What to do when the Dark Night of the Soul hits

[Songtsan]

OK:

 

Here is what happens when the Kundalini awakens. It first sees us as we are, decides that we could be better than the best, and so what she does is she takes out your burdens. She attacks the things you like the most, such as wine, women, fast cars, etc. and makes them seem pale and lifeless to you. She does this as a teaching tool, because when the the Dark Night of the Soul hits, you become what they call in psychological terms 'anhedonic.' This forces you to examine the meaning of life, and find what we like to call in Kundalini terms, 'alternative pathways to ecstasy.' When this happens, you think you are gone, but you are not! You are merely went another way type-o-thing. Just so. If it hits you, just do this: find another way to gain ecstasy. Ride a bike, read a different book, take a look in a shop you have never seen before, etc etc. Sounds simple, huh? Nope. What she is doing is taking you on a walkabout of the reality matrix so she can see what life is like. She wants you to do new things. Not the same old boring routine. She is you, but you are not her...know what I am saying? You are not real! You are just an illusion! She doesn't care much for mind constructs, they just eat her up and make her come out and get REAL MEAN-LIKE!'s

Then, she forces you to overcome her by becoming more interesting, say you make a trip to New Zealand, or you eat avocados (maybe you never ate them before!). Any time you do something new and different, she relaxes and let's you out of her grip!'s There are many Shaktis and all of them exist everywhere everyday, in every way. Basically she is environmental energy and she does not like to be stifled. When she is stifled, she gets REAL MAD!!!!!! Then she EXPLODES!!! and you might get hurt, like feel bioelectricity running up your spine, or you even get weird sensations like flowers coming out of your ears (Tinnitus ) These are called suppressed energy cycles. The suppressed energy builds up and starts tearing up your system, stopping you from having fun. So don't eat avocados all the time unless you have never tried them before, because before you know it, you will be in hell. What is hell? Hell is repetition, repetition, repetition...........

 

Start doing new things every day and you won't have to go to school again. Do you hear me chilluns?

 

 

[teriyaki]

[Jetsun]

I don't know if you were even asking the question but the answer to what to do when the dark night of the soul hits is nothing, there is nothing you can do, if you could do anything it wouldn't be very dark.

[Songtsan]

Go to India! Take a swing dance class! Challenge your matrix! Eat mushrooms! Die trying to live! I have had not one, not two, but three dark nights of the soul...one of them lasted about 2 years!!! All the way to the bank now babes. By this day tomorrow I will live inside the bank and never leave it again, or else I am am a dead gone ringer!!

[WillingToListen]

Sounds like a life not worth living.

[Songtsan]

Sounds like a life not worth living.

 

Actually its quite exciting...whenever we break our routines, suddenly life feels fresher, and also you become a more interesting person. When I was a drummer, I loved it for years, then my DNotS hit and I suddenly didnt care anymore, but then I got into martial arts and dance and yoga for a while and I was back in business. When shakti kept pushing me in different directions, I kept trying new things all the time. I became a much more well rounded person over the years, trying out many hobbies. You become a jack of all trades, master of life! Do not be attached to old ego-grinds, find new talents all the time.

[WillingToListen]

That's exactly it. You're okay with being a jack of all trades, master of none. You don't care about mastering something, I did.

 

What kind of bullshit life is constantly changing direction, in that extreme of a fashion.

 

You say shakti kept pushing you in different directions, what if shakti just kept destroying whatever you had managed to create? What if it's not a 'process' just something you keep running from. What if shakti is just destroying your life one passion at a time? After all it is an intelligence and it isn't you.

 

What if you've just become content with shakti destroying your passions?

 

I don't know, what you described, I'd want no part of. Slowly just drying out.

[Flolfolil]

W2L don't you think saying peoples lives aren't worth living is rude as hell? i do.

[Songtsan]

That's exactly it. You're okay with being a jack of all trades, master of none. You don't care about mastering something, I did.

 

What kind of bullshit life is constantly changing direction, in that extreme of a fashion.

 

You say shakti kept pushing you in different directions, what if shakti just kept destroying whatever you had managed to create? What if it's not a 'process' just something you keep running from. What if shakti is just destroying your life one passion at a time? After all it is an intelligence and it isn't you.

 

What if you've just become content with shakti destroying your passions?

 

I don't know, what you described, I'd want no part of. Slowly just drying out.

