7 months into meditation..weird issues, seeing if anyone has input

[raimonio]

Cool man

[Trash Filter]

I've come across a number of people having this from meditation. Meditation can be very detoxing.

[bax44]

Ok I figured I would update this thread since its been a few weeks..

 

I actually took some of your suggestions to heart, watched the videos and started doing some qigong type stuff as well as practicing the horse stance on a daily basis..This has helped me definitely to get more of my masculine type energy back into myself and I feel a tad more "with it" . Also the stance for whatever reason is shredding fat off my midsection, and this is with no increase in any other exercise. I practice it about 5 min a day in different sections. Ive kept meditation to about an hour a day. Im still having some very strange "deja vu" type feelings and emotions..

 

There was something I had left out of my original post and pretty I feel its important to address as it has popped up recently and recurring in my dreams for some strange reason..its also one of the things that got me into meditation..Back in March I met a young lady whom I would describe as very eclectic and clearly spiritual..At this time I was just starting to emerge from a 5 year long fog of various addictions to alcohol, pain pills, and of course the hormonal/ physical problems which I described in my original post.. I had gone on a few dates to start the year just to "get myself back out there", and had just been seeing girls on/off and wasnt overly attached or necessarily taken with any of them.. Well I met this girl and there was something very different about her; something I can truly say Ive never seen in anyone ive met in my life to this point. A certain joy and love pretty much eminated from every part of her being.. we shared much in common(both ex athletes,etc)I immediately kind of sensed a mirroring effect between us..But as I said i was very very low energy at the time, kind of closed off as well. We had a few dates and on the last one I admit to acting very..off with her due to me not feeling great.. long story short we lost contact with each other besides being facebook friends. I remember feeling so much like she was how I used to be when I was younger it inspired me to begin improving myself through meditation, etc etc...She would talk about things that resonated deeply with me, and it seemed as though we communicated with each other on a different level, very hard to explain but im sure some have experienced this before. She was born on my parents anniversary, our birthdays are 7 days apart..normally these things would strike me as just coincidences however with my recent experiences with my meditations and stuff Ive described in this thread these things start standing out a bit. strange occurences would happen even after we stopped talking where I would be thinking of a certain subject and then hours later she would post something on facebook relating to what i was thinkng about..and this happened more than once.

 

To make a long story short I pretty much had stopped thinking about her, feeling like its something where she came into my life to show me something about myself and moved on..and I had accepted this. I have, as i explained also been out with a few other women since then so its not like I have been opining for her or anything this whole time at all. Out of the blue the last month or so Ive had about 3 dreams involving her, and have been extraordinarily intense, including one just the other night. The feeling of love in the dreams is beyond anything ive experienced in my real life..And the after effects the next few days after the dreams have left me feeling quite staggered and confused, as I can feel her presence very strongly. I cant say its unpleasant, however is obvioulsy accompanied by a feeling of loss as well. Like I said it was something I had totally put out of my mind and I usually pay very little mind to my dreams but these have been quite out of the ordinary, and perhaps since now Im more in tune with this kind of thing due to my ,meditation, but I dont know. I know "taking advice" from ones dreams can be dangerous as well. And this person DID have a huge affect on me and basically made me examine my life in a very strong way, yet I barely know her, she is honestly one of the reasons I started this journey..Maybe its all after effects of my concussion haha, but regardless the dreams have been intense enough and what have you that I at least feel like I need to talk about it.

 

Anyways I just thought i would share that and update my story. I again thank everyone for their advice as I have used a lot of it and is helping me tremendously.

Edited November 15, 2013 by bax44

[RiverSnake]

Anyways I just thought i would share that and update my story. I again thank everyone for their advice as I have used a lot of it and is helping me tremendously.

 

Glad to hear you doing well bax. Wish you the best.

 

My 2 cents, Peace

[Rara]

 

Hi bax, I will explain a bit about "dark night".. and give little of my conclusions from my own path:

 

You are going through a kind of "withering" process much like what happens in autumn in nature where the old plants whiter down to earth for the winter to come. So next year it will bloom again but with more beauty since the winter has cleared all weeds out.

