7 months into meditation..weird issues, seeing if anyone has input

[bax44]

Hello all, I will try to make this as short as possible. I was recommended here by someone on a mens health forum.

 

I am 34 yr old male, about 5 ten 175 lbs. Have had a history of celiac disease, chronic pelvic pain, hypothyroidism(which I finally began treatment for in March of this year.) have the other issues mostly under control, I am on very low dose thyroid meds.

 

Anyways, back in March I began meditation, simply as a way to try and calm my overactive mind, and help some of my health issues. I also have done on/off semen retention, quit porn to try and get my sexuality back. Well, for the first 2-3 months I noticed some remarkable results..I was doing 15-30 min a day, sometimes guided meditations from youtube, sometimes just following my breath or using a mantra. I felt much calmer, in control..more like my old self. I was "in the zone' a lot of times so to speak... Something has started to...change the last month- 2 months however. I have had days where I increased my meditation time to an hour, and some where i simply did a 20 min session. Anyways, Ive started to notice some strange symptoms. I had nights..walking my dog around a local lake where I felt as if I was on the drug ecstacy..Obviously not to that extent but a similar feeling where everything felt magnified. Ive also had times..sometimes the very next day after these episodes where I felt beyond depressed. At first I thought it may have been my thryod messing w me, but Ive done blood work and everything came back fine.

 

So, I just kept up my practice trying to maintain an even keel. But my body doesnt seem to be cooperating. Lately Ive noticed Disturbing ADD/ADHD type symptoms..FLAT emotions..low/no libido..vivid dreams..a sort of "hypersensitivity" when out in public. Ive had days also where Ive walked around feeling no fear whatsoever, and others where I didnt want to leave the house. My sense of direction, or feeling of motivation, is almost totally missing. I kinda feel like Im in a dream.It feels like my identity, or who I thought I was, is missing. Like all my past accomplishments, achievements, are a distant memory and not a part of me anymore. I used to be a professional baseball player, a good golfer, loved to golf..I have NO desire to golf, and no feeling of pride from being an athlete.. But at the same time, have a strainge feeling of contentment, at least when the anxiety doesnt take hold..

 

Just a recent example of how strange things have gotten..I took a girl out a few weeks ago(this has been another thing, women seem to be checking me out much more than before I ever meditated, but my libido..shot), we hit it off very well and after our date she suggested she come back to my place..I agreed. Long story short, I didnt escalate anything, mostly to my feeling tired and inexperience(been out of dating for a long time) and things kinda fell through for us. I am usually quite great at moving on from these types of things and learning from my mistakes, etc..and I had done a decent job of that..however the other day I had to go to the vet where she works(this is where we met) and she wasnt there. As I was standing there buying my dog his meds, I had a very strange feeling come over me of absolute sadness, melancholy, like I was at a funeral. THis freaked me out and I got the meds and got out of there as quick as I could. it was extremely bizarre, as I barely knew this girl save for the one night..this wasnt just a little sadness because of a missed opportunity, this was a feeling of dread and absolute grief that just came over me when 2 minutes before I was content. I got into a car accident a week ago where I did about 5000 dollars worht of damage to my car. That morning, after I got out of shower to go to job interview, I had a powerful sensation or voice in my head telling me not to leave the house.I had to get a cat scan after the accident as I hit my head on the steering wheel, and they found nothing, just said I had a minor concussion. So while I say Ive had flat emotions, I get these weird rushes of either joy or just flat out sadness that keep coming and going. the rest of the time it feels like autopilot, but I feel like I have an intuition like Ive never had in my life before.

 

Ive had physical symptoms too..this one sounds crazy..but it feels like the left half of my head(or brain) is just...not there, not working. I cant explain this any better than that. strange dreams, that keep having some semblance of truth in the days or weeks following the dream..inability to concentrate. lack of appetite...no libido..muscle twitching..hypersensitivity..heightened awareness in public, but a strange..detached feeling from everything. enhanced endurance during exercise, yet feeling no endorphin rush after working out.Pulsing in my head during meditation lately which comes and goes.. A very hard time quitting addictions, yet they are giving me almost NO pleasure now. I drank a bottle of wine the other night and barely felt a thing..

 

I KNOW this sounds crazy and i hope a psychiatrist isnt reading and turns me into the looney bin. But I hope someone has some type of advice..Ive never felt this "spaced out" yet somehow fucntioning on a higher level before..Its like Im not in my body a lot of times. Idk what to make of it or how to tell anyone without coming off as a freak. I try my best to act normally around others, but something feels very off and Im alone. Idk wether to quit meditating, if thats even the issue, but Ive had tons of bloodwork done and everthign is checking out ok..I thank you all for any help you can give.

Edited October 24, 2013 by bax44

[ChiDragon]

quit porn to try and get my sexuality back.

May I ask how often you did the self-pleasant per day and per week.....???
When did you start and quit age wise....???

