Asshole, the unsung hero of our body.

[hydrogen]

I never understand the English usage of asshole to describe a stupid, incompetent, unpleasant, or detestable person. If asshole was a person, it would be a saint. Think about it, asshole doing a dirty work without any complaints. It doesn't require rest or any maintenance.

To honor the asshole, I created asshole Qi Gong. It's not ground breaking new technique. They are a collection of Qi Gong exercises to put asshole back to the crown where it belongs to.

Now I'll give the first exercise: Asshole mantra, the normal one and reverse one.

Sit in a comfortable position. You need to feel your asshole somehow. If you have no tactile sensation down there, put something small under your ass, so your asshole pressing against it, a baseball/tennis ball/golf ball, a small bean bag or a walnut.

Cast your eyes down to "look" at your asshole. Of course you can't see it. But you should look at it anyway.

Breath in with your nose slowly, "feel" your asshole. If you can't, use little muscle movement to press your asshole against the object under your ass.

Breath out with your mouth to chant "a-ss-hole". In advanced practice, you should use your stomach to say "a", chest to say "s" and your throat to say "hole".

Reverse Asshole. This is very useful if you're stuck in a boring meeting or commute in a subway.

Breath in with your nose.

Breath out with your asshole saying "a", "s" and "hole". Basically you train your asshole to speak its own name.

Happy practicing, when you can feel your asshole with your crown point, you've reached asshole level 13.

[Jainarayan]

I never understand the English usage of asshole to describe a stupid, incompetent, unpleasant, or detestable person. If asshole was a person, it would be a saint. Think about it, asshole doing a dirty work without any complaints. It doesn't require rest or any maintenance.

 

 

Without a doubt:

 

One day the different parts of the body were having an argument to see which should be in charge.

 

The brain said “I do all the thinking so I’m the most important and I should be in charge.”

 

The eyes said “I see everything and let the rest of you know where we are, so I’m the most important and I should be in charge.”

 

The hands said “Without me we wouldn’t be able to pick anything up or move anything. So I’m the most important and I should be in charge.”

 

The stomach said “I turn the food we eat into energy for the rest of you. Without me, we’d starve. So I’m the most important and I should be in charge.”

 

The legs said “Without me we wouldn’t be able to move anywhere. So I’m the most important and I should be in charge.”

 

Then the rectum said “I think I should be in charge.”

 

All the rest of the parts said “YOU?!? You don’t do anything! You’re not important! You can’t be in charge.”

 

So the rectum closed up.

 

After a few days, the legs were all wobbly, the stomach was all queasy, the hands were all shaky, the eyes were all watery, and the brain was all cloudy. They all agreed that they couldn’t take any more of this and agreed to put the rectum in charge.

 

The moral of the story?

 

You don’t have to be the most important to be in charge, just be an asshole!

[Vanir Thunder Dojo Tan]

im suspicious of the moral of this story... it got me suspended

[Esteam'd Punk]

Eh, it appears I've entered the wrong side of the Tao...

 

Never take directions from blind people, I decided.