart.

 

Nietzche said it very well. "Be careful when you cast out your demons that you don't throw away the best of yourself." Our worst foes are our most efficient teachers.

 

One thing seems certain from my experience, cultivation is going to affect every other aspect of your life, providing you with a shifting lense that will change your perspective as you pursue it. Could be an adjustment period as your life seed gestates a bit while conditions are changing.

 

Either way, if you decide to stop pursuing writing for a living, I would encourage you to keep writing as a passion. Write about your cultivation experience and share it with the rest of us bums at the very minimum.

 

Best wishes Fox.

 

Namaste

[Wu Ming Jen]

Birds fly, you write, never abandon your nature unless you want to be a vegan wolf or something mentally conceived(not natural). Be a spiritually fulfilled writer from your heart and your experience that has nothing to do with spiritual genre. My opinion is not to let any concept get in your way then it is only an obstacle that stops or blocks your way."I can't do that" can be a matter of just placing all the obstacles we can find and putting them in our way, bringing our thoughts into reality.Best of luck

[LeirTheFox]

Really good stuff you're engaged in, even though it likely feels shitty. This confusion is born from questioning the source underlying your life and will no doubt lead you to stronger footing soon. I applaud you.

 

While I have no answers, there are a couple questions I'd ask if you were hanging at my campsite.

 

Are writing and cultivating mutually exclusive, or can you find a balance for them that works beneficially?

Has cultivating brought you to an awareness that your happiness from writing was not true happiness and no longer serves you?

 

Thanks for the support, man. Perhaps I may be only dwelling in doubt, because the more I do one, the less I've been looking into the other one. Your questions came at a good moment, because answering them gave me some leads on what to do, and also see the value of both of the practices.

 

What I realized was:

 

1) I like them both. Sure, I have longer contacts with the art of words, but I should not drop any of them, seeing that both cultivation and writing gives me benefits. Instead, I should look for balance, understanding that writing is writing, regardless of content, and cultivation is cultivation;

 

2) Cultivation haven't brought me that awareness because, in the core experience of both, happiness comes from inwards (the action itself,) not for the external motivations (i.e.: being praised, getting appreciation, etc).

 

Any passions as great as the ones you have for writing and cultivating usually stem from your core. Even if following them takes you a bit off-center at times, I would be very wary about casting off anything so close to your heart.

 

Nietzche said it very well. "Be careful when you cast out your demons that you don't throw away the best of yourself." Our worst foes are our most efficient teachers.

 

This is one big thing that always got me. We are searching for enlightement, but the "way of becoming a writer" is something I recognize as "earthly." I can't recall hearing that following a dream is a way to shape oneself better, while in comparison, it's not unusual to hear about people leaving everything to achieve (dreams included) to dedicate entirely to cultivation.

 

Thing is, as mentioned, I don't feel like abandoning this dream, as mentioned before.

 

One thing seems certain from my experience, cultivation is going to affect every other aspect of your life, providing you with a shifting lense that will change your perspective as you pursue it. Could be an adjustment period as your life seed gestates a bit while conditions are changing.

 

Either way, if you decide to stop pursuing writing for a living, I would encourage you to keep writing as a passion. Write about your cultivation experience and share it with the rest of us bums at the very minimum.

 

Best wishes Fox.

 

Namaste

 

Thanks, Silent Thunder. Perhaps, as cultivation flows, I may experience a change on how writing is done, and the purposes on it. But right now, I'm happy with it the way it is. I just got to find balance.

 

About a journal... perhaps is too soon to start it? I am still focusing on the sole practice of one meditation I posted here in the forums, and I do not know how much it can be of benefit to others.

 

Thanks for your words.

 

Namaste

[LeirTheFox]

Birds fly, you write, never abandon your nature unless you want to be a vegan wolf or something mentally conceived(not natural). Be a spiritually fulfilled writer from your heart and your experience that has nothing to do with spiritual genre. My opinion is not to let any concept get in your way then it is only an obstacle that stops or blocks your way."I can't do that" can be a matter of just placing all the obstacles we can find and putting them in our way, bringing our thoughts into reality.Best of luck

 

Thanks for the support, Wu Ming Jen.