[hagar]

Hello all, I will try to make this as short as possible. I was recommended here by someone on a mens health forum.

 

I am 34 yr old male, about 5 ten 175 lbs. Have had a history of celiac disease, chronic pelvic pain, hypothyroidism(which I finally began treatment for in March of this year.) have the other issues mostly under control, I am on very low dose thyroid meds.

 

Anyways, back in March I began meditation, simply as a way to try and calm my overactive mind, and help some of my health issues. I also have done on/off semen retention, quit porn to try and get my sexuality back. Well, for the first 2-3 months I noticed some remarkable results..I was doing 15-30 min a day, sometimes guided meditations from youtube, sometimes just following my breath or using a mantra. I felt much calmer, in control..more like my old self. I was "in the zone' a lot of times so to speak... Something has started to...change the last month- 2 months however. I have had days where I increased my meditation time to an hour, and some where i simply did a 20 min session. Anyways, Ive started to notice some strange symptoms. I had nights..walking my dog around a local lake where I felt as if I was on the drug ecstacy..Obviously not to that extent but a similar feeling where everything felt magnified. Ive also had times..sometimes the very next day after these episodes where I felt beyond depressed. At first I thought it may have been my thryod messing w me, but Ive done blood work and everything came back fine.

 

So, I just kept up my practice trying to maintain an even keel. But my body doesnt seem to be cooperating. Lately Ive noticed Disturbing ADD/ADHD type symptoms..FLAT emotions..low/no libido..vivid dreams..a sort of "hypersensitivity" when out in public. Ive had days also where Ive walked around feeling no fear whatsoever, and others where I didnt want to leave the house. My sense of direction, or feeling of motivation, is almost totally missing. I kinda feel like Im in a dream.It feels like my identity, or who I thought I was, is missing. Like all my past accomplishments, achievements, are a distant memory and not a part of me anymore. I used to be a professional baseball player, a good golfer, loved to golf..I have NO desire to golf, and no feeling of pride from being an athlete.. But at the same time, have a strainge feeling of contentment, at least when the anxiety doesnt take hold..

 

Just a recent example of how strange things have gotten..I took a girl out a few weeks ago(this has been another thing, women seem to be checking me out much more than before I ever meditated, but my libido..shot), we hit it off very well and after our date she suggested she come back to my place..I agreed. Long story short, I didnt escalate anything, mostly to my feeling tired and inexperience(been out of dating for a long time) and things kinda fell through for us. I am usually quite great at moving on from these types of things and learning from my mistakes, etc..and I had done a decent job of that..however the other day I had to go to the vet where she works(this is where we met) and she wasnt there. As I was standing there buying my dog his meds, I had a very strange feeling come over me of absolute sadness, melancholy, like I was at a funeral. THis freaked me out and I got the meds and got out of there as quick as I could. it was extremely bizarre, as I barely knew this girl save for the one night..this wasnt just a little sadness because of a missed opportunity, this was a feeling of dread and absolute grief that just came over me when 2 minutes before I was content. I got into a car accident a week ago where I did about 5000 dollars worht of damage to my car. That morning, after I got out of shower to go to job interview, I had a powerful sensation or voice in my head telling me not to leave the house.I had to get a cat scan after the accident as I hit my head on the steering wheel, and they found nothing, just said I had a minor concussion. So while I say Ive had flat emotions, I get these weird rushes of either joy or just flat out sadness that keep coming and going. the rest of the time it feels like autopilot, but I feel like I have an intuition like Ive never had in my life before.

 

Ive had physical symptoms too..this one sounds crazy..but it feels like the left half of my head(or brain) is just...not there, not working. I cant explain this any better than that. strange dreams, that keep having some semblance of truth in the days or weeks following the dream..inability to concentrate. lack of appetite...no libido..muscle twitching..hypersensitivity..heightened awareness in public, but a strange..detached feeling from everything. enhanced endurance during exercise, yet feeling no endorphin rush after working out.Pulsing in my head during meditation lately which comes and goes.. A very hard time quitting addictions, yet they are giving me almost NO pleasure now. I drank a bottle of wine the other night and barely felt a thing..

 

I KNOW this sounds crazy and i hope a psychiatrist isnt reading and turns me into the looney bin. But I hope someone has some type of advice..Ive never felt this "spaced out" yet somehow fucntioning on a higher level before..Its like Im not in my body a lot of times. Idk what to make of it or how to tell anyone without coming off as a freak. I try my best to act normally around others, but something feels very off and Im alone. Idk wether to quit meditating, if thats even the issue, but Ive had tons of bloodwork done and everthign is checking out ok..I thank you all for any help you can give.

 

First of all, none of the symptoms you describe seems to be outside the very ordinary when it comes to the first initial "byproducts" of any consistent meditative practice or yoga, qigong or the like.

