My 3-Month Experiment with Testosterone Blockers

[ॐDominicusॐ]

Please note, this experiment was done roughly 11-14 years ago, and the rest is a reflection:

 

IN my Teens and Early 20's I was literally an animal. Weekend long porn fests, cheating on every Girlfriend (and an ex-fiance) I ever had, I've even paid for sex numerous times, along with the one night stands so easy to have at clubs/bars (My trick then: Stay sober, and find a drunk girl to take home. Twas a cakewalk). Please note, I am not proud of my life back then, but it was how it was.

 

Eventually I started on the Spiritual Path and began to see and feel that I was no more than some kind of wild animal drunk with Lust, and decided to do something about it. Different diets, fastings, tons of mediation, retreats, got rid of TV and internet, got rid of all things to tempt me. But there it still was, haunting me and tricking me to go back to old ways.

 

I would repress the lust, only to find that it came back 100 times stronger a week or two later, leading me back to old acts again.

 

Eventually I learned masterbation with No-Thought, along with neti neti of all the old circuits and mental associations with lust. This helped a ton, but the lust still stirred up the animal in me. I would literally become drunk with lust and all logic/reason/sanity/peace would go out the window. Talk about Dr. Jeckyl & Mr. Hyde.

 

Eventually I got to a point, where I can see that once the prostate was filled up with semen, it would trigger a nerve ending that's at the very top of the prostate, triggering subconscious thoughts about having sex and finding an outlet, in order to release the excess fluids

 

In my desperation, I finally got a hold of some Chaste Berry herb (used by monks to work on Lust) along with prescription Testosterone blockers, and begin to small dose and ease myself in to 3 months of no testosterone, or very low levels in my body.

 

I have to say, it was miraculous for me. I was at peace, still, equanimity, clear headed, logic and reason, could meditate for so much longer, saw the bigger picture of things, had no need to fight, argue, debate, was just still. I felt like a child again, like the time before puberty hit. It was indeed a great 3 months of my life.

 

It reminded me about Buddha, when he remembered meditating under the rose-apple tree as a child (prior to the world ego programming and lust taking over). Or Jesus' ode to, "Be like the children."

 

However, I realized that those who have acclimated to, or transcended lust, may not have had access to herbs/pills to do so. So gradually I returned to the former self and watched as the Lust returned over a 2-3 week period of stopping all the pills/herbs.

 

I realized that Lust, combined with ego, is one of THE biggest causes of ignorance and all singing all dancing crap of the world we witness today. A recent study shows that over 90-some-odd % of top CEO's and Government officials suffer from Narcissistic Psychopathy, and I couldn't help but to keep in mind how a Hormone influences and changes a person by so much.

 

Now I never knew about pulling the Semen up various channels, back into the kidney, and various other internal alchemy tricks, and still don't really practice any of that. I found the biggest thing for me was always Neti Neti....Arising & Passing of all phenomenon including lust.

 

And found that as the body gets older, the lust isn't there s much and is much easier to work with. However, that certainly brings to mind various questions and wrestling about evolution, Krishnamurti's comment about these bodies only wanting to eat and Fu*k, why things are the way they are, the Enlightenment indeed is the only answer, and many other interesting insights that came from the 3 month experiment.

 

Maybe the vessel/shell of a woman has it easier.....though I'll be damned to have to go through those monthly cycles.

[SecretGrotto]

My trick then: Stay sober, and find a drunk girl to take home. Twas a cakewalk.

 

[ॐDominicusॐ]

Grotto,

The look of shame on face right now would be worthy of a similar picture. That picture above, is exactly how I felt back then, spot on...... oh the shame lol

 

"...........let he who is without sin (ignorance, ego, skandhas) cast the first stone."

[RiverSnake]

All men includung myself were at one point "Young dumb and full of cum"....I am not sure what the reverse phrase is for women, but I guess you got an extra dose of testosterone from Mother Earth, which means getting control and back in the drivers seat can be quite difficult. One of my favorite videos:

 

My 2 cents, Peace

Edited August 28, 2013 by OldChi

[JohnC]

Glad you found peace.

 

And when I ride the wave and sweat it out through meditation, I feel like I can go soooo deep. Yes it's easier without the inner fire burning, but man my meditation can go deep when I buckle myself in. It can be hell though.

 

John

[RongzomFan]

IN my Teens and Early 20's I was literally an animal. Weekend long porn fests, cheating on every Girlfriend (and an ex-fiance) I ever had, I've even paid for sex numerous times, along with the one night stands so easy to have at clubs/bars

 

And?

 

Whats wrong with that?

[RongzomFan]

To everyone reading,

 

Become free from Judeo-Christian sexual morality.

 

Read some tantric material.

[JohnC]

To everyone reading,

 

Become free from Judeo-Christian sexual morality.

 

Read some tantric material.

Buuump.

[RiverSnake]

 

And?

 

Whats wrong with that?

Being reckless with ones body can be very damaging to oneself on a physical, emotional and psychological level. As well as damaging to others whom the person is involved with. I don't think it is a web of cause and effect that is beneficial to anybody in the long term. Furthermore, living compulsively as a slave to ones sexual needs is not healthy and personally speaking I like freedom.

