BKA's guide on how to pickup women.... and lizard people

[BaguaKicksAss]

With the thread titled the way it is, one would expect some very direct, in-face-like opinions. Being opinions, we can hopefully remain open enough not to take it personally to the point of being offended.

 

Not personally offended since it isn't about me in particular, more offended (or perhaps the word would be disappointed) in people treating each other in such a way, and encouraging others to do so.

 

the main problem is attachment and neediness (and i am not immune from it too, actaully i know that in my case i am also being needy and attached to that girl, but i am just giving my opinion)

 

when you really care about the result and propose the girl, and you want that girl even if it means death, thats where the mistake is

 

but this is really bad, because there is no remedy to relieve you from this attachment and neediness ( i actually asked about it here on TB but i guess no body knows)

 

 

actually i do remember a technique

 

i read it somewhere

 

just accept your defeat in advance

 

just imagine couple of times how it would be like if that girl rejects you (dont do it frequently, lol)

 

and than just go and approach her, without thinking about either succes or failure

 

i havent tried it, because i havent approache anyone lol

 

Hmmmm, I've been able to overcome it a couple of times when I was head over heals over someone... more like just making myself think of them in another way. Though I'd definitely say ask them real quick first in case there is interest . Most folks start out with a few compliments first to see how it goes, instead of going right out and asking them to be your girlfriend. See how she reacts to you mentioning she is pretty for example, then take it from there. *Cheers on Nine tailed fox, no matter which approach he takes*.

 

______________________________________________________

 

PS thanks everyone for helping me with my Bagua training .

[joeblast]

I would sooner stay single than be a douche to someone - especially for some stupid selfishness. That's what I think every time I see this thread

[i am]

I would sooner stay single than be a douche to someone - especially for some stupid selfishness. That's what I think every time I see this thread

And other threads like it, which pop up now and them, with the usual suspects. It's strange that you see so much of this on a spiritual forum.

 

I guess the people attracted to the power and immortality side of spirituality are often some of the same people who like the "monkey dance", in the sense Rory Miller meant it, and in broader ways you can use it as an analogy to the way people live out of the lower, rather than higher centers of themselves.

[i am]

Guys playing the dominance game to attract women are, to me, just as silly to watch, from the outside, as some dork making a fool out of himself self-consciously hitting on a girl. And in fact the dork at least has a chance of become desireable as his confidence grows and he decides to be himself, and let the women who like who that genuine person is come to him. Rather than being out to get laid when WHO THE GIRL IS doesn't even matter...

[bax44]

I agree with the last couple posts.. Although there may be *some* truth to what a few posters are saying about "acting" a certain way to "hotter" girls to win them over, it's ultimately to me futile. Because attracting someone that way.. Being a "douche" to them, especially if it's not my true nature.. Leads to a corresponding lessening of the attraction to that female. Lol I mean I don't care how "hot" someone is physically, if the only way they r gonna get with me is by me mistreating them and asserting some kind of inane "dominance" over them, it actually kind of repulses me. Don't get me wrong I think a man should be a man, but I'm sorry, I've not seen a ton of girls respond to some of the extremes a few posters are claiming in this thread.. As long as one is confident, genuine, and strong, being a "douche" is pretty lame. Or "acting" that way just because society is telling you that you have to in order to get with someone is pretty lame too. But hey everyone's got there own thing. I've found me pretty much being me has worked pretty damn good to this point, I'm not denying early in the mating dance there's certain "games" that probably need to be played, but a higher quality women won't accept the douche act for long.

[bax44]

Also as someone said astutely earlier, neediness and insecurity is the biggest attraction killer .. If you can detach from that mindset and be happy by and with yourself a lot of this douche/dominance mindset isn't even necessary as you'll pretty much exude the attractive traits anyways..

 

Also I hate the word douche lol. Yet I've used it ten times in this thread. Damn you people haha.