 

Search the forum for "side effects" or "symptoms" and you will get a quite good idea where you are in the overall percentile of practitioners here or anywhere else for that matter.

 

What I can confirm is that the more mental, or emotional aspects of what you describe is also "psycho-emotional debris", i.e stuff that gets released and actualized, and probably have lied dormant in your psyche prior to your meditation practice. The important thing to remember is that it is not that meditation makes you feel this way. Instead remember that if done correctly, meditative practice will just let your mind and body do what it spontaneously seeks in relation to any tension, trauma, emotion or thoughts pent up from prior experiences; it naturally unwinds itself. Through meditation this process is allowed. Just let it unwind, and remember to detach from the symptoms.

 

Even as strange, bad, or good any of your experiences are, they are pretty common. Try to let them go. Flat or high emotion, no sensitivity or a lot, social anxiety or hyper social, triggers of deep emotions for no apparent reason etc. I´ve been there. I remember crying from watching commercials, and sitting like a vegetable for ours. I´ve had strange cravings for beer wine and tobacco, yet feeling deeply unsatisfied.

 

I had periods of both depression and elation/agitation in my first years of meditation. This was doing TM-meditation in my 20s. I remember many of the symptoms you describe. Keep focusing on the method, and don't identify with any thoughts or interpretation of the process. The caveat here is that you have a sound and balanced meditative practice, meaning not too focused, willed, forced or spaced out.

 

2 things that you should do to keep sane through your process, which will naturally soften and deepen, but be prepared for many bumps in the road.

1. Try meet up with groups of other practitioners or seek out a teacher of meditation. This is very important after a while, in particular due to small errors that may have great impact over time.

2. "Grounding" is a vague word, meaning anchoring your mind and body in the physical world is important when meditating. Exercise, do practical things, and socialize are good to keep your practice sound and on the right track.

This will also let you stay focused on the important thing: Life, not practice.

 

most of all: the actual unfolding of your practice may open to something beyond the symptoms you describe. This is when meditation actually begins.

 

I remember when sitting in meditation, in a lot of pain, and started laughing due to the absurdity of how important I felt my pain was. The person who feels all that you are feeling is actually just a thought. But that has to be felt, not thought.

 

My God! I use " " a lot. Why? Is it irony?

 

h

Edited October 24, 2013 by hagar

[bax44]

First of all, none of the symptoms you describe seems to be outside the very ordinary when it comes to the first initial "byproducts" of any consistent meditative practice or yoga, qigong or the like.

well I suppose that is somewhat comforting.

Search the forum for "side effects" or "symptoms" and you will get a quite good idea where you are in the overall percentile of practitioners here or anywhere else for that matter.

Hmm interesting.

What I can confirm is that the more mental, or emotional aspects of what you describe is also "psycho-emotional debris", i.e stuff that gets released and actualized, and probably have lied dormant in your psyche prior to your meditation practice. The important thing to remember is that it is not that meditation makes you feel this way. Instead remember that if done correctly, meditative practice will just let your mind and body do what it spontaneously seeks in relation to any tension, trauma, emotion or thoughts pent up from prior experiences; it naturally unwinds itself. Through meditation this process is allowed. Just let it unwind, and remember to detach from the symptoms

Are you implying that stuff thats been sort of buried is revealing itself in my actual life circumstances? Like things are happening reflecting stuff thats been hurtful to me or somehow is a problem for me? Very interesting. I wish someone wouldve told me that some of this could happen upon starting meditation. Frankly some of it has been frightening and when not frightening, interesting to say the least.

I

 

Even as strange, bad, or good any of your experiences are, they are pretty common. Try to let them go. Flat or high emotion, no sensitivity or a lot, social anxiety or hyper social, triggers of deep emotions for no apparent reason etc. I´ve been there. I remember crying from watching commercials, and sitting like a vegetable for ours. I´ve had strange cravings for beer wine and tobacco, yet feeling deeply unsatisfied.

 

I had periods of both depression and elation/agitation in my first years of meditation. This was doing TM-meditation in my 20s. I remember many of the symptoms you describe. Keep focusing on the method, and don't identify with any thoughts or interpretation of the process. The caveat here is that you have a sound and balanced meditative practice, meaning not too focused, willed, forced or spaced out.

Yes, Ive had days where simply driving and listening to music has produced euphoria beyond anything id experienced before. Paradoxically, it feels sometimes that feeling goes just as quickly as it came and is replaced with a somberness Ive not experienced since my Mom passed away 10 years ago. I will try not to attach too much to it. It is making being productive In any sense very difficult as I feel like I am scattered in 100 different directions at times.

2 things that you should do to keep sane through your process, which will naturally soften and deepen, but be prepared for many bumps in the road.

1. Try meet up with groups of other practitioners or seek out a teacher of meditation. This is very important after a while, in particular due to small errors that may have great impact over time.

