Detachment

[Songtsan]

well you are going to die eventually anyways...might as well go out with a bang then - start doing some LSD, go for a trip to India - go skydiving, get some credit cards and rack up a bunch of bills with no intent to pay them - time to get loco then.

 

Here is another thought - don't do anything - if you say you don't care at all...just sit there and do nothing - then watch as you end up doing something anyways...But how could you care enough to commit an action without caring about anything? Then therefore you must care enough to get up and eat something, go to the bathroom, etc. Find a relaxing repose - want nothing - watch how suddenly you DO want something - live on this level of existence - utter simplicity. Relax relax relax...The only actions you take are desireless actions. Time to discover wuwei - actionless action - action that occurs without thought, without plan. Perhaps if you stayed here, you might like it some. What have you got to lose?...try it for a day...try to just sit and do nothing, and watch what you do. Let your bodies natural inclination move you...realize that you dont have to make choices anymore - they will be made for you. Let the Kundalini move you too.

Edited June 30, 2013 by Songtsan

[RiverSnake]

Our thoughts, emotions and perspective are a result of our vibration/energetic state. Right now "K" is probably bulldozing up against some pretty intense blockages in your body and which is probably why you are feelingo so chaotic.

 

IME detachment is a natural process of spiritual development, however you are getting hit with these experiences at such a rapid rate that your personality is having difficulty grappling with the changes, most practitioners do interal work for years before they hit with this kind of internal fire. If you give it time, do internal work and surrender to the process you will eventually level out and come into some kind of stable state. I wish you the best and hope you level out soon.

 

My 2 cents, Peace

[Songtsan]

Also, K-shakti would never ever let you kill yourself - she will not allow it. So don't worry about it. She knows whats she is doing! Don't be scared...its going to end up great - you will be an internal millionaire! I promise.

[de_paradise]

The difference between "meditation on death", and "suicidal thoughts" is not large, but one is liberating and feels good, the other feels like a hand crushing your heart. How you can generate one effect and not the other is a simple trick of the mind, a little training of thought patterns. In death meditation, you imagine your dead body, and note that dead bodies do not have worldly concerns, and you stay with that feeling of being unconcerned about anything that a human is generally trapped by. In suicidal thoughts, you imagine your death, BUT then go back to the ego and clamp down on it--so its not a true suicide, its just a touch of the result state so you can impress yourself how grave the situation is, and then focus hard on your problems again. Why not just mentally stay dead and contemplate the scene, and enjoy the peace that comes with the assumption of the death state?

 

There is a way out of the box that you are now in, which is a whirlwind of worries, fears, pains, guilts, etc. The way out is staying in the present moment, to focus solely on what you are doing now, without commentary (sometimes called mindfulness). Tell yourself that there is no future, there is no past, and there is just now. When you are ready, generate some emotions, like surrender, trust, love, gratitute of the things around you. Hold the postive emotions as long as you can. This process takes some days or weeks, it takes diligence to stop your bad habits of run-on worry and complaint, but you will eventually notice results of well being.

 

*note that if you need a good example of the unwinding of problems after the death of the body, watch a few seasons of "Ghost Whisperer" DVD series. The story is always the same, Melinda helps the trapped spirits drop their problems and they get to go free.

Edited June 30, 2013 by de_paradise

[Songtsan]

Also, you can just relax...who wouldn't have fun just relaxing?

[WillingToListen]

Also, you can just relax...who wouldn't have fun just relaxing?

Because I know the things expected of me.

[Songtsan]

Because I know the things expected of me.

 

get rid of the expectations then...who cares what anyone thinks or wants? Are you scared they are going to kill you?

[WillingToListen]

Because that's how things work here, that kind of freedom is nonexistent. I don't feel like being bothered by any of it, i don't it- so why should I.be made to suffer it the same as those who actually care about any of this. I just woke up and I just want to sleep. It's funny waiting tables when you don't care about money.

[manitou]

It's always darkest before the dawn, comes to my mind. The dark night of the soul sort of thing.

Try lifting a finger to bend the light just a little and change up your routine. Something as simple as drinking more water during the day? I always feel more energized if I drink lots of water. I know you're not talking about physical energy, although that surely enters into it. You're talking about a mental ennui that places you in the dead zone. I'll bet there's not a K-active person around who hasn't spent their share of time in the zone. Maybe that's part of it, it seems to be.

 

You will stop being treated like a child and worrying about what your folks expect of you when you display to them the fact that you are an adult - when your actions follow suit. Are you still in their home? Move out. Are you waiting tables in their restaurant? Find another job. Do your folks put a guilt trip on you about helping the family out? Then in the most loving and gentle way you can, put yourself first, do what you want to do for a living, and find a compromise position of continuing to help the family out if they need the help.

 

This is probably way too mundane for you, but sometimes we just have to take physical action first to get the emotional to follow suit. We can't think our way out of the condition, it only gets worse like a snowball rolling downhill and getting bigger.

 

But know one thing, darling. You are loved here.

