BKA's guide on how to pickup women.... and lizard people

[Thunder_Gooch]

 

Do you speak to your friends the same as you speak to your boss? Your grandmother? Your 4 year old niece?

 

No. Is that "playing games" and "being someone you're not"?

For me it is yes. At work I have to be someone I am not, it's part of the job and I am paid to do it. I don't like it but is part of the unwritten job description.

 

Interacting with grandmothers, children, girlfriends, "friends", each of those roles is not who I am, but I am forced into them to fit social conventions.

 

Yes it is very much playing a game.

 

Why is speaking differently to a woman you are attracted to and who you want to start a relationship with suddenly "playing games" and "being someone you're not"? How is it any different than the way we modulate our behavior in any other social situation?

Because it isn't real. You are role playing to get something you want, no different than con artist, or a sales man. I don't want be dating someone I have to keep up such a ruse with. The whole game itself is absurd.

Edited January 6, 2014 by Thunder_Gooch

[BaguaKicksAss]

This may surprise you, but sometimes the issue on the surface is not actually the main issue.

 

I prefer to cut through the bullshit.

 

 

This, this is exactly the thing I've been arguing AGAINST.

 

Do you speak to your friends the same as you speak to your boss? Your grandmother? Your 4 year old niece?

 

No. Is that "playing games" and "being someone you're not"?

 

No.

 

Why is speaking differently to a woman you are attracted to and who you want to start a relationship with suddenly "playing games" and "being someone you're not"? How is it any different than the way we modulate our behavior in any other social situation?

 

Serious question.

 

I have given my own opinions on these questions. Seems like they were ignored. Since they make the posts too long, I'll just leave the question out there.

 

I need to go meet up with a girl I'm "gaming." Peace.

 

There's a huge difference between acting different around different people and purposefully putting on a treat someone bad to get a gf persona...

 

Hey if you treat her well, all's good in my opinion. If you don't well guess she has odd preferences .

 

Well obviously I wouldn't swear around the niece... I'd just act natural in each situation... as long as we try to honour other people, all is good . One person (me) though is pretty irrelevant... from all I've seen people in general (in my social circle) tend to be the same around each person... accept if I count some TTBers, does online count? lolololol I've noticed folks on the internet can sometimes be way diff via PM than in "public" .

[BaguaKicksAss]

For me it is yes. At work I have to be someone I am not, it's part of the job and I am paid to do it. I don't like it but is part of the unwritten job description.

 

Interacting with grandmothers, children, girlfriends, "friends", each of those roles is not who I am, but I am forced into them to fit social conventions.

 

Yes it is very much playing a game.

 

That sucks if you have to act diff than your natural self around either/or friends and girlfriends .

 

The rest makes sense.

[bax44]

I don't even read instruction manuals for items I buy, never have .

 

In my 20's, not like I couldn't go take a book out on such things, or that my girlfriends didn't give me some (what I felt was) horrid advice... though tbh, I'm not the best example lol. Some of my friends might have tried out lame internet advice had the internet been more widely used back then.

 

But thinking back to my 20's... well you probably mean if I was a 20 year old male. OK I see the point about how it's uhm a little easier for women. However if a woman wants more than a one night stand, just as difficult as guys trying to get dates. For a woman it's more about trying to spot the one night stand guys a mile away, so as to avoid them (unless that is what you are after that night). Some of my friends didn't learn as quickly and were in tears far too often .

 

Yeah I just find it fascinating how perhaps the internet has radically changed things. And its happened very very quickly. And its had some pretty negative impacts on how people, not just men/women, view their interactions. I admit to getting caught up int the whole PUA movement a while back. All it got me was a very distorted view of women and also made me feel like I was cheating myself, and felt empty..Did it work sometimes? yeah. DId I blow some opportunnities with some girls who I liked? A huge yes. Those I regret, because I felt like I presented a very false version of myself. As I said, the more I attempted to improve who I was/am, the more I accepted my flaws and strengths, the easier this all became.. the neediness, insecurity, although of course still make appearances, melted away and my opportunities increased by a multitude. And now as I said there are websites that promote this very thing-making yourself the best you can, realize your value, then you really dont have to put on a huge act, it just happens. You are just acting spontaneously and are very "outcome independent"..The more you are thinking "i have to get laid" or " I have to date this girl", instead of enjoying the moment with them, the worse off you are( should say me)..obviously there are those who can practice behaving a certain way, but I much prefer going with whatever dynamic is there.

Edited January 6, 2014 by bax44

[BaguaKicksAss]

Yeah I just find it fascinating how perhaps the internet has radically changed things. And its happened very very quickly. And its had some pretty negative impacts on how people, not just men/women, view their interactions. I admit to getting caught up int the whole PUA movement a while back. All it got me was a very distorted view of women and also made me feel like I was cheating myself. As I said, the more I attempted to improve who I was/am, the more I accepted my flaws and strengths, the easier this all became.. the neediness, insecurity, although of course still make appearances, melted away and my opportunities increased by a multitude. And now as I said there are websites that promote this very thing-making yourself the best you can, realize your value, then you really dont have to put on a huge act, it just happens.

