We are the master of our emotions

[Lindelani Mnisi]

So why do we choose to be sad? It seems to me like the world enjoys being miserable and confused, what's up with that? And when last did you consciously decide to be happy?

[Songtsan]

Emotions are chemically mediated. To say that we are the master would indicate that we can basically choose what chemicals exist where and at what time. Neuropeptides, hormones, serotonin, dopamine, etc. If you don't believe me, do a line of cocaine, eat a bunch of sugar, stop breathing, etc. etc. Any of these will radically change your emotional experience quite quickly. Not to be a devil's advocate, but if it were that easy, no one would have to meditate.

 

You are right though that we do have some influence over our emotions. This influence can be strengthened and trained. It takes time.

 

If one is a master of their emotions, then if a stranger unexpectedly comes up to them and spits in their face, maybe slaps them upside their head, they would be able to not get mad at all, and maintain themselves in perfect serenity. I have not personally met anyone who was at that level. If I had, I probably would have tried to become their student.

[xor]

I was sad last night so I just observed the sadness and let it go it's own way. So you could say I was both sad and not at the same time. Eventually it was like the sadness got bored of me and went looking for a better victim.

 

I think contentment is better than trying to force happiness or other emotions.

Edited July 12, 2013 by Guest

[Chang]

" A thousand reasons for worry,

A thousand reasons for anxiety

Oppress day after day the fool,

But not the wise man."

[Songtsan]

Yes, I am a fan of not chasing after specific emotions on a daily level. In the long run I of course wish for better emotions, such as bliss, etc. But to focus on this desire on a daily basis is the key to hell. Just watch what you have/are, keep cultivating, and eventually what you are watching/being will be more neat!

[BaguaKicksAss]

Recently my teacher told me that if everything was even keel and perfect all the time, we would have nothing to work on. Fortunately the more cultivation we do, the more even keel things do get though .

[thelerner]

Sad truth is we're not masters we're amateurs, children who'll feed strong emotions cause it makes them feel more alive. I don't think emotions should be repressed, but they shouldn't overwhelm or control us either.

[Songtsan]

Recently my teacher told me that if everything was even keel and perfect all the time, we would have nothing to work on. Fortunately the more cultivation we do, the more even keel things do get though .

 

That is so true - if we already had perfect equanimity+bliss, we would probably never seek anything ever! I think that suffering itself is the key to seeking the end of suffering - it is what drives us to become Buddhas. So in a weird convoluted way, since suffering causes us to seek (and hopefully attain) bliss, suffering itself = bliss! lol...the cause and effect are one essentially...suffering is the cause of the seeking, the seeking is the path, the path leads to bliss, so the path = bliss. Suffering = path = bliss, so suffering = bliss! hahahahahaha!!!!

[zanshin]

Sadness and melancholy can be beautiful and inspirational. I think rushing through and repressing "negative" emotions may contribute to the chronic mildly depressed state many are in. Suck it up and put on a smile, blech

[Songtsan]

Sadness and melancholy can be beautiful and inspirational. I think rushing through and repressing "negative" emotions may contribute to the chronic mildly depressed state many are in. Suck it up and put on a smile, blech

 

Learn to love sadness and hate, learn to love suffering - become a masochist...then you will find bliss everywhere you are - because suffering is everwhere, every minute. I love to suffer! Somebody beat me now!

[zanshin]

Learn to love sadness and hate, learn to love suffering - become a masochist...then you will find bliss everywhere you are - because suffering is everwhere, every minute. I love to suffer! Somebody beat me now!

Hot and sultry, back to marathon training. Perhaps I do.

[rezonator]

I don't think its as simple as choosing to be happy, or choosing not to be sad. An emotion is an automatic subconscious response to events, based on our values. The fact that it is automatic means that it can be evaluated, observed, acted upon or ignored. But you cant choose to make it something it's not.

[Songtsan]

Hot and sultry, back to marathon training. Perhaps I do.

 

That is why the runners high is so nice - you transcend the suffering - the body accepts it and turns it into bliss. There is a thing called 'flying' that happens to masochists in BDSM when they are getting whipped/caned/etc. Eventually the pain disappears and they go into a dissociated state that is almost like astral travel. I believe this is what happens in advanced meditation too, absorption style.

[rezonator]

Pain and exhaustion are not emotional states though. I cant possibly love sadness and hate, that would be irrational. I value happiness and things that make me happy. Emotions come from our values.

[Jainarayan]

I made an observation at another site about anger, not righteous anger, or the anger that motivates one to defend someone or something... maybe it applies to sadness also... meditate on this I will...

 

One of my triggers for getting angry is lack of control, I'm not a control freak, rather, I don't like being controlled or not in control of a situation. I looked at it backwards in thinking that one should get rid of the lack of control and the anger will go away. But in thinking about it, that will only lead to more frustration and anger, not being able to remove the lack of control. So if you make the anger go away, there is nothing to be angry over; the underlying cause evaporated. How can you get angry over something that doesn't exist? So at least with anger, I can choose my response. Choosing the wrong response (getting pissed) continues the cycle. The right response, letting it go... breaks the cycle.

 

Maybe that's not explained in a way that makes sense.

[Songtsan]

Pain and exhaustion are not emotional states though. I cant possibly love sadness and hate, that would be irrational. I value happiness and things that make me happy. Emotions come from our values.

 

Actually you can - I have done it before - love can mix with anything. I love sadness and I love hate. This is actually the way to transcend these emotions. Divinize everything (if you so choose). Be a divine hater. I've been doing it for years. Proof is in the pudding. Pain and exhaustion often are attached to emotional suffering - shrinking away, attachment/negative-attachment, etc. Emotions simply are - they can come from anything...values, pain, mundane experiences. Every moment of every day, everything thing we perceive is slightly touched with an emotion.