2. "Grounding" is a vague word, meaning anchoring your mind and body in the physical world is important when meditating. Exercise, do practical things, and socialize are good to keep your practice sound and on the right track.

This will also let you stay focused on the important thing: Life, not practice.

 

most of all: the actual unfolding of your practice may open to something beyond the symptoms you describe. This is when meditation actually begins.

Can you explain this last part? Im not quite sure I follow.

I remember when sitting in meditation, in a lot of pain, and started laughing due to the absurdity of how important I felt my pain was. The person who feels all that you are feeling is actually just a thought. But that has to be felt, not thought.

 

My God! I use " " a lot. Why? Is it irony?

 

h

Thanks so much for the reply. gives me a lot to ponder.

[bax44]

Haha so you got that moment of regret when you went to the vet where you met that chick? Don't worry most people do. It's just damn awkward then you become self-conscious about yourself. It's absolutely stupid because we feel that we have to please that person more than anything in the world.

Yeah I know what you mean, however the chick wasnt even there, it was a sudden dramatic thing that was very strange. Yes, I suppose somewhre inside I feel like I let her down in a way i kind of rejected her advances, girls these days expect to get physical very quickly, and when she put herself out there by inviting herself to my place and I didnt really 'make a move", I supposed it signaled rejection from me.

Remember beings will try to affect your practice as soon as you start. Thank God for Dharma protectors! They'll make sure nothing bad happens to you. All you gotta do is ask.

 

So remember a lot of these situations are states which may last a day or a month ect. Observe how one day someone pisses you off and it's rolling through your head for the rest of the day. Then the next day, it disappears. That's how I started to realize how a lot of states don't last for too long. Some very short, some very long.

THank you. very good advice. Its hard though because I feel like Im in a small boat in the middle of the ocean during a hurricane these last few months.

[bax44]

Try taking up the practice of prostration to whatever benevolent diety or just doing it in general. See if that helps.

Keep at your meditation and keep going.

 

You sound to be experiencing lightheadness which is why you're so spaced out. Try doing zhan zhuang to fix that.

 

I will have to look up zhan zhuang.I am experiencing lightheadedness actually, although my boat in a hurricane reference was more for how Ive been feeling emotionally, but yeah definitely have been having periods of lightheadedness. This is all pretty crazy to me. They cant find anything physically wrong w me yet whatevers happening emotionally from the upheaval I guess is affecting every part of me. Thank you again.

[Rara]

Somebody please "like" this comment so that I can get a notification next time I log in (on mobile so can't follow the thread)

 

Will add my advice when I next login...need to dash right now!

[bax44]

 

 

May I ask how often you did the self-pleasant per day and per week.....???

When did you start and quit age wise....???

 

Hey sorry I missed this comment.I didnt masturbate a ton(well at least not for the last couple years as my libido had been rather low) but indulged in porn quite a bit. I am ashamed to say it became an addiction and devolved into some pretty weird stuff. But Ive been clean of that for the last 7 months. and Ive masturbated prob about 10 times in that time period.

[SonOfTheGods]

Hello all, I will try to make this as short as possible. I was recommended here by someone on a mens health forum.

 

I am 34 yr old male, about 5 ten 175 lbs. Have had a history of celiac disease, chronic pelvic pain, hypothyroidism(which I finally began treatment for in March of this year.) have the other issues mostly under control, I am on very low dose thyroid meds.

 

Anyways, back in March I began meditation, simply as a way to try and calm my overactive mind, and help some of my health issues. I also have done on/off semen retention, quit porn to try and get my sexuality back. Well, for the first 2-3 months I noticed some remarkable results..I was doing 15-30 min a day, sometimes guided meditations from youtube, sometimes just following my breath or using a mantra. I felt much calmer, in control..more like my old self. I was "in the zone' a lot of times so to speak... Something has started to...change the last month- 2 months however. I have had days where I increased my meditation time to an hour, and some where i simply did a 20 min session. Anyways, Ive started to notice some strange symptoms. I had nights..walking my dog around a local lake where I felt as if I was on the drug ecstacy..Obviously not to that extent but a similar feeling where everything felt magnified. Ive also had times..sometimes the very next day after these episodes where I felt beyond depressed. At first I thought it may have been my thryod messing w me, but Ive done blood work and everything came back fine.

 

So, I just kept up my practice trying to maintain an even keel. But my body doesnt seem to be cooperating. Lately Ive noticed Disturbing ADD/ADHD type symptoms..FLAT emotions..low/no libido..vivid dreams..a sort of "hypersensitivity" when out in public. Ive had days also where Ive walked around feeling no fear whatsoever, and others where I didnt want to leave the house. My sense of direction, or feeling of motivation, is almost totally missing. I kinda feel like Im in a dream.It feels like my identity, or who I thought I was, is missing. Like all my past accomplishments, achievements, are a distant memory and not a part of me anymore. I used to be a professional baseball player, a good golfer, loved to golf..I have NO desire to golf, and no feeling of pride from being an athlete.. But at the same time, have a strainge feeling of contentment, at least when the anxiety doesnt take hold..

