Feeling A Little Lost.

[adept]

Greetings.

A bit of self-reflection over the last few days has uncovered a trait in myself which I don't particularly like.

I have become overly critical of other folks, both online and out in the real world. I seem to have developed grudges and biases without even realizing that they have crept up on me.

I wish to apologize to all the people whom I've argued with, upset, annoyed or disrespected.

I also apologize to all the folks here who've offered me help before but I haven't followed up.

With the end of the year approaching I feel I need to commit myself to a spiritual practice of one sort or another. I've dabbled in various things for as long as I can remember but always end up stopping for whatever reason/excuse my mind contrives.

I have a moving qigong form which I've practiced for years and has been of immense benefit, so I'm covered in that respect.

To be honest I'm confused, lost and not sure of which direction I need to go.

I'm sure other's have felt this way before and wondered what steps you took to remedy this.

Thanks

[joeblast]

return to fundamentals

[soaring crane]

Move to a new country ;-)

[adept]

Move to a new country ;-)

Well, that's not the problem.

I'm happy enough where I live.

It's my internal life that needs a good sort out.

The same problems would only follow me anyway.

[thelerner]

Its a good time to feel that way. A new year is coming. Time to start again fresh. You have 9 days to set a course and put in some practice before you set sail on a new path.

 

Really grudges, biases.. we need to let them go. Allow them to die each night so we can begin fresh each morning. Forgotten, yet at times with a little fence in place. A fence that allows you not to push back against anything, just to set up boundaries that'll keep you safe. Much fighting is because we've put ourselves in a certain place and position. Avoid that place, keep the position to yourself or maybe state your truth and walk away. Trust the people and/or universe to decide, and let it go.

 

Such advice is needed by myself, more then most. Thus I also apologize to all the people I've pissed and insulted this year, and apologize in advance to all those I'll piss off next year.

Edited December 23, 2013 by thelerner

[Rara]

Greetings.

A bit of self-reflection over the last few days has uncovered a trait in myself which I don't particularly like.

I have become overly critical of other folks, both online and out in the real world. I seem to have developed grudges and biases without even realizing that they have crept up on me.

I wish to apologize to all the people whom I've argued with, upset, annoyed or disrespected.

I also apologize to all the folks here who've offered me help before but I haven't followed up.

With the end of the year approaching I feel I need to commit myself to a spiritual practice of one sort or another. I've dabbled in various things for as long as I can remember but always end up stopping for whatever reason/excuse my mind contrives.

I have a moving qigong form which I've practiced for years and has been of immense benefit, so I'm covered in that respect.

To be honest I'm confused, lost and not sure of which direction I need to go.

I'm sure other's have felt this way before and wondered what steps you took to remedy this.

Thanks

 

You've answered your own question...it says in here - you've identified you need to commit to your practice. That is all!

 

Meditate, calm...on the breath. Gently, as and when you feel it's right for you. But keep it regular...and don't always feel it most be in the same spot in the same room always! Be mindful of what you're doing whenever you can...you can meditate on a bus you know (informally) but still worth it if you're losing your head at that moment of the day!

 

and yes, keep it basic. Don't keep reading into things...things get dangerous sometimes and we all get a bit carried away. Maybe throw the internet away for a few days!

 

Keep us posted. I'm "guilty" of such things myself so will be following this thread!

[BaguaKicksAss]

That fact you even noticed something to work on is a lot , you're more than halfway there.

[Aetherous]

This is a really tough part of the path, but you will work it out, because you have the desire to do so.

It may seem like you now have this problem which you didn't before. But awareness of a problem is the first stage of its healing...previously to this, you were not so acutely aware of what the mind was doing outside of your control. Now, this problem is on the chopping block.

 

Things that can help: tonglen and Buddhist mind training, ho'oponopono, reminding yourself of your own faults and how you don't want others to punish you for what they perceive as mistakes (or similar types of reminders), praying for people's well being, and most importantly letting go...this is hard to describe, but basically not being too hard on yourself that your mind naturally does this, but to open up and relax instead. Kind of let it happen actually, and acknowledge that it's not something you're doing...it's not your will.

Waging war against a portion of yourself that you don't want, be prepared for a formidable battle. Better not to wage war, at least in a direct way.

