how to love someone unconditionally ?

[nine tailed fox]

unconditional love seems like a good thing lol

 

my question is, everybody says that you should love unconditionally but nobody realizes that its not a switch which you can just activate

 

its not like that you just decide to love someone unconditionally and it will happen

 

so i would like to know, are there any techniques which can develop this quality in you ?

 

is there any technique you can employ to love someone specific, unconditionally ?

 

i am talking about romantic love here

 

in romantic love there is always a desire to posses, i mean how can you just love someone unconditionally

 

either its a gift , endowed to only few people or its an art which can be developed with certain techniques

[Seeker of Wisdom]

Unconditional love to all beings is possible, if you practice stuff like the 4 immeasurables, though it will only persist effortlessly with access concentration as a basis of strong mental stability.

 

Romantic love is inherently conditional, there is some feature making you love that specific person.

[Isimsiz Biri]

unconditional love seems like a good thing lol

 

my question is, everybody says that you should love unconditionally but nobody realizes that its not a switch which you can just activate

 

its not like that you just decide to love someone unconditionally and it will happen

 

so i would like to know, are there any techniques which can develop this quality in you ?

 

is there any technique you can employ to love someone specific, unconditionally ?

 

i am talking about romantic love here

 

in romantic love there is always a desire to posses, i mean how can you just love someone unconditionally

 

either its a gift , endowed to only few people or its an art which can be developed with certain techniques

 

Good topic. You must purify your heart. It is not easy. You should be aware of the bad manners and keep your heart clean from them.

(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tazkiah#Tree_of_Bad_Manners)

[nine tailed fox]

Unconditional love to all beings is possible, if you practice stuff like the 4 immeasurables, though it will only persist effortlessly with access concentration as a basis of strong mental stability.

 

Romantic love is inherently conditional, there is some feature making you love that specific person.

 

interesting reply

 

but why cant we love someone specific, unconditionally ?

 

i just cant believe that its impossible

[BaguaKicksAss]

Step 1.

 

Love yourself unconditionally first. The rest will follow.

[Isimsiz Biri]

interesting reply

 

but why cant we love someone specific, unconditionally ?

 

i just cant believe that its impossible

 

 

People who purifies their Nafs can love others as well as themselves unconditionally. Prophet Muhammad is the best example. Jesus Christ is one of the very good examples. Rumi was a good example.

 

A normal persons heart gets rusted from daily lives. Anger, malice, jealousy, vanity, stinginess, greed, cowardice, indolence, ostentation, attachment and love for the material world, superiority or claiming greatness, heedlessness and laziness, anxiety, depression, neglect and forgetfulness of God, arrogance and materialism are bad manners. During our daily lives, we develop one or more of these bad manners. Your hearts rooms get clogged with rust. In this condition, you can not love somebody unconditionally. Sorry.

[Seeker of Wisdom]

why cant we love someone specific, unconditionally?

If you can love one specific person absolutely, no matter what, you would have to feel this unconditional love towards everyone, since the features of the person make no difference. If I have unconditional love for only one person, I must be feeling this towards them - rather than someone or everyone else - for a reason, even if it's just because we are related.

 

So you see, unconditional love for only one person is a paradox.

 

True unconditional love isn't based on any circumstances or features, so applies to all sentient beings. Even loving all humans regardless of their behaviour, a very noble and saintly trait, is conditional on species.

Edited November 6, 2013 by Seeker of Tao

[Lataif]

unconditional love seems like a good thing lol

my question is, everybody says that you should love unconditionally but nobody realizes that its not a switch which you can just activate

its not like that you just decide to love someone unconditionally and it will happen

so i would like to know, are there any techniques which can develop this quality in you ?

is there any technique you can employ to love someone specific, unconditionally ?

Lots of different questions here, to my mind. I'll address just one for starters.

 

Unconditional love is NOT necessarily a good thing.

Most unconditional love is of the impersonal, "cosmic consciousness" or "christ consciousness" kind.

Have you ever had someone love you in that way . . . and felt that they weren't actually loving YOU specifically . . . at all (?)