 

Congratulations, since most peoples life is about resisting this withering / change to always uphold their habits, routines, likes, dislikes, etc.

 

There is a reason we are left with lesser energy. With lesser energy we aren't able to uphold our old habitual patterns, desires and ego-structures anymore and after a certain time, ranging from months to years depending the individual, a period not without reasons was named "dark night of the soul", we will get back our spirit / energy in a pure form and then it will shine in us and operate very efficiently, since the old structures are smoothed out. In meditation, one day, our new spirit will return like a sunrise of a new aura of clear light that will make us feel reborn and fresh anew. Call it awakening if you like, but you can also call it purification.

 

This not only happen one time, this cycle is repeated, it is like a Sinuswave, but its amplitude are higher and frequency lower first time then it evens out more and more until you come into a kind of stable balance between action and nonaction, between death and rebirth. In my path the worst blockages and patterns were delt with first so the first "winter" was the worst one. It was a period of deep states of depression, weakness, insomnia, emptiness and feeling like being possessed by various energies. Once the process has started there is no return. You cannot repair a broken vase.

 

Sometimes you might feel you have to "act" when dealing with "ordinary" people. But to act consciously is enjoyable since you will not take things so personally or seriously and between the acts you sink back to your source.

What syncronicity! Bax44, I currently feel like shit and am having hot flushes and seeing demons and ghosts again.

 

Jonas' post here gives us good reason for us to keep going. It's so easy to get scared and run away. Early hours of the morning, I was yelling at a ghost boy who was slamming doors in my house saying to leave and never come back. I was freaked out! But this morning I meditated on love and realised that I should not be shouting and banishing...I should be embracing.

 

If we are with love and at peace, nothing can harm us. But it will only come with practice...

 

My thoughts so far anyway. I could be wrong, I'm still learning too.

[BaguaKicksAss]

What syncronicity! Bax44, I currently feel like shit and am having hot flushes and seeing demons and ghosts again.

 

Jonas' post here gives us good reason for us to keep going. It's so easy to get scared and run away. Early hours of the morning, I was yelling at a ghost boy who was slamming doors in my house saying to leave and never come back. I was freaked out! But this morning I meditated on love and realised that I should not be shouting and banishing...I should be embracing.

 

If we are with love and at peace, nothing can harm us. But it will only come with practice...

 

My thoughts so far anyway. I could be wrong, I'm still learning too.

 

I recommend, if you can, to not give into anger and/or fear as that only feeds them and helps them manifest better. Yes I know easier said than done. However matter of factly taking care of things does work better. Sprinkling some salt water around, then incense right after that will likely help. Also it is very very rare to get both ghosts and demons; at a guess if there are ghosts around (and not just our usual manifested internal crap wreaking havoc) they are just likely coming up with some scary images.

 

Stating your boundaries is a good thing too.

 

Also if you are getting a lot of this odd sort of stuff, I highly recommend getting a teacher, as they can easily help by giving you suggestions / methods to take care of all this .

[Trash Filter]

My usb modem had dissappeared from my table the other day. This was in a space of couple of hours. I was looking at adult content before it happened. The spirits no longer want me to waste my time with such things, and focus on working in various ways.

[chegg]

Bax44 wrote:

 

Dark night of the soul? Ive seen this referenced in this thread a couple times. can anyone fill me in on what that means>

doesnt sound good lol.

 

 

 

I found that the best cure for depression/bipolar is to stop meditation and start giving service to your fellow human beings.

 

That service must be directed by the spirit. Saying to yourself "I'm going to help a charity" and then finding the nearest charity and helping them out doesn't necessarily work.

 

 

Here is one of the more detailed views on the Dark night......

 

DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL - ST JOHN OF THE CROSS

http://www.ccel.org/ccel/john_cross/dark_night.txt

Edited November 19, 2013 by chegg

[三江源]

very interesting link chegg, thankyou.