 

Just a recent example of how strange things have gotten..I took a girl out a few weeks ago(this has been another thing, women seem to be checking me out much more than before I ever meditated, but my libido..shot), we hit it off very well and after our date she suggested she come back to my place..I agreed. Long story short, I didnt escalate anything, mostly to my feeling tired and inexperience(been out of dating for a long time) and things kinda fell through for us. I am usually quite great at moving on from these types of things and learning from my mistakes, etc..and I had done a decent job of that..however the other day I had to go to the vet where she works(this is where we met) and she wasnt there. As I was standing there buying my dog his meds, I had a very strange feeling come over me of absolute sadness, melancholy, like I was at a funeral. THis freaked me out and I got the meds and got out of there as quick as I could. it was extremely bizarre, as I barely knew this girl save for the one night..this wasnt just a little sadness because of a missed opportunity, this was a feeling of dread and absolute grief that just came over me when 2 minutes before I was content. I got into a car accident a week ago where I did about 5000 dollars worht of damage to my car. That morning, after I got out of shower to go to job interview, I had a powerful sensation or voice in my head telling me not to leave the house.I had to get a cat scan after the accident as I hit my head on the steering wheel, and they found nothing, just said I had a minor concussion. So while I say Ive had flat emotions, I get these weird rushes of either joy or just flat out sadness that keep coming and going. the rest of the time it feels like autopilot, but I feel like I have an intuition like Ive never had in my life before.

 

Ive had physical symptoms too..this one sounds crazy..but it feels like the left half of my head(or brain) is just...not there, not working. I cant explain this any better than that. strange dreams, that keep having some semblance of truth in the days or weeks following the dream..inability to concentrate. lack of appetite...no libido..muscle twitching..hypersensitivity..heightened awareness in public, but a strange..detached feeling from everything. enhanced endurance during exercise, yet feeling no endorphin rush after working out.Pulsing in my head during meditation lately which comes and goes.. A very hard time quitting addictions, yet they are giving me almost NO pleasure now. I drank a bottle of wine the other night and barely felt a thing..

 

I KNOW this sounds crazy and i hope a psychiatrist isnt reading and turns me into the looney bin. But I hope someone has some type of advice..Ive never felt this "spaced out" yet somehow fucntioning on a higher level before..Its like Im not in my body a lot of times. Idk what to make of it or how to tell anyone without coming off as a freak. I try my best to act normally around others, but something feels very off and Im alone. Idk wether to quit meditating, if thats even the issue, but Ive had tons of bloodwork done and everthign is checking out ok..I thank you all for any help you can give.

 

try this:

 

less of the "trying to figure it out"

 

and more of this:

 

breathe

[bax44]

Lightheadedness comes from anxiety and digestive problems. If you freaked out during meditation, you may feel spaced out for a few days. Be careful if you get too excited during meditation, it'll make you lightheaded. I got excited a few times during meditation, felt like my body was numb for a few days. But I'm used to it because I'm allergic to gluten.

 

A lot of this stuff happens to prevent you from meditating. Prevent you from cultivating and changing your vices into virtues.

 

Sifu Lin posted one of the first talks on the demonic states of meditation. It's generally overlooked and the methods for getting past them isn't taught. That's why there's many people like you going around feeling like they're crazy and then they come to website like this, get some advice, and feel back to normal. Listen to this:

Well I do have celiac and pretty bad digestive stuff but thats been ongoing waaaayy before I started meditating. So you seem to be saying you believe that my mind..or whatever..is trying to get me to stop progressing, stop meditating? I can definitely say I feel "different" to say the least..like a totally different person. Im not sure yet if its good or bad..Im still trying to process wtf is going on..It seems everyday its something new as you can see from my original post. I will check the link out for sure thank you.

[bax44]

try this:

 

less of the "trying to figure it out"

 

and more of this:

 

breathe

Ok..so..I guess you mean stop thinking..I have been trying to be mindful, etc, but damn sometimes its been overwhelming. Like I said, it feels like being in a small boat in the middle of an ocean in a hurricane..I mean I know theres people way worse off than me I should be grateful but this is like a physical/mental i dont want to say breakdown but it feels like something is possessing me at times. God i sound crazy! But thanks.

[RiverSnake]

First of all, none of the symptoms you describe seems to be outside the very ordinary when it comes to the first initial "byproducts" of any consistent meditative practice or yoga, qigong or the like.

 

Search the forum for "side effects" or "symptoms" and you will get a quite good idea where you are in the overall percentile of practitioners here or anywhere else for that matter.

