I want a diploma.

[skydog]

you know i think its great everyone trolling on this

 

 

 

i have the perfect troll for a thread, but im gonna have to use it for another time

[Kajenx]

 

Well, I'm kinda writing this from Nirvana, if that makes any sense. ...but maybe I'm not - who am I to judge if I'm just deluding myself or not? I tried to read up on what Nirvana is, and how to get there, and the definition varies depending on your beliefs. Some people (I think it was tibetan buddhists.) claim that you have to transform into a tiger mutant. ...so I guess I just have to go to enough temples until I find the one where my state of mind is defined as Nirvana.

 

Omg....tiger mutant....lolol

[Icedude]

Meh......With real ability certification is not required.

If you can manifest your power then you manifest your power......

 

So if I'm really good at flying airplanes, I can just go and ask for a plane, and they'll go: "Well, if you're as good as you *say* you are, we better let you prove yourself, so here's a plane. Hey, if you can manifest your flying, or maybe manifest an airplane, then that'd be great too."

Enlightenment isn't a physical manifestation.

 

 

Obviously if he had any power he wouldn't spend all day everyday trolling TTBs .

 

I hear that most people who attain enlightenment, are hired by the sitting industry, and make lots of money. People use them as traffic cones, exclusive statues, armchairs...

 

Also, in case you didn't notice, I'm surrounded by white tigers and glowing seals at this point. There are lots of trolls in this thread, and I'm not one of them.

 

However, buddha and all the zen masters were master trolls, so it kind of depends on what you mean by trolling.

 

 

Its an investment. Once you've got the diploma you write a book, give talks, do a lecture tour ... make heaps of money. So for a small fee now you win later. As for people who have no money ... well its a beacon of hope for them to pray for.

 

Why is it always about money and fame? I don't know what's going on in the "buddha industry", but it sounds really horrible if there are so many greedy gurus that people *equal* enlightenment with money. Enlightenment is about as far away from money as you can get, and as for fame, I imagine my first "tour" would mean travelling to India to get touched by random strangers who think I'm blessing them, and mothers bringing me babies with fatal flesh wounds asking me to heal them.

I'm asking for a test and a piece of paper. I'm not asking for a whole guru circus.

 

 

 

Or he would have manifested his own diploma, complete with glowing gold-foil seal.

 

(Not to be confused with glowing seals -- they are exceedingly rare... http://amberpagewrites.com/wp-content/uploads/glow-pet-seal2.png)

 

Well, I bet Mahayana buddhists would agree with you. They pretty much think that buddhahood gives you super powers. I haven't noticed any super powers yet - at least not physical ones - but maybe I need some sort of super hero training for that to happen. I'm not counting on it, but there's this whole religion believing that I'm gonna, so I'm not gonna argue.

[BaguaKicksAss]

Some sitting folks are also tourist attractions... that vid of that guy sitting not eating, then sitting in the fire comes to mind. Though I have no idea if it comes completely with a certificate of authentication and/or diploma as well or not though.

[Apech]

Why is it always about money and fame? I don't know what's going on in the "buddha industry", but it sounds really horrible if there are so many greedy gurus that people *equal* enlightenment with money. Enlightenment is about as far away from money as you can get, and as for fame, I imagine my first "tour" would mean travelling to India to get touched by random strangers who think I'm blessing them, and mothers bringing me babies with fatal flesh wounds asking me to heal them.

I'm asking for a test and a piece of paper. I'm not asking for a whole guru circus.

 

I agree about the babies with flesh wounds ... I mean eeewww! I always say just take them away. But in the end what you're not getting is it's about compassion raw and simple. Seems to me you just want the enlightenment paper and are scared of what it means. The circus, the clowns ... what are you going to do sit in a darkened room and stare at your diploma ... not speak to anyone, not be touched on any level? in any way? by anything? that's not nirvana that's just a prison.

[Icedude]

You aren't looking for free handouts of diplomas for greater spiritual growth than you presently have, so no I'm not asking you, I'm asking sree Icedude.

 

Yes, you got me. I'm totally "sree". I don't know if it's some forum member, or the color blue in pali, but why not? I'm sree. The almighty sree. Spread the word: Sree is back and more beautiful than ever. You guys don't believe in enlightenment, but like all forums you do believe in forum legends being with you forever. I mean where else would they go but hang around you guys as sockpuppets? ...so I'm sree. I couldn't fool you guys for long. You're too clever for that. All bow before the mighty sree.

