The paradox of dissatisfaction

[Nikolai1]

Let’s suppose I am a well-educated, healthy young male with a wealthy family and connections in high places. The beautiful young woman who loves me is from a similarly wealthy background.

 

But I am dissatisfied with my life and nothing I ever do or get is good enough for me. I spend my days moping and bemoaning my lot and life in general.

 

To most people my dissatisfaction is viewed as a moral failure. If I cannot appreciate my good fortune then not only have been badly spoiled, but I am unable to empathise with those who have far less than I.

 

The virtue of life to the average person is to be ‘content with your lot’.

 

But to the spiritual teacher your dissatisfaction is itself the virtue. It is both evidence of refinement of soul, and the crucial motivation to steer you through the tumult of samsara. A lesser person would be happy and revel in such a lifestyle.

 

How do we know when we have passed through samsara and attained enlightenment?

 

When we are forever ‘contented with our lot’.

 

Any thoughts?

[Marblehead]

Well, I must first ignore the word/concept "samsara" because It is not a part of me or anything I would want to speak to.

 

However, seems to me you have not yet learned how to deal with your good fortune. When things are given to us or they are very easily obtained we don't place much value in them. If you had to walk in my shoes from birth till now you would view life very differently.

 

Yes, being content with one's conditions is a root of all philosophies and religions I am aware of.

 

Perhaps you need more challenges in your life?

 

Interesting this: But to the spiritual teacher your dissatisfaction is itself the virtue.

 

Awareness of not being content; of not being satisfied with your valuing of your inner essence?

 

Expectations play an important role here. Don't expect perfection; it doesn't exist. To do the best one could do is attainable though.

 

Seems I offered you no answers but rather proposed only more questions. But then, I don't even want to pretend I can walk your walk - that's for you to do.

[Nikolai1]

Great thanks marblehead - for the record the young wealthy male isn't me!

[Marblehead]

Great thanks marblehead - for the record the young wealthy male isn't me!

That's okay. You go ahead and be wealthy if you wish. Think how many people you could help along their way.

[Nikolai1]

Man, everyone keeps asking about her but I don't want to discuss it here. RV could you please delete that, thanks?

[Brian]

Maybe you shouldn't have brought her into the conversation in the first place? Go up an edit your original post...

 

You seem to be equating spirituality with Buddhism or something -- not everyone here is going to agree that dissatisfaction, malaise, moping and moaning are virtuous or are an important component of spiritual growth.

 

Tom Bombadil certainly wouldn't...

 

[zerostao]

Man, everyone keeps asking about her but I don't want to discuss it here. RV could you please delete that, thanks?

when you bring her into the conversation, isnt it considered polite and attentive to inquire about her?

speaking to the op, i reckon it depends on what you are calling enlightenment.

dissatisfaction could be viewed in certain instances as a virtue.

i do not see how moping and bemoaning could ever be a virtue.

if you discard your high connections and your wealth and embark on some worthwhile journey relying only on yourself and what you have learned with your well-educated studies and from your spiritual teacher then maybe one day you will find your empathy.

any thoughts?

[Seeker of Wisdom]

Dissatisfaction isn't good, but renunciation from realising you aren't satisfied is.

 

A lot of people seem to think Buddhism is nihilist and depressing because of misunderstanding this and some of the hyperbolic language around it.

 

Actually, Buddhism says that you can be content if you stop mistakenly looking for something you don't have to make you happy - hardly a moping viewpoint!

 

But you have to notice that you aren't really content, before you can allow yourself to stop seeking stuff to make you happy.

 

You seem to be equating spirituality with Buddhism or something -- not everyone here is going to agree that dissatisfaction, malaise, moping and moaning are virtuous or are an important component of spiritual growth.

[Marblehead]

Actually, Buddhism says that you can be content if you stop mistakenly looking for something you don't have to make you happy - hardly a moping viewpoint!

 

 

Beautiful. Sad so few people look at it this way. Taoism says the same thing.

[Brian]

Understood, SoT, and agreed. My thought was really more along the lines of "pop-Buddhism" -- that twisted "life is just suffering until you accept that reality isn't real, and then it is still just suffering but you'll like it" nonsense which so often finds its way into conversations -- and I should have been more careful. I get frustrated with the new-age pop-Buddhist rhetoric but I bet sincere practicing Buddhists really do and I apologize for contributing to it.

[Stosh]

Maybe you shouldn't have brought her into the conversation in the first place? Go up an edit your original post...

 

You seem to be equating spirituality with Buddhism or something -- not everyone here is going to agree that dissatisfaction, malaise, moping and moaning are virtuous or are an important component of spiritual growth.

 

Tom Bombadil certainly wouldn't...

 

Tom Bombadil might not ,- ( nice reference ) , -and I dont really dissagree with the rest either ,

but I know plenty of folks who do view motivation for ,,new ,,and novel,, and better,, and bigger ,,etc as good and they see it as a bad thing to "settle" ,,, but just as you said , not 'everyone' .

Some though- and maybe a majority- see things like, ambition !, a restless desire to see the world !, the struggle to climb the ladder ! ,to break through a glass ceiling ! to stand up for what you believe in ,, to act with integrity and sacrifice etc.. and never be content with just good enough !

( and lots of other stuff similarly spun ) as virtuous.

The TTC, as I see it ,stands contrary to those "normal" ideas ,, but it doesnt actively invalidate them , either! IMO

and it cant rightly do so !

Why can it not?... Because if you remove --the ambition to be sagely and the desire to better your lot -- there is no point in reading any of it at all. Not Lao, not Chuang ,not Gautama ,not any of them!

One must , if they wish to be reasonable about it , be left 'free to pursue' a better way,

even if that 'new way is to one sidedly ratchet back on hedonistic impulse.

Edited September 25, 2013 by Stosh

[Jetsun]

The Zen Master Hakuin talks about a theme similar to this in his collected works when he attacks many of the other Zen masters of his time for taking away the suffering of their students as that suffering is exactly the thing which is going to push them out of their sleep.

 

Personally I think to not find all that success in life satisfying is healthy as you have not found what you are really seeking, deep down i don't think It will satisfy anyone as that success is still limited and what people really want is freedom. I heard one teacher describing it as decorating your prison walls really nicely, which is better than living in a dark dungeon but still not as good as breaking out.

[Nikolai1]

I think the paradox is resolved if we think of it in terms of inner and outer satisfaction.

 

The moaning rich boy has no inner satisfaction, therefore he can't take pleasure in anything.

 

His critics have inner satisfaction, but they are deluded. They believe that their satisfaction comes from outer things, and that anyone who can't appreciate outer things are deficient.

 

The saint realises the potential of the rich kid because the kid is open to the idea that satisfaction must come form within. He will therefore become consciously aware of a way of living that others have but aren't yet conscious of.

 

And they won't become conscious...until they become dissatisfied.

 

The spiritual life is about understanding that we already have on the inside what we think we need on the outside.

Edited September 26, 2013 by Nikolai1