ejaculation dilemma

[mike 134]

Ever since I've had kundalini symptoms I noticed that my orgasms felt different. Instead of being confined to my penis I sometimes get whole body orgasms that involve shaking and involuntary movements. I've also recently noticed that after I orgasm I experience positive mental effects. For hours afterward my mind feels more alert, my thoughts are quicker, I seem to generate more ideas, and I can crack jokes. This is GREAT for social situations and I feel more confident, more spontaneous, ready to lead instead of follow. So I take advantage of this knowledge by masturbating when I wake up in the morning, when I know that during the day I'll have important meetings with important people, or I have to do public presentations.

 

Unfortunately, after I ejaculate my sex drive goes down. So is my erection quality. It takes me longer to get my penis up and sometimes I can't get it up at all if I ejaculate too much. It's limp. Where this causes me the most problems is DATING. When I am meeting girls I need my mind to be quick and ready. I have to be able to make her comfortable, make good conversation, tell jokes, and of course have a general air of confidence. The best way to do this is to ejaculate before the date. But if I do this, then after all my hard work on the date I am physically unable to have sex with her at the end. But if I don't ejaculate before the date, then I feel un-confident, lethargic, emotionless, and boring, and she won't agree to sex due to my poor dating performance.

 

See my catch-22 ??

 

Is there any way to experience the best of both worlds, that is, be mentally ready to talk to girls, but also penilly ready to have sex ?

 

Thanks.

Edited January 22, 2014 by mike 134

[GreytoWhite]

Yeah, it's called don't beat off before a date and talk to her. Women are people too, it's sometimes hard to remember that when you want something more than just a night out.

[liminal_luke]

Hi Mike,

 

My take. Rather than try to solve this dilemma--how to be both a sparkling conversationalist and a virile lover in the same evening--I'd take it as an invitation to go deeper into your own psyche. Failure to "perform," socially or sexually, can be a doorway into a richer relationship with yourself--and ultimately your potential girlfriend.

 

Don't be afriad of the dark. Not in yourself; not in other people. Your future mate will thank you.

 

Liminal

Edited January 23, 2014 by liminal_luke

[mike 134]

You're making it sound easy. Its not easy at all to interact with women without having an orgasm beforehand. If I haven't orgasmed for a while I feel totally numb, lethargic, zero charisma. You know about alpha and beta males? I feel like a zeta, a vegetable, if I don't orgasm. I could have whole conversations scripted in my head and still can't pull it off. Its like I'm good only for watching porn or paying for sex.

 

The only thing I can think of is using drugs like amphetamines to artificially get high but I'm not that type of person.

[Aetherous]

Have you tried going a week without any masturbation? And exercise before meeting with people? Those two things seem to boost the charisma for me.

[RiverSnake]

My experience has been the opposite. Retention IME boosts confidence and my sense of connection with others.

 

My 2 cents, Peace

Edited January 23, 2014 by OldChi

[mike 134]

Have you tried going a week without any masturbation

 

Yeah I have. And I exercise most days anyway. I was just recently dating this girl. Man she is so hot. Perfect 10. Immediately after I got her number I knew she wasn't like other girls, and these opportunities to date 10's don't come often, so I had to be at my absolute best. I swore off all other women. I didn't even look at porn. No sex, no masturbation whatsoever for 2 weeks. Cause I want to give her the best night ever. Unfortunately during the actual date I was so low in energy, so lethargic, I felt like a dead fish. Totally weak and submissive. She had to lead me on. I struggled to converse with her. It was awkward from beginning to end. Of course I got no action that night, not even a kiss (!!)

 

I had never been so pissed in my life.

 

Also the reverse happened a couple of weeks ago. I had some good orgasms before a date. Went out, did really well. I was smooth, confident, full of energy. Took her home, started making out, but while making out I couldn't feel an erection coming. Damn it just would not go up. To save myself from embarrassment I just said I was tired and had to work early the next day, and took her home.

 

I had never been so pissed in my life.

 

See my dilemma now ?

 

 

My experience has been the opposite. Retention IME boosts confidence and my sense of connection with others.

 

Retention for me boosts my sex drive but only my sex drive. All my social skills seem to nosedive if I don't orgasm daily. It makes perfect sense, actually. When you orgasm kundalini is going up. So you feel energized. But when you don't orgasm for a while it's stagnant. It stays down there. So its good for sex but nothing else. I want to be energized AND good for sex.

