What did meditation do to me? Please read...

[4bsolute]

Hello everyone.

 

Hello to you and welcome.

 

some negative side effects that has come about from my meditation that isn't normal for a teenage male to be going through. I know what I currently feel can't be normal.

 

Who defines what is normal for a teenager and what isn't? Who defines what is 'normal'? You might do yourself a favor and discard the term 'normal' entirely from your vocabulary. For the sake of fairness to yourself and to others.

 

 

Binaural beats ... and it supposedly can induce altered states of consciousness.

 

Several times I posted under the most watched binaural beats tracks on youtube, that one always wants to hold an inner dialogue with oneself before, while and after listening to these tracks.

 

a.) you open your mind in a 'mechanical' way that is not natural to everything in your surroundings. Naturally such a relaxed state happens then, when you sit balanced in your surroundings through natural events. Such as late at evening, when it is quiet or generally before, in and after sleeping. Or already way in a meditation.

 

b.) one can program subliminal messages into these tracks, which individuals then hear and these messages find it's way into deeper parts of your psyche which are naturally shut off or protected. If an author of these messages has ill intention, surely uncomfortable things can happen.. to say the least.

 

 

Anyway, during the meditation session I felt like my left leg became numb

 

When any part of the body gets unusually numb, that means that the circulation is not flowing correctly. Which can be fatal if ignored aka. permanent.

 

 

I also felt kind of tired and dizzy. This went on for the rest of the day.

 

Coming out of a meditation and being tired is a sign of that something went 'wrong'. Typically you want to exit a meditation and feel completely rejuvenated from bottom to top, energized. Regarding dizziness, about which you can be grateful that only it occured: That is why we make closing exercises after each meditation (and Qigong) which main purpose is neutralizing energy blockages.

 

 

I randomly started feeling like this weird heat inside my body and I also felt very nauseous...

 

Please research 'Kundalini Sickness'

 

Heat is one type of energy. Yang energy. Cold is ying energy. Temperatures are rising and falling during meditation. Sometimes we are flooded with intense cold, sometimes with intense heat. But it all wants to balance itself out. Stuck heat or cold can damage your body. So always check for unusual accumulations and work them out. This done through tapping and stroking. Please research more of this aswell. It's crucial. Especially here in the West.. TCM doctors are often out of reach for an emergency.

 

 

I also feel as if I don't have thoughts anymore. (If that makes sense) You know those automatic thoughts that you get in your head while falling asleep? Or just closing your eyes? Well, I don't get that anymore. I feel as if I have to make a conscious effort in order to have a thought, and even then I have to fight to keep the thought from escaping my mind... I have felt like this for almost 2 years.

 

Having no thoughts is generally a greater achievement for meditation practitioners, but definitelly not with all those signs and absences you feel. Giving up thoughts means that you then step into your Greater Aspect. So to speak you trade your Personal Self for a Higher Self. But this is a conscious effort by combining your heart- and crown chakra during meditation, with your intention.

 

How often do you meditate? Do you follow any goal? If so, what goal? Do you focus on certain aspects in your body, like the one I have described?

 

 

Has anyone ever heard of this? Not being able to feel emotions after meditation?

 

That would mean that you have disconnected yourself from your Emotional Body. I can not further go into detail here, since I lack deeper insight, regarding all of our subtle bodies. So to speak you have 'disabled one User Interface feature of your Human Life experience' if you are familiar with games. Do you understand this? Figure out how to turn it back on. I wish you that it is not permanent and temporarily just waiting for you to fill / trade it with higher senses.

 

You can contact a very good friend of mine here. He is connected to his Higher Self and understands this human experience and all the related bodies fully.

 

If you purify your Self correctly, then all emotions that are limited to this human self are gone and you feel constant, greater emotions.. such as what we identify as a form of Love and Bliss

 

I feel like my attraction for the opposite sex is gone as well.

 

Again, this is typically a good sign. But not where you currently are (which is hopefuly about to change soon) because.. continuing..

 

 

I literally feel like I have no libido/sex drive.

 

Because.. this is not a holistic (good) sign. Sex drive means that your sexual energy is flowing. This sexual energy is life-giving. This sexual energy is naturally transformed by religious / spiritual practitioners by living and expressing virtues and praying. In Taoism you transform it the same way, but with the acknowledgment that Sexuality is something very positive, waiting to be transformed. Rather than falsly seen as hindrance or something one must get rid off.