[rex]

''Respond to every call that excites your spirit.'' Rumni

 

All the worthwhile sources of support I've encountered started out when I was in troubled/stagnant phases. A mention of a name or an image encountered would bring strange yearnings, almost like a painful love sick feeling that couldn't be ignored. Often there were dragons in the way like long and sometimes difficult journeys, expenses and opposition from home, environment and even myself, but I carried on regardless and haven't regretted doing so.

[adept]

Thanks for the responses so far. Good stuff. I'd like to think that deep down we are a decent bunch, trying to encourage each other in our spiritual pursuits, without discrimination, whatever they may be.

[RongzomFan]

To be honest I'm confused, lost and not sure of which direction I need to go.

 

Avoid channeled material like the Koran

 

Read Sirens Call of Hungry Ghosts:

 

"No matter how I mulled over the range of possible explanations, I always returned to the premise that the voices and their distinct personalities were generated by mischievous, and possible malevolent, discarnates. "

 

"But most of all I pondered the significance of the lying and manipulations channeled in the exalted name of guides and spiritual teachers and camouflaged as love, wisdom and solicitousness."

 

"Every reference that I uncovered concerning earthbound spirits seemed to fit the channeling phenomenon at large......These earthbound spirits or, in Tibetan Buddhist phraseology, pretas or "hungry ghosts." are individuals whose minds, at the point of physical death, have been incapable of disentangling from desire."

 

"....evolved nonphysical entities influence humanity telepathically, without speech.......The discarnate spirits who are making themselves available though channeling are united in their desperate need for love."

[adept]

 

Avoid channeled material like the Koran

 

Read Sirens Call of Hungry Ghosts:

 

"No matter how I mulled over the range of possible explanations, I always returned to the premise that the voices and their distinct personalities were generated by mischievous, and possible malevolent, discarnates. "

 

"But most of all I pondered the significance of the lying and manipulations channeled in the exalted name of guides and spiritual teachers and camouflaged as love, wisdom and solicitousness."

 

"Every reference that I uncovered concerning earthbound spirits seemed to fit the channeling phenomenon at large......These earthbound spirits or, in Tibetan Buddhist phraseology, pretas or "hungry ghosts." are individuals whose minds, at the point of physical death, have been incapable of disentangling from desire."

 

"....evolved nonphysical entities influence humanity telepathically, without speech.......The discarnate spirits who are making themselves available though channeling are united in their desperate need for love."

Thanks for the advice.

I've already abandoned that particular path.

I think it only intensified the problems I was having.

Edited December 22, 2013 by adept

[i am]

If nothing else, I've learned that it only gets so bad, for most of us...if things seem really bad and you feel really lost, you've got something coming your way, subtle and slow or otherwise.

 

Overly critical, biased? Yeah...welcome to the human race. There seem to be some people who are just naturally not this way. For the rest of us...identifying it and making any attempt to avoid it is more than half the battle.

[Z3N]

Ground your self with the earth, take your shoes off and just have a day of pure spirituality, and just hang out with her.

 

Plan the day if you have to.

 

Do your chi work, mediation or gardening and read some poetry, eat produce that is organic and clean, drink plenty of water as well.

 

Let your mind be free and give it space, feel the space filling you up like a balloon like as if you have floated away form your problems, and so you can see them for what they are in peaceful watchfulness.

 

Like as if you are floating away from earth into the mystery of space rejuvenating your perceptive, returning clear in the silence, and has you come back to earth it all makes sense as the natural harmony has always been with you.

 

Never has she gone and ever will she judge, always in the art, she is your home in your heart.

[Friend]

I wish to apologize to all the people whom I've argued with, upset, annoyed or disrespected.

I also apologize to all the folks here who've offered me help before but I haven't followed up.

In the name of everyone you are official excused and forgiven.

Have nice sleep at night and try better next time.

[C T]

In feeling lost, feel it in its totality. Its only a feeling, empty... it wont eat you alive. Have no fear. If you do, then your imaginings will emerge in greater and greater numbers, like a horde of demons borne from one, then two, then four, and so on. But when you see its empty nature completely, it will not only lose its claws on you, it will become subservient and protect you from further harm.

 

We can learn a lot from Milarepa. He was always assailed by demons of the mind. To pacify them, he composed songs and sang to them. His approach was always one of utter surrender -- in this way, he gained full emancipation and achieved sainthood.