[Taomeow]

Not sure that "dufus is to guy as chick is to girl" necessarily holds...

 

If a girl calls a guy a "dufus" that is not the equivalent to when a guy calls a girl a "chick."

 

 

[edit]

 

Let's talk about how "men" and "women" are opposite on the spectrum, but it's "guys and girls" instead of "boys and girls". We can use words like "infantilization." We may even go so far as pedophilia in the mainstream.

 

Yes, that too.

 

Way too many things are wrong, have been wrong for unimaginably long, and have gotten exponentially worse, in sexual expression of both genders (and it can ONLY be both, you can't screw up one without the other, and it didn't start with women or men, I think it started with some anti-human forces that are not human, but I digress...)

 

Our society suffers from massive sexual dysfunction, is one thing that is clear as day. Massive. It's like that old joke about the camel -- when they asked him, why is your back crooked? -- "and which part of me is straight?" was the response.

[Aetherous]

And other threads like it, which pop up now and them, with the usual suspects. It's strange that you see so much of this on a spiritual forum.

 

It's very possible to view the strategies these guys use, or the types of people they make themselves into, in a positive light. To view people's positive aspects is spiritual cultivation...and to attack their character or only focus on what seems to be negative aspects in them, is the opposite of spiritual cultivation!

 

For instance, think of a "bad boy" type. These guys are hated for being who they are. Lets think positively though. They speak their mind and give you the cold hard truth (positively spoken, this is pure integrity and a complete absence of any ulterior motive) and are completely unafraid of confrontation (positively, this displays the capability of protecting people, and fear is quite the destructive emotion so to be free of it is a good thing). Those are a couple of examples.

 

Another example...I was going to mention a strategy earlier for "how to keep a good relationship" but I didn't because of what I perceive in here as a simmering hatred towards guys who know how this stuff works. But whatever...here it is: if your perceived value is above the girl you're with, she looks up to you and has attraction and respect for you, and it is likely to last. If your perceived value is below the girl you're with, she looks down upon you and is unattracted and lacks respect for you, and it is likely to end soon or not be a good relationship. So, always strive to be higher value than her in all facets of your life. This might seem Machiavellian or whatever, to always make sure you're better than her...but we can look at it in the positive light: you should always try to please the one you're with and give her a good relationship. Self improvement is virtuous.

 

So, focus on the good in everyone. See the positive side. That's cultivation. There are always two sides to the coin, and it's our choice which one we cultivate in our perceptions and interactions.

 

I think people who are truly spiritually cultivating (not the false kind that pretends to be holier than thou and makes itself into a frustrated spineless doormat), will end up becoming more attractive. In a totally genuine way, because their actual character is being changed. They will have true confidence and power. I think it's totally fine if such a person strives to learn about what works in relationships, and what doesn't...and I think it's not fine if they choose ignorance of the subject, because that leads to really bad results.

Edited January 3, 2014 by Aetherous

[Taomeow]

Oh, and I can't speak for all "normal women," but those I was lucky to know and befriend are only attracted to the man who is interested in more things, and in other things, than himself.

 

So if you are after quantity (to make up for a glaring lack of quality of the feeling experience), anything goes as long as you find a convincing role to play and irresistible moves to deliver... but if you're after quality and the real thing, don't work on your lines -- work on saving the world, or a kitten, or a friend, or... Have something in your life besides yourself that you are really using your true power to help flourish. The real woman who knows how to love will notice.

 

And why on earth would you want to settle for less than what's real?.. You deserve the best, start there -- but do become someone who knows with absolute certainty that he deserves the best, don't fool yourself, look inside... and if what you see is a man who deserves the best, go get it, tiger.

[Green Tiger]

I think it started with some anti-human forces that are not human, but I digress...

 

Lizard people?

 

Makes sense. William Randolf Hearst--probably a lizard person. Hearst publishes Cosmo . . . bada bing, bada boom: The notion of "plus-sized models" is born a la lizard people.

