Internet Buddhist Nihilists

[yabyum24]

Over the years of participating on Buddhist forums, I've encountered many odd things but two categories of web Buddhist stand out from all others. The 'Scientific' Theravadan nihilist and the philosophical Mahayana one. To save you decades of research into this tedious phenomena, I've conjured up two mock interviews, which summarise their respective positions. Take your pick and enjoy...

 

1. Theravadan scientific Vulcan (think Spock but more miserable):

Q. So tell me about rebirth.

A. There is no such thing in Buddhism, it is a misunderstanding and mistranslation.

 

Q. But didn't Buddha recall his past lives as he attained enlightenment?

A. It makes for a good story but it's a red herring. Rebirth is a western (hindu-influenced) translation which would have been better represented by 'past abidings'.

 

Q. But isn't that just another way of saying the same thing?

A. No, because in a past abiding, for example, I was a child. In another an adolescent and so on until in this abiding I am an adult. You see, Buddha was referring to stages within this life only. Rebirth was an idea later concocted as a superstitious sop to the masses. Buddha never taught it. Rebirth is another way of saying a moment-to moment transition. "Impermanence".

 

Q. So, after death, there is no rebirth???

A. Of course not - where ever did you get that idea. As all aggregates cease at death, what should then be reborn! Just non-scientific mumbo jumbo, as are all so-called instances of past life recall.

 

Q. So what is the point of your practice, if at death, that's the end of it?

A. To gain liberation within this life, as taught by Buddha. "Suffering" can cease and we can gain ease if we overcome the strands of sensuality.

 

Q. So, why shouldn't I just gain relief by hanging out with some chicks, smoking stuff and eating pizza?

A. Why indeed! Because Buddha taught us to abandon such pursuits. But why the worry about death... that cannot die, which was never born in the first place (self). We are after all just a biological (scientifically verifiable) process from conception to death and nothing more (no-self). That's what distinguishes Buddhism from other so-called religions, including the debased Mahayana.

 

 

2. The Mahayanist Philosopher Scholar of great renown (think head up his own Tushita):

Q. So, what makes you better than the Vulcan?

A. He's a selfish Hinayanist and fails to comprehend the supreme view of emptiness, which is our distinguishing feature.

 

Q. So, what is this emptiness?

A. The Vulcan accepts a sort of basic emptiness of self but fails to recognize the profound emptiness of self and other. Think... is the self to be found in any of its parts, or elsewhere! Of course not. It is mere imputation, designation, name only and nothing more. As are all things.

 

Q. So, the self does not exist?

A. No, of course not and once this is realised, then rebirth and suffering come to an end. You are no longer bound to migration in various miserable realms.

 

Q. Who isn't?

A. You. You're free!

 

Q. But you said I don't exist in any case, so what's getting reborn?

A. In truth nothing is ever reborn and nothing is ever enlightened.

 

Q. So why am I here asking you this sh*t then?

A. Because you have been born in Samsara and are benighted by ignorance.

 

Q. Who?

A. You of course. I know this is difficult for a simpleton to grasp. Perhaps you're just not ready for it. You should look at doing some basic guru yoga and chanting stuff.

[RongzomFan]

I have noticed a lot of internet Buddhist realists (Buddhist definition).

[Anderson]

But ultimately there is no rebirth and karma.

[RongzomFan]

Rebirth in all Dharma, Hindu, Jain, Buddhism etc., traces to ignorance.

 

Only New Agers think rebirth is good.

[soaring crane]

Thank you Yabyum, that was very informative ☺

[BaguaKicksAss]

Over the years of participating on Buddhist forums, I've encountered many odd things but two categories of web Buddhist stand out from all others. The 'Scientific' Theravadan nihilist and the philosophical Mahayana one. To save you decades of research into this tedious phenomena, I've conjured up two mock interviews, which summarise their respective positions. Take your pick and enjoy...

 

1. Theravadan scientific Vulcan (think Spock but more miserable):

Q. So tell me about rebirth.

A. There is no such thing in Buddhism, it is a misunderstanding and mistranslation.

 

Q. But didn't Buddha recall his past lives as he attained enlightenment?

A. It makes for a good story but it's a red herring. Rebirth is a western (hindu-influenced) translation which would have been better represented by 'past abidings'.

 

Q. But isn't that just another way of saying the same thing?

A. No, because in a past abiding, for example, I was a child. In another an adolescent and so on until in this abiding I am an adult. You see, Buddha was referring to stages within this life only. Rebirth was an idea later concocted as a superstitious sop to the masses. Buddha never taught it. Rebirth is another way of saying a moment-to moment transition. "Impermanence".

 

Q. So, after death, there is no rebirth???

A. Of course not - where ever did you get that idea. As all aggregates cease at death, what should then be reborn! Just non-scientific mumbo jumbo, as are all so-called instances of past life recall.

