What did meditation do to me? Please read...

[Songtsan]

Well, turn lemons into lemonade then...become an impartial observer to everything you perceive to be self/other; observe without judging/labeling/categorizing. Use the lack of feeling as an advantage - you will not easily be derailed by becoming emotionally involved or getting distracted by fascinating feeling states. Do not be attached to what you once had - forget that person for now. Know that this happens to a lot of people out there. Keep researching! Understand what happened. Stay present. See what things are made of.

[yabyum24]

its possible that you have confused emotion with feeling.

 

in some practices the student is actually taught how to separate the two. One can feel without being caught by emotion. Emotions are the taints from memory, not a result of whether one feels or not. I can feel without falling into a mode of grasping and/or aversion, which is precisely the take-off point where emotions enter the fray.

Nicely said.

[Songtsan]

Also, now that you aren't really feeling aversion anymore, this is the perfect time to train your willpower. Slowly formulate a systematic exercise, nutrition, meditation, etc. program and make them habitual.

[HoldorFold]

The OP, I want to seriously recommend 'Ibogaine' to you.

 

It's derived from a plant which comes from Africa and is used primarily to treat heroin addicts. You can take the worst heroin addict, with the worse addiction with no hope of recovering and give them Iboga and the next day they will be completely cured.

It teaches you what you must do to live your life in the best way, not in a wishy-washy way but in a solid way. It actually rewires your brain. After taking it you will vomit and then be paralysed in bed for about a day, so you will need someone to tend to you during this time.

It doesn't just cure heroin addicts, but it's used for them because they have absolutely no hope elsewhere. It also cures depression, people who are suicidal etc.

If you are contemplating suicide just know that there's options out there to take first and this is one of them.

[Songtsan]

The OP, I want to seriously recommend 'Ibogaine' to you.

 

It's derived from a plant which comes from Africa and is used primarily to treat heroin addicts. You can take the worst heroin addict, with the worse addiction with no hope of recovering and give them Iboga and the next day they will be completely cured.

 

It teaches you what you must do to live your life in the best way, not in a wishy-washy way but in a solid way. It actually rewires your brain. After taking it you will vomit and then be paralysed in bed for about a day, so you will need someone to tend to you during this time.

 

It doesn't just cure heroin addicts, but it's used for them because they have absolutely no hope elsewhere. It also cures depression, people who are suicidal etc.

 

If you are contemplating suicide just know that there's options out there to take first and this is one of them.

 

 

I'd be down for that myself, but it is so hard to find in the states....

[Under]

bump.

[Under]

Ok. I'm seriously losing my mind now... Whatever.

[Songtsan]

I am here...tell me what is going on currently. I've been there and can give some tips.

[Songtsan]

I will state again that what has happened is a Kundalini awakening.

 

Kundalini awakening often occurs through the sensory motor cortex area of the brain that controls the homunculus see sights like this for an explanation:

 

http://transmodernalchemy.iwarp.com/whats_new_18.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cortical_homunculus

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/aso/tryit/brain/mapcortex.html

 

It starts in the left side, because that is the right side of the brain, i.e. the Yin side. The process is one of unification of right and left hemispheres - the twin seats of the soul. Every person has two minds: right/left Yin/Yang - in childhood these are pretty balanced, but due to life stuff they become separated and usually the left side becomes dominant - especially in our culture. If children were allowed to explore and mature on their own, these things would be balanced. As our society has become more Yang (please research the qualities associated with Yin and Yang), the left hemisphere has superceded the right hemisphere. This is because humans are becoming more and more ordered, more and more categorized, more and more controlled. This is part of a grand cycle in evolutionary design. There will be a phase where we become more Yin soon. This is why stuff such as you are experiencing is happening more frequently. It is for the purposes of evolution.

 

This is nothing to worry about, it is happening everywhere now, more often and more intense than before. It is part of a grand cycle of the cosmos.

 

You will lose attraction to fascinations and fallacies for a while. This is normal. You must expand your being - become more in touch with your feminine side, your Yin function. This site is a good place to come. There are many wise pathworkers here. You are now part of a special club. You have been chosen by the Kundalini Shakti (India), also called the Taomind (Asia), the Good-mind (Native American), the Sheckinah (Hebrew, Kabbalah), Djinni (Islam), Holy Spirit (Christianity), and so on.

 

Don't listen to the hype. This is not a possession or some devil. There is much misinformation about this out there. Here at this site, you will find some of the more knowledgeable people in the world with this experience. What state do you live in, I can try to find a local guide for you who can help you in your path? You may enter freely of any of the worlds religions and be supported by this spirit, for it is one with all paths. This I know for certain.

