My Tao

[Silent Answers]

Hi everyone!

 

I'm reaching out to you from China, but I'm originally from England.

 

I'm bored so I'll go into detail for anybody interested...for everyone else, brothers and sisters, it's nice to meet you.

 

I've been living in China for about 5 years now and honestly it destroyed me at first. There's so much BS that you have to put up with here and its easy to lose yourself in negativity. I literally started to hate everything - nothing could impress me - until one day out of no where I woke up.

 

I hadn't really been very spiritual or given it much thought for 15 years but all of a sudden I was having out of body experiences and saw everything much clearer. These were some very extreme experiences in which I was one with everything...it was pretty confusing at first and it felt like I was being torn in every direction.

 

I was hooked. I had to know what I was going through. It was as if a light had been turned on, allowing me to appreciate the world and other people...Wow, I was so judgmental before, but now I saw that none of that really mattered anymore - it was all beauty.

 

That led me to Taoism - it spoke to me and fit in with a lot of what I was feeling / doing...the oneness...the self analysis...the understanding and quietening of the mind, which complemented everything else.

 

I cut meat out of my diet over night and started to listen to the thoughts I had been repressing. I opened myself back up to the world and could see the light. I felt and still do feel amazing. I suddenly had extreme will power to do whatever I wanted.

 

Along with my negative mindset of the past, I also had wayyyy too much sex...I wont go too into detail on that, but overcoming that urge was a big step for me. I now very rarely indulge those desires and use any idle time to either meditate or learn.

 

I feel like I've come such a long way in a short amount of time, but then at the same time it's like I always knew. It took a bit of practice but now I'm able to live most of my life *in the moment* with a feeling of being present.

 

There's more but I'll leave it there for now! Sorry not everything here was completely Tao related. I hope to make some new friends on here and read more of your journeys.

 

If anybody has questions, feel free to ask!

[Chang]

Hello, welcome and thank you for the interesting introduction.

 

You will now be free to post throughout the forum but befor getting started we ask that you read the two posts pinned at the top of the Lobby and take a look at the forum terms and rules http://thetaobums.com/topic/19575-forum-terms-rules/ This covers all that you need be aware of.

 

Good luck and best wishes,

 

Chang

[soaring crane]

Hi and welcome!

 

If you have the time and inclination, could you post some details about your China experience? Thanks!

[子泰]

Which part of China are you in? I had a similar negative experience in China that took some time to get over, so I know what you're talking about

[Silent Answers]

Thanks for the replies

 

I live in the Guangzhou city to the south of China. When I was around 16 I went to HK for the first time with a Chinese friend. Stayed with his family, I fell in love with the place and culture (I had been into Asian culture in my early childhood too like most kids of the 80s.) The technology they had there at the time blew me away and didn't appear in England until about 8 years later.

 

Anyways, lets keep this short and sweet so I don't bore you with the details.

 

My wife is Chinese but spent a lot of time in England. We moved to China when I was 23 because she was feeling homesick. I was excited at first and the job I have here is pretty awesome..it felt like my dreams were coming true - and I feel like an idiot for letting that feeling go somewhere down the line. I'm glad to have it back though.

 

So why did I lose that excitement? I'll try say this without being overly negative...but there's just a massive culture gap. No matter how into Chinese culture you are, you'll never be ready for it unless you've lived here a few years.

 

It's the little things which are burned into your own set of morals which are completely overlooked here that get to you at first. Slowly you can really start just hating a lot of their culture because it conflicts so much with our own. You have to keep reminding yourself that everyone has their own way. A lot of foreigners that come here get caught in the same trap and begin to develop a habit of looking down on the locals because they're too caught up in their own egos. (like I was starting to be)...Then when you think you start to understand it - often what you're seeing is just the surface. Understanding the hearts and minds of the Chinese, even the youth sometimes despite them being much more westernized, is a huge challenge that takes practice. They often look and treat white people as aliens from another world - that was perhaps one of the biggest hates I had early on - but now the more I open up, the more I see we really were worlds apart back then.

 

I see now that it was a test...without being in China and having to constantly challenge and analyse who I was, I don't think I'd be writing here to you now.

[Bearded Dragon]

I thought Guangzhou was a breath of fresh air (literally and figuratively) after being in HK for a couple of weeks.

 

Good to see that you opened up. China is probably the place to be to explore that. If you can get into their circles I guess. I think you just have to prove yourself to them.

[soaring crane]

Thanks for the reply! I'm curious about something more specific - was it the loss of 'individual identity' that got to you most? Did you have trouble with the collective mindset?

