What it is like to be insane

[Songtsan]

Basically, everyone is crazy. Everyone is delusional, and everyone has a mind that is full of insane thought constructs. Of course, since there is this thing called the law of averages, or 'the mean,' what that means is that although everyone is crazy, it is okay to be insane (as long as you fall within standard norms). Now let's look at this bell graph here:

 

http://www.anseo.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/bell_curve.gif

 

Notice that past the 96th percentile there exists what is called "beyond two standard deviations."

this is about where I exist (a little bit before it fortunately - I am exaggerating for stylistic emphasis). So, you may be asking yourself, "That's interesting, but what does that have to do with anything?" Here's the point: since I exist in this land of craziness, beyond where most of you guys do, I have seen with my own eyes that the mind is basically a polluted, chaotic, insane nest of irrationalities. You might say to yourself, "yes, I already know that…" However, I can assure you that I know this more than most people on this website. There is what's called "strength of knowing" AKA "degree of gnosis" What this means is that there are levels and levels of knowing, which can be rated, or analyzed, but basically it's about level of intensity. The more you are approached with this madness in your mind, the more you get to know what madness is like. I'd like to explain this a little bit further… Say, for example, I am interrupted daily by voices in my head, thought insertions, thought deletions, irrational anxieties, paranoias, thought constructs from hell, etc. etc. then one must conclude that if I am able to maintain awareness of the state while it is happening, I must have noticed a pattern by now in all my years of living with this crazy stuff. Indeed I have! I know that this stuff that comes out of my mind is inherently, and deviously, insane and irrational. What I have been doing lately is exploring myself, even to my own detriment (i.e. by allowing the craziness to consume me for the purposes of research and identifying what's wrong with both myself and humanity in general). What I experience is the same as you guys, just stronger and more bizarre, but at its root its just more illusion. That's why I like to think of my mental disorder as simply emotional intensity disorder, whether it be high or low.

 

Before I go further, I am going to interrupt this discussion with an analogy.let's talk about 'degrees of infinity.' Let's assume that you have a universe full of empty space. Now, we fill it with infinite bags of marbles. Each bag contains three red marbles and two blue marbles. These bags exist ad infinitum, meaning the space is now filled to the brim. Meaning there are infinite bags of marbles here, there and forever more. Now you might think at first, that since there are infinite bags of marbles, that the red and blue marbles are exactly equal in their infinity. No they are not! This is what's called degrees of infinity. This is a mathematical explanation, which will give you some insight into the matrix of our reality. Since the red marbles outnumber the blue marbles each step of the way, this means that there will always be more red marbles than blue marbles. Although there are infinite red and blue marbles, the intensity of the red marbles will always be stronger. This is what is meant by the term 'degree' - it is synonymous with intensity.

 

[back to the story:]

 

So what I am saying is this: we are definitely all insane, but my degree of insanity is probably greater than most of yours, on average. In a nutshell, I am saying that since I use drugs (i.e. entheogens, hallucinogens, disassociative drugs, prescription drugs, etc.), and since I also have predisposing factors that influence my mind (mental illness stemming from genetics, etc.), I have probably experienced peak crazy states that blow yours out of the water. They are beautiful illusions, but meaningless in the end. They are still just more mind illusions.

 

So how does this help us? You may ask… Well, basically if I can become enlightened, then anyone can! I'm not saying that I am an enlightened master at all! What's happening is that the Kundalini Shakti has been guiding me my whole life towards gnosis, towards unification of all that is mind. This process is not yet completed, however it is close enough that I can see for myself where I will end up. Believe if you will, or disbelieve as you will- but it appears to be so.

 

However, this is where we get to the point of this thread: Enlightenment is simply another perception attainment. Agree or disagree? Even the Buddhists argue over this one. They definitely agree that the 7 jhanas are perception attainments, and of course all manner of 'insane mind states' are also simply perception attainments (although usually no one in their 'right mind' would want to go there).

 

So knowing that pretty much all that exists in mind is a perception, that no matter what we have experienced in life is simply a perception attainment, can we talk about what Nirvana is?

 

Is it just another attainment? Or is it beyond perception? Does it not rely on perception at all?

 

Some Buddhists argue that it is just another state of perception, albeit one linked with the truest truth there is, and so the least delusional mind state of all, whereas others say that perception ends altogether and something basically miraculous and unknowable occurs, i.e. that which must be entered and which cannot be known.