[Nikolai1]

I thought this was a good description of the dark night also:

 

http://www.themystic.org/dark-night/index.htm

[Nikolai1]

My own take is that the purification process of the dark night happens to everyone, but it either happens at a low intensity for a long period, or high intensity for a brief period. Only the latter tends to get called the Dark Night.

 

I also agree with Jonas, who described as a kind of pendulum swinging, with the biggest swings coming first and slowly evening out.

[futuredaze]

Try to bring your meditation practice into day-to-day living.

 

Meditation has more activity for the parasympathetic (rest and digest) nervous system than the sympathetic (fight or flight). If you try to incorporate conscious breathing or body-awareness in your life, perhaps that will help. I've struggled with this too when I first got into meditation, but after a few years I was able to meditate while doing things like presentations for my college class, which not only helped me overcome social anxiety, but be a damn good and persuasive speaker!

 

I think it is very likely you are going thru a Kundalini awakening. IMO, Kundalini is to dark knight of the soul as energy is to psychology -> different frameworks of looking at the same phenmonena. I like the following site, there is A TON of info there but I picked out two relevant links for you to start with.

 

http://biologyofkundalini.com/article.php?story=SenseofSelf

http://biologyofkundalini.com/article.php?story=ExploringtheSymptoms

 

One of the symptoms she mentioned having, is VERy similar to yours:

 

 

The left-brain freeze was one of the first radical symptoms to arise at the beginning of my July’2000 awakening. This symptom includes a pressure-clamp and numbness covering the left side of the scalp that extends down the forehead and into the eye socket. This numbness started peaking 3 days “before” I met my initiator, so my body-soul already knew exactly when the meeting was to happen. Or rather the alchemy was occurring despite the temporal and geographical distance between us. And my condition proceeded in direct response to when we would meet and be in each others presence, though my conscious mind had no idea we would meet at all. For me the left-brain freeze continued in varying intensity throughout the 3 years that kundalini was highly active, though it was most severe during the 6 month apex. Since this neuroinhibiting clamp only occurs on the left side of the brain, this is another factor leading to the conclusion that the overexcitation of nerves by kundalini energy mostly occurs in the left hemisphere and left side of the body. Although why this is I do not know.

 

She talks a lot about how love (doesn't have to be romantic or sexual) can trigger or intensify a kundalini experience. I think you will find this site useful. Some of it seems to be a bit New Age Quackery - but there is a lot of information on chemistry, hormones, nutrition, periods of development, cycles of nature, etc. This site was REALLY helpful for my transformation - but real friends who have gone thru this,or even better yet, a mentor, would be ideal.

Edited November 20, 2013 by futuredaze

[Trash Filter]

When it happened to me, it started while I was on my 4th retreat. Very dark times. I wasn't able to sit and meditate without feeling sick, I couldn't read or look at anything spiritual without feeling sick. I couldn't look at violence or death on tv without feeling sick. Anxiety, depression, really feeling nothingness, no logic solving it. It's better if people don't have to deal with this. I believe it only happens to a small percentage of serious practioners, the unlucky ones. Afterwards you come out completly different. Parts of the ego no longer exist.

[chegg]

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Edited March 28, 2015 by chegg

[bax44]

Try to bring your meditation practice into day-to-day living.

 

Meditation has more activity for the parasympathetic (rest and digest) nervous system than the sympathetic (fight or flight). If you try to incorporate conscious breathing or body-awareness in your life, perhaps that will help. I've struggled with this too when I first got into meditation, but after a few years I was able to meditate while doing things like presentations for my college class, which not only helped me overcome social anxiety, but be a damn good and persuasive speaker!

 

I think it is very likely you are going thru a Kundalini awakening. IMO, Kundalini is to dark knight of the soul as energy is to psychology -> different frameworks of looking at the same phenmonena. I like the following site, there is A TON of info there but I picked out two relevant links for you to start with.

