Feeling powerless and low

[skydog]

I hate feeling powerless

Like I have no feeling of control

Like I am completely at the mercy of something else

Which is possibly completely against the desires I may or may not have

Like a slave

 

It fills me with terror the idea

That I cannot control anything

 

I get very angry at people who ruin my feelings of power

Making me feel less powerful

 

I hate being made to feel low

Like Im unworthy, useful or bad

Like I cannot control my own feelings of lowness

Im completely at the mercy of others who may try and possibly succeed at making me feel low

 

Which is possibly why I hate the idea of work

 

I hate the idea of being made to do things I dont want to, being made to feel low, shouted at, told to move even faster or I might lose my job, and feel even lower and less powerful

 

I hate the feelings of powerlessness this gives me

 

I hate the feeling of being made to feel lower than the supposed person who is meant to be higher than me according to the exterior situations and climate of the world

 

SO I avoid feeling low and I avoid feeling powerless

 

Sure people who are in high and powerful positions tell me that this is wrong and I should enjoy feeling powerless and low

 

But I do not wish to feel powerless or low

 

and have no control over my feelings of lowness or powerlessness

 

Then I am completely powerless and completely low

 

I wish to avoid situations like work, and being around people who do not show respect to me

 

as they fill me with feelings of lowness and powerlessness

 

 

[Marblehead]

I see too much hatred flowing in that post. It is consuming your power. Concentrate your power (Chi - energy) so that you can use it for better things.

[skydog]

well I am pretty sad at the moment

 

though perhaps the high comes from the low, and power comes from powerlessness

[skydog]

The power of acceptance

Posted on October 24, 2011

Truth can hurt

 

 

Last post I talked about judgment. Now I want to talk about acceptance, which is the opposite face of the same coin. Like judgment, problems with acceptance reflect similar issues of control and mistrust. At its core, acceptance is an acknowledgment of powerlessness. One of the great paradoxes of being human is that ultimately we each have very little power in our lives, but when we can realise and accept this, our power becomes enormous because then we are fully grounded within our own reality, and not easily moved or manipulated by external events. Grounded people, people who really know themselves, are the most powerful people we know.

In society, power is almost always represented as wielded by those who possess economic and political influence, but there really is no connection between those realms and true power. All one needs to do is look at what happened with Ghadafi to see how delusional such power is.

Most of our life’s struggles involve illusions of power: paying bills, beating traffic, even putting on makeup is a struggle for power, an effort to influence and control an outcome, even if that is just the approval of others. As children we learn that external events have profound emotional and physical impacts on us, often in ways we have little control over, and we adapt to this powerlessness by acquiring skills of control and manipulation. We react in an almost Pavlovian fashion because our undeveloped cognitive abilities do not allow a deeper consideration. It’s not much more than a lizard scurrying away when jabbed by a stick.

Unfortunately, we carry these traits into adulthood –stimulus, react, judge the outcome. The more our reaction affects the outcome, the more we believe our power to be. But what happens when two people encounter each other when they both carry the same paradigm? A subtle jockeying for power, and one’s perceived position, one’s sense of power depends on how that unfolds. It’s no wonder that those most aggressive and domineering tend to rise to secular power.

But what rests at the core of his dynamic is a deep sense of personal powerlessness that the individual believes must be overcome by trappings of external power. Unacknowledged and unaccepted powerlessness is deeply painful, and it must be buried by as much external power as possible. Which is why so many wounded individuals become tyrants, domestic or political.

The tyrant does not own his powerlessness, and in a way we are all tyrants, all doing our best to overpower and manipulate our worlds as best we may, not trusting that it is merely ourselves that need watching and controlling. When we look inside ourselves and recognise our deep inner powerlessness and the pain that it causes, we are then released from a need to have power over things outside ourselves. And in doing so, external events cease to have power over us.

Acceptance means I am powerless to change something, nothing more. It is not forgiveness nor is it a synonym for “good”. In fact, most things we need acceptance for are unqualifiedly “bad” or unpleasant.

The past is a big source of non-acceptance, especially around wounds and perceived slights. Limitations we see in others and especially ourselves is also a big one; in a personal example, working in a 9-5 job is soul destroying for me, and no matter how I wish it were otherwise, that cannot change in any way that I can foresee. I am powerless to make that different, and the only way forward for me is to accept that

I also tend to not accept the wealthy and politically powerful in the world, and that is equally as foolish because again, there is nothing I can do to change that reality. I can personally do nothing to alter climate change, heavy traffic, or the devaluation of my boat. The fact is that except in a few very specific instances, I’m almost totally powerless in the world, and the few ways I do have power generally involve my capacity for improving myself.

That doesn’t at all mean we don’t do anything, we don’t try to make it a better and more just world. We still have obligations and responsibilities to each other. But what it does mean is that being powerless, we cannot expect to change outcomes, and so we let that go. We do things because we believe them to be right and just, not because we think we have control over events. Occasionally we might experience a happy and unexpected result of our efforts, but we realise it had little to do with us.