 

You will be allowed to return to your loves when you graduate from college. Stop bitching about the way things are and become a man. There is a thing called 'The fallacy of fairness' in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Essentially we all want the world to run on our schedule. When we get off our high horse and start unifying ourself with the cosmos, instead of expecting it to kneel down before us, we suddenly realize that we always were who we wanted to be. I promise you you won't lose anything by trusting K - you will gain awesomeness and become the creative genius you always wanted to be. Trust me (please). I am the man who has walked your path before - I know the routes. Our path won't be exactly the same, but in a way, all paths are one. If you haven't figured it out by now, you come to this site to learn, not to argue with your teachers. It's time you learned to surrender.

[Songtsan]

W2L don't you think saying peoples lives aren't worth living is rude as hell? i do.

 

Leave him alone (and don't) he is in his process. He deserves to be respected and told to stop being an idiot. Do you see what I mean

[WillingToListen]

W2L don't you think saying peoples lives aren't worth living is rude as hell? i do.

Rude is subjective. Mastering nothing over a lifetime is pointless to me. More pointless than being here in the first place.

 

Leave him alone (and don't) he is in his process. He deserves to be respected and told to stop being an idiot. Do you see what I mean

I'm an idiot for not wanting to try things I care nothing for, and not seeing a point in life once my passions were stripped from it.

 

But I'm sure if I allow my life to bottom out some more I'll become a creative genius

 

Become a man? What high horse?

 

I don't give a shit about any of this realm. There's nothing else I want from it not a family, not a friend, not a house, not a car, not a paycheck, not travel, not a girlfriend. I don't want any more life, it bores me stupid. There's nothing I enjoy doing anymore, music and writing are completely gone, since 'shakti' decided to 'make me lose interest in them'. There's nothing else I wish to do in this realm of illusion, I just want to leave. I'm sick of having to work for things I don't want, talk to people I don't care about, breathe air I don't want. Fuck all of you and your planet, I've had more than enough of it all.

[WillingToListen]

we suddenly realize that we always were who we wanted to be.

 

A stiff corpse inside the earth, long dead to the world.

 

Did I awake to this reincarnation with a death wish? Is it my mission to just start killing humans mercilessly until I'm eventually put down?

[Songtsan]

Rude is subjective. Mastering nothing over a lifetime is pointless to me. More pointless than being here in the first place.

 

I'm an idiot for not wanting to try things I care nothing for, and not seeing a point in life once my passions were stripped from it.

 

But I'm sure if I allow my life to bottom out some more I'll become a creative genius

 

Become a man? What high horse?

 

I don't give a shit about any of this realm. There's nothing else I want from it not a family, not a friend, not a house, not a car, not a paycheck, not travel, not a girlfriend. I don't want any more life, it bores me stupid. There's nothing I enjoy doing anymore, music and writing are completely gone, since 'shakti' decided to 'make me lose interest in them'. There's nothing else I wish to do in this realm of illusion, I just want to leave. I'm sick of having to work for things I don't want, talk to people I don't care about, breathe air I don't want. Fuck all of you and your planet, I've had more than enough of it all.

 

You are like a man who has had all his money taken from, who then complains and says that without his money, it is no more fun, when in fact, if he simply adheres to some simple guidelines, he will have a bonus check in just a few years, worth 10,000 times the money he has lost.

[Songtsan]

A stiff corpse inside the earth, long dead to the world.

 

Did I awake to this reincarnation with a death wish? Is it my mission to just start killing humans mercilessly until I'm eventually put down?

 

I once felt the EXACT same way - for years...now I don't. There is a light at the end of the tunnel - you are just being impatient.

[Flolfolil]

no offense, but if you really hate living so much why not just kill yourself? i definitely would if i didn't enjoy anything worldly

[skydog]

joy, surrender

Edited July 4, 2013 by skydog

[Songtsan]

Kundalini merely forces your own misbeliefs to the surface mind where they can be analyzed with wisdom awareness...once we have learned our follies, we move on to the next folly. Trust not the Kundalini, yet trust the Kundalini. She will make you a star.

[skydog]

[silent thunder]

When I encountered the long dark, I fought it with everything I had, struggling against the current with a monstrous vanity. Stubbornly forcing myself to emptily perform my previous rituals until all inertia was absolutely spent and I finally just ran out of desire, utterly exhausted in body, mind and spirit. With no more ability to care I just dropped everything and completely surrendered. Came close to suicide twice. The process lasted a couple years in all.

 

When I reached inertial bottom and settled into stillness, I gave in to it, I had no choice, no inertia, no love, no care, no truth. Just empty motions and lack of desire. Nothing had meaning, nothing could possibly matter. The slightest breeze could change my direction in these days. The tiniest suggestion of a friend or stranger could alter my course, yet no matter the course, the ship was empty and lifeless. Although it felt like complete surrender and I told myself it was, it was not, for I still had pride and despair. The despair of 'what is wrong with me? where did my love go? who am I? what am I?' And a pride that I could endure such despair and keep on functioning.