 

You brought an interesting point because I never looked at writing as something that was of my nature. That's because I've been taught that writing (as well as any other talents) is something we learn, and to be seen as a skill, rather than something that is intrinsically ours.

 

Once I understood it as my nature, following it is just something natural, it feels that it has to be done. It's the way things goes, pretty much like Wu-Wei.

 

Namaste

[XieJia]

 

The Zen of Hotei

Once as he was about to play-work another Zen master happened along and inquired:

"What is the significance of Zen?"

Hotei immediately plopped his sack down on the ground in silent answer.

"Then," asked the other,

"what is the actualization of Zen?"

At once Hotei swung the sack over his shoulder and continued on his way.

Edited June 26, 2013 by XieJia

[XieJia]

Hi Fox,

 

Abandoning self is not an independent action, one cannot abandon self if one cannot see the self.

Likewise, there's nothing wrong with writing but what you said is your attachment and earthly.
Is it to do with more of what you see as the consequence of being a good renown writer?

If you are not attach to that, then it is not earthly at all.

 

It's not easy for one can find ones' dream an yet follow it.

Writing can be a good meditative tools, a window into the inner world.

Meditation is not a form; as long as one is mindful and absorbed in seeing and knowing one-selves anything could be a meditation.

 

May you find your answers, and may you path be fill happiness and peace.

 

XJ

[Harmonious Emptiness]

I guess close to what XieJia said, but if the act of writing is that natural and energizing then it is like a plug into the deeper source within that draws from without.. When you are filled with that energy you can share it, so this is an important part of your selflessness as it gives something to give. It may have reflected a world full of desires and vices, but as you see the world differently, the shadows of this perspective will be cast on that world, eventually revealing themselves more clearly to you.

[Jetsun]

Giving up your passion is about as useful spiritually as punching yourself in the face. Few people even find or can do what they most enjoy so if you can pursue it then go for It. I think you have a very distorted view of spirituality if you think it is about making yourself miserable and denying your talents,there is nothing noble about that and you won't receive any rewards for doing it.

Edited June 26, 2013 by Jetsun

[penfold]

I must admit that I do not write "enlightened," beautiful stuff with "conscious" messages. In fact, I'm a big fan of writing detective noir stories, and writing humanistic dramas (Henry Miller, Phillip Roth and Bukowski, for example) filled with sexploitation, violence and other nasty content of urban settings.

 

But the more I hear on abandoning it, and the more I decide to give my writing career up, I feel unhappiness. I don't want to abandon my dream, as I don't want to stop seeking enlightement the spirit. Am I not ready to follow enlightement because of this?

 

Keep writing.

 

The nineteenth century philosopher Søren Kierkegaard was in love with a young woman called Regina Olsen. Better yet, she was in love with him. They were engaged and they were happy. However Kierkegaard was also on a spiritual quest, to live by the highest standards of faith and dedicate himself to expression of the sublime. He saw that he could not both be a husband of Regina and continue this quest. So he left her. Friends were baffled, Regina's father would stand outside Kierkegaard's door demanding audience with him, but nothing would change his mind. In the end Regina moved on and married a nasty bully. And Kierkegaard lived the rest of his life alone; he had been banned by Regina's new husband from contacting her but knew she read his books; they became filled with covert love letters, apologies and attempted explanations of his behaviour; but to no avail. Kierkegaard abandoned his love and only when it was too late saw that in doing so he had failed by his own standards, he had failed in terms of the faith he was trying to attain.

 

To abandon your love in order to attain enlightenment is to fail by your own terms.

 

Keep writing.

[penfold]

ps. I love noir, let me know if anything you've written is published or posted online

[LeirTheFox]

After reading all of your answers, I don't have anything else to add besides my deepest gratitude.