 

Also, have you seen this:

 

The 4 strangest things nobody tells you about life in China

 

Or maybe you wrote it? haha

 

One last question - what do you teach?

[Silent Answers]

I thought Guangzhou was a breath of fresh air (literally and figuratively) after being in HK for a couple of weeks.

 

Good to see that you opened up. China is probably the place to be to explore that. If you can get into their circles I guess. I think you just have to prove yourself to them.

 

The thing is, I grew up with a lot of Asians...I speak the lingo and I thought I understood it all before falling into the culture shock trap. My first year was awesome...but it's after that you begin to build up a quota of BS that boils over every now and again.

 

With my job I get to meet a lot of different people and I'm married to a fairly influential family here so I was thrown into those circles..in fact I think that was the problem for me..I saw everything at surface value..

 

Take for example - dining with officials - I used to dread those dinners. Sitting around a table getting asked the same old questions, being forced to drink excessive amounts of alcohol while the female employees are used as tools / prizes expected to flirt and appease the higher ranking males.

 

Or just small things, like how you might expect someone to say thank you or even acknowledge you for holding a door open for them - not at all - 70% of the time people will almost barge you out of the way, unless they know that you hold some kind of power over them, creating a need to be nice out of fear.

 

These are common place and take some getting used to...but like i say...you have to look beyond the surface things you confront day to day.

[soaring crane]

 

Take for example - dining with officials - I used to dread those dinners. Sitting around a table getting asked the same old questions, being forced to drink excessive amounts of alcohol while the female employees are used as tools / prizes expected to flirt and appease the higher ranking males.

 

ah... ok, that sounds a lot like my wife's experience with Japanese business contacts. Mad her furious

[Silent Answers]

Thanks for the reply! I'm curious about something more specific - was it the loss of 'individual identity' that got to you most? Did you have trouble with the collective mindset?

 

Also, have you seen this:

 

The 4 strangest things nobody tells you about life in China

 

Or maybe you wrote it? haha

 

One last question - what do you teach?

 

Reading the page now..

 

4. Fake meat - YES that's true...money not being accepted back into the ATM though is likely just because its crumpled.

 

I've ordered beef before and received pork with flavour and colouring to make it seem like beef.

 

3. I hate drudging up these feelings...but this one is true. Where I am in GD, people are extremely slow at most things which can get on your nerves if you need something done quickly. A lot of people here have IMMENSELY big egos and can't see how their actions effect anything a few seconds into the future - I blame it on education.

 

Driving is another one - you can be stuck in traffic for ages - not because there's a problem but just because it takes a LOT longer for the average Chinese person to pull away from the lights... more often than not only several cars are let out before the light changes back to red, when in the same time someone from the west could have expected the whole line of cars to clear.

 

Driving in China is not for those with a short temper.

 

2. The guy that wrote this clearly has felt the culture shock, he's not in a happy place .. He's exaggerating on the claims of point 2, or perhaps this was written 10 years ago when it would have been true. Today's China does still idolize white people to some extent but then again there's a lot of resent. However, yes, rural people are always amazed by the presence of a westerner and you can get offers from people who want to hire you just based on that. Now with China playing a more dominant world role though, there's a slight sense of "we don't need you any more".

 

1. Yes the government does control everything but the writer of the article is biased in his views of what is normal - judging the system by his own beliefs.

 

The fact is - all governments are corrupt and have total control over you. The only difference is that in China, its an open book. They don't try to hide what they want you to do or play cloak and dagger with policies. Most of the time you just get told "do this" and you have to do it. But I actually respect that. I also respect policies like birth limitations - without them China would be even more populated and out of control. As a world we are already WAY WAY WAY too over populated to support ourselves. Although it's not very nice that you don't have a choice in the matter, the majority of people need to be led or else there'd be utter chaos.

[Silent Answers]

ah... ok, that sounds a lot like my wife's experience with Japanese business contacts. Mad her furious

Yeah, it's very distasteful and repulsive. Seeing the expression of your 20 year old colleague / intern in the arms of some 60+ married, drunk guy. However, it's the culture. Or at least was the culture. There's some big changes going on right now meaning that all the old partying, splashing out on fancy dinners with hookers and bribery are now a thing of the past.

[Silent Answers]

 

 

One last question - what do you teach?

 

Missed this part out - I don't teach, although it can be good money if you have the right qualifications under the tougher foreigner employment laws. (China isn't as willing to let foreigners live in China for long periods anymore - it can be done but it's not as easy as it used to be)