 

Thankfully the long dark was more relentless than my pride or despair. On and on I plodded until finally in true exhaustion even the will to despair fell away. Where before there was despair at the loss of desires and connection to life, within this release, there was no longer even the energy to attach to despair. This was the fulcrum and pivot. The Yang within Yin.

 

When I finally lost the inertia to spend on fear or despair, I encountered silence. Silence of mind, silence of emotions, emptiness of motion, no motivations, just empty actions and words. The silence I experienced was so complete. Silent body, empty mind.

 

In the core of this silence I experienced something new. An underlying sound, like rushing water became apparent very far away and deep, within the silence... and it shook me awake. It was so profound and deep and utterly new, so foundational, beneath and beyond anything I had experienced in the realms of desire and identity. Once I became aware of this sound, this presence, it at once began to grow and fill my awareness. It grew into a roaring thunder that had it been an audible sound would have deafened me. It shook the walls of my awareness until there were no walls and when I looked out of my windowless self, the world I saw was not the world I had known.

 

Trees I had walked by every day for a decade were seen as if for the first time. People, veritably glowing with energy in the simplest of exchanges and even the dirtiest situation had the shining aspect of brilliant connected life to it. The sense of it was like waking from a long dream.

 

I am not enlightened. I am not awake. My long dark was exactly what I had been asking for and seeking.

I've been blessedly shaken by the silent thunder and I'm so fucking grateful it's beyond words to describe it.

The silent thunder awakened me to the connection. The deep underlying connection of all of it.

 

Now I'm going to go have a piss and make some more tea...

Much Love...

 

edit:

and of course... the above is all experiential and thus, illusion.

But wow, what a ride!

 

gratitude is a great companion

Edited July 4, 2013 by silent thunder

[Songtsan]

 

 

one of my all time favs!

 

seen? -> Howell's moving castle?

Edited July 4, 2013 by Songtsan

[Songtsan]

When I was in my long dark nights, I used entheogens to rocket blast my self out of them - I have found that the best entheogen of all time (for me) is methoxatamine (MXE) - what it does it take you deep into your mind palace, and Kundalini will then bring everything you are to your surface for you to see in living color...you will do years of process work in mere weeks. You must be brave, as all your demons and angels will come out in full force, and you will experience hell as well as heaven. Becoming unattached and fearless is both a requisite and a result of this practice. Not for the faint of heart, but for true shamans and warriors, yes. Please do not take this as medical advice as any kind. No one has ever died off this stuff, even at doses 30x the usual dose...but if you have a tendency towards psychoses, and cannot control yourself - it might be bad...fortunately it is not like LSD or MDMA - you cant do anything on it, as your body becomes incapacitated for a while.

 

To those who preach against drugs - preach not to me, as my path is my own. Preach to others as you wish. Each to his own.

[Flolfolil]

my question is how to tell between spiritual crises and plain depression? i feel like i really need professional help but what could a psychologist possibly say about the supernatural crap i have to deal with?

[Flolfolil]

song, have you read my first MXE trip report? it is in my personal practice journal on here. i think you would get a kick out of it

[skydog]

Cool stuff yeh, I love all of them

 

 

.

Edited July 4, 2013 by skydog

[WillingToListen]

no offense, but if you really hate living so much why not just kill yourself? i definitely would if i didn't enjoy anything worldly

I'm trying to get there soon. I don't believe it's exactly something you can work up to though.

I could pay you if you'd do me the honor. The one person who agreed to do it faked

 

You are like a man who has had all his money taken from, who then complains and says that without his money, it is no more fun, when in fact, if he simply adheres to some simple guidelines, he will have a bonus check in just a few years, worth 10,000 times the money he has lost.

 

I once felt the EXACT same way - for years...now I don't. There is a light at the end of the tunnel - you are just being impatient.

I waited 24 years for some semblance of a "life" until I figured out I really didn't want one to begin with, I'd say I was fairly patient.

 

 

I am a virgin, never had a girlfriend.

I am 24.

I only cared about music and writing, "shakti" took those.

I don't have a car.

I don't have any friends, just a few acquaintances.

I don't have any other hobbies/interests besides those I lost.

I don't care for anything anymore, I work for no reason.

I just spend my money on weed/drugs, since it's the only way I have to get away from here.

My family is falling apart.

I am poor, no bank account.

No schooling beyond high school.

I don't care for any more relationships with people, or any more suffering.

I no longer care to experience/know anything more.

I am living when I rather not be.

 

Songtsan get your bullshit out of here, maybe a lot of people don't know what they want/wanted from life, I'm not one of those people.