 

My 2 cents, Peace

[mike 134]

I do not understand why people here on this forum are so obsessed with repressing their sexuality. The more you try to deny it, the more your previously healthy desires turn into twisted and perverted behaviors (like taking testosterone blockers, WTF were you thinking??!!! They give those toxic drugs to paedophiles and other sex offenders) I suppose it is the remnant of false and outdated Christian/jewish doctrines that should have no place in society today.

 

I'd say screw the moralists. Embrace your sexual nature. I have no problems whatsoever in saying that I love sex and I love women. They are beautiful things, and there is nothing whatsoever that is shameful about them.

Edited August 27, 2013 by mike 134

[Vanir Thunder Dojo Tan]

I realized that Lust, combined with ego, is one of THE biggest causes of ignorance and all singing all dancing crap of the world we witness today. A recent study shows that over 90-some-odd % of top CEO's and Government officials suffer from Narcissistic Psychopathy, and I couldn't help but to keep in mind how a Hormone influences and changes a person by so much.

 

Maybe the vessel/shell of a woman has it easier.....though I'll be damned to have to go through those monthly cycles.

 

 

 

I'd rather be woman.

 

 

If there were anything i could do to change my life, i would have to start there. Nothing good has come of being male.

[ॐDominicusॐ]

And?

 

Whats wrong with that?

 

What's wrong with that? I was not a Master of Self. VArious elements, including Lust, were Masters of Me.

 

To everyone reading,

 

Become free from Judeo-Christian sexual morality.

 

Read some tantric material.

When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me. Did I ever say that my view of being a slave of Animalistic Lust was a result of "Judeo-Christian sexual morality?" Cause I don't see it anywhere in my OP.

 

After Buddha's Enlightenment, did he continue to chicks home for One nighters and continue to be a slave to lust?

[ॐDominicusॐ]

I do not understand why people here on this forum are so obsessed with repressing their sexuality. The more you try to deny it, the more your previously healthy desires turn into twisted and perverted behaviors (like taking testosterone blockers, WTF were you thinking??!!! They givs those toxic drugs to paedophiles and other sex offenders) I suppose it is the remnant of false and outdated Christian/jewish doctrines that should have no place in society today.

Because when I pre-existed prior to being Born, I did not need Sex, Lust, Food. I was Desireless and Peaceful. When I was a Child, prior to puberty, I was peaceful, happy, desireless, aware, still, playful, content, etc.

 

Lust is alien to me. Just like one can argue that all is Illusion, body, lust, thoughts, I ...and so forth. So it has alays been that way for me since being a Child..... there was always a built in knowing that I am not this body and all of its desires, I am not from here, I am not these thoughts. Neti Neti from the earliest memories of being a child, prior to knowing what "christian/jewish doctrines are."

 

I'd say screw the moralists. Embrace your sexual nature. I have no problems whatsoever in saying that I love sex and I love women. They are beautiful things, and there is nothing whatsoever that is shameful about them.

I see myself as Asexual. I don't need it. I've done it and tried it and found it to be empty like everything else this world has to offer: success, money, materialism, food, travel, all empty.

 

A woman's body is definitely beautiful, but the need for sex based on the physical shell seems like nothing but the remnants from chimps/evolution. When there is no Lust, I can be friends with a beautiful women and all intentions are pure. Soon as Lust comes into the picture, all intentions are to sleep with her.

[Seeker of Wisdom]

Well, the approach I'm taking right now is to do my practices and favour detachment without really exerting myself against lust.

 

This is the judo approach.

 

The kung fu approach may work for people further along the path than me, but right now for me it would be exhausting, and could easily end up as repression with obvious negative effects.

 

As for the doormat approach - I don't see anybody progressing with no disciplined practice at all, and lust is a big hindrance.

[Flolfolil]

...

Edited March 22, 2015 by Flolfolil

[ॐDominicusॐ]

I do not understand why people here on this forum are so obsessed with repressing their sexuality.

I do not understand why people here on this forum are so obsessed with sexuality.

 

It's all relative.

 

I was fishing on a river once, and a guy on the other bank asked me, "How do I get to the other side?" To which I replied, "You are on the other side."

[i am]

Yeah it's unfortunate that retention and a celebate lifestyle in the name of cultivation sometimes get combined with Puritan "sexuality is bad" tradition.

 

Anyone who actual studies anything about cultivation understands what all the talk of being celebate is all about, and doesn't confuse it with anti-sexuality.

 

For those who have sufficiently separated themselves from their Puritan morality issues, thoughts of abstaining from sex don't bring up those kinds of arguments.

 

It's pretty clear in the OP that there was unhealthy stuff going on. Sex is great when no one is getting hurt, and its done out love or at least respect. Not when it's just using people to satisfy urges.

 

Celibacy or retention in the name of cultivation has nothing to do with prudish, repressed sexuality. Or at least it shouldn't.