Happens a lot with "spiritual" types of people.

I myself usually find it annoying . . . and even condescending or disrespectful to who I am.

I'm sure I couldn't have been around Mother Theresa for more than 5 minutes without having to throw up an energetic shield to stop all that unconditional love messing with my conditional self and how I'm trying to live my conditional life.

 

Look at it this way: can you say you are loving someone unconditionally . . . and that it's a good thing . . . if they don't FEEL it's a good thing (?) Serious spiritual trap . . .

[nine tailed fox]

well i have read that unconditional love is irresistible even when applied to romantic love (if its possible)

 

so if you somehow love someone unconditionally than he will be irresistibly attracted to you

 

basically nobody can resist unconditional love

 

but i know if you are loving someone unconditional to attract the, it can not be called unconditional (quite a paradox lol)

[Cheshire Cat]

 

 

so i would like to know, are there any techniques which can develop this quality in you ?

 

is there any technique you can employ to love someone specific, unconditionally ?

 

i am talking about romantic love here

 

Good questions.

 

If you sincerely and unconditionally love a woman, this doesn't mean that she'll love you as a potential partner.... unless, she's very frustrated with her life.

 

The techniques come from the Metta Bhavana of theravada buddhism

[Lataif]

basically nobody can resist unconditional love

Say . . . what (?)

 

People do it all the time . . .

[liminal_luke]

 

 

 

The techniques come from the Metta Bhavana of theravada buddhism

This. I haven't done it much, but metta, or loving-kindness, meditation is on my list of practices I'd like to explore in depth someday. Sharon Salzburg has several books exploring the development of his kind of love from a Buddhist perspective.

[RongzomFan]

unconditional love seems like a good thing lol

 

my question is, everybody says that you should love unconditionally but nobody realizes that its not a switch which you can just activate

 

its not like that you just decide to love someone unconditionally and it will happen

 

so i would like to know, are there any techniques which can develop this quality in you ?

 

is there any technique you can employ to love someone specific, unconditionally ?

 

i am talking about romantic love here

 

in romantic love there is always a desire to posses, i mean how can you just love someone unconditionally

 

either its a gift , endowed to only few people or its an art which can be developed with certain techniques

 

Understand sunyata / emptiness per Rongzom

[zanshin]

I think the Greek words are better. Romantic love is Eros and desire is inherently conditional. What you are looking for is Agape, which I think you can feel in addition to romantic love, but the 2 types are different. Can't make yourself feel either. Our souls mesh in different ways. Agape is unselfish so if you want the person to be irresistibly attracted to you it won't happen. You would the best for the person even if it wasn't you. For developing capacity to love unconditionally I agree with posts above.

[C T]

unconditional love is the same as selfless love.

 

when the 'self' is removed permanently, that which remains is wisdom and unconditional love.

 

its all-pervasive, like the rays of the sun.

 

the essence of the sun is heat and light.

 

hence, the essence of unconditional love is boundless wisdom and compassion.

 

why boundless?

 

because the limited 'self' has been dropped, thats why.

 

when the self dissolves, that which remains manifests as wisdom and compassion. spontaneously. and without reflection, meaning that one cannot hope to peer into one's thoughts, words and actions to weigh out and distribute one's gifts. It just happens, like a rose giving off scent, or the rain quenching nature's thirst.

 

one who is still caught up in thinking about what it means to love unconditionally does not have the necessary and full understanding yet of what unconditional love entails.

 

where there is a self, there will always arise conditions.

[thelerner]

I was taught the secret to deep abiding love was to put the other persons happiness before your own and focus on their virtues. It works pretty well.

 

An exercise (from Rav. Weinberg) on learning to focus on the beloved's virtue is to write out a list of 30 things you love about them then each day for 3 months you add something new to the list. Doing this should put you a bit in awe of the other and with that the reminders to do little kindnesses and thank you's should come effortlessly.

 

The little kindnesses and thank you's are the kindling that keep the fire of love burning once the lust stage has burnt out.

Edited November 7, 2013 by thelerner