7 months into meditation..weird issues, seeing if anyone has input

[bax44]

Rara and Mark- I will definitely try those exercises thank you. Feel a bit better today. I did a short meditation this am where the rocking I spoke of was really intense once again. To be clear it is totally on its own and in no way am I causing it its just happening. In any regard as I said when thats happened I feel clearer and better for whatever reason. I followed it up with some standing and walked the pooch for about an hour. Its also sunny out today so that helps:)

[joeblast]

how's the quality of your stillness, bax? the physical aspect is good of course but not the entire picture. the potentials generated via practice are most thoroughly integrated in deep stillness.

[bax44]

 

how's the quality of your stillness, bax? the physical aspect is good of course but not the entire picture. the potentials generated via practice are most thoroughly integrated in deep stillness.

I try to stay pretty still(well until recently when this rocking started on its own mostly front to back). I do have a bad back from all the health issues I mentioned in my op, so I mostly sit on edge of chair when meditating. My breath has gotten deeper and slower over the months and is really good for me I would say. I do have to adjust myself a few times when starting to get a nice posture, but once there I can stay pretty still and get into a tranquil state fairly quickly at this point. this is why this rocking movement really caught me off guard, even when standing Id say I remain pretty still as well. If you mean mental stillness; well its pretty good I dont have a trillion thoughts going through my head like I used to lol, and Ive reached some nice levels of deep meditation over the months, and I am most certainly relaxed and quiet. I also used to go through my daily activities moving from one distraction to the next- definitely not so much anymore. Maybe I am suddenly realizing how distracted my mind was all the time- and constantly avoiding things. Now my concentration is much better and im finally realizing a lot of things about myself and the world which I never even considered before. Idk if this is what you meant by stillness, but thats how Id describe it to this point.

Edited February 9, 2014 by bax44

[z00se]

when u say ur meditation is concentrating on ur breathing u mean just the physical aspect yeah? The air movement and body movement correct? Do u only do ur nose or do u do your lungs and throat and belly too? Watching Breathing is good because its always moving and taking notice of the physical is grounding too. So to make it even more grounding watch ur breathing the same, But at ignore the nose throat and lungs and just watch how ur breathing moves and effects the lowest part of ur abdomen u can. The lower down u place ur attention in meditation the easier it is to stay grounded. Strengthening triple warmer will help too and exercises suggested on that webpage i mentioned before

[bax44]

Yes zoose I breathe into the lower stomach and try to pay attention to the expanding/contraction of the abdomen. Occasionally I wander to between my eyes when I get some light shows(that's what I call them haha) but then return to the lower abdomen below navel. I do the same during standing practice as well. I looked at the page you recommended,cool stuff! I also took the test on there. Thx for that.

[z00se]

well all what ur doing sounds good but seems u still not grounded enough! Haha when u do ur horse stance dont go too low. Just have legs slightly bent so u can last much longer and stay there as long as u can and transfer some of ur seated meditation into meditation while in a high horse stance. When u get tired just sit down and finish the remainer of ur meditation seated. Using ur legs to stand will ground u more. Then to make grounding stronger still, instead of watching ur breathing put ur attention in the ground, however deep u want up to u. Now there is nothing to watch nothing obvious moving like with ur breath, just feel like ur mind is in the earth and discharging. Awareness can be everywhere but attention should be in the ground.

 

On the website were u either wood or fire element? Also are u a student or office worker or basically someone who sits at a computer lots and does lots of thinking?

[bax44]

So you're suggesting I replace most seated meditation w standing? And in high horse stance I'm assuming w legs as wide as low and eyes open? Also I scored as mostly water and fire elements on that test I had a hard time distinguishing which I was but water was the higher score wise. I have a fairly ohysical job but do soend a decent amount of time at a computer as well.

[z00se]

Hmmm before i hand only read some of the latest posts and what other people are saying... here is a reply to your original post... i had some similar type experiences so this is what i found to work best for me.

 

Ok so you have some health problems so doing meditation at the beginning of course would not be easy because minor imbalances must have been there for a long time and have developed into physical problems. It seems before when you did 15 mins a day it kept you calm and slowly headed you towards total body balance, but now you are doing an hour that is 4x more so u're going to be healing at a rate 4x faster so it's going to bring more side effects.

 

That ecstacy feeling, that is good, thats what things tend to feel like more and more often later, but i got sick of it all the time so then I just get rid of that feeling too. But i think that feeling is better than the negative feelings you are feeling, so hold onto it to make it easier to ride through the rough stage. When you get that ecstacy feeling just increase it, you will find you can. Play with it, make it more, make it less, move it around, be able to bring that feeling on by yourself when u are even depressed, but don't let yourself get so depressed that it is too hard to bring on the ecstacy feeling That depressed thing too it's just your body balancing out, i get that if i party for a week or so then get back into meditation n that, then i always feel depressed at the start.... i'm used to it now and i know it only lasts 1-2 days so i just let it run it's course, and it's not really too bad if you seperate the feeling of depression from yourself. You spoke of feeling some of that seperation before, so just play around with that too.