 

Sexual energy is very important.

 

I am an 18 year old male (this happened to me about 2 years ago when I was 16) and from my understanding, it isn't normal for teenage male to have no sex drive.



 

Yes, generally speaking the sex-drive is higher in the teens. But this is natural and can be the case for everyone older if one makes a conscious decision in raising the sex-drive through practice, like mentioned already. Age should not concern you primarily. Especially not in these days, where assumingly every 3rd teenager is emotionally starved because their glands do not function properly due to stress and malnutrition. Rather focus on your individuality and willingness to discover spirituality at such a young age, which can be seen as very young in our 'culture' compared the overall entry point here starting usually 20+ compared to other cultures, where they practice guided meditations already as a child.

 

 

This has been going on for almost two years now and honestly I want my libido and emotions back... I mean... I'm 18 years old. How can a teenager not have any sexual appetite? Especially a male. It's absurd.



 

Yes I agree. We always want to fully discover our complete human potential before we shut anything off.

 

The good thing about this is now that you are 'forced' to discover yourself to get your emotions back. You can learn this with Qigong. Your emotions are related to your glands which are related to your organs. Are your organs not functioning well, are the glands doing the same and we perceive a limited variety of emotions each day. Concern yourself also about proper Living Foods high in all resources your glands need to function best. You will discover all of this on your way.

 

If you want to succeed in spirituality, you have to learn this one way or the other. It's about mastering this human experience and then being able to step into other forms of life and possible combining them with your waking state as a human (transcending).

 

By the way I have found services on the internet for anyone to shut off his chakras. Just contact me. Yes this information is valid and yes I am joking about the contacting..

 

 

I already went to my doctor

 

This is the time where you will discover for yourself that the information our society possesses about anything deeper in the human system is very limited. The East has much to offer for you. Much holism. You will all find this in Qigong and Traditional Chinese Medicine. Everything is interrelated. Forget Western Medicine for now.

 

 

I've been looking around online and I found this website that said you should never meditate directly following sex. They said if you meditate right after sex/masturbation that it can damage your "Dan Tian" I didn't want to mention this but before I meditated with the binaural beat I actually masturbated so I would feel more relaxed and not have any distractions... So yeah. Do you know anything about damaging the Dan Tian?

 

First of all you do not damage your Dantian, after intercourse or masturbation, during meditation in which only you go in a state of deep relaxation. Like you apparently did. You can damage your DT if you perform any Qi work.. Qigong. There are meditations, for example the Small Circulation / Microcosmic Orbit that are to increase your energies, which then can damage your DT because of it's exhausted state after ejaculation.

 

Second you do not want to masturbate before meditation. You relax sooner or later in meditation by yourself, through proper abdominal breathing. You took a shortcut, which in this case is limiting the potential of any meditation you attempt. Because masturbation, the ejaculation, depletes your 'energy storage' as a male. When you continue to do so, you will fall asleep and can not concentrate or focus. When you truly want to meditate in a professional manner, rather than use it as 'holiday' to just simply relax then you want to cultivate your sexual energy. Which is crucial (!) for your spiritual evolution. This sexual energy is transformed into spiritual energy. Is there no abundant sexual energy (which you feel as arousal) you can quit meditating, because you do not have enough energy to perform anything spiritual.

 

 

I also should mention that I had muscle spasms all throuought my body that lasted for quite a few months after this experience. It stopped. What exactly was that?

 

Muscle spasms are seen as a 'spontaneous movements' in which the newly gathered energy reallocates in your human system. Let them happen and never restrict them!

 

 

Someone please help me... What's the point of living if I can't even feel happiness? Is this a normal side effect of meditation?

 

You see you have arrived at a very 'rich' point: The learning curve is very steep.

 

Through restriction we see what we lack and are automatically willing to live life to the fullest once we recover. Because we have witnessed how it is 'without' and surely never want to go back in that direction. Typical trial and error or 'The Way of the Ape'

 

This should help you. This is your modified way of living now, through playing around with things that life has to offer for us automatically at a certain point of growth. This is the price of a shortcut: Misunderstanding and fear.

 

Nothing of all of this what you did is bad or wrong, it's actually very good, because you can use it to solve these issues with your Self and then help others who suffer under the same symptons. And unfortunatelly there are quite a few people with these problems. There will be much more in the near future, due to the increased energies, which lead even for non-practitioners to what is known as 'Kundalini sickness' ... psychosis. This raw energy wants to be refined and used wisely. If we do not find a way within, times are getting more and more rough and once again: Life is seen as unfair, once more.