 

What I can confirm is that the more mental, or emotional aspects of what you describe is also "psycho-emotional debris", i.e stuff that gets released and actualized, and probably have lied dormant in your psyche prior to your meditation practice. The important thing to remember is that it is not that meditation makes you feel this way. Instead remember that if done correctly, meditative practice will just let your mind and body do what it spontaneously seeks in relation to any tension, trauma, emotion or thoughts pent up from prior experiences; it naturally unwinds itself. Through meditation this process is allowed. Just let it unwind, and remember to detach from the symptoms.

 

Even as strange, bad, or good any of your experiences are, they are pretty common. Try to let them go. Flat or high emotion, no sensitivity or a lot, social anxiety or hyper social, triggers of deep emotions for no apparent reason etc. I´ve been there. I remember crying from watching commercials, and sitting like a vegetable for ours. I´ve had strange cravings for beer wine and tobacco, yet feeling deeply unsatisfied.

 

I had periods of both depression and elation/agitation in my first years of meditation. This was doing TM-meditation in my 20s. I remember many of the symptoms you describe. Keep focusing on the method, and don't identify with any thoughts or interpretation of the process. The caveat here is that you have a sound and balanced meditative practice, meaning not too focused, willed, forced or spaced out.

 

2 things that you should do to keep sane through your process, which will naturally soften and deepen, but be prepared for many bumps in the road.

1. Try meet up with groups of other practitioners or seek out a teacher of meditation. This is very important after a while, in particular due to small errors that may have great impact over time.

2. "Grounding" is a vague word, meaning anchoring your mind and body in the physical world is important when meditating. Exercise, do practical things, and socialize are good to keep your practice sound and on the right track.

This will also let you stay focused on the important thing: Life, not practice.

 

most of all: the actual unfolding of your practice may open to something beyond the symptoms you describe. This is when meditation actually begins.

 

I remember when sitting in meditation, in a lot of pain, and started laughing due to the absurdity of how important I felt my pain was. The person who feels all that you are feeling is actually just a thought. But that has to be felt, not thought.

 

My God! I use " " a lot. Why? Is it irony?

 

h

 

This is excellent and very thorough advice. Nothing much I can think of adding.

 

My 2 cents, Peace

[ChiDragon]

Hey sorry I missed this comment.I didnt masturbate a ton(well at least not for the last couple years as my libido had been rather low) but indulged in porn quite a bit. I am ashamed to say it became an addiction and devolved into some pretty weird stuff. But Ive been clean of that for the last 7 months. and Ive masturbated prob about 10 times in that time period.

 

No problem, there is no need to apologize.

 

So, it seems masturbation is not the cause of your problem.

 

When the thyroid doesn't function properly a person can develop a variety of problems from weight fluctuations to fertility issues. The fertility issue may be contributed to the libido problem.

Edited October 25, 2013 by ChiDragon

[hagar]

well I suppose that is somewhat comforting.

Hmm interesting.

Are you implying that stuff thats been sort of buried is revealing itself in my actual life circumstances? Like things are happening reflecting stuff thats been hurtful to me or somehow is a problem for me? Very interesting. I wish someone wouldve told me that some of this could happen upon starting meditation. Frankly some of it has been frightening and when not frightening, interesting to say the least.

Yes, Ive had days where simply driving and listening to music has produced euphoria beyond anything id experienced before. Paradoxically, it feels sometimes that feeling goes just as quickly as it came and is replaced with a somberness Ive not experienced since my Mom passed away 10 years ago. I will try not to attach too much to it. It is making being productive In any sense very difficult as I feel like I am scattered in 100 different directions at times.

Can you explain this last part? Im not quite sure I follow.

Thanks so much for the reply. gives me a lot to ponder.

If you feel that the symptoms get overwhelming cut back on meditation time and do some basic qigong, or just train hard physically. The fastest way for me to get centered and grounded personally is to spend time in nature, either alone of with friends, and do something physical, like hiking. Simple pleasures.

 

A good guy for you to check out is Adyashanti (youtube him). He is one of the most articulate people out there in describing the process of meditation, spiritual experiences, challenges in pretty plain language.

 

Not knowing your context and background, but from what you describe, usually supressed and unprocessed emotional material tend to manifest in the ways you mention. It may contain profound insights, yet often its best to step lightly. The reason is that you should focus on the road not on the bugs that stick to the windshield, or the windshield wiper, if you get the analogy.

 

The reason this is vital for moving forward with meditation is that all meditation practice has bumps and challenges. It is not designed to be a soothing, comfortable experience. (this is just a salespitch). Sometimes (not always) things get rocky, and that is usually a sight that you are actually making progress.

 

When I say that meditation starts when you move on to a way of experiencing when you are not dealing with the emotinal material as the prime focus, I mean that realizing that what is coming, also goes. But real meditation is sensing, grasping or just being in what is not coming nor going. Something is completely untouched in you, and is not partaking in any turmoil, emotion, or experience. Its the space in which all these things are happening.