Edited August 27, 2013 by i am

[RongzomFan]

Did I ever say that my view of being a slave of Animalistic Lust was a result of "Judeo-Christian sexual morality?"

 

The fact that you think you are "a slave on Animalistic Lust" says to me you are conditioned by Judeo-Christian values.

[RongzomFan]

Dominicus,

 

You should read Togden Shakya Shri: The Life and Liberation of a Tibetan Yogin.

 

He was a famous Dzogchenpa, who did a lot of karmamudra.

 

In fact, karmamudra is key to every terton.

 

Indeed, you often have to find a consort, before retrieving terma.

[ॐDominicusॐ]

The fact that you think you are "a slave on Animalistic Lust" says to me you are conditioned by Judeo-Christian values.

 

I can see how you could have made the connection between the two, fair enough.

 

However, Lust was always "problematic" and a big "disturbance" in my life. Let us look at a few Buddhist Proverbs the reminded of this "issue" when I first started on the path:

 

All lust is grief.

All sensual desire invariably brings sorrow.

hough driven away, the Dog of Lust cannot be kept from coming back again.

A mind defiled by lust is not freed; and wisdom defiled by ignorance cannot develop.

From lust springs grief, from lust springs fear; for him who is wholly free from lust there is no grief, much less fear.

So that there is the mindset: Lust caused me troubles in my practice/path. Hmmmm, what does Buddhism say about lust? What about Hinduism? What about the Native cultures? What about Christian Monks? What about all the paths?

 

When you search for what each of the different paths say about lust, it's all paraphrased in the proverbs listed above. Besides a few taoist and other mystic/new age/theosophy texts which mention cultivating the semen through various channels.

 

You should read Togden Shakya Shri: The Life and Liberation of a Tibetan Yogin.

 

He was a famous Dzogchenpa, who did a lot of karmamudra.

 

In fact, karmamudra is key to every terton.

 

Indeed, you often have to find a consort, before retrieving terma.

Hey, whatever insights I can gain on Lust and it's source is a plus for me. I'm on it. Will report back shortly

 

[RongzomFan]

When you search for what each of the different paths say about lust, it's all paraphrased in the proverbs listed above.

 

Absolutely not. You mention Hinduism and Buddhism.

 

Sexual yogas are a part of both.

 

Maybe sexual yoga died out in Hinduism, but its still a crucial part of Buddhism.

[RongzomFan]

Hey, whatever insights I can gain on Lust and it's source is a plus for me. I'm on it. Will report back shortly

 

You should research sexual yoga (karmamudra) in Buddhism in general.

 

You will then see how you got everything backwards.

 

"Then Khyentse took the girl in his lap and in the midst of the sound of great bliss and light of different colors he entered in union with her. When skillful means and wisdom parted, Khyentse said, “Now receive the secret initiation.” As soon as Khyentse spoke, from the lotus of the young woman descended a stream of the nectar bodhicitta (or vital essence). Shakya Shri deferentially took the bodhicitta with his tongue and tasted the pure nectar. His body and mind expanded with the experience of the supreme great bliss.

 

The moment Khyentse told him, “Now receive the initiation of wisdom through knowledge,” Shakya Shri embraced the girl and entered in union with her. "

 

Togden Shakya Shri: The Life and Liberation of a Tibetan Yogin

[RongzomFan]

"To overcome your problem the best method would be to encounter effortlessly a virgin of an age between sixteen and twenty-one, who has the auspicious concurrence of a lotus-form channel, is named Pema, and who has not broken the samayas. If you find such a young woman, train her in the outer, inner and secret levels of the tantra as explained in the scripture of the path of skillful means, and make her proficient in the arts of love. By practicing with her, restoring your health, absorbing the essence from medicinal ingredients, and doing the appropriate meditations, you will become free of obstacles.

Togden Shakya Shri: The Life and Liberation of a Tibetan Yogin

[RiverSnake]

There is a difference between Sex and Lust. One is not necessarily bound to the other. It is not the goal of the Tantrica to be bound by lust but to use the sexual energy generated by communion with his beloved for enlightenment. The emotion of lust is by its nature entangling because it Implies that one needs external means to achieve inner contentment and satisfaction...it is to put ones well being in the hands of another rather than your actual skill as a practitioner.

 

IMO, there is nothing wrong with sex, but if not approached with an enlightened attitude it can cause many doorways to close in your face and create roadblocks for you on the path given it can stimulate many entangling thoughts and emotions.

 

 

My 2 cents, Peace

[skydog]

"To overcome your problem the best method would be to encounter effortlessly a virgin of an age between sixteen and twenty-one, who has the auspicious concurrence of a lotus-form channel, is named Pema, and who has not broken the samayas. If you find such a young woman, train her in the outer, inner and secret levels of the tantra as explained in the scripture of the path of skillful means, and make her proficient in the arts of love. By practicing with her, restoring your health, absorbing the essence from medicinal ingredients, and doing the appropriate meditations, you will become free of obstacles.

Togden Shakya Shri: The Life and Liberation of a Tibetan Yogin

 

yeh thats pretty funny/cool