 

 

"Nirvana refers to the imperturbable stillness of mind after the fires of desire, aversion, and delusion have been finally extinguished." And you definitely don't have desires or delusions, right..

Nirvana is not something you achieve with one month of "training" and a person who has achieved it is definitely not too lazy to get up from the chair

 

Are you for real? You just quoted the definition of being enlightened as meaning a stillness of mind, that has extinguished desire, and then you picture the buddha as an energetic guy, that certainly wouldn't do things like sit and starve under a tree until he was practically dragged to his feet by other people. Wow. In your quest to discredit me, you sure went to some lengths there.

 

 

 

Omg....tiger mutant....lolol

 

Well, it was actually a lion mutant. I remembered it wrong.

[Aetherous]

[Apech]

 

Nice but what's a lineague?

[ChiDragon]

Congratulations, Icedude
Finally, you got your official license.
Ops... it is not the one that you wanted for Nirvana.

[BaguaKicksAss]

The nirvana diploma is a few pages back .

[zerostao]

the wonder of the tao bums , not sure if its ice-dude or iced-ude or sree, doesn't matter.

look how fast you collected what 3 diploma here and for free, not expensive gurus here at all.

sree was a clever one and I miss him around here. but I doubt even the clever witty sree

(who probably has a wall full of debating and or trolling diploma, but I digress,)

but sree would never say he wasn't interested in the money.

[Icedude]

I agree about the babies with flesh wounds ... I mean eeewww! I always say just take them away. But in the end what you're not getting is it's about compassion raw and simple. Seems to me you just want the enlightenment paper and are scared of what it means. The circus, the clowns ... what are you going to do sit in a darkened room and stare at your diploma ... not speak to anyone, not be touched on any level? in any way? by anything? that's not nirvana that's just a prison.

 

Well, if the test really shows that I'm Maitreya Buddha, then I guess that's what I'll be doing. It's nothing that would scare me - it's just nothing I meant to do with getting a piece of paper. ...but I'd bring some sort of pope-mobile with me, and an ambulance on standby, just in case my "super powers" "fail". If people believe I have super powers, I'll give it a shot. I've never actually *tried* healing a flesh wound on a baby before, so maybe I'll surprise myself. I'm not making any sort of promises though.

 

...but it's like if you're a math genius, that doesn't necessarily mean that you'd want to work with math. Maybe you want to play baseball instead. Sure, if I'm really some destined guy who people need to do stuff, then I can't disappoint them, but I don't think I'm particularly motivated to save the world, compared to Greenpeace activists.

 

Edit:

Again: My diploma wouldn't be a sense of achievement.

Let's say that you don't know your height, and that rulers were really rare. Then one day someone say "Woah! You're higher than that truck! That's really, really high! I hear that if you're exactly 2 meters tall, you get a million dollars and a licence to wear sunglasses in public!"

...so then you begin asking around for a ruler, and you get to your own post claiming that if you got a ruler, you'd just stay couped up in your darkened room, staring mesmerized at the ruler.

I've had the four noble truths hanging in the hallway for quite some time now. They're important rules to live by. I've never once felt mesmerized by them, or pointed them out to anybody. In case someone came around and asked me what the four noble truths were, I could use it as a reference, but that's about as much of a role that that physical picture plays in my life.

Edited March 20, 2014 by Icedude

[Brian]

I'd like some iced tea.

[Brian]

 

Well, if the test really shows that I'm Maitreya Buddha, then I guess that's what I'll be doing. It's nothing that would scare me - it's just nothing I meant to do with getting a piece of paper. ...but I'd bring some sort of pope-mobile with me, and an ambulance on standby, just in case my "super powers" "fail". If people believe I have super powers, I'll give it a shot. I've never actually *tried* healing a flesh wound on a baby before, so maybe I'll surprise myself. I'm not making any sort of promises though.

 

...but it's like if you're a math genius, that doesn't necessarily mean that you'd want to work with math. Maybe you want to pay baseball instead. Sure, if I'm really some destined guy who people need to do stuff, then I can't disappoint them, but I don't think I'm particularly motivated to save the world, compared to Greenpeace activists.

^^^ Sure you can! It's easy -- Heck! I disappoint people all the time...

 

[ChiDragon]

1. often Nirvana

a. Buddhism The ineffable ultimate in which one has attained disinterested wisdom and compassion.

b. Hinduism Emancipation from ignorance and the extinction of all attachment.
2. An ideal condition of rest, harmony, stability, or joy.