 

So this time do it right.

 

If there is any other question on your heart, feel free to ask.

 

Take care!

Edited January 17, 2014 by 4bsolute

[Harmonious Emptiness]

Meditation is about training the mind, not simply pacifying, which is what binaural beats seem to do. You allow things to settle and your mind functions better, like a bunch of rowdy kids in a class room that need to settle down before they can learn something. You don't put them all to sleep and switch off their minds - you just try to bring calm focus.

 

It sounds like you were going for total blankness in meditation. There should always be that light of awareness - the yang within the yin.

 

I suggest practicing chi gung to get into an active meditation and understand what that's like. Use chi gung as a way to prepare you for sitting meditation.

 

PM me if you want and I can send you an effective chi gung video for beginners.

[Songtsan]

Also look up qigong deviation syndrome, AKA qigong sickness - it is actually in the DSM-IV now, so it is accepted in both the West and East. I should also mention that I have gone through long periods of time with no libido whatsoever, even with normal testosterone levels, etc. I will admit that I tried drugs such as wellbutrin, which is prescribed for sexual anhedonia. I gained much of my libido back by practicing sexual sublimation - i.e. no orgasm/no ejaculation - called NONE technique. One must be sure to maintain energy flow though when doing this - make sure that the prostate and epididymis remain uncongested by various exercises, including self prostate massage. I also used marijuana, which was like a super aphrodisiac for me. Depending on drugs is of course not ideal. You could certainly try naturopathy, TCM/CCM, etc.

 

The problem here is that you are faced with a smorgasbord of potential causes and a smorgasbord of potential fixes. You will in effect have to become a member of your own treatment team. There will be a steep learning curve.

 

Educate yourself and seek professional guidance from qualified individuals. There is a thread about Dark Nights of the Soul...I will paste a link.

[Dolokhov]

My friend, I'm sorry to hear about your condition. I had almost exactly the same thing happen to me when I was 18 (now 23), though not meditation-related. I agree with the people above who say it might be depersonalization disorder.

 

I'll tell you I don't know how to solve the problem. I agree changes like this - loss of libido, loss of emotional states - are rare and never welcomed. I know from personal experience. It's like someone losing hearing or their sight or health. Anyone who tells you "just get over it" or "suck it up" doesn't understand the full scope of what happened to you, and probably can't conceive of it if they wanted to.

 

What I can tell you is that this experience may teach you some very insightful things about life. I sincerely hope your happiness comes back as quick as possible. Until then, we'll be here to sympathise and commiserate, although I know a cure is also strongly desired

[runner11]

Are you currently doing any kind of exercise? I'm probably not as qualified as some others here to give advice, but I would recommend you try running. As others have said, exercise can be grounding, which may benefit you. I know I'm probably biased, being a runner, but I think running is about as grounding as you can get. It also does a great job of getting the energy circulating.

 

If you decide to go for a run a few times a week, please follow these two pieces of advice. First is to run in nature if possible. On a trail is great, or else just a nice calm spot with a lake, or trees, birds chirping, squirrels running around, etc.

Second, don't run with music, ever. I really believe this changes the whole experience, and makes it no longer meditative. Its then just exercise. Running is meditation for me. Sometimes my mind is clear, and sometimes I think about things that are bothering me. One thing is for sure, when a run is really difficult, you can't help but think about things, simply to take your mind off the physical suffering you're experiencing. Also, don't overdo it. It can be very draining if you run too much too soon. That goes for any exercise really.

[Gemstone]

Try posting in the healing forum:

 

http://thetaobums.com/forum/99-healing-circle/

 

Other than that, good literature nurtures the emotion!

[Under]

I just wanted to Thank everyone who replied and have given me advice and showed concern. Well, there's really nothing more I can say. This blank/numb feeling persists everyday. I seriously don't know what to do anymore. I really don't see the point in living if I can't even enjoy anything. Suicide seems like a good option. I just find it sad because I feel like nobody understands me when I tell them "I have no emotions". It must be uncommon because I've been to about 4 therapists so far and they had no idea what I was talking about. They keep saying "Well, you have to be feeling emotions if you want them back" I guess I can understand what there saying. Like, I still care; but at the same time apathetic... It's hard to explain... I just don't know anymore...