Edited June 30, 2013 by manitou

[Songtsan]

Dark night of the soul was exactly what I was thinking...there are ways to speed up the process, but you have to be willing to face your past.

[C T]

Dark night of the soul was exactly what I was thinking...there are ways to speed up the process, but you have to be willing to face your past.

There is no past to face.

 

One can think that digging into past patterns are necessary for a turnaround, but i dont subscribe to that mode of thinking.

 

First of all, the past is already dead. Rummaging into dead things can only yield more dead things.

 

Secondly, its more worthwhile to spend the energy on cultivating fearlessness and other more positive constructs. Positive reinforcements will eventually negate whatever heavy past patterns one may have accrued.

 

Thirdly, time is precious. We dont know where the line ends. Woe be it that life comes to a halt while searching into all that has been. Should this happen, 'we' tend to come back and re-live that past we are trying to make sense of until we eventually learn to let go thoroughly, then maybe we stop coming back. At some point, we simply learn that there are infinite 'pasts', innumerable layers piled upon more layers -- its endless futile searching.

 

The antidote - dont do anything directly to dissolve the past. Instead, focus on developing good and healthy and positive traits for the next day, the next week, the next month, and so on, and this will eventually take whatever sting out of all the stored trauma.

 

Slowly we forget. But in forgetting, there has to be a good, viable replacement, otherwise the tendency to feel vacant will arise, and then people will misinterpret and think its K and dark nights and what other nonsense the mind can conjure up. Problem then cos when this happens, very often, people will superimpose how it was before all the cleansing, and this only brings more problems. Its like being caught in a circle of viciousness.

[Songtsan]

There is no past to face.

 

One can think that digging into past patterns are necessary for a turnaround, but i dont subscribe to that mode of thinking.

 

First of all, the past is already dead. Rummaging into dead things can only yield more dead things.

 

Secondly, its more worthwhile to spend the energy on cultivating fearlessness and other more positive constructs. Positive reinforcements will eventually negate whatever heavy past patterns one may have accrued.

 

Thirdly, time is precious. We dont know where the line ends. Woe be it that life comes to a halt while searching into all that has been. Should this happen, 'we' tend to come back and re-live that past we are trying to make sense of until we eventually learn to let go thoroughly, then maybe we stop coming back. At some point, we simply learn that there are infinite 'pasts', innumerable layers piled upon more layers -- its endless futile searching.

 

The antidote - dont do anything directly to dissolve the past. Instead, focus on developing good and healthy and positive traits for the next day, the next week, the next month, and so on, and this will eventually take whatever sting out of all the stored trauma.

 

Slowly we forget. But in forgetting, there has to be a good, viable replacement, otherwise the tendency to feel vacant will arise, and then people will misinterpret and think its K and dark nights and what other nonsense the mind can conjure up. Problem then cos when this happens, very often, people will superimpose how it was before all the cleansing, and this only brings more problems. Its like being caught in a circle of viciousness.

 

I hear you, but in my experience, sometimes the past keeps coming up in certain individuals and they just cant let go - so instead of kicking oneself in the ass because one cant let go - one can choose a different route than letting go and do inner process work on it. I have successfully nullified much 'karma' within myself by dealing with past issues in different ways...but I also agree that your way works too - IF you can swing it - not all minds are created the same - some people just ruminate and never let go...so alternative means are necessary.

[C T]

I think the past can be chose to be thought of as 'dead' if it was insignificant in impact and current.

 

Any past that had high energy and impact doesnt 'die' of its own volition, no way, no how.

 

It finds its place to live in the bodymind and sets up residence.

This could be one example where the past gains a foothold.

 

Do you see any way where a different, perhaps a more (positively) radical view, coupled with relevant practices, could be renegotiated otherwise?

 

I can.

[C T]

When a thief creeps into an empty house, he/she leaves empty-handed.

[silent thunder]

Hey WillingToListen.

 

I've been there. I went deeper into the yin aspect. I dropped myself all the way into it. I found the yang there.

Edited June 30, 2013 by silent thunder

[konchog uma]

Medication is a last resort. Pharmaceuticals are generally not a cure, and the dependancy they create causes its own depression in seekers. Instead of cultivating detachment, find meaning. To me, just an intuition, you might be in the 2nd phase of "first there is a mountain, then there is no mountain, then there is". The world and yourself and the vivid clarity of both return. When everything is stripped away that's a great opportuniy to be inquisitive about what's left to connect to. "Nothing" is usually a copout. I hope these words help you to engage, explore, and cultivate a sense of celebration of your precious human experience.

[silent thunder]

I agree about pharma, it has a place, but for me that will always be a last resort.

It's like clear-cutting a forest for vision, instead of climbing a tree or finding a hill.

[C T]

I hear you, but in my experience, sometimes the past keeps coming up in certain individuals and they just cant let go - so instead of kicking oneself in the ass because one cant let go - one can choose a different route than letting go and do inner process work on it. I have successfully nullified much 'karma' within myself by dealing with past issues in different ways...but I also agree that your way works too - IF you can swing it - not all minds are created the same - some people just ruminate and never let go...so alternative means are necessary.