Now, you got your diploma and become enlightened with 1.b in red. What are you going to do with your diploma(an attachment) now?

[Apech]

 

I've had the four noble truths hanging in the hallway for quite some time now. They're important rules to live by. I've never once felt mesmerized by them, or pointed them out to anybody. In case someone came around and asked me what the four noble truths were, I could use it as a reference, but that's about as much of a role that that physical picture plays in my life.

 

I wondered where they were. Can you go and check that they are still there. I think there's a lot of people will want to borrow them. Or at least have a look.

[Icedude]

Now, you got your diploma and become enlightened with 1.b in red. What are you going to do with your diploma(an attachment) now?

 

Until you enter final nirvana, you always have *some* attachments to the material. Bodhisattwas are arhats with an attachment to teach. Even Buddha had an attachment to teach. However, these sort of attachments are voluntary. When you enter Nirvana you let go of all attachment, but after that, to exit Nirvana again, you have to reattach attachments again.

 

Also, buddhisms definition of Nirvana is about letting go of attachments as well. There are ten fetters that you have to remove before you become an arhat.

[Icedude]

I wondered where they were. Can you go and check that they are still there. I think there's a lot of people will want to borrow them. Or at least have a look.

 

There is seemingly no end to your cleverness today.

[Apech]

There is seemingly no end to your cleverness today.

 

Not just today.

[king]

IceDude, you've been here for 2 days and you are already trolling?!

An internet quiz told you you are a Buddha and you go crazy..
At least stop pretending to be serious, if you haven't notice it makes you look like a fool.

 

I really hope you are just trolling and not being serious

[king]

Why is this in the "General Discussion" section btw? Shouldn't it be in the "Off topic"?

[ChiDragon]

Until you enter final nirvana, you always have *some* attachments to the material. Bodhisattwas are arhats with an attachment to teach. Even Buddha had an attachment to teach. However, these sort of attachments are voluntary. When you enter Nirvana you let go of all attachment, but after that, to exit Nirvana again, you have to reattach attachments again.

 

Also, buddhisms definition of Nirvana is about letting go of attachments as well. There are ten fetters that you have to remove before you become an arhat.

 

Well, a diploma is such an immaterial object, why you are so attached to it....???

[Icedude]

IceDude, you've been here for 2 days and you are already trolling?!

An internet quiz told you you are a Buddha and you go crazy..

At least stop pretending to be serious, if you haven't notice it makes you look like a fool.

 

I really hope you are just trolling and not being serious

 

Actually it was a bodhisattwa, not a buddha, but the test maxed out, so I don't know if I'm a buddha or not.

Of course I'm serious. I'm enlightened. I just don't know how enlightened I am, because that's up to definitions and stuff.

I'm sorry, but I'm being serious. In my very first post in the lounge, I mentioned having "delusions of enlightenment".

I figured you could be serious about it too, because it isn't a warm and fuzzy feeling you get from reading that when you're simply you, you're this holy dude that people should gather round. It's cool to be enlightened up to a point. It's cool to be skilled at something. Then it gets creepy and weird, and people stop understanding you, and when you actually begin to read, scriptures say weird things about things you think is completely normal. Then it isn't a warm and fuzzy feeling anymore. Then it's kind of dreadful.

 

 

 

>Why is this in the "General Discussion" section btw? Shouldn't it be in the "Off topic"?

 

There's a buddhism section, but I figured that since I get the Tao as well, I might as well ask for *any* kind of test or diploma. Shinto is a pretty cool religion as well. I doubt I'm a kami, though.

Edited March 20, 2014 by Icedude

[thelerner]

Years ago there was one guy here who had the audacity to say 'I am enlightened'. After corresponding with him and reading his posts, I believed him. He mostly studied Healing Tao stuff, in great depth, yet the catalyst or radical change seemed to be the emotional blackness he suffered after the death of his mother.

 

His wasn't the 'powers' and 'perfection' some consider enlightenment, rather a mental shift, to a highly relaxed flowing state. A certain deepening of being. Some sort of On switch that had previously been off.

[zerostao]

Why is this in the "General Discussion" section btw? Shouldn't it be in the "Off topic"?

i think enlightenment/nirvana qualifies for general discussion.

besides hes being trolled by a few of us, seems like a good sport, he does have 3 diplomas.