 

http://biologyofkundalini.com/article.php?story=SenseofSelf

http://biologyofkundalini.com/article.php?story=ExploringtheSymptoms

 

One of the symptoms she mentioned having, is VERy similar to yours:

 

 

 

She talks a lot about how love (doesn't have to be romantic or sexual) can trigger or intensify a kundalini experience. I think you will find this site useful. Some of it seems to be a bit New Age Quackery - but there is a lot of information on chemistry, hormones, nutrition, periods of development, cycles of nature, etc. This site was REALLY helpful for my transformation - but real friends who have gone thru this,or even better yet, a mentor, would be ideal.

that is bizarre about the "left brain lock' this is exactly what I have been experiencing. Idk how legit all of that is but a lot of that is disturbingly similar to some of the stuff Ive gone through lately..

[chegg]

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Edited March 28, 2015 by chegg

[chegg]

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Edited March 28, 2015 by chegg

[bax44]

Chegg funny you posted that Donnie darko clip. One of my favorite movies and that song is great. Have listened to it hundreds of times.

[chegg]

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Edited March 28, 2015 by chegg

[bax44]

although certain things have gotten better im still really struggling in other areas. I know i shouldnt analyze any of this but i found typing it out helps so guess ill continue to do so. Im finding that my I can tell when I put on an "act" or show for other people and am not being my true self. I used to do this unconsciusly and it never even bothered me. But now its like I can tell usually after the fact just how much sometimes I am wearing a mask in an interaction. and frankly it disgusts me. I realize that although my whole life Ive felt I was a good person, i behave in selfish ways sometimes and its like I can feel myself when I do it now its really bothersome..that Im maybe not as "good" as I thought. none of this used to even phase me but now its like its thrown right in my face everytime I act or think something which is congruent with these characteristics. also when going out I see people staring at their phones computers, etc..none of them really even acknowledging each other..why this is getting to me Idk... I am sick of the mundaneness i feel like Im crawling out of my skin sometimes. I only hope that this smooths out Its like I keep going through good periods and then something else pops up. also I am out of work at the moment and have no clue what to do. Im applying to all these menial jobs that are frankly below my potential but its all there is. I am studying to get my personal trainer certification, but thats been hard as well because my ability to focus some days is altered.I feel somewhat lost but still inside me theres a small thing telling me its gonna be ok.

Edited November 26, 2013 by bax44

[bax44]

One other thing thats happened recently that is actually kinda cool..like when driving at night the red lights sort of "pop" out to me..like my acuity and colors are more vibrant for some reason..this has happened on and off for the last few months and seem to correspond to periods where I feel really contented and peaceful. Im sure many here exdperience this but its something thats been pretty cool since my meditations really started having all these effects. the left side of head is still numb sometimes

Edited November 26, 2013 by bax44

[4bsolute]

Hello all, I will ..

 

Hi, please research more about "Kundalini Psychosis" - ergo you need grounding. Lots of it.

 

When you lack grounding all sorts of psychic "stuff" can appear and you can not deal with it properly in this human vessel since this human vessel is a blend of both heavenly and earthen energy. And those type of psychic outrages (nothing bad tho but barely anyone can handle it) are then much more heavenly in your body then earthen.

 

This hyperactivity when in public is aswell nothing bad. Because you, for the first time in a looong time, actually witness the natural chaotic energies that flow around in cities and .. in public in general. And since they are of a "lower quality" they stir up all funny "lower" stuff in your lower chakras. This is what then feels negative. But you soon (have to) learn dettachment and just see it as occasionally apprearing in your body, not identifying with and let it fall off. Which will happen fast with no resistance. Be Water. When you are more open to these forces, since you are lifting up your brain blocks, then they all enter your body and your mind doesnt know how to deal with these.

 

So what I suggest is that you do not only meditate. Meditation is okay to calm yourself first, like many more people now to. But then you have to go and do something.

 

I tell you all this because I did the typical Western approach too.. meditated, then got sensitive, even my heart opened and allllllll the negativity rushed in and I was so scared from everything that I blocked up immediatelly. Simply because I had no guidance and wanted to do all by myself (ego) but its okay that way aswell.