Edited January 23, 2014 by mike 134

[bax44]

 

Yeah I have. And I exercise most days anyway. I was just recently dating this girl. Man she is so hot. Perfect 10. Immediately after I got her number I knew she wasn't like other girls, and these opportunities to date 10's don't come often, so I had to be at my absolute best. I swore off all other women. I didn't even look at porn. No sex, no masturbation whatsoever for 2 weeks. Cause I want to give her the best night ever. Unfortunately during the actual date I was so low in energy, so lethargic, I felt like a dead fish. Totally weak and submissive. She had to lead me on. I struggled to converse with her. It was awkward from beginning to end. Of course I got no action that night, not even a kiss (!!)

wow talk about putting pressure on yourself and pedestalizing a girl before you even know her. No wonder it didnt go well. Ive done this exact thing in the past and by the time the date came I was wore out. Im not saying your other issues arent valid, but Jesus man get ahold of yourself. You sabatoged any chance you had with her with the attitude you just laid out in your post.

Edited January 23, 2014 by bax44

[mike 134]

wow talk about putting pressure on yourself and pedestalizing a girl before you even know her.

 

yeah I know i gotta stop doing that. I keep putting 10's on pedestals and treating them like princesses but all this does is push them away. Meanwhile I treat lesser girls like crap and they like it. Stupid female psychology at work. Problem with these girls is that they have soooooo many options. Usual tricks like negging them and pretending to ignore them don't seem to work, cause they'll just go to the next guy that is all too willing to go along.

[ThisLife]

The issues you choose to post here come up very frequently in a lot of different forums. There was one I used to hang out in for a while a few years back, called "Buddhachat". It was great because they had no moderation whatsoever. There used to be some hum-dinger verbal battles going on. It really was a good laugh. And yet, in between all the infighting, there actually used to be some excellent, heartfelt good advice. Check this out and see if somewhere in here, at least one of the two people who replied to the original poster's problem, hasn't offered some pretty amazing solutions. (Personally, I know which one I think is best !)

 

*

*

 

 

{1}

 

Addiction

Okay, so this is probably in the wrong section, forgive me if it is. Anyways, I have had an addiction, if you will, to internet porn for a while, and I know it has to do with the ego. I know this, because I have become obsessed with downloading it and all that, just having it on my computer satisfies me. Anyways, I know of a Christian website that could help me get free, but are there any Buddhists websites that could help me get free?

 

 

{2}

 

Re: Addiction

You could pose some restrictions on yourself.

Step 1: Delete all the porn you have on your computer. ALL of it.

Step 2: Turn on the "parental filters" on yourself. I'm sure this is possible. If you come across a website that you think should be let through, I believe you can give yourself access to that specific site. (Optionally, you can entrust the password to this system to a friend who you trust to help you overcome your addiction. If you want to go to a blocked website, you'll have to ask him. And he should only give you access if it's appropriate)

Now those are steps I think everyone could take. I personally have been on and off this addiction, and here's my personal Step 3: Get a hobby. I found when I had something constructive to do, I would usually do that instead of downloading porn. But if I had, say, a couple hours to burn with nothing to do, I would be more likely to look at it.

Also, will yourself, do everything mentally in your power, to not look at anything for a week. Try it. If you fail, don't worry about it, just try again. If you succeed, great try it again.

The last advice I have is to, before you start searching the internet, just get off the computer, leave the room, go sit down, and think: "Do I really want to do this? What is driving me? Is it my brain that's telling me to do this, or something else?" Sit for at least 5 minutes. If you think you are capable of sitting down and not looking, then you can go back. Since you are off the computer anyway, if you think you have a chance of looking, instead of going back to the computer, go watch TV. Go make a sandwich. Go take a run around the block.

I'm sorry I can't suggest any websites. But I do have personally experience with the issue, and know that you can do it! The longer you can go without doing it, the less you'll want to.

 

 

{3}

 

Re: Addiction

Just jerk off as fast as you can and stop delaying the gratification. You'll save time and energy.

Edited January 26, 2014 by ThisLife

[SonOfTheGods]

Ever since I've had kundalini symptoms I noticed that my orgasms felt different. Instead of being confined to my penis I sometimes get whole body orgasms that involve shaking and involuntary movements. I've also recently noticed that after I orgasm I experience positive mental effects. For hours afterward my mind feels more alert, my thoughts are quicker, I seem to generate more ideas, and I can crack jokes. This is GREAT for social situations and I feel more confident, more spontaneous, ready to lead instead of follow. So I take advantage of this knowledge by masturbating when I wake up in the morning, when I know that during the day I'll have important meetings with important people, or I have to do public presentations.