 

Sometimes, just letting the things that come up be felt and experienced may lead the way to this very mysterious yet very ordinary place. This is meditation, and it is nothing to "do". It just "is". It is not something out there, nor in "here". It is what makes you feel that you were the "same" as you were when you had your first memory. It wil be there when you die, and it will be completely independent of coming into being or dying. It is easy to intellectualize, but when you see this, it transforms your life forever. Just in a glimpse.

 

Sometimes, this leads you to realize that you are not who you thought you were, which I feel you are starting to feel, and then things might be very strange for a while. But its quite normal.

 

h

[Rara]

Thanks Bax44 And Malikshreds has explained this very well!

 

When I became committed to my meditation, I began a journey which at first led to many lucid nighmares/night terrors and what I perceive as genuine demonic possession. I spent many months on edge, not knowing what was real and what wasn't.

 

With persistence (and much frustration) eventually I had a moment of pure bliss that changed my life forever. Anxiety went away, the demons were dead and/or vacated and earth became heaven.

 

I can't say more, because words cannot really describe. But even if you don't believe in the ghost (which really is all in the mind but that is equally as real as the realm is the same....maybe an explanation for another day) we will all agree that it's your mind causing the problems.

 

Why? Because you're transforming. And the "old you" is scared...it doesn't know what it would do without the things it is attached to.

 

Continue to starve the monster and carry on. You're meditating because you wish to take the driving seat that for so long the monster has had

[Rara]

And no, no one will think you're crazy here...just be very careful who you speak to who you directly know!!

 

Your talk about loss of identity...I hate to break it to you, but you never really had one! That was an illusion and what you're going through now is witnessing your truth and having to overcome the sadness (also an illusion) You THINK something is wrong some days, but that is just your lack of acceptance at this stage in time. As long as you persist, you will find the beauty in all this...of you don't it could lead you to full on depression or even reverting back.

 

The choice us yours...but be very careful which you chose (I'm biased towards keeping the practice up...hehe...as I did/do and PROMISE you that nothing is better than going through with this)

[Rara]

 

When the thyroid doesn't function properly a person can develop a variety of problems from weight fluctuations to fertility issues. The fertility issue may be contributed to the libido problem.

This is true. I just want to add that when I was going through this sort of thing, I kept dropping weight by the day. So I ate more and more...and lost more weight. The doctors did blood tests, all fine including thyroid.

 

The moment I decided to just get over myself, the negative stuff all just went away...as if by magic Try not to worry and get caught up in all of this...that's my best advice! The fact that you're overwhelmed right now is just more food for the monster

 

I like metaphors.

[Harmonious Emptiness]

Just some thoughts that crossed my mind while reading the opening post:

 

1) you have fluctuating moods -- this means you are still human. Not a major problem, but a good reason to meditate anyways.

 

2) you had a car accident a week ago that cost you $5000. You still seem to be functioning pretty well and were able to rise above that event. Congratulations. There are bound to be some things that got shook up inside of you, forcefully, which are bound to bounce around for a bit after that and surface as emotion-sensation. I'd suggest sage smudging to help clear the traumatic energies. Dried cedar leaves work very well too (if not better) but they can spark and "spit hot fiyya" so you have to watch out about doing that indoors. (yeah, it's Friday....).

 

3) The feeling in the vets office was *maybe also due to residual emotions stagnating in the office from the experiences of people and animals that had been in the office, amplified by your reasons for feeling that way.

 

4) If you feel weird and you don't know why, become aware of your environment. What do you see, hear, feel, what's coming, what's going, etc.. This can help to become more aware of what's happening inside of you from an objective view, and also become aware of things that might cause feelings before they have a chance to make you think they came from you. Energies can be easily manipulated when we're not aware of what's happening both around us, and within us.

 

Good luck. And don't forget to have some fun..

[bax44]

Quite a lot to digest..Thank you all very much for the detailed responses its actually very amazing to me that strangers on the internet can take such time and caring, it gives me hope for the human race yet

 

I will try and address each individual post a little later on when I have more time!

[konchog uma]

Just wanted to take a moment to second everything that hagar said here, especially that it sounds really normal. Since he said it all so well, I will not add much except to say thank you h for the great advice. Everyone who starts meditating enough to effect these sorts of changes should read this thread. Also just to mention that some sort of "dark night of the soul" is a phenomenon that most serious meditators have to go through at some point, its healing, and its better on the other side of it.

[RiverSnake]

Also just to mention that some sort of "dark night of the soul" is a phenomenon that most serious meditators have to go through at some point, its healing, and its better on the other side of it.

Amen to that, there can be a lot of "little dark souls" on the way to the Big Dark Cahuna......the one that many many advanced practitioners have talked about experiencing at higher levels. Yet to get there myself, but look forward to being on the other side. If one things for sure, it's always better on the other side.