 

I come more from an energy practice background than what you are doing just watching breathing. I've done that too 10 days all day every day only stopping to eat and sleep so i know a little what you are going through.

I think the whole thing what you describe is normal and crap that you just need to put up with until you get through it, depending on how messed up your body was at the start depends how long it will take.

 

 

 

The thing is.... the original problems you talked about in your post, i think nearly everyone gets some sort of things like these. Then you can do the things like i said or find other ways to patch up these problems so these problems go but then other things arise, you can use qigong again to fix em but ya end up just going around and round in circles and what started as 15minutes a day ends up being huge work and a giant task. I find myself having to spend more and more time to patch more and more bits... is it worth it? i dunno it fixes the problems short term but doesn't fix the root of the problem, uncomfortable feelings still arise one way or another.

 

Here is the main one that would help you... just try to do some smiling meditation for your kidneys, healing sounds for them, spend time througout your day listening more than looking. While driving, chatting, eating, everything just listen with your ears, like it is one long never ending music track. Why is it good for you? because you have anxiety which means weak kidneys. Libido shot, weak kidneys also. The hearing will distract you and engage the kidneys at the same time because ears / kidneys are linked. Eat a portion of seafood or meat a couple of times a day to help build up kidney essence. Anything from the sea is good, and good for thyroid too. You could also massage ur balls gently especially any tender parts once every 2 days, but wait until most of your problems have settled down, otherwise any other issues that arise will be even stronger and harder to cope with.

 

but I feel like I have an intuition like Ive never had in my life before

a sort of "hypersensitivity" when out in public

depression

No emotions

 

I think these things are all linked. Your lack of get up and go brings all these. You come into balance (no emotions / intuition) then you go out of balance and then everything seems a bit much.

 

 

strange..detached feeling from everything. enhanced endurance during exercise, yet feeling no endorphin rush after working out.Pulsing in my head during meditation lately which comes and goes.. A very hard time quitting addictions, yet they are giving me almost NO pleasure now. I drank a bottle of wine the other night and barely felt a thing..

 

hahah yeah get used to having no rush, and no pleasure from addictions. You lose the ups, but you lose the downs too, you just stay awesome all the time, its better than the rushes and pleasure you used to get before except there is nothing to compare it to so it becomes boring too. However when i'm balanced and i try start drinking alcohol i actually feel worse than i did before. Not that i feel bad, but being drunk just wasn't as enjoyable as before i started drinking... apart from that i have to drink stacks more to get properly drunk too.

 

 

..I have NO desire to golf, and no feeling of pride from being an athlete.. But at the same time, have a strainge feeling of contentment, at least when the anxiety doesnt take hold..

 

Yeah i know it sucks at this stage. So all you need is mind games to keep you going for a bit longer until the crappiness starts getting less and less and the contentment gets more and more. You have gone this far so you might as well stick it out and get a proper taste of it.

 

 

So you're suggesting I replace most seated meditation w standing? And in high horse stance I'm assuming w legs as wide as low and eyes open? Also I scored as mostly water and fire elements on that test I had a hard time distinguishing which I was but water was the higher score wise. I have a fairly ohysical job but do soend a decent amount of time at a computer as well.

 

 

Your pretty sporty playing golf and baseball etc, so u should have good mind body connection. Plus if ur job is fairly physical u wouldn't be all in your head. If you have hardly drank alcohol or smoked for a few months now that wouldn't cause any issues either.

 

Soo... here are your choices as i see them

 

1. Go back to practicing only 15 minutes a day and after a few days you will feel better (Easiest one). Boost up to half hr if u can some days, then if u start feeling bad again just reduce it and play with how much you practice according to how you feel. Slow and steady

 

2. Keep practicing like you are and just put up with it, but drinking to deal with it or feeling so up and down all the time is actually making you make slower progress than you would imagine you should be. (i don't suggest it)

 

3. Try to patch up issues using what i told you above, which will solve them somewhat but other problems will arise. You can try this and see how you go for a little while. You can also do the standing meditation putting ur mind in the ground if you want, might help make things more bare-able and let you continue on your same course. Just try different things, time is passing all the time and it will get easier and easier as time goes by. You can do exercises to strengthen lung / metal and kidneys / water.

 

4. Less intensity, but longer duration. Because of the meditation you have been doing there is a different meditation that i think you would find good. It is very similar to what you have been doing, watching the physical, but instead of doing it while seated you can do it all day long in your activities. This will keep your mind amused so that you forget about depression and whatever other problems arise, you don't experience them because your concentrating on something else. If you do this, you can give up your seated and standing meditation and just do this, it will get you further with less issues. Have a look anyhow maybe need 5 minutes reading, then you can try it for 30 seconds then decide if you like it or not, http://www.healthcultivation.com/meditation/instructions/awareness-meditation-30-second-meditation-part-1/

 

It's easy and good. Especially for you because you been watching your breath so long already this will be a cinch.

 

 

I suggest no 4, if you want to make fast easy progress, no 1 if u want to just take it easy for a while, 3 if you want to keep on your same path, 2. i don't suggest it because you will probably give up if it gets too hard, can't just keep pushing more and more or you hurt yourself.

 

Good luck!