Edited February 13, 2014 by Songtsan

[HoldorFold]

Ok. I'm seriously losing my mind now... Whatever.

 

You should try seeing a traditional chinese medicine doctor. Seriously, they should be able to help you out.

[Captain Mar-Vell]

...

What a nice post from mr songtsan!

...

[mrwhy]

Hello Under,

 

Whatever is going on is not something that you can diagnose or treat yourself. You need to get some help. There is not shame in this at. Everyone of us gets to a point where we need some expert guidance, be it with our car, our body, our mind, or whatever. You are at the point where you need expert guidance.

 

Please do something about this! Go to your doctor. Go to a hospital. Get some treatment. Tell a competent professional what is going on and let him or her help you.

 

You are making a large assumption that what you are feeling now was "caused" by your meditative experience. I don't know that and neither do you, but this is your life you are talking about.

 

If you do not want to get help from a "western" doctor then post what area you live in and I am sure that people here can refer you to another type of expert.

 

Regardless, you were brought into this world for a reason. Don't give up on yourself yet!

 

 

Ok. I'm seriously losing my mind now... Whatever.

[Under]

I will state again that what has happened is a Kundalini awakening.

 

Thanks for the info songtsan. But exactly how long does this last? Please tell me it isn't permanent. This is no way to live.

[idiot_stimpy]

The more you fight it, the more it will fight you, the more you will suffer.

 

It is not separate from you, its yourself fighting yourself. Stop fighting within yourself.

[Mark Foote]

The meditation opened your eyes to the true nature of what was all around you; like the postman in the background experiencing this new dimension of reality, your emotions have taken a back seat:

 

 

but like a bad penny, they'll be back. (-- joking!)

 

Might want to start with the movement of breath, and let the perception of where you are and the free movement of the sense of where you are take place.

 

I now start with the movement of breath, and let the perception of where I am and the free movement of the sense of where I am take place; I relax, calm down, let my body speak full.

Edited March 5, 2014 by Mark Foote

[Captain Mar-Vell]

...

Learning to breathe is learning to calm down.

 

Calm down!

 

but like a bad penny, they'll be back. (-- joking!)

 

Yeah, I'm figurin' the "old you" will largely return in time, perhaps changed for the better.

 

Be patient and take good care of yourself physically.

 

Try not to be frightened or even concerned by thoughts that arise.

...

Edited March 5, 2014 by Captain Mar-Vell

[slappywilson]

I had a similar experience about 5or 6 years ago. It could be the foo dogs namely your frontal lobes fighting your desire to be free of random thoughts. In the case of meditation sometimes its a good idea to seek out an experienced practitioner, someone who can help you navigate through the possible turmoil that can accompany such practices.

[Under]

Hello again everyone. I have not posted here in a while. Well, I am still having this emotionless problem since my meditation thing. Someone on this forum mentioned something about "soul retrieval" Does anyone know were to find one or if I am able to do it on myself?

[Rara]

Hi Under.

 

Only just found this thread...

 

I empathise...I didn't quite get there there same way as you, but I had to pull myself out of the darkness. There were so many other factors involved. Is there anything else going on in your life that could be working in conjunction with the meditation episode?

 

Before I say any more, that is worth knowing.

 

But also, listen to idiot_stimpy. The small bits of advice he has given in this thread is all you need imo.

 

The truth is, you can't solve a problem with the same mind that created it. It is clear from your post that this is what has happened. That is why you are searching for these mystic ways out. Cut that chord completely, say "f*** it" and just invert your approach.

 

I heard a story once...

 

A lady is sat on a train next to a wise man. She begins to tell him about all the problems in her life. She was broke, had nowhere to go, no home. Everyone she moved in with had driven her out and she just didn't know how to get out of this mess.

 

The man said "your problems are so small. They are the size of a potato"

 

The woman looked shocked and insulted. "Excuse me?! What do you mean by that? This is terrible what is going on"

 

The man replied, "It seems that way. All you have to do to overcome this is to eat French Fries for a month".

 

I suggest you do this too. All the best

[nononothing]

Hi Under,

 

I joined this forum to share with you my 2 cent.

 

The state you are in is not wrong. You simply got into it in a wrong time and wrong way, driven by your ignorance and greed. In advanced Taoism Alchemy, there is a state called "Walking Dead". This stage lasts a couple years. I know there is a guy who got into this stage after enlightenment with self-directed practice. Eventually, everyone gets out of it when the time comes.