 

My 2 cents, Peace

Edited October 25, 2013 by OldChi

[Spotless]

Hello bax44

 

You have hit upon some very high levels of awakening.

It can be very disorienting - seek out a real teacher.

 

Try "Buddha at the gas pump" for an awakened teacher near you.

 

In the meantime, I would suggest stopping semen retention and work more in the direction of those means available to allow for a calm transition to these higher states.

 

Being with the higher subtle vibrations you have mentioned does not require effort, but rather a certain allowance for non-direction and with it an allowance for an identity that has no past and no future.

You are not crazy and nothing is missing - the voids are those parts of your distracted mind that have vacated the buzz - it appears as whole parts of you are no longer "in the game".

 

Breathe into this new space - afford YOUSELF the time and space to be out of the game.

Congrats

[BaguaKicksAss]

Amen to that, there can be a lot of "little dark souls" on the way to the Big Dark Cahuna......the one that many many advanced practitioners have talked about experiencing at higher levels. Yet to get there myself, but look forward to being on the other side. If one things for sure, it's always better on the other side.

 

My 2 cents, Peace

 

Big Dark Cahuna ROFL ROFL ROFL. I like that term .

 

At the time, the little ones each feel like a big dark cahuna whilste in the middle of them too!

 

I don't think they ever stop really (even after the BDC), and if they (the smaller ones I mean) do, you are probably not working deeply enough....

[bax44]

If you feel that the symptoms get overwhelming cut back on meditation time and do some basic qigong, or just train hard physically. The fastest way for me to get centered and grounded personally is to spend time in nature, either alone of with friends, and do something physical, like hiking. Simple pleasures.

 

A good guy for you to check out is Adyashanti (youtube him). He is one of the most articulate people out there in describing the process of meditation, spiritual experiences, challenges in pretty plain language.

 

Not knowing your context and background, but from what you describe, usually supressed and unprocessed emotional material tend to manifest in the ways you mention. It may contain profound insights, yet often its best to step lightly. The reason is that you should focus on the road not on the bugs that stick to the windshield, or the windshield wiper, if you get the analogy.

 

The reason this is vital for moving forward with meditation is that all meditation practice has bumps and challenges. It is not designed to be a soothing, comfortable experience. (this is just a salespitch). Sometimes (not always) things get rocky, and that is usually a sight that you are actually making progress.

 

When I say that meditation starts when you move on to a way of experiencing when you are not dealing with the emotinal material as the prime focus, I mean that realizing that what is coming, also goes. But real meditation is sensing, grasping or just being in what is not coming nor going. Something is completely untouched in you, and is not partaking in any turmoil, emotion, or experience. Its the space in which all these things are happening.

 

Sometimes, just letting the things that come up be felt and experienced may lead the way to this very mysterious yet very ordinary place. This is meditation, and it is nothing to "do". It just "is". It is not something out there, nor in "here". It is what makes you feel that you were the "same" as you were when you had your first memory. It wil be there when you die, and it will be completely independent of coming into being or dying. It is easy to intellectualize, but when you see this, it transforms your life forever. Just in a glimpse.

 

Sometimes, this leads you to realize that you are not who you thought you were, which I feel you are starting to feel, and then things might be very strange for a while. But its quite normal.

 

h

Thanks for this, this is what I needed. I do exercise VERY hard( I am a former athlete as I said), and am in good shape, just am not feeling the "spark" or motivation to do it. I do it, have great endurance as I said, but am feeling no "reward" from it. In fact this has been one issue..the feeling of dopamine or reward from doing pleasurable things seems to be missing atm. However like I said theres these random "waves" of what I would call bliss or well being that come and go. Just odd. Thank you for reassuring me its all normal. i really need it right now.

[bax44]

Hello bax44

 

You have hit upon some very high levels of awakening.

It can be very disorienting - seek out a real teacher.

 

Try "Buddha at the gas pump" for an awakened teacher near you.

 

In the meantime, I would suggest stopping semen retention and work more in the direction of those means available to allow for a calm transition to these higher states.

 

Being with the higher subtle vibrations you have mentioned does not require effort, but rather a certain allowance for non-direction and with it an allowance for an identity that has no past and no future.

You are not crazy and nothing is missing - the voids are those parts of your distracted mind that have vacated the buzz - it appears as whole parts of you are no longer "in the game".

 

Breathe into this new space - afford YOUSELF the time and space to be out of the game.

Congrats

THanks. Im not claiming to be on a higher consciousness or anything or even close to being "awakened" but I do feel something is changing and I have almost no control over it. I suppose this is what your saying..dont try to control whatever it is and go with the flow. I DO feel like im subtly operating on a different vibration somehow but cant quite explain it.. What your describing about feeling like somethings missing is perfect, Im guessing youve gone through this stuff before? I will heed your advice for sure.