 

I came to this thread with a big doubt, and your insights gave me a different perspective on something I love so much.

Perhaps, as mentioned, I come from a place that made me see the spiritual path as something distorted.

What I feel right now is a motivation to follow both tracks simultaneously.

 

The attachment of "being a successful, writer" is something I have, I admit.

But its not even compared to the strenght of the feelings I embrace when I am doing the action.

Nowadays, I think that "having a career of renown" is not important, althought it would help.

Instead, having a life where I can enjoy the way of writing is what really matters, and what I really seek.

 

Thanks, fellow bums, for such support.

Means a lot to me.

 

Namaste.

(p.s.: Penfold, I have no stories translatted to english yet. But I promise to send it to you, as soon as I do it )

Edited June 26, 2013 by LeirTheFox

[ChiForce]

All I can tell you is that writing, like any other artistic expressions like photography (something I do) or painting, is a tool. A tool for your consciousness to express itself. Once you understand this, you would not become attached to just writing. Like anyone else throughout the ages, it is always difficult to cultivate while making yourself relevant in this world in order to "make a living."

[effilang]

Many of history's greatest literary artists have also been some of the greatest spiritual cultivators known to man.

 

The difference here is in the topic of their literature.

 

If you continue to write about topics related to low acts of virtue, you will continue to vibrate and engage your consciousness with low states of existence, and thus will hinder your Spiritual cultivation.

 

Others may make the reality of your situation sound more complicated, but really, that is all there is to it.

 

Cultivating spiritually requires discipline and that comes with many sacrifices which will go against the activities of the mundane life.

[Wayfarer]

Hello Leir the Fox,

 

My practice has led me to think that if there is a decision to make then I am not ready to make it. If we are talking strictly Taoist in principle does the Way not come of itself? The ideas of abandoning writing or abandoning self are a kind of 'doing' - we might think that in stopping them we have not-doing but these are tied to an idea of how and who we are.

 

The Heart of the Tao is something we each share and if finds different expression. I think (though I don't know) that its need to express is as a consequence of mankind being mostly unable to 'hear' or 'see' how the Heart 'is'. When we arrive at that knowing we realise our heart wants for nothing but to be at rest, at peace and as of our Nature. So this is a development and hence a cultivation. Even if the writing does not express the Tao the act of it is a responding to your 'call'. Perhaps it is through that call that you will hear the True-Heart most clearly and in doing so no longer need to write. So then, there will be no decision to make as it has come naturally of itself and there will be no happiness or sadness at whatever occurs because you will be an expression of that endless pool of stillness.

 

Finally, when our 'head' tells us we should 'do' something or make a decision it does so without realising the flow of what is coming naturally to fruition and in our attempts to force things into being we sever that flow and metaphorically turn it away from us. So a sage would likely not even consider it - more perhaps thinking "I'm writing because it is the current expression of the Tao" and "I am considering abandoning the self for it is also a manifestation of the Tao". In not-doing, we arrive at the Tao of that particular moment.

 

So, sit back my friend and let the world bring 'IT' to you, whatever that it might be.

 

Good luck with the writing.

[de_paradise]

I think you started to abandon writing due to monetary considerations, not for the spiritual path; but you are also attached to proving yourself in the field of writing, yourself, your projected peers, family, etc. This may be dealt with in the future, and you are not at that bridge yet. If your kundalini were awakened, she would piss on that parade for a few years until you learned how worthless and pointless and burdensome self esteem is.

 

If writing is so blissfull then you are tapping into higher mind, but I think you exaggerate how wonderful it is, and I think Bukowski would agree. Hope I'm wrong, and it feels that good to write, and can use it as a path to liberation. Everyone's path is different, and there are many twists and turns.

[LCH]

Whether you are writing or not, you are still connected to the Tao. It may just be your conscious mind which will not allow you to remember such a connection.