 

I figure we all learn from experiences. We all (or at least most of us I figure) act in ways which we feel we should change later in life (even if the later in life is sometimes only one month later). I was a bit of an asshole to some people in my youth... and I didn't even realize it.

[BaguaKicksAss]

OK nevermind the buy the lady a book...

 

How about getting copies of the kama sutra in bulk, staple your business card inside and hand them out to people you are interested in? After a bit of getting to know them of course. Just handing someone your number doesn't work (giving or receiving I have found, so just handing the book prob wouldn't either).

[Aetherous]

Just handing someone your number doesn't work (giving or receiving I have found, so just handing the book prob wouldn't either).

 

Strategy: leave with them to go somewhere other than the "pick up" scene, even if it's just a few steps over to the Starbucks inside of the Barnes and Noble (as simple as "come with me to get some Starbucks quick"), and it makes it seem more like you actually know each other. You are going somewhere together already, creating a memory. It's normal to call people who you know, and really awkward to call or text with someone you just barely said hi to once.

[mike 134]

I see the term PUA thrown about often here. I need to say something about this: while the general theory of PUA is grounded in reality (the insecurity of girls and their need for affirmation), many of the practical principles you find floating around the internet are complete BS. Why? Because their primary motivation is to SELL you something, be it a book, video, website subscription, or even seminar. They don't really care whether or not it works so long as their slick marketing is able to convince you that it works. Some of the self professed PUA gurus are actually completely inept in real life. Look at pickup artist (or rather, scam artist) David DeAngelo, author of "Double Your Dating". According to this site he has had only two relationships in his private life.

 

http://www.puafraud.com/david-deangelo-aka-eben-pagan-loses-his-balls-admits-to-only-two-relationships-in-his-life/

 

I've said this once and I'll say it again. PUA can work on most girls if applied properly. But someone who is tall, good looking, rich, intelligent, and has a decent personality totally shits on even the best pickup artists. Of course, its much more difficult to be all of these things, but that is by far the best way to get the best women (10's). So I spend most of my efforts trying to make as much money as possible and going to the gym. I don't waste time practicing PUA stuff that works on lesser girls.

 

To all the virgins here: go bag a prostitute. You'll feel soooooooo much better about yourself. Whatever distorted views or complexes you may have about women will suddenly disappear.

[Wells]

PUA master class advice with DB #1

 

Body language & non-verbal communication are EVERYTHING!

Convince the chicks & your rivals without having to say anything:

"I'm Alpha as F*CK!"*

 

 

 

(*having big arms is recommended when using this advanced technique.)

Edited January 6, 2014 by Dorian Black

[silent thunder]

One thing this entire thread has made me think of a few times...

 

Like attracts like.

bump!

[Marblehead]

bump!

I used to bump.

[yabyum24]

There's a sort of 'recommend a friend' thing with a large group of young single girls, who are out for some fun.

 

When I was in halls at college, there was this small, podgy ginger dude who had a phenomenal string of girls running around after him. One or two made it into his room for the night (usually different ones each night). I was struggling to understand how this antithesis of the alpha male was pulling at such a rate.

 

Then the penny dropped. He was easy-going, flirtatious and not the kind who wanted to commit at all. He had a way of approaching the girls which did the trick. It was the cheeky twinkle in his eyes I think.

 

The second factor was that the girls were all friends (or at least acquaintances) and there was some kind of herd-curiosity thing going on. One had tried him out, so the others had to have a go too. It was almost like a big game amongst them. They knew he wasn't serious and that it was just sex, so they felt safe playing around with him. I lost count of the girls he bedded and was even more amazed when he committed to a "proper" girlfriend towards the end of the course.

 

He stuck with her as well.

Edited January 6, 2014 by yabyum24

[C T]

'Ginger'... brings to mind Micky Hucknall of Simply Red. Not especially alpha, but he was fancied by many women, i think.

 

Perhaps this cute guy was the creme de la creme when it comes to knowing how to please a girl where and when it matters, to make her feel totally adored. Most normal women love that very much, being desired.

[GreytoWhite]

It's better to focus on turning yourself into the person you want to be than to acquire these "skills" to attract women. I know the internal struggle and loneliness that comes from being alone, sometimes for years at a time. I was friends with many in the Scottsdale, AZ PUA fellows and found the lifestyle to be hollow and lacking. When it comes down to it, being the man you should be will bring a partner of worth your way far more effectively than trying to act, acquire certain interpersonal skills, or thinking badly of yourself for being alone. If you want to acquire skills that your future lover will appreciate learn massage, how to cook, how to be kind, how to argue logically and with well represented emotion, learn how to speak plainly and openly without any fronts, learn some sort of non-martial movement discipline. All of these things will enrich your life in and out of love.