 

For "Walking Deads" who spent 10 or 20 years to reach this state, they know very well where they were from, which is a plus, but the minus for them is that they lose the will to get emotions back too because they have already seen that the "normal" life is a delusion and is full of suffering. You need to find your way back to where you started so that you can experience the delusion and suffering before you can appreciate this state. In other words, you have to make up what you have skipped, like in school education. You have lost some time by this downturn, but time is a delusion too. You have gained experience, learned in a hard way that ignorance and greed are bad. If you see this, with these two big demons out of way, you will find your way to home faster.

 

It might be a good idea to go outside more, be in nature. Run as other people suggested, and walk. Particularly, I suggest you go to the playground in parks and sit down and watch kids play. Their pure life energy will gradually bring up the love in you.

 

Don't worry about the twitching in your muscles. They will go away.

 

Be peaceful, be patient.

Edited April 10, 2014 by nononothing

[wakeupneo]

"Spirituality" makes my stomach turn these days but I still feel compelled to chime in...

 

Under, I know exactly what you are going through. Intense Depersonalization/Derealization, your story mirrors mine in many ways, right down to the tingling in the third eye and the twitching left leg.

 

I was an intense, perhaps overly zealous seeker for many years and then one day during meditation, during a retreat a little of 2 years ago... POOF! My life was turned upside-down in ways that were unimaginable at the time.

 

Life is most certainly a struggle. I get all the "who is struggling", no desire, well the why so much suffering.. .I truly get it. Unless one has experienced this first hand you will realize just how difficult these concepts can be to apply.

 

If you ever want to chat contact me at my personal [email protected]

 

This has really opened my eyes to the fact that modern spirituality is still in it's infancy in many ways. I have spoken to about a half dozen or more individuals who have fallen into depersonalization via mediation. It seems to be somewhat common with a zealous practitioner, yeah no one seems to have any clue WTF is going on. It's not general like koondaleeny, its very specific with a very specific set of symptomology. Why do the "great" traditions not make any mention of this? It truly blows my mind. I really feel in many ways spiritual seekers are almost like pioneers who are treading new ground as they go. I have spoken to many teachers, the most famous and influential teachers and while they all claimed to understand...they really didn't as evidenced by lack of congruency between teachers and any resolution of symptomology after receiving their "healing" and doing their rescue practices.

 

Nononothing...what do you mean make up what you skipped? Could you send me a link or something on where I can get more info on this "walking dead" state?

 

Under, just hang in there. For what it's worth time seems to help. I feel a bit better than I did in those early days. I don't know if I'm getting used to this "state" or if the phenomena has faded a bit. I also started taking a small does of SSRI which has helped things quite a bit.

[idiot_stimpy]

What if the end goal is depersonalization?

 

 

Maybe some people have not gotten what they bargained for.

[wakeupneo]

I don't think so but who knows...

 

I had a non-dual awakening well before this episode. My practice was simply recognizing my true nature(consciousness) and abiding as "That" constantly and consciously. My identity had shifted largely into "That".

 

I can tell you that the quality was much different. Prior to depersonalization, I would rest as consciousness and it was sublime and almost had an intimate quality to it.

 

This is more like absorption into a void. I describe it as living in a state of "waking coma". Life seems flat and gloomy. Visually things are flat 2D, colors aren't as vibrant, sounds are muted, thoughts are transparent and have no emotion to them, taste is dull, and sensation on body is barely palpable at times. One lives life like a ghost, walking around with no drive, no ambition, no purpose, it takes tremendous will to get out of bed sometimes.

Edited April 13, 2014 by wakeupneo

[Aetherous]

This is more like absorption into a void. I describe it as living in a state of "waking coma". Life seems flat and gloomy. Visually things are flat 2D, colors aren't as vibrant, sounds are muted, thoughts are transparent and have no emotion to them, taste is dull, and sensation on body is barely palpable at times. One lives life like a ghost, walking around with no drive, no ambition, no purpose, it takes tremendous will to get out of bed sometimes.

 

Practicing this will help you with that.

[idiot_stimpy]

This is more like absorption into a void. I describe it as living in a state of "waking coma". Life seems flat and gloomy. Visually things are flat 2D, colors aren't as vibrant, sounds are muted, thoughts are transparent and have no emotion to them, taste is dull, and sensation on body is barely palpable at times. One lives life like a ghost, walking around with no drive, no ambition, no purpose, it takes tremendous will to get out of bed sometimes.

 

Is your personal suffering increased in this state or decreased compared to before?