I hears you too, Songtsan, especially the rumination part. It forms the basis for what many would deem a sort of 'aliveness', engaging it with some gusto as if without it they become afraid that they are worthless. As i say, its a vicious wheel.

 

Forming new, altruistic habits thru mindful attention and action will definitely release a lot, if not all, past conditionings. Its not easy, but its very simple -- a matter of doing it now, and now, and now, and so on. Then sometimes we find that we have stumbled, and seeing so, we return to mindful attention of cultivating the right thoughts and actions. Slowly, the emotional turmoils will subside. In a few months or a few years one can reflect back and make a then-and-now comparison and stand amazed at the shadow of one's past self.

[Songtsan]

I hears you too, Songtsan, especially the rumination part. It forms the basis for what many would deem a sort of 'aliveness', engaging it with some gusto as if without it they become afraid that they are worthless. As i say, its a vicious wheel.

 

Forming new, altruistic habits thru mindful attention and action will definitely release a lot, if not all, past conditionings. Its not easy, but its very simple -- a matter of doing it now, and now, and now, and so on. Then sometimes we find that we have stumbled, and seeing so, we return to mindful attention of cultivating the right thoughts and actions. Slowly, the emotional turmoils will subside. In a few months or a few years one can reflect back and make a then-and-now comparison and stand amazed at the shadow of one's past self.

 

I have lately been experimenting with healing past relationships in real time...have had some success with more than one, but not all broken relationships can be healed...but the very act of attempting it seems to free some remorse I have found, even if the other side is not open to it. It is a scary process to be sure, and involves some discomfort which strengthens one to life's inevitable ongoing discomfort. It is also related to emotional cathartic release techniques.

[WillingToListen]

Songtsan, it's hard to "give in" to a being/intelligence that ultimately feels like its possessing you, but at some point I think I did just that, I didn;t realize how different my life had become and my thoughts about it- now I don't feel like "fixing" it again or experiencing anything else, I just don't want it anymore.

 

Today was really odd, the cook at my job essentially told me what I was thinking, which doesn't happen often because theyre kind of "heavy" as of late? anyway. I guess he decided he would get to know be a bit better today, so at one point he said "What!, no kids, no wife, no money, no car, no girlfriend?.. You're dead."

 

And I just looked at him for a minute and laughed nervously a little, I thought I was the only one who though that.

 

I've no desire to "live the dream" ,or any other for that matter, anymore. I don't care about what most people consider life and it has literally nothing more to offer me. I'm so sick of it, one day I might end it but I've thought that for a while so I don't know. I didn't think it would be such a hard thing to do. I'm bored with life and I'm sick of the neverending pain. Why should I be okay with entertaining this illusory reality- this ignorance for any longer? Why work to accept something I don't care about? I'd just rather be somewhere where it didn't exist altogether.

[Songtsan]

Songtsan, it's hard to "give in" to a being/intelligence that ultimately feels like its possessing you, but at some point I think I did just that, I didn;t realize how different my life had become and my thoughts about it- now I don't feel like "fixing" it again or experiencing anything else, I just don't want it anymore.

 

Today was really odd, the cook at my job essentially told me what I was thinking, which doesn't happen often because theyre kind of "heavy" as of late? anyway. I guess he decided he would get to know be a bit better today, so at one point he said "What!, no kids, no wife, no money, no car, no girlfriend?.. You're dead."

 

And I just looked at him for a minute and laughed nervously a little, I thought I was the only one who though that.

 

I've no desire to "live the dream" ,or any other for that matter, anymore. I don't care about what most people consider life and it has literally nothing more to offer me. I'm so sick of it, one day I might end it but I've thought that for a while so I don't know. I didn't think it would be such a hard thing to do. I'm bored with life and I'm sick of the neverending pain. Why should I be okay with entertaining this illusory reality- this ignorance for any longer? Why work to accept something I don't care about? I'd just rather be somewhere where it didn't exist altogether.

 

I am coming more and more to believe that the kundalini is one with us all, and that to view it as separate is true, yet not true. Please see my thread on Satchitananda. Kundalini is simply universal chi, alive and intelligent and she is also the holy spirit. I don't believe you should be fearing her, instead you should let her further in. The stranger is already in your house and you are running from room to room trying to avoid her, when in fact she is really your best friend, and you should sit down and have a nice cup of tea with her. She is beautiful. Become her and you become yourself. You asked for her presence on some level, whether you believe it or not. This is what I believe. Time to let her go to work. Rip the bandaid off quickly, quit agonizing over the injustice of it all and start riding the waves of tapas. You will be pleasantly surprised at how genius she is. I can always say more, if you are willing to listen, Willing To Listen.

Edited July 3, 2013 by Songtsan

[WillingToListen]

I don't trust anyone, because there's no reason to anymore- nor was there ever one.