 

[Aetherous]

Not personally offended since it isn't about me in particular, more offended (or perhaps the word would be disappointed) in people treating each other in such a way, and encouraging others to do so.

 

Being disappointed in others is an attempt at manipulation. I know you're above that. Think of the medical qigong stuff you've been learning...I saw a great post of yours on the taobums facebook page.

Edited January 3, 2014 by Aetherous

[bax44]

It's very possible to view the strategies these guys use, or the types of people they make themselves into, in a positive light. To view people's positive aspects is spiritual cultivation...and to attack their character or only focus on what seems to be negative aspects in them, is the opposite of spiritual cultivation!

 

For instance, think of a "bad boy" type. These guys are hated for being who they are. Lets think positively though. They speak their mind and give you the cold hard truth (positively spoken, this is pure integrity and a complete absence of any ulterior motive) and are completely unafraid of confrontation (positively, this displays the capability of protecting people, and fear is quite the destructive emotion so to be free of it is a good thing). Those are a couple of examples.

 

Another example...I was going to mention a strategy earlier for "how to keep a good relationship" but I didn't because of what I perceive in here as a simmering hatred towards guys who know how this stuff works. But whatever...here it is: if your perceived value is above the girl you're with, she looks up to you and has attraction and respect for you, and it is likely to last. If your perceived value is below the girl you're with, she looks down upon you and is unattracted and lacks respect for you, and it is likely to end soon or not be a good relationship. So, always strive to be higher value than her in all facets of your life. This might seem Machiavellian or whatever, to always make sure you're better than her...but we can look at it in the positive light: you should always try to please the one you're with and give her a good relationship. Self improvement is virtuous.

 

So, focus on the good in everyone. See the positive side. That's cultivation. There are always two sides to the coin, and it's our choice which one we cultivate in our perceptions and interactions.

 

I think people who are truly spiritually cultivating (not the false kind that pretends to be holier than thou and makes itself into a frustrated spineless doormat), will end up becoming more attractive. In a totally genuine way, because their actual character is being changed. They will have true confidence and power. I think it's totally fine if such a person strives to learn about what works in relationships, and what doesn't...and I think it's not fine if they choose ignorance of the subject, because that leads to really bad results.

 

I doubt anyone really has a problem with someone who TRULY is a "bad boy" type, and acts accordingly. The problem I see with some posts in this thread are guys pretty much admitting that deep down they are waay different than they act towards women.. Totally changing who you are in order to try and impress or attract someone isnt positive in many aspects(in my humble opinion)..But then again if it works for them and they feel good about it and truly arent hurting anyone than I cant really judge. Of course things are malleable etc and I think things are being made way too black and white in this regard. As I said earlier, I have days where I feel much more "dominant" and social than others. I agree with you on the having value and respecting yourself.. Ironically I think that betraying this by pretending to be something your not is the opposite of this. Actually HAVING value and PRETENDING are two different things. But Im not willing to sacrifice who I am as a person just to try and get with someone, especially if its for a short term or one night thing. Been there and done that. overrated for me.

Edited January 3, 2014 by bax44

[Taomeow]

Lizard people?

 

Makes sense. William Randolf Hearst--probably a lizard person. Hearst publishes Cosmo . . . bada bing, bada boom: The notion of "plus-sized models" is born a la lizard people.

 

I'm not sure they're lizards, I haven't seen a difference in their physical appearance beyond a layer of sticky, sickening evil that makes me shudder (and some politicians actually make me sick, just looking at their faces does -- and "personalities" too, most of them, even those who are supposed to be our ideals of beauty). But "models" of any size -- that's definitely not a human invention.

[Captain Mar-Vell]

...

Do I absolutely have to save the world?

...