[Aetherous]

Get this book and practice diligently.

[Harmonious Emptiness]

Well, this is a Taoist website, so I'll give you the Taoist (actually Taoist influenced Confucian which later influenced Taiost) advice.

 

Somebody mentioned before that you were chasing states in meditation. Well, here, you're chasing states in normal er'ry day life. Chasing happiness, joy, love, etc.. By chasing them you can't experience them. When you "attain" them, you'll say "oh, I'm joyous" and then joy is no longer joy - it's "oh, I finally achieved joy." Because you don't achieve these things, you experience frustration and anger internalized which is the definition of depression.

 

So you have desire for these states, you have anger of not achieving them, you have sadness of being angry about not achieving them, and joy is the carrot on the stick leading you on this not-so-merry go round!

 

Most people seek joy and this desire leads to anger and sorrow. "Doctrine of the Mean/Middle Way" (scripture written by Confucius grandson Zi Si) states that

 

"While there are no stirrings of pleasure, anger, sorrow, or joy, the mind may be said to be in the state of Equilibrium. When those feelings have been stirred, and they act in their due degree, there ensues what may be called the state of Harmony. This Equilibrium is the great root from which grow all the human actings in the world, and this Harmony is the universal path which they all should pursue. Let the states of equilibrium and harmony exist in perfection, and a happy order will prevail throughout heaven and earth, and all things will be nourished and flourish."

 

You need to experience Equilibrium, which is not so much pleasure, but an absence of displeasure which is itself, by contrast, pleasurable. When you can embrace this Equilibrium, other emotions rise "in their due degree" which might not be strong, but "in their due degree," and allowing this to happen results in Harmony. (And don't say "damn, they're not rising, that dude lied to me" because then you're experiencing anger and/or sorrow, and not Equilibrium, which is the only place these things can naturally arise from towards Harmony).

 

If you feel anger, fine. If you feel sorrow, fine. It's when the emotions are in balance that you can experience Harmony. Harmony has to arise naturally, and accepted as it is. If you want blasting pleasure and radiant joy, how will you taste Harmony?

 

Be with your Equilibrium. Embrace it. Be with it. Don't chase pleasure, anger, sorrow, or joy while you are doing this. In fact, shut them out - the anger that you don't feel joy, for example. If joy seems to be coming, go back to equilibrium. This is part of training to not desire joy and pleasure, because this desire can rob you of their naturalness. This is not all the time that I'm saying, this is while you're doing your internal work. Find real Equilibrium this way first. The rest follows, but you first have to embrace Equilibrium (the absence of pleasure, anger, sorrow, and joy). Otherwise you're not being honest with your emotions.

 

Then when these emotions do arise, the work is to keep them in their "due degree." Don't let them burn you up. Joy can burn up your chi too when it is extreme, and weaken you in the long run. In everyday day to day life, of course, don't expect to be a 24/7 meditation master. Start like this though. And read some classic Taoist texts to help you along. Chuang Tzu, Lao Tzu, Wen Tzu, Huinan, Liu I Ming. Learn from their wisdom, not simply the interpretations by modern authors.

[yabyum24]

Suicide seems like a good option.

It's NEVER a good option. I've been through some very dark times but they always pass (although it doesn't feel like they ever will). You owe it to your future self to hang on in there and not lose hope. This will pass.

[4bsolute]

It's NEVER a good option. I've been through some very dark times but they always pass (although it doesn't feel like they ever will). You owe it to your future self to hang on in there and not lose hope. This will pass.

 

Can we not see suicide as a reset?

[yabyum24]

A reset for what though? We currently have a human life with the luxury to cultivate our spiritual path, despite the pain and drawbacks we may encounter. Are any of us in control of the death process and the passage through the bardo?

 

The desperate mind of one who ends their own life will likely generate poor throwing karma for a subsequent rebirth. If you want to end it all and throw away your life, why not do so by casting aside all concern for worldly things and follow the path.

 

If the world no longer binds you, then walk a free man.

 

There are much better ways to 'end it all' than suicide.