 

Q. So what is the point of your practice, if at death, that's the end of it?

A. To gain liberation within this life, as taught by Buddha. "Suffering" can cease and we can gain ease if we overcome the strands of sensuality.

 

Q. So, why shouldn't I just gain relief by hanging out with some chicks, smoking stuff and eating pizza?

A. Why indeed! Because Buddha taught us to abandon such pursuits. But why the worry about death... that cannot die, which was never born in the first place (self). We are after all just a biological (scientifically verifiable) process from conception to death and nothing more (no-self). That's what distinguishes Buddhism from other so-called religions, including the debased Mahayana.

 

 

2. The Mahayanist Philosopher Scholar of great renown (think head up his own Tushita):

Q. So, what makes you better than the Vulcan?

A. He's a selfish Hinayanist and fails to comprehend the supreme view of emptiness, which is our distinguishing feature.

 

Q. So, what is this emptiness?

A. The Vulcan accepts a sort of basic emptiness of self but fails to recognize the profound emptiness of self and other. Think... is the self to be found in any of its parts, or elsewhere! Of course not. It is mere imputation, designation, name only and nothing more. As are all things.

 

Q. So, the self does not exist?

A. No, of course not and once this is realised, then rebirth and suffering come to an end. You are no longer bound to migration in various miserable realms.

 

Q. Who isn't?

A. You. You're free!

 

Q. But you said I don't exist in any case, so what's getting reborn?

A. In truth nothing is ever reborn and nothing is ever enlightened.

 

Q. So why am I here asking you this sh*t then?

A. Because you have been born in Samsara and are benighted by ignorance.

 

Q. Who?

A. You of course. I know this is difficult for a simpleton to grasp. Perhaps you're just not ready for it. You should look at doing some basic guru yoga and chanting stuff.

 

Those both seem a little limited and biased. So how would the interview go with one who practices a lot, and has a deeper view of things?

[RongzomFan]

People are nothing more than incarnations of ignorance.

[Captain Mar-Vell]

...

Q. So, why shouldn't I just gain relief by hanging out with some chicks, smoking stuff and eating pizza?
A. Why indeed! Because Buddha taught us to abandon such pursuits. But why the worry about death... that cannot die, which was never born in the first place (self). We are after all just a biological (scientifically verifiable) process from conception to death and nothing more (no-self). That's what distinguishes Buddhism from other so-called religions, including the debased Mahayana.

 

Asceticism be not The Way!

Base Nature thou need'st not Allay!

Did the Tathagata not teach that asceticism was not the way?

 

As long as the pizza is vegetarian.

 

Brilliant post btw yabyum

 

When do we get one for Vajrayana?

 

I tink I bin hoppin' from one vehicle to the next.

 

As far as I am concerned, I have experienced "past life recall" to some extent.

 

Man oh man, but I did the philosophy stuff for years.

 

I don't think I can do it any more.

 

Probably don't have the brain cells.

...

Edited December 20, 2013 by Captain Mar-Vell

[Simple_Jack]

.

Edited February 5, 2014 by Simple_Jack

[yabyum24]

Those both seem a little limited and biased. So how would the interview go with one who practices a lot, and has a deeper view of things?

Well, Buddha dealt very well with that. When I get a bit more time, I'll put it up.

 

Thanks for all the comments and interest.

Edited December 20, 2013 by yabyum24

[Captain Mar-Vell]

...

I'm on the edge of my seat.

...

[johndoe2012]

....

Edited January 11, 2015 by johndoe2012

[yabyum24]

Completely agree.

[Aeran]

Haha. That first type sounds very familiar - I don't even practice Buddhism or hang out in the Buddhist community but I met a ton of them just by spending a few years studying philosophy at uni :|

 

Reminds me a lot of the 'magic is really just a form of ritualized self help! Nothing spiritual here!' crowd you find in online occult/western esoteric forums. There's just no helping some people.

[Simple_Jack]

.

Edited February 5, 2014 by Simple_Jack

[9th]

When I get a bit more time,

 

Ah yes...

 

the punchline

[yabyum24]

Ah yes...

 

the punchline

is... that there won't be one. I was going to put more stuff up on this topic but on second thoughts, I'm going to leave it. I'll let people draw their own conclusions.

[9th]

oh, you dont get it yet?

 

lets try again

 

Ah yes...

 

the punchline

 

is...

 

When I get a bit more time,

[yabyum24]

oh, you dont get it yet?

 

lets try again

I did get it...

 

...or perhaps I didn't.

Edited January 30, 2014 by yabyum24

[9th]

I did get it...

 

...or perhaps I didn't.

 

just give it time

[Simple_Jack]

.

Edited February 5, 2014 by Simple_Jack

[yabyum24]

And the punchline is:

[Simple_Jack]

.

Edited February 5, 2014 by Simple_Jack

[RongzomFan]

OMG

[C T]

OMG

say no to photoshopping!