[Aetherous]

I doubt anyone really has a problem with someone who TRULY is a "bad boy" type, and acts accordingly. The problem I see with some posts in this thread are guys pretty much admitting that deep down they are waay different than they act towards women.. Totally changing who you are in order to try and impress or attract someone isnt positive in many aspects. Of course things are malleable etc and I think things are being made way too black and white in this regard. As I said earlier, I have days where I feel much more "dominant" and social than others. I think this applies to a lot of people. But Im not willing to sacrifice who I am as a person just to try and get with someone, especially if its for a short term or one night thing. Been there and done that. overrated for me.

 

Oh yeah, I see what you mean. I guess it could be said you've got good "inner game" due to having integrity.

[Sloppy Zhang]

i wonder if its really a bad thing to use magick and mind power to get a girl

 

there is a saying

 

"you can not, NOT INFLUENCE"

 

may be that girl is not yours right now because your mindset is not right, you are responsible for it (in new agey terms , you are just not radiating on that frequencey lol)

 

and if magick brings some changes in your mindset to just get that girl into you

 

whats wrong with that ?

 

may be magick will make you more attractive in terms of her taste

 

These are some of the questions I wrestled with.

 

We contact and influence others at all times on all levels anyway- physical, mental, emotional, psychic, karmic, etc, whether we can feel it or not.

 

What is the difference between changing your physical behavior (appearance, words, etc) and changing your psychic/karmic behavior (to use magic or some other means to attract someone).

 

After all, it's just a matter of where you are falling on the spectrum, eh?

 

In the end, you have to come up with your own answer.

 

For me, most people don't believe in magic (at least, not consciously/publicly, it's interesting the more serious conversations I have with people (takes a lot of work to get there) the more they divulge a secret belief the more than physical...) and they only really believe in the physical. And so it is the physical means by which I elect to build relationships.

[Sloppy Zhang]

Yes, that too.

 

Way too many things are wrong, have been wrong for unimaginably long, and have gotten exponentially worse, in sexual expression of both genders (and it can ONLY be both, you can't screw up one without the other, and it didn't start with women or men, I think it started with some anti-human forces that are not human, but I digress...)

 

Our society suffers from massive sexual dysfunction, is one thing that is clear as day. Massive. It's like that old joke about the camel -- when they asked him, why is your back crooked? -- "and which part of me is straight?" was the response.

 

You have my wholehearted agreement here.

 

Oh, and I can't speak for all "normal women," but those I was lucky to know and befriend are only attracted to the man who is interested in more things, and in other things, than himself.

 

So if you are after quantity (to make up for a glaring lack of quality of the feeling experience), anything goes as long as you find a convincing role to play and irresistible moves to deliver... but if you're after quality and the real thing, don't work on your lines -- work on saving the world, or a kitten, or a friend, or... Have something in your life besides yourself that you are really using your true power to help flourish. The real woman who knows how to love will notice.

 

And why on earth would you want to settle for less than what's real?.. You deserve the best, start there -- but do become someone who knows with absolute certainty that he deserves the best, don't fool yourself, look inside... and if what you see is a man who deserves the best, go get it, tiger.

 

Life is lonely.

 

Especially when you're fucked up.

 

Other people are fucked up.

 

Society is fucked up.

 

So your partner isn't the best... they have good points and bad points. You have good points and bad points.

 

Maybe just find someone with the "good enough" good points and the "not bad enough" bad points.

[Green Tiger]

But "models" of any size -- that's definitely not a human invention.

 

You're thinking its a product of demonic influence?

[i am]

 

It's very possible to view the strategies these guys use, or the types of people they make themselves into, in a positive light. To view people's positive aspects is spiritual cultivation...and to attack their character or only focus on what seems to be negative aspects in them, is the opposite of spiritual cultivation!

For instance, think of a "bad boy" type. These guys are hated for being who they are. Lets think positively though. They speak their mind and give you the cold hard truth (positively spoken, this is pure integrity and a complete absence of any ulterior motive) and are completely unafraid of confrontation (positively, this displays the capability of protecting people, and fear is quite the destructive emotion so to be free of it is a good thing). Those are a couple of examples.