 

The "Tao" (use whatever word you want to describe it) is not an idea that can be captured by a finite mind, it is a feeling, and flowing force responsible for ALL manifestation and expression, even detective noir stories...

 

Connect with your heart to this infinite essence and allow your fingers to dance all over the keyboard as you translate this energy into a collection of "words" with collectively agreed upon meanings.

 

Perhaps then your mind will allow for the expression of the "Tao" without having to question or judge how well it is "succeeding".

 

As "time" moves on, perhaps you shall write about different topics, or not at all.

 

I ask you this...

 

What is the rush?

 

Where is there to go?

 

What were you before you were a "writer", or "student" of the "Tao", a human being?

 

Today a "writer", tomorrow a chef, maybe the next day a goat herder. Perhaps we are all everything and nothing, simultaneously, where only an inquiring mind seeks more specific answers.

 

Answers may bring about more questions, or allow for the letting go of the necessity of.

 

 

I always liked this verse from the Hua Hu Ching:

 

EIGHTY-ONE

With all this talking, what has been said?

The subtle truth can be pointed at with words, but it can't be contained by them.

Take time to listen to what is said without words, to obey the law too subtle to be written, to worship the unnamable and to embrace the unformed.

Love your life.

Trust the Tao.

Make love with the invisible subtle origin of the universe, and you will give yourself everything you need.

You won't have to hide away forever in spiritual retreats.

You can be a gentle, contemplative hermit right here in the middle of everything, utterly unaffected, thoroughly sustained and rewarded by your integral practices.

Educating others, giving freely to all, awakening and purifying the world with each movement and action, you'll ascend to the divine realm in broad daylight.

The breath of the Tao speaks, and those who are in harmony with it hear quite clearly.

 

Take care, and thanks for asking the question.

 

Lad

Edited June 29, 2013 by LCH

[Rara]

I've been here and I'm just on my way back out. Make of it what you will, but from what I've learnt, there is no time-frame for achieving Enlightenment and we all still have a duty on this planet! You can use medatative practice in everyday life...you can easliy follow your dream if it is for you and still work towards enlightenment.

 

If you lose yourself, you will withdraw. Withdrawing from community is a misinterpretation of the non-self...it will lead to emptiness (the bad kind) ... lonliness. No one likes that

[LCH]

By the way, this is a very good topic for the "times" we are in these days. Personally, I am somewhat of a "suburban monk" in that I work a job that is connected with the corporate world and all the imbalance attached to it, while making efforts to inject what I have attained through my personal practices into the job I am doing. I do not live on a mountain top, or in a monastery; and I do relate to being a "hermit" of sorts in the midst of it all.

 

At times, it has been like watching a car wreck in slow motion with every single collision and painful experience being seen, as I simply watch, while many of my efforts appear to have little effect.

 

In these moments I do recognize the impermanence of things, and though my "efforts" to carry weight as to my experience, all flows back to the Tao.

 

Millions of people are struggling and fighting to get a piece of a seemingly shrinking pie, and I most times see myself like the watchful hawk seeing it all from a higher vantage point, though, not completely immune or shielded to the events of this "time".

 

As many of the current societal structures continue to erode, others bloom from seeds created within a collective mind that has seemingly completely lost its connection with itself.

[LeirTheFox]

I'd like to thank everybody for these insights, as they helped me to realize stuff with such different perspectives. It takes some good insights to realize and find a way to embrace cultivation in the middle of the daily society. And everybody here seems to be finding their own ways, which teaches me I can find mine too.

 

But I think I can really talk about the difference after I finally got back to writing. Which, in case, starts today.

 

And as de_paradise mentioned it, on "I might be exaggerating about my passion," well I must admit that even the foods we like the most can become flavorless if we eat them often. I admit that sometimes I'm really not into writing, as much as sometimes one won't feel like meditating. Rainbowvein said to me once, about meditation, that "One sitting is not like another," well, the same could be said to the act of writing.