 

Does anyone have any scientific analysis of what Nirvana might be? Just out of curiosity. I don't pretend to believe that it can actually be known through mind, as it lies beyond mind as they say, but I just want to come as close as possible to the zenith in the mind-verse.

 

Back to insanity. Many people are afraid of insane individuals.

 

Insanity, in a nutshell is simply extreme and uncontrolled emotions - emotions so strong that they force one to do, well insane things...

 

...so do you think I am insane?

 

...do you think you are insane?

 

Have you ever been controlled by your emotions, instead of them controlling you?

 

(I know I have!)

 

Is insanity simply the level (intensity) of uncontrolled emotions (chemicals!)? Beyond 2 standard deviations from the norm?

 

Is there a fix? Should one harness the emotional energy and use it for good (makes sense!)...

 

This is what sublimation is all about....this is why I am writing books and posting on websites...it keeps me from running around in my head like the lunatics taking over the asylum.

 

If I could send all that energy down to my dantien I would be in the clear, wouldn't I? (don't worry it's in the works).

 

Sorry to ramble - I am just searching for completion here...there must have been a point...Ah yes, this mostly stream-of-thought post was about attaining some gnosis during the act of posting it. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I can't seem to hit that spot, so I will end here. Perhaps my mistake will be a lesson for others...who knows...

 

Is God insane?

 

If we live in an insane universe, and God created the universe, it would seem so.

 

What happens when we run out of insane ideas?

 

If my questions end, what begins next?

 

When my brain tires itself out, trying to understand everything, will Krishna come?

 

Is it time for me to join a monastery? (I don't think any of them would have me, but it would be nice)

 

I would put this in a personal practice forum, but my practice is thinking right now...

 

I almost thought of not posting this, but I figured what the hell...

 

It brings me to the conclusion that, as they say, "There is nothing to do."

 

Do nothing. Allow nature/Tao to do everything. Wu wei.

 

When one realizes that the mind is no longer needed, except for stuff like planning weddings and paying the bills, is this when wu wei is attained?

Edited July 11, 2013 by Songtsan

[Jetsun]

Interesting post, I agree we are all insane because we live in our minds, I have a little experience of going over the edge and it does certainly highlight a few things. I would be cautious though in not indulging in it as the ego is a tricky thing, it might tell you the story that the indulgence is for investigative or noble reasons but it might just be yet another game of control, another way to try affirm its existence in the face of non existence. It might not, just thought I would mention it.

[Songtsan]

Interesting post, I agree we are all insane because we live in our minds, I have a little experience of going over the edge and it does certainly highlight a few things. I would be cautious though in not indulging in it as the ego is a tricky thing, it might tell you the story that the indulgence is for investigative or noble reasons but it might just be yet another game of control, another way to try affirm its existence in the face of non existence. It might not, just thought I would mention it.

 

I am trying it out, with the feeling that if I indulge just enough i will realize something big. I may be a fool, but the fool is a divine archetype. I no longer care what people think of me. If I did, I would become a shadow puppet. I feel that the only way I can break through my niggardly self is to explode that self from within by pushing all my energy through it in a cathartic way. If I alienate myself from others, but find God within and without, I consider that a fair trade. If that were to happen, i could spend the rest of my life in atonement and make do fine. In order to succeed on the crazy wisdom path, which is at the core of who I am and always has been, one must devote oneself fully, and hold nothing back. This is my aim and intent. I am already committed, and in fact I jumped off that cliff a long time ago and just didn't fully realize it. Now is the time for me to rip the band-aid off quickly, as I have better things to do than play reindeer games in the trenches of the ego.

 

Feuerstein equates the Avadhuta with the 'sacred fool':

"The crazy wisdom message and method are understandably offensive to both the secular and the conventional religious establishments. Hence crazy adepts have generally been suppressed. This was not the case in traditional Tibet and India, where the "holy fool" or "saintly madman" [and madwoman] has long been recognized as a legitimate figure in the compass of spiritual aspiration and realization. In India, the

avadhuta

is one who, in his [or her] God-intoxication, has "cast off" all concerns and conventional standards."

 

--------

"The ninth-century Indian philosopher Adi Shankara also described that an enlightened man may act like a Jadvat (an inert thing), a Balvat (child), an Unmat (a manic) or a Pissachvat (ghost)."

 

---------

"The appellation "avadhuta," more than any other, came to be associated with the apparently crazy modes of behaviour of some paramahamsas, who dramatize the reversal of social norms, a behaviour characteristic of their spontaneous lifestyle.