Another example...I was going to mention a strategy earlier for "how to keep a good relationship" but I didn't because of what I perceive in here as a simmering hatred towards guys who know how this stuff works. But whatever...here it is: if your perceived value is above the girl you're with, she looks up to you and has attraction and respect for you, and it is likely to last. If your perceived value is below the girl you're with, she looks down upon you and is unattracted and lacks respect for you, and it is likely to end soon or not be a good relationship. So, always strive to be higher value than her in all facets of your life. This might seem Machiavellian or whatever, to always make sure you're better than her...but we can look at it in the positive light: you should always try to please the one you're with and give her a good relationship. Self improvement is virtuous.

So, focus on the good in everyone. See the positive side. That's cultivation. There are always two sides to the coin, and it's our choice which one we cultivate in our perceptions and interactions.

 

I think people who are truly spiritually cultivating (not the false kind that pretends to be holier than thou and makes itself into a frustrated spineless doormat), will end up becoming more attractive. In a totally genuine way, because their actual character is being changed. They will have true confidence and power. I think it's totally fine if such a person strives to learn about what works in relationships, and what doesn't...and I think it's not fine if they choose ignorance of the subject, because that leads to really bad results.

I agree with bax on this one. Being who you are is completely different than playing a role to get laid. Bad boy does not equal douche.

 

But I think we're in agreement. Genuine, true people are where it's at. Whether they're self conscious, submissive, dominant, somewhere in between, bad or good. Not people playing a role, thinking that how many girls are attracted to you is what makes your life worth anything.

[silent thunder]

If you look for the 'perfect' partner, in my opinion you will search and search.

We all have faults. There is a balance to be certain, not all faults will be tenable in all relationships... however.

 

My wife and I are mirrors for each other.

We reflect back to each other, what is being 'put out there' by actions/reactions/emotional states etc...

In this way, we have an invaluable tool to gauge how we are behaving that might be impossible alone.

In our acceptance of each others' short comings and flaws, in our commitment to love and work together, we heal the sources of the underlying causes of pain body/hurtful/unthinking actions and grow deeper in respect and love.

 

I think the most important thing to find/look for in a partner, is a desire to care for, show love and share life... all of it.

[i am]

Yeah...but where's all the scoring with club women and societal acceptance for playing the movie star role of "dominant male" and having media-culture young immature women swooning over you???

 

I'd say you're seriously missing out.

[Sloppy Zhang]

And other threads like it, which pop up now and them, with the usual suspects. It's strange that you see so much of this on a spiritual forum.

 

I'm not the type of person who believes that spirituality is so far separated from this life that we're in now. In fact, I believe they are both tightly intertwined.

 

Human relationships, sex, sexuality, plays a HUGE part in our lives and is one of our most primal desires (the desire to love and be loved, to procreate, etc)

 

There is no other place BUT a spiritual forum to discuss these things. How does anyone hope to manager greater spiritual awareness if they can't get over a little sex talk?

 

I agree with the last couple posts.. Although there may be *some* truth to what a few posters are saying about "acting" a certain way to "hotter" girls to win them over, it's ultimately to me futile. Because attracting someone that way.. Being a "douche" to them, especially if it's not my true nature.. Leads to a corresponding lessening of the attraction to that female. Lol I mean I don't care how "hot" someone is physically, if the only way they r gonna get with me is by me mistreating them and asserting some kind of inane "dominance" over them, it actually kind of repulses me. Don't get me wrong I think a man should be a man, but I'm sorry, I've not seen a ton of girls respond to some of the extremes a few posters are claiming in this thread.. As long as one is confident, genuine, and strong, being a "douche" is pretty lame. Or "acting" that way just because society is telling you that you have to in order to get with someone is pretty lame too. But hey everyone's got there own thing. I've found me pretty much being me has worked pretty damn good to this point, I'm not denying early in the mating dance there's certain "games" that probably need to be played, but a higher quality women won't accept the douche act for long.