[Brian]

Personally, I did the "act like a bad boy" thing a time or two with some success -- when I was in high school. I quickly realized, though, that this sort of intellectual and emotional dishonesty was purely egoistic and was destructive to both parties. I soon came to understand that the mysterious bad boy and the bimbo sexpot are equally shallow & superficial, and that I had no interest in becoming the former or suffering the latter. I also learned that character matters -- and that honesty, intelligent conversation, emotional maturity and sincere attention are very attractive characteristics. More attractive, in fact, than external appearance or attitude for those people interested in something more than a notch in a bedpost. The people who attract me are also attracted by the things that attract me -- funny how that works, huh? I briefly pitied one whose self-worth was tied to recent sexual conquest, but then began to see such people as sources of amusement rather than sinks for pity.

 

As to "pretending" in other aspects of life -- no, as a general rule, I don't. I use language and vocabulary appropriate for a given conversation and I understand that neither verbal stream-of-consciousness nor full disclosure are universal "good ideas" but I also understand that dishonesty (factual, intellectual or emotional) is both unnecessary & generally counterproductive in the long run. Actually, I cannot remember the last time I adopted a false persona.

[RongzomFan]

If you are ugly, nothing will help you.

 

PUA is bullshit.

Edited January 6, 2014 by RongzomFan

[Marblehead]

If you are ugly, nothing will help you.

But you are wrong here. An ugly woman will help you.

[BaguaKicksAss]

Re false personas.... this can be a handy training tool if used right, "fake it until you make it". I've had to do that to bring about change I wanted in myself. But then on the otherhand, if you act in a certain way (to say get laid), if you do it enough times, that may very likely become who you are as a person.

 

Also we put on so many masks throughout life, we don't even know who we are anymore...

 

Part of many cultivation systems are removing these shells/layers/false selves, not creating more.

 

[BaguaKicksAss]

If you are ugly, nothing will help you.

 

PUA is bullshit.

 

Physical appearance is only part of the equation.

[RongzomFan]

But you are wrong here. An ugly woman will help you.

 

You are right.

 

But I'm responding to the PUA dream of ugly guys dating hot girls.

[Marblehead]

You are right.

 

But I'm responding to the PUA dream of ugly guys dating hot girls.

Hehehe. You'll have to excuse me. I was just trying to keep my own thoughts straight.

[Creation]

Perhaps this cute guy was the creme de la creme when it comes to knowing how to please a girl where and when it matters, to make her feel totally adored. Most normal women love that very much, being desired.

C T, perhaps your emphasis on adoration is cultural? I've heard that Chinese soap operas depict the female protagonists as constantly receiving adoration from multiple gorgeous men, because that is indeed the fantasy of Chinese women. Whereas you don't see adoration depicted so much in American media as "every woman's fantasy". So these things vary from culture to culture.

 

Regardless, have you ever had the experience of someone you didn't want to be around trying to suck up to you all the time? It is really irritating. Have you ever had the experience of someone trying to suck up to you who was obviously only interested in you because they desperately wanted something from you? It feels icky. In my observation of the 20 something dating scene in America, guys who try to adore women into bed are making these two mistakes. Hence the success of the "don't be so nice" advice some are propounding. So "adoring done right" would involve these guys first establishing themselves as someone whose adoration she would value, and giving "agenda free" adoration rather than "Please have sex with me" adoration.

 

But in American culture adoration, though perhaps appreciated when well given, does not necessarily open a woman to a man's sexual advances, especially if she has many options. Well, as I define it, adoration isn't itself sexual. Perhaps for you adoration of a woman always has a sexual undercurrent. But this might be another cultural difference: In America men who were raised to adore women are typically also raised to not allow themselves to bring sexuality into their interactions. Deep down they want things to get sexual, but they are afraid or ashamed of brining sexuality into the interaction, so it never happens. They get terribly frustrated because they were taught to adore women but they never get sexual fulfllment by doing so. This leads to misogyny in one of two forms:

1. Giving up in frustration, deciding women are terrible, stupid, etc.

2. Deciding that they will just be an ass hole to women, because it actually gets them laid

[BaguaKicksAss]

Here's a couple of things which haven't been mentioned so far in this thread...

 

Guys I know have mentioned an increase of female attention when they are either doing the whole semen retention thing (talk about bad timing lol), or when they up their qigong or neigong practice.

 

Likewise I have noticed much more male attention when I up my qigong, neigong or magical practice.

[RongzomFan]

Semen is a waste product.

 

If I hold in a shit, will that also attract women?

[Green Tiger]

Semen is a waste product.

 

If I hold in a shit, will that also attract women?

 

I think then you will attract flies. . . and lizard people.

 

EDIT: Lizard people love flies.

Edited January 6, 2014 by Green Tiger