 

-------

 

you get the point...I have to say that this is who I am, and I certainly didn't plan it this way...I simply ended up like this. Who am I to fight nature? I'll just eat it as it comes.

 

It's not like I have anything to fear - If I mess up, I'll just be in the wheel again..so I am covered.

Edited July 11, 2013 by Songtsan

[Jetsun]

I would just be careful that your conscious awareness doesn't drown in what comes up from your subconscious, so it might be useful to ground yourself in the constant in all experience which is the stillness or the gaps which all the mind content arises in, otherwise you might experience a flood.

[Songtsan]

I would just be careful that your conscious awareness doesn't drown in what comes up from your subconscious, so it might be useful to ground yourself in the constant in all experience which is the stillness or the gaps which all the mind content arises in, otherwise you might experience a flood.

 

That's already been happening all along...I finally decided to just let the flood carry me along, and now the flood is a river that pushes me to and fro - where I end up, well who's to know? I don't think I care anymore. Not in a bad way, but in a happy way - a trusting way, that things will work out in the end. I realized long ago that what's most important to do in life is to expand the boundaries of possibilities. To not be afraid of ego death. The things that could happen to me are boundless, yet I mainly express my insanity on the interpersonal plain - not in the real world. I come here to give up the ghost - the ghost of fear. Fear of myself, fear of what others will think of me. These are the anxieties that have been filling my mind all of my life. I can't live each day with such anxieties, so I am doing special things with the matrix to find absolution within my self. No one else can give me this. I can beg and pander to everyone else's wishes all day long, but that would just leave me a servant to their needs. No longer will I be a ghost in the machine. I will sit on top of the machine and fiddle with the gears...Reminds me of Lee Scratch Perry - he was doing a reggae concert with some other Rastas and he started fiddling with the controls. Boy did they get mad. He didn't give a you know what. He used to have these shoes he wore that had marbles glued to the top, and all kinds of knicky knackies - its true - you can look it up...lol I only know it because I actually lived with this jazz singer who's brother was like the drummer or bassist for Herbie Hancock's group, and she met him personally and heard the story. Fools are always protected in magical ways. I don't think anyone is going to come around the corner and beat me up at least.

[Chang]

When considering sanity and insanity we are faced with a great dilemma.

 

We can only judge what is normal or abnormal by using ourselves as a measure and obviously this presents us all with a very great problem!

[Songtsan]

When considering sanity and insanity we are faced with a great dilemma.

 

We can only judge what is normal or abnormal by using ourselves as a measure and obviously this presents us all with a very great problem!

 

All I know is that I love myself and if others choose not to love me, well then I have no problem with that. I will keep on keepin' on. I don't know what I want, but I know how to get it!

[Songtsan]

I have finally figured out the big deal. What happens is this: When I feel that others like me, it is so magnified that I really think others like me, and I do/say things that are stupid and get my self in trouble. When I feel that others don't like me, I really feel that that they don't like me, and I do/say things that are really stupid. Everything gets magnified a bunch of times. It has been this way my entire life, regardless of whether or not I have been using drugs, or on prescription drugs. I have destroyed numerous relationships because I took things to heart - way beyond their actual intended force. I have entered into unhealthy relationships because I also took things way to heart, and have gone and devoted myself to people that weren't in my best interest. I have also scared people off when they indicated that they liked me by feeling that they really liked me, and coming back at them with this intensity and assuming that I could do no wrong with them, and this makes people feel that I am unbalanced. Everything is magnified. Everything is intensified. Walking down the street, and hearing people laugh, I get paranoid, and think that people are laughing at me. When I am feeling great and really gung ho about something - I feel so strongly that I think/feel that others must share my joy, and I try to spread the good news and get way too excited about something - kind of like when you hear a killer song for the first time and you feel that that song is the bomb - you want everyone you know to hear it to - you text all your friends, or whatever - it is just like that. It's not like I haven't noted this before - its just that it really finally clicked what was going on. I used to naturally protect myself from the effects of this by being really insular and introverted - the strong silent type...when I started becoming more socially adept and confident in myself, is when I started getting out of control sometimes. It wouldn't usually be as bad with good friends, because they were used to me, but with people I just met, I could scare them off one way or another.

 

I don't think this applies to normal, stable individuals as much as others, but it certainly must apply on occasions. Feelings lie to us - if we always trust them, we make fools out of ourselves. I must apologize to those on this board I have done this to. You know who you are.

Edited July 11, 2013 by Songtsan