 

Ah, and here we have something interesting!

 

As long as these "games" only exist "early on" in the "mating dance," or as long as "some" of these "truths" only apply to the "drunk teen and 20 something" crowd, then we can safely ignore them, pretend that we are above them, that if you just "be yourself" you'll find the person "you deserve" and "who deserves you."

 

But we all change our behavior in different circumstances, from the way we look, dress, behave, speak, what we speak about, who we associate with, etc. You don't talk with your mates the same way you talk to your parents, and you don't talk to your parents the way you talk to your grandparents, your teacher, a child, your lover, your lover's parents, your lover's ex.

 

Different human relationships means different behavior on your part. The only people who don't change their behavior in different social situations are those unable to read social cues.

 

What makes it so uncomfortable to think that changing one's behavior can change the way one approaches, or is approached by, the opposite sex?

 

Does it disrupt our social narrative that love is always honest and true? That beneath all of our biology and social conditioning there is a true and incorruptible human spirit which years to find its soul's mate?

 

Maybe it's just the language?

 

You wouldn't tell your friend to "be a douchebag and bang that hottie" over there, but would you tell him to "man up and strike up a conversation with her"?

 

Well do you really think that a teen or 20 something male (not a small demographic on this board, if "the usual suspects" (of which I am sure i am one) are an accurate representation) really wants to just TALK to the girl? Really wants to just go out for dinner? How about we home in on what they (we?) really want:

 

Sex. Someone to love. Someone to love us. Someone to spend time with. Someone to hold and cuddle up with when its cold outside. Someone to show off to our friends and family and society to prove that we're worth, it, we've done something with our lives. Someone to take of us when we feel sick.

 

Whatever floats your boat. Why don't we cut through the bullshit and just admit what we really want (might be variable amongst people) and why don't we admit what REALLY gets you what you want.

 

Is buying a book going to get you _____?

 

Is "being a man" going to get you ______?

 

Is "being a douche" going to get you ______?

[i am]

You're doing a very good job of missing the point.

 

My "issue" is the talk of acting out a role of dominant male to trick women into going home with you, or humiliating other men so that you look better by comparison, or similar things. Like the thread awhile back about a guy wanting to use his energy to manipulate women into sleeping with him. That's spiritual development?

 

Of course sex is part of spirituality. But to me, sex for sex sake, when you don't give a shit about who it's with, and just want to score as much as possible, and will even belittle or trick people to get it, is NOT.

 

The original point of this thread was cool. The direction it's taken is a bit sad for a place like this.

 

I'll talk sex with you all day if you want to talk about the kind that respects everyone involved, and happens out of genuine, truthful interaction and a undeniable urge to be with a person you just seriously connected with.

 

To equate my arguments with being against the talk of sex or calling sex non-spiritual is to really see in black and white.

[silent thunder]

One of the most attractive things to me, is a person speaking passionately about what that they love and enjoy.

[i am]

I guess we started splitting hairs and going down the rabbit a hole a while ago.

 

Getting into talk of "is anyone really ever genuine" is a very different, though very related, I'll grant you, conversation.

 

And everyone sees it from their own perspective. Because you know your motives, don't presume to know mine. No, they aren't too far from each other, but don't project what you know of yourself and your group of friends on me.

 

Maybe it is just an age thing. Why should I worry about the games kids have been playing since way before my time to get laid? Just because I'm over it doesn't mean someone ten years younger than me should be.

 

I just have issues with the "power hungry, status seeking, notches on the bed frame, I want to be a god to women and men" type spirituality.

 

It combines odd versions of what it means to be a man, with some metro-sexual, narcissistic tendencies, a little objectifying of both men and women...somehow with "spirituality"...

 

Whatever it is, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.