 

If you want to have success in meditation, then you also need to cultivate your energies. Energy cultivation, read it up. I can only refer to Mantak Chias teachings, since they offer such a clear understandable thematic .. that is easy to apply. It just takes time. For a reason!

 

And with this energy you then need not only meditate, you need an exercise. And let me guess your job doesnt fit into this cathegory? nothing to worry about. Explore Tai Chi / Qi Gong and other forms to just name the two most popular to REFINE the energies you have gathered in cultivating.

 

And with this refinement you can meditate more smoothely and open yourself up to greater deals.

 

An important side note: With meditation comes great change and I would suggest you also flip your life around 180° eh? That is a natural process after meditating that the spiritual realm flows more into your physical. Letting go off negative social environments etc ...

 

If you are hardcore, you can stay in a "bad" environment and clean it. But this is nothing to take so easy. You learn ALOT if you stay there and CAN STICK to your meditation. But ESPECIALLY for a beginner, this is SUPER tough.

 

Try it.

 

I live in a family environment that is rather loud and sometimes quite harsh (behaviour from people to eachother) - but the fruits... the fruits when you occasionally see what your higher energy does to your surroundings "unnoticably" is worth the effort imho.

 

Take care.

 

PS: For safer meditations learn the Micro Cosmic Orbit. You are here in a Taoist Forum for a reason this "orbit" is also done in Hindu yoga etc, just under different names. All over the world. It's crucial.

Edited December 1, 2013 by 4bsolute

[4bsolute]

Bax44 wrote:

 

Dark night of the soul? Ive seen this referenced in this thread a couple times. can anyone fill me in on what that means>

doesnt sound good lol.

 

 

 

I found that the best cure for depression/bipolar is to stop meditation and start giving service to your fellow human beings.

 

That service must be directed by the spirit. Saying to yourself "I'm going to help a charity" and then finding the nearest charity and helping them out doesn't necessarily work.

 

 

Here is one of the more detailed views on the Dark night......

 

DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL - ST JOHN OF THE CROSS

http://www.ccel.org/ccel/john_cross/dark_night.txt

 

Yes, this is an outer way of bringing more balance into your system.

 

Do really so few people here know about actualy Taoist Practices? I mean this is a Taoist forum...

 

Learn to recycle your energies. Read this book http://de.slideshare.net/mantakchia/mantak-chia-awaken-healing-light

and learn there about the Inner Smile. The "smile", to be more precise, the sphincter mucles around the mouth and the eyes is used to draw cosmic+healing energies into your being To a location you choose with your mind. And since you smile the intention is automatically likely the same as what you want: positivity, healing.

 

It's so super important to be in touch with your organs and learn to recycle ALL negativity you encounter from there on in your life. You will never yell again or be mad about anyone because you can UTILIZE this energy in a transformational process and USE it for Yourself! How awesome is that? I know.

 

This then also works for the psyche. You direct this energy into any body part you want. Also the brain. With closed eyes watching from left to right, like "scanning" your brain for negativity (it's actually very tangible if done right, a feeling jumping from left to right) and then releasing it into the ground. Mother earth takes care of it.

 

The outer practices you have mentioned are always a superb way of refining the inner. Everything you do is a mirror. The MACROCOSMIC affects the MICRO, your inner world. By doing outward work, you also work on your inner self. Outside = inside.

 

So then, all the horror-movies and abusiveness has to come out one way or the other.

 

Can we actually call this real-life Bardo? When people experience such things before they die? I guess so.

Edited December 1, 2013 by 4bsolute

[4bsolute]

The best music to 'wallow in' when you're in the clutches of the Deep Night of Despair (Dark Nigh of the Soul)...........

 

 

 

Why would you listen to a depressive soundtrack when in a depressive mood? Thats like wanting to put out fire with fire.

[chegg]

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Edited March 28, 2015 by chegg