 

Bukowski perhaps wouldn't agree that it's all blissful (as naturally, it isn't by itself), but when he had the choice of working on his postman career, or "to write and die starving", can you remember what he chose?

There are times I don't enjoy it, everything is cloudy, I can't find the words that seem natural to the description... and there are times I do. After working on different careers, that's what seems right to me -- at least for now. I might change in the future. But if I don't follow it... well, you get the picture.

 

I promise to give you guys back what I learned after submitting myself to the creative process.

 

I wish peace of mind for everybody here.

 

Namaste,

Edited July 1, 2013 by LeirTheFox

[Rara]

Personally, I am somewhat of a "suburban monk" in that I work a job that is connected with the corporate world and all the imbalance attached to it, while making efforts to inject what I have attained through my personal practices into the job I am doing. I do not live on a mountain top, or in a monastery; and I do relate to being a "hermit" of sorts in the midst of it all.

 

Ever seen Afro Samurai? This reminds me of The Empty 7 ... monk assasins with mobile phones and hookers haha. Not implying your evil or course, just street.

 

well I must admit that even the foods we like the most can become flavorless if we eat them often.

For whatever reason this is in a quote box. Anyway, re the above: "Too much taste dulls the palate" - Lao Tzu . Sounds like the thread has been of help to you...go...have fun!

Edited July 2, 2013 by Rara

[Rara]

No idea what happened there. Actually, I said that last bit haha

[Jonas]

When I read your post I come to think of some events from my own life.

 

When I was mid 20'es I decided to abandon composing music since it put me in self ambition, consumed a lot of time, made me eager to "show off". It felt this was totally against the spiritual stream I felt in my life plus I wanted to simplify things in order to suit spiritual practices better. I sold all my equipment and actually devoted myself to spiritual Sadhana for a long period. I took a very simple part-time work, rented a cheap apartment fix some old furniture that I repainted. No TV etc. I never regret that I did this fullheartedly since it took me on a spiritual adventure I never would have encountered halfhearted.

 

However now, years later, the circle is complete, I picked up my "abandoned parts", integrated them again, and realize music, composing is part of my essence, and is a way for me to express myself blissfully. I could not just be without that part of myself. So I bought back my equipment and start again.

 

Just because we awakened Kundalini or opened the microcosmic orbit it doesn't mean we will not be interested in personal things anymore. However when awakened to our nature, those things will come from being and not ego-mind. Now I am lazier since it’s a temptation for me just to sit still and sink into the bliss that is part of being. It doesn't mean you get weak or in-dynamic, it means that you do not do things with your mind anymore but your essential being. My music was more "mindful" and elaborated before but now it is somewhere between mindful and mindless. That's just very nice.

 

I think the same goes for writing.

Edited July 3, 2013 by Jonas

[Rara]

Wow, I can't seem to type UNDER quotes anymore. Must be this new browser or something. Lame.

 

Anyway, woah...this is quite radical. About a year ago, I was ready to quit and put on a robe...but some part of me just couldn't do it. And I'm thankful...I needed exploration, but not to the extreme. And it helped BIG time. If anything, it enhanced my career.

 

But your experience too sounds priceless...for you. And for the sacrifice you made, I applaud you.

 

I sold all my equipment and actually devoted myself to spiritual Sadhana for a long period. I took a very simple part-time work, rented a cheap apartment fix some old furniture that I repainted. No TV etc. I never regret that I did this full halfheartedly since it took me on a spiritual adventure I never would have encountered halfhearted.

[Kajenx]

Taoism is actually very simple. There is no enligtement to seek. There are no sins to watch out for or rules to follow. You can't make any mistakes and you never have to ask for forgiveness.

 

Just ask yourself, do you want to be happy? Well, what's stopping you? Just do it now, why wait? If you attach happiness to anthing, including spiritual cultivation, then you're just waiting to be happy. You're procrastinating it. You can just do it now and skip all the rest.

 

If this cultivation stands in the way of you being you then it isn't worth much is it?