 

 

Milarepa is one of the lineage holders of the Kagyu lineage of Tibetan Buddhism. He is one of the heroes, one of the brave ones, a very crazy, unusual fellow. He was a loner who lived in caves by himself and meditated wholeheartedly for years. He was extremely stubborn and determined. If he could not find anything to eat for a couple of years, he just ate nettles and turned green, but he never stopped practicing.

One evening Milarepa returned to his cave after gathering firewood, only to find it filled with demons. They were cooking his food, reading his books, sleeping in his bed. They had taken over the joint. He knew about non duality of self and other, but he still did not quite know how to get these guys out of his cave. Even though he had the sense that they were just a projection of his own mind – all the unwanted parts of himself – he did not know to get rid of them.

So, first he taught them the dharma. He sat on a seat that was higher than they were and said things to them about how we are all one. He talked about compassion and shunyata and how poison is medicine. Nothing happened. The demons were still there. Then he lost his patience and got very angry and ran at them. They just laughed at him. Finally, he gave up and just sat down on the floor, saying, “I am not going away and it looks like you are not either, so let us just live here together.“

And at that point, all of them left except one. Milarepa said, “Oh, this one is particularly vicious.“ (We all know that one. Sometimes we have lots of them like that. Sometimes we feel that is all we have got.) He did not know what to do, so he just surrendered himself even further. He walked over and put himself right into the mouth of the demon and said, “Just eat me up, if you want to.“ Then the demon left too. The moral of the story is, when the resistance is gone, so are the demons.

ༀ

(copied from Vajrayana Archives)

[Mal]

I have become overly critical of other folks, both online and out in the real world. I seem to have developed grudges and biases without even realizing that they have crept up on me.

Loving Kindness Meditation

_/\_

[soaring crane]

Well, that's not the problem.

I'm happy enough where I live.

.

Sorry, that was a little glib on my part. Moving out of the USA had a huge effect on me. Took a while for me to appreciate it all but the change was profound, not in small part due to the closeness to my ancestral roots.

[ThisLife]

*

 

What an interesting, diverse, and helpful collection of suggestions from so many people on this forum in response to a sincerely expressed thought that I'm sure we've all experienced at different times in our search for spiritual answers.

 

I've personally never had the slightest realisation or deep insight myself, and am sadly reliant on second-hand experiences, (usually via books). But, we all have to try and find our own way by using whatever strengths or weaknesses we've been dealt with.

 

In that light, can I offer you a possible 'helping hand of words', (one of these second-hand insights), written by an author that I'm very fond of, Richard Sylvester ?

 

*

*

Expectations can be so subtle. There are always expectations if you are a seeker. I was listening to an interview with Mathieu Ricard on the radio last week. He is a French Buddhist monk who has written a book about happiness. American scientists have tested his brain wave patterns and found him to be the happiest person that they have ever come across. He sounded like an absolutely delightful man. I would love to spend an afternoon with him. But can you imagine the expectation of going to a Buddhist retreat where happiness is being taught! You'd probably be trying to gauge your happiness and comparing yourself to the other students in the room!

In a way it is another form of oppression, the expectation that I must not be miserable or that I am failing my Buddhist teachers by not being happy enough. It's something else to fail at.

The expectation of being happy is very seductive and lies at the heart of much of our activity. It may lie at the heart of a person seeking happiness on a Buddhist retreat or of a terrorist setting off a bomb. A person has the idea that if I do this or that I may become happier. We all want to be happy.

I was recently contacted by a Christian who said that he had recently had a sudden revelation that he actually didn't need anything else from God. Until that unexpected and startling insight he had spent so much time praying to God for so many things.

He said that afterwards, there was just such incredible relief. He suddenly realised that he could let go of all that need to please God.

 

*

Edited December 23, 2013 by ThisLife

[adept]

Thanks for all the replies so far. All of them have been worth reading.

I used to have a daily sitting meditation practice in which I rose at 5 AM, did my 30 minutes meditation, then had breakfast and set off for work. It fitted in well around my busy life. However, in the last two years I've been made redundant three times but have had the good fortune to find jobs after each. This totally messed up my cultivation schedule and the adjustments that I made just never felt right.