 

Unfortunately, after I ejaculate my sex drive goes down. So is my erection quality. It takes me longer to get my penis up and sometimes I can't get it up at all if I ejaculate too much. It's limp. Where this causes me the most problems is DATING. When I am meeting girls I need my mind to be quick and ready. I have to be able to make her comfortable, make good conversation, tell jokes, and of course have a general air of confidence. The best way to do this is to ejaculate before the date. But if I do this, then after all my hard work on the date I am physically unable to have sex with her at the end. But if I don't ejaculate before the date, then I feel un-confident, lethargic, emotionless, and boring, and she won't agree to sex due to my poor dating performance.

 

See my catch-22 ??

 

Is there any way to experience the best of both worlds, that is, be mentally ready to talk to girls, but also penilly ready to have sex ?

 

Thanks.

 

 

You're making it sound easy. Its not easy at all to interact with women without having an orgasm beforehand. If I haven't orgasmed for a while I feel totally numb, lethargic, zero charisma. You know about alpha and beta males? I feel like a zeta, a vegetable, if I don't orgasm. I could have whole conversations scripted in my head and still can't pull it off. Its like I'm good only for watching porn or paying for sex.

 

The only thing I can think of is using drugs like amphetamines to artificially get high but I'm not that type of person.

 

Just to think, people worry about world hunger and other trivial nonsense..

 

When, in reality-- there are so many more bigger problems, real problems, important problems, that defy solving-- just like yours.

 

Anyway, you could have posted this without the Kundalini Symptoms that you insert in every thread.

Kundalini has nothing to do with this stuff

Edited January 25, 2014 by SonOfTheGods

[Songtsan]

Kundalini rising, whatever it really means, tends to cause disassociation from the body, and bring a lot of energy up into the head. Then it becomes harder to maintain or have an erection because you are not as aware of feeling sensations down there, and you tend to be easily distracted by the increased ability to produce intense feeling states with your mind simply by having thoughts. Kundalini seems to strengthen that ability to produce bodily and mental effects with the power of thought - which is a bad thing if its uncontrolled.

[Dragon X]

Just A Suggestion Try circulating the energy in the mircocosmic orbit, and stop using it just for sex. You need to be mindful of your goals. i like you am shy and i like the sexual aspects of these type of training but there is more to all this then just SEX !

Like liminal_luke said ....Do Not Be Afraid Of The DARK !!!

[Brian]

You need to figure out why your self-image is tied to idealizing women you think are attractive while simultaneously viewing them as merely targets for egoistic sexual conquest.

 

A good therapist could probably help.

 

In the meantime, stop pulling your pud all the time and talk to women without trying to get in their pants.

[mike 134]

I keep mentioning kundalini because I never had these problems before having kundalini symptoms. Actually, come to think of it, all the problems in my life seem to be caused by this. It feels like I'm always on the edge, one day I could be awesome at something, the very next day I'm terrible at it. I've discovered all sorts of "tricks" to manipulate these kundalini effects over the last few months (usually involving bending my back to some position), but they are also very unreliable. Some days they seem to work, other days they simply do not.

 

For example, sometimes before going out I would do a bunch of abdominal crunches and situps, in the belief that I could pump some kundalini to my head and make me more hyper and excitable. It only seems to work occasionally. I also tried that MCO stuff in the book, The Multi orgasmic Man (refraining just before ejaculating, and use MCO to bring energy up instead of ejaculating out.) I figured I can solve some of my problems by having orgasms (and hence boosting my energy levels) without ejaculating (thus preserving my sex drive). But those techniques do not work for me.

 

What can I say I'm obsessed with women and sex. I keep saying it over and over, but I don't try to suppress it like a lot of people do. In fact I embrace it. And anything that messes with my sexuality (like kundalini) is a real problem to me.

[Songtsan]

I keep mentioning kundalini because I never had these problems before having kundalini symptoms. Actually, come to think of it, all the problems in my life seem to be caused by this. It feels like I'm always on the edge, one day I could be awesome at something, the very next day I'm terrible at it. I've discovered all sorts of "tricks" to manipulate these kundalini effects over the last few months (usually involving bending my back to some position), but they are also very unreliable. Some days they seem to work, other days they simply do not.