[Jetsun]

I just wanted to Thank everyone who replied and have given me advice and showed concern. Well, there's really nothing more I can say. This blank/numb feeling persists everyday. I seriously don't know what to do anymore. I really don't see the point in living if I can't even enjoy anything. Suicide seems like a good option. I just find it sad because I feel like nobody understands me when I tell them "I have no emotions". It must be uncommon because I've been to about 4 therapists so far and they had no idea what I was talking about. They keep saying "Well, you have to be feeling emotions if you want them back" I guess I can understand what there saying. Like, I still care; but at the same time apathetic... It's hard to explain... I just don't know anymore...

 

What you describe is a state they call Depersonalization or Derealization Disorder, there are hundreds of people with the same condition as you who go on to recover, some of them triggered by meditation. I had it myself for a while where I felt I had no emotions. Most therapists wont have heard of it unless you tell them what it is and it is difficult for people to even imagine what it is like to have no emotions yet still be alive, I heard the story many times where the patient has to inform the therapist what it is, but there are some experts on the condition. Don't give up just about everyone recovers

[C T]

A reset for what though? We currently have a human life with the luxury to cultivate our spiritual path, despite the pain and drawbacks we may encounter. Are any of us in control of the death process and the passage through the bardo?

 

The desperate mind of one who ends their own life will likely generate poor throwing karma for a subsequent rebirth. If you want to end it all and throw away your life, why not do so by casting aside all concern for worldly things and follow the path.

 

If the world no longer binds you, then walk a free man.

 

There are much better ways to 'end it all' than suicide.

Very good advice!

 

If i were to be in such a position, i would count it a blessing and become a full-time student of the spirit. Maybe seek out a master somewhere and offer devotion in the hope of receiving secret teachings.

 

Some people have created the ideal circumstances for renunciation of body and speech yet they do not seem to have realized this amazing and meritorious opportunity, instead, choosing to view the occurrence as some sort of negative withdrawal manifestation.

 

Freedom can be frightening when the foundation has not been soundly laid. And yet, due to past karma, some actually don't have to do the work to get somewhere, but when there, the tendency to feel a bit lost is quite understandable because its such a new, strange, and awe-inspiring vista.

 

[idiot_stimpy]

You're fearful of losing your emotions, without realizing that this fear is an emotion in itself.

[Songtsan]

I am sorry - I forgot to paste this: http://thetaobums.com/topic/30150-what-to-do-when-the-dark-night-of-the-soul-hits/

 

Dark Night of the Soul is often mentioned in relation to Kundalini, however it doesn't have to be just that - it can be for other reasons as well - please read through if you can.

 

I have also been suicidal for many years of my life - I have found some removal from that desire through antidepressants and also recreational drugs....this is not ideal however - what is ideal is to handle it with nutrition, exercise, connection with nature, social support, and various healing modalities such as have been mentioned.

 

They say that desire to kill oneself is thanatos rising over eros...I like that analogy - realize that you are saying that you are in a desireless state essentially, but if suicide attracts you, then this is not true.

 

When I was the most suicidal, it always cured me to do deep introspective work using hallucinogens - this has kept me in eros, but also is a very chaotic thing for the mind at times. The fact that various drugs can cause you to feel again says something. Somewhere, somehow you messed up the balance of your neurotransmitters/neuropeptides - this is causing the depersonalization/anhedonia. I have also suffered from dissociation/depersonalization/derealization for many years - its a curse of withdrawal from the world due to inability to 'feel' it - it is as if you have to learn to enjoy what others naturally enjoy without trying

 

If you can start hitting things from all angles this will be best:

 

nutrition:

vitamin D 2000 IU per day

Calcium/magnesium/zinc

fish oil w/ high EPA/DHA 3-5g per day

L-tryptophan at night as directed on bottle

L-DOPA (mucuna) as directed on bottle

vitamin B-12

multi-vitamin

cut down simple sugars to less than 10% of total carb intake

cut down carb intake to less than 55% of total calorie intake

 

 

see my personal practice forum for more supplements and nutrition info, etc.

 

Like I said - you are a member of your treatment team now - but you need to get some professionals on your side - naturopaths, allopaths, TCMs - the more the better - all angles

[Harmonious Emptiness]

Check this out too:

 

http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2013/11/18/stay-suicide-hecht/

[Bearded Dragon]

If you have no thoughts or emotions then it should be easy enough to do proper meditation now. Have you tried? Honestly you have the perfect conditions for meditation at the moment. Go within and find the answer. When you figure it out it will seem like it should have been obvious all along.