[rezonator]

I see that as a reversal of cause and effect. No matter how mundane the experience, if it elicits an emotional response, it arises from a value judgement. Same for pain or pleasure, muscle fatigue (pain) from an intense workout can be pleasurable because you value physical exertion as a means to health and fitness. Pain from a slap in the face elicits a very different emotional response, ie. anger, distress, etc. unless my value hierarchy is irrational I cant just choose to experience this as pleasure. (and turn the other cheek perhaps) To believe otherwise, in my opinion, puts the cart before the horse.

[Songtsan]

I think that any object has an immediate emotional effect upon becoming percieved. For example, I am looking at my toothbrush right now as I am typing...there is a faint/subtle yet palpable feeling state associated with it which I believe to be associative in quality. It has something to do with it being a health object I think, and also something to do with it being a duty to brush my teeth every day, so it is a feeling of positive affect, coupled with a feeling of serious duty, which sometimes if I am in the 'wrong' mood, can be associated with unpleasantness. These associative mood states are often the tip of an iceburg, representing deeply held associative mind maps.

 

The pleasure/pain duality is never absolute, in my opinion. I have debated this before on this site at some point. One can never be 100% in suffering state, or 100% in pleasure state, until one actually transcends dualities altogether. So no matter what there will always be a sliver of some enjoyment even in the harshest acts, or a sliver of some pain in the most hedonistic of acts. For the first case, a possible example is this: Someone comes up and slaps you in the face...to most people this would be unpleasant, but in some small sense, I think that it would create a feeling of surprised wake-up, perhaps even a subtle thrill at the unexpectedness of it. For the second case, lets say you are in the throes of orgasm...very pleasurable and in fact one of the top feelings for most people. Yet deep underneath will be a tiny bit of suffering in most people, namely the subconscious knowledge that this wonderful state will soon end. It all depends on the level of absorption of course. If one is truly one-pointed, then no duality will exist. Few reach this level however. I can say from personal experience that everything I have stated here is true.

 

In a dualistic mind-state, one can never be 100% polarized in any one direction. Love/hate, pleasure/pain, good/bad...there will always be some of the other, even if it is 1%

Edited July 12, 2013 by Songtsan

[rezonator]

I dont know a whole lot about "transcending dualities" but I cant find anything there I outright disagree with. I think our emotional response to a thing is based on how that thing or event affects our well being. If something is good for us, we respond with positive emotions, if something is bad we respond negatively. And I do agree that there is a mean, a sliding scale to this. In this way, we are the masters of our emotions, as long as we see them for what they are, and our values are rational.

 

An irrational value, for example, would be (in my case) getting hooked on a drug. My rational mind tells me it's poison, and it'll destroy my life. But desire, fear, and a whole mixture of other emotions are taken as primaries and reason is given a back seat. Things that are bad for our well being should elicit (for the most part) negative emotions, the only way they do the opposite is if we hold an irrational value.

 

The only question is how exactly we determine what is objectively good for our well being.

[Everything]

I think that if we allow our reasoning and emotions to work hand in hand and in harmony, we will not have to escape duality, because we will have entered a triality instead.

Edited July 12, 2013 by Everything

[rezonator]

What does escaping duality entail?

[Songtsan]

I dont know a whole lot about "transcending dualities" but I cant find anything there I outright disagree with. I think our emotional response to a thing is based on how that thing or event affects our well being. If something is good for us, we respond with positive emotions, if something is bad we respond negatively. And I do agree that there is a mean, a sliding scale to this. In this way, we are the masters of our emotions, as long as we see them for what they are, and our values are rational.

 

An irrational value, for example, would be (in my case) getting hooked on a drug. My rational mind tells me it's poison, and it'll destroy my life. But desire, fear, and a whole mixture of other emotions are taken as primaries and reason is given a back seat. Things that are bad for our well being should elicit (for the most part) negative emotions, the only way they do the opposite is if we hold an irrational value.

 

The only question is how exactly we determine what is objectively good for our well being.

 

I get cognitive dissonance even coming to this site. I have a bit of an addiction to internet forums. There are many good things about sites like these, but I am prone to excessiveness. Anything done in excess gets more negative as time goes on. Having an absolute attitude towards anything is often a symptom of poor judgment.

[Songtsan]

What does escaping duality entail?

 

Absorption...samadhi...Nirvana (when seed object is dropped and one maintains this absorption no matter what one does)...union...one-pointed focus brings these things to a state of absorption where observer, the object that is being observed, and the act of observing become one thing. Then there are no dualities (once the construction of the observer disappears)...when one enters formless bliss, there is nothing but bliss.

Edited July 12, 2013 by Songtsan

[Lindelani Mnisi]

Well maybe we can't completely control our emotions...but we can atleast control what affects us, in the sense that. Consciously desiring something (basically praying) makes it manifest in your life right? So technically we're in whatever situation we want and I just think that we don't consider that too often. Maybe we can't control the outcome (our emotions), but we can atleast control the events that shape the outcome...and I agree on that we love sadness or anger. Maybe more subconsciously than consciously. When you think about it, movies and hollywood sort of glorify negative emotions, e.g: angry/depressed superheros, heart brake to be followed by true love and etc...plus if everyone on the planet turned around and developed a positive attitude and why don't we? Because we seem to get a warm fuzzy feeling inside from the pain

[CrunchyChocolate555]

I don't think there is any way to become a master of our emotions. Instead what is in the realm of possibility is mastering our reaction to those emotions. You can still feel anger or fear and choose not to react to those feelings, instead opting to observe with equanimity.