 

For example, sometimes before going out I would do a bunch of abdominal crunches and situps, in the belief that I could pump some kundalini to my head and make me more hyper and excitable. It only seems to work occasionally. I also tried that MCO stuff in the book, The Multi orgasmic Man (refraining just before ejaculating, and use MCO to bring energy up instead of ejaculating out.) I figured I can solve some of my problems by having orgasms (and hence boosting my energy levels) without ejaculating (thus preserving my sex drive). But those techniques do not work for me.

 

What can I say I'm obsessed with women and sex. I keep saying it over and over, but I don't try to suppress it like a lot of people do. In fact I embrace it. And anything that messes with my sexuality (like kundalini) is a real problem to me.

 

kundalini can also make you hyper-sexual....

[Brian]

Your problem is not sexual or physical or kundalini-related. Embracing unhealthy ideation does not make it healthy.

[niveQ]

Just A Suggestion Try circulating the energy in the mircocosmic orbit, and stop using it just for sex. You need to be mindful of your goals. i like you am shy and i like the sexual aspects of these type of training but there is more to all this then just SEX !

Like liminal_luke said ....Do Not Be Afraid Of The DARK !!!

 

 

out of curiosity, what is meant by the dark? Do you mean instead of following through with a habit, don't do it and stand vulnerable and naked as the thoughts that cause that habit arise?

 

I want to venture into the dark.

[hagar]

Ever since I've had kundalini symptoms I noticed that my orgasms felt different. Instead of being confined to my penis I sometimes get whole body orgasms that involve shaking and involuntary movements. I've also recently noticed that after I orgasm I experience positive mental effects. For hours afterward my mind feels more alert, my thoughts are quicker, I seem to generate more ideas, and I can crack jokes. This is GREAT for social situations and I feel more confident, more spontaneous, ready to lead instead of follow. So I take advantage of this knowledge by masturbating when I wake up in the morning, when I know that during the day I'll have important meetings with important people, or I have to do public presentations.

 

Unfortunately, after I ejaculate my sex drive goes down. So is my erection quality. It takes me longer to get my penis up and sometimes I can't get it up at all if I ejaculate too much. It's limp. Where this causes me the most problems is DATING. When I am meeting girls I need my mind to be quick and ready. I have to be able to make her comfortable, make good conversation, tell jokes, and of course have a general air of confidence. The best way to do this is to ejaculate before the date. But if I do this, then after all my hard work on the date I am physically unable to have sex with her at the end. But if I don't ejaculate before the date, then I feel un-confident, lethargic, emotionless, and boring, and she won't agree to sex due to my poor dating performance.

 

See my catch-22 ??

 

Is there any way to experience the best of both worlds, that is, be mentally ready to talk to girls, but also penilly ready to have sex ?

 

Thanks.

 

You issue is related to the side effects the so-called Kundalini, and secondarily your concepts and beliefs about women, dating and yourself. You are feeling energized as you air out alot of energy, the same way you sense alot of energy going ut of a warm room through the window into the winter air. If you want to cultivate, don´t manipulate Jing chi in any way. You pay a price. I speak from experience.

Forget the whole retention/not-retention thing for now.

 

Meditate with this acupoint in mind. Find a mudra or position that includes a light and not too heavy meditation on this point , and your issues of lethargy will diminish. Needs to be done for a few days, about an hour a day.

http://www.361-acupuncture-points.com/conception-vessel/13-2-311/

[mike 134]

Finally some specific advice. Thanks dude.

 

That's actually similar to a trick that I do, although I focus on a somewhat higher point (just below the umbilicus, maybe CV 3 or 4??). I found that it makes the penis feel more sensitive and pleasurable, but only WHILE I'm focusing there. If I switch my focus off even for a second it becomes more numb. For instance, if I'm looking at porn not only am I focused on watching the porn, but I also have to split some of my attention to that point and concentrate on it.

[hagar]

Finally some specific advice. Thanks dude.

 

That's actually similar to a trick that I do, although I focus on a somewhat higher point (just below the umbilicus, maybe CV 3 or 4??). I found that it makes the penis feel more sensitive and pleasurable, but only WHILE I'm focusing there. If I switch my focus off even for a second it becomes more numb. For instance, if I'm looking at porn not only am I focused on watching the porn, but I also have to split some of my attention to that point and concentrate on it.

 

You an PM me for details, or I can set you in contact with one of my teachers.

 

 

h