[Bearded Dragon]

If you have no thoughts or emotions then it should be easy enough to do proper meditation now. Have you tried? Honestly you have the perfect conditions for meditation at the moment. Go within and find the answer. When you figure it out it will seem like it should have been obvious all along.

[rex]

Sorry, have just read the initial post but I would scream, shout, jump about, eat heartily, get out and have some fun. Won't be easy at first but every bit helps and builds up a momentum. How about cutting out practices that divorce you from your awareness, body and emotions and finding some life affirming practices that enhance the positive emotions and strengthen the body?

[Yascra]

I just find it sad because I feel like nobody understands me when I tell them "I have no emotions". It must be uncommon because I've been to about 4 therapists so far and they had no idea what I was talking about.

 

Hm, difficult.

 

Actually I do understand that, although I think that some part of your confusion is due to the upside-down-ethics and behavioral standards in your society. If you don't feel a need to have sex, that's not necessarily a bad thing, the over-emphasizing of sexual activities in modern societies actually is a sickness that destroys people's health if you'd ask me.

 

Lack of emotions can be due to a trauma. Actually it is horrible to tap into some kind of emptiness (or other "unusual states) if nobody prepares you for such an experience, or can help you afterwards, and panic is a natural reaction towards this.

I think most of your experiences and bodily as well as psychological reactions might be very natural things. It's just that your society lacks knowledge about such things, so you don't know how to handle it. Well - you'll have to find a way to get used to it, I'm afraid. If you ask me - sorry, but "No", there's no way back, there's no way to stop it, and the more you try to avoid it the harder it gets and the longer it will take. Is this helpful to you?

 

Maybe first you should train yourself to not kill yourself

What's happening to you might be inconvenient, but not necessarily dangerous, or a bad thing ;-)

So, chin up, don't stress yourself. And if you don't feel anything, then first don't try to force it and accept the state as it is. My experience is that there will be some timepoint in which you'll brake down and cry like hell, and if you survive that things will slowly start to become better. But, and that might be something that's hard to understand for people who are younger than even 20 years .. some things need their time ;-)

 

All the best to you!

 

PS: Sorry, didn't read all replies in this thread in detail, so sorry if something had already been said.

 

PPS: And no, meditation after masturbation is not dangerous ^^ It is just like trying to lit a fire (what you're doing during meditation) without any fuel with which you could start or nurish this fire. And energetical damages won't happen to persons without training, so relax about this

Edited January 21, 2014 by Yascra

[Songtsan]

Well - you'll have to find a way to get used to it, I'm afraid. If you ask me - sorry, but "No", there's no way back, there's no way to stop it, and the more you try to avoid it the harder it gets and the longer it will take. Is this helpful to you?

 

I agree - you are in the deep end, wishing you could get back into the shallow end - but it seems to have disappeared! You must learn to swim. It can be quite adventurous! You say you feel nothing? Would you feel nothing if you went skydiving? Met with the Dalai Lama? Had sex with Miley Cyrus? Insert your own wild adventures and realize that you may simply need to get crazy - go do stuff you were always afraid to do, but really were curious about. Do not be attached to emotions - but try to remain open and vulnerable.

Edited January 21, 2014 by Songtsan

[Under]

You say you feel nothing?

 

Just an emotional aspect. I can still feel pain. Let's say if there's an emotional scene in a movie that people say "if you don't cry from this you have no soul" Well, I don't cry. I actually used to be a very emotional person. I would cry easily if I saw an emotional movie scene. Now, It's the total opposite. A day before this happened I actually watched a movie called "The Lovely Bones" I remember it being impossible for me to hold back tears while watching. Last week I tried to watch the movie to see if it had the same emotional affect on me. And it didn't.

 

It's just so scary; I didn't want to mention this because I didn't want to seem like a shallow person. But my entire family could literally die and I wouldn't feel anything about it. Like, I still care. But there's just no emotion attached to it. But it's not my fault! My body just isn't reacting to it.

[Under]

Would you feel nothing if you went skydiving?

 

Nope. I could literally do the most craziest things and it wouldn't affect me emotionally at all. I don't even fear death anymore.

[C T]

its possible that you have confused emotion with feeling.

 

in some practices the student is actually taught how to separate the two. One can feel without being caught by emotion. Emotions are the taints from memory, not a result of whether one feels or not. I can feel without falling into a mode of grasping and/or aversion, which is precisely the take-off point where emotions enter the fray.