Now I have a job where I work some day shift and some night shift. To try and fit a daily sitting meditation practice around these is not a viable option. Either the house is too busy, with the kids and my wife going to school and work etc, or I would have to get up at 4 AM, which I don't really want to do when I've got 12 hours of work to follow.

So, I'm thinking of maybe a silent mantra japa practice that I can do in the times I can sit to meditate, and which I could also do whilst working, out walking, travelling, and other everyday tasks. Something to focus my mind and get me into a meditative state.

Now, as to which mantra I choose. The Vedic mantras are probably going to be my choice. No offense to the Buddhist ones but they don't seem to resonate with me.

After a little bit of poking around the internet a couple have caught my attention:

 

1.The Pancaksara Mantra - Om Namah Shivaya

2. Krishna Mantra (not the modern Caitanya/Prabhupada Hare Krishna mantra !) - Om Namo Bhagavate Vasudevaya

 

Both of these don't require any special preliminaries or association with a Guru to practice. Only wholehearted concentration, diligent practice and devotion. I've had a quick practice and I really like them both. The rhythm, pronunciation and concentrative qualities definitely resonate with me.

Would there be any value of using both mantras, obviously at different times ?

If anyone with experience of mantra could advise me I would much appreciate it.

Thanks.

Edited December 24, 2013 by adept

[doc benway]

Greetings.

A bit of self-reflection over the last few days has uncovered a trait in myself which I don't particularly like.

I have become overly critical of other folks, both online and out in the real world. I seem to have developed grudges and biases without even realizing that they have crept up on me.

I wish to apologize to all the people whom I've argued with, upset, annoyed or disrespected.

I also apologize to all the folks here who've offered me help before but I haven't followed up.

With the end of the year approaching I feel I need to commit myself to a spiritual practice of one sort or another. I've dabbled in various things for as long as I can remember but always end up stopping for whatever reason/excuse my mind contrives.

I have a moving qigong form which I've practiced for years and has been of immense benefit, so I'm covered in that respect.

To be honest I'm confused, lost and not sure of which direction I need to go.

I'm sure other's have felt this way before and wondered what steps you took to remedy this.

Thanks

Wonderful news!

It simply means that you're paying attention and being genuine.

_/\_

WIth that approach, anything is possible.

Blessings to you for the new year

[Dolokhov]

Adept, you are not alone! I would dare say that those who see their room for improvement are even greater than those who see angels. One requires a sense of sight, but the other requires the movement of the heart, and many people are unwilling to do that. Thus I consider true masters the people who thoroughly introspect themselves and try to improve themselves.

 

 

I was recently contacted by a Christian who said that he had recently had a sudden revelation that he actually didn't need anything else from God. Until that unexpected and startling insight he had spent so much time praying to God for so many things. He said that afterwards, there was just such incredible relief. He suddenly realized that he could let go of all that need to please God.

 

This idea is a little strange to me - how does one as a Christian need nothing else from God? Isn't the whole religion built on the utter dependence on Him? Maybe he didn't mean the statement in this way, though.

Edited December 25, 2013 by Dolokhov

[C T]

This idea is a little strange to me - how does one as a Christian need nothing else from God? Isn't the whole religion built on the utter dependence on Him? Maybe he didn't mean the statement in this way, though.

If im not mistaken, i think the idea flows along in this way... Ask not what God can do for you, instead, ask what you can do for God.

[Dolokhov]

If im not mistaken, i think the idea flows along in this way... Ask not what God can do for you, instead, ask what you can do for God.

 

Ah - okay. I think I get a little bit more what he meant, but I still disagree. Even if he doesn't ask for things like money and a hot wife and a big house, he still has to ask for things from God: the very ability to do something for God requires asking for his grace, because "apart from me you can do nothing." (John 15:5)

 

(At any rate I wouldn't be surprised if I'm still misunderstanding the point, so I apologize if I still am!)

Edited December 25, 2013 by Dolokhov

[rookie]

adept,

I just want to say that you are right on.

And be careful not to fall into the trap that "practices" will solve this.

The practices can support your awareness of what is going on and your intended actions,

but the awareness, the insight you already have is the key element.

Retaining the awareness and your intention as you move through the day will lead to spontaneous actions at the right time, and these will mainly be internal as you see the whole movement and naturally do, or move with your intention for change, in this area. It is a change in being.

 

peace to you.

stay with it