We are confronted by the need for acceptance every day. I tend to need reminding of his constantly, as I’m stubborn as hell and hate being thwarted, even by inanimate objects. Just recently I got my ‘68 Yamaha on the road, and as is usually the case when first firing up along-neglected vehicle, a number of issues have arisen. Because the weather is glorious and I’m very impatient to be riding, I’ve been banging my head against the thing hour after hour, day after day, and it feels like I’m not getting anywhere. I’m determined to bring it to heel, and so I’ve surrendered my power to stupid, random luck. Maybe tomorrow I’ll get it fixed, maybe not, but I’m sure not having fun, and I feel like pushing the damn thing into the sea.

A much healthier and enlightened approach would be to simply let go. It isn’t running now and I don’t feel like working on it, so leave it until I do. Meanwhile go for a walk or write. If I never touch it again, it’s no matter; hell, I can just give it away. Much better to forget about riding for now and instead seek another way to feel the freedom that riding gives me. And letting go of the bike for now would be an enormous step in that direction.

But then I would have to face my powerlessness. It doesn’t run right and I cannot simply will it work. I can bang against it until it’s fixed, but since I don’t actually want to work on it, I’ve lost my power in seeking power. Making things go my way is certainly not power, and yet it is what I strive for.

Owning our powerlessness allows us to see ourselves and others in a more realistic light, and we cannot but feel compassion, just as we might for a baby bird, or a puppy. We are likely to speak in soft tones and consider others first. Imagine a world where our political leaders and captains of industry did the same. And in this regard I know if I’m not part of the solution, I’m most assuredly part of the problem.

[BaguaKicksAss]

Once you give up chasing after the power, or feeling that you are with or without it, then it comes.

[Andrei]

You know, Lao Tzu said a very wise thing (paraphrasing): what is more powerful than a tornado? And yet if you sit in the eye of the tornado nothing can touch you.

[skydog]

In addition

 

 

Trying to control feelings of powerless and lowness by numbing out desires and accepting everything, is an equal avoidance of feeling low and powerless

 

Non doing

 

bah

Edited June 3, 2014 by skydog

[Clarity]

Skydog, you're resonating with your ancestors experiences of making other people feel powerless and low, deleted.

 

Unconditional acceptance it seeing things for what they really are without judging or pretending that it's anything other than what it is.

 

So it's not really about 'owning' it as much as it is about being honest/not lying about it and then deleting what's sticking you.

[skydog]

True, thanks

[SonOfTheGods]

well I am pretty sad at the moment

 

though perhaps the high comes from the low, and power comes from powerlessness

 

Algorithm, Biorhythms and Circadian cycles

 

Jing gets depleted.

Cortisol drowns.

[Bearded Dragon]

It's not you who feels powerless and low. It's the perceived you. This junction is basically the red and blue pill event from The Matrix. Either you live in the dream world or put in the effort to wake up. It's up to you.

[manitou]

This is going to sound way too pedestrian for this forum, but I think you would benefit from a few Alanon meetings. The meetings go directly to the relationship we have with our significant others, our kids, our bosses - any person or situation because of whom you feel powerless. it teaches us how to not be victims, and stay in our own lanes -

[thelerner]

and sometimes its okay to sing the blues, feel down in the dumps. Not for too long, but its also okay to surrender to it for a while. Thats why they wrote the blues.

 

But after week or two skillful ways should be found to lift yourself out.

[Goldleaf]

As someone confronting feelings of powerlessness myself right now, 

 

Can I also add, 

 

This may have been a great opportunity to grow.  Maybe powerlessness is ingrained a little in you, like a learned behaviour.  Our brains are useful things but also, incredibly destructive.  With the wonderful thing that is "school" we have all learned how to be "rote learners".  B is pronounced "Bee".  And we accept it.  "B".  Etc.  But that is all rote, and not the real reality of life that we are then thrust into once we leave our parents nest and go into the world.  

 

So, there is a story  which I will quote below

 

There is a story of a man who loved parrots and wanted to raise special ones. So he bought three parrot eggs, and as they grew, he taught them music, physics, and mathematical formulas. When they were older, they could recite these formulas and quack Beethoven’s symphony perfectly. But one day the man died, and someone put them in a tree outside. They crawled up the branches, looking around their new home.   Then they saw another parrot and said to him, “We know everything. We can recite this formula and that formula.” The other parrot saw a cat approaching and said, “Do you know how to fly?” “Of course we know how to fly. When pressure is created at the bottom of the wing, and there is low pressure at the top, we can fly.” He said, “No, not the formula—do you really know how to fly?” “But we know so much, what difference could it make?” “The one thing you don’t know you really do need to know, and because you don’t know that, all you know isn’t going to do you any good.”   Heheh a good story for leaving our parents nest!   Anyway, the point is I think most of us are actually learned how to be less useful in life, by our upbringing / school / culture.  Very few cultures nowadays encourage their kids to ask deep questions/ explore nature as much as possible.   I don't know what my point of all this is lol maybe someone can help me out.   But I hope you see that you are truly like the matrix someone mentioned earlier -red pill or blue pill.  -True self or rote learning self?   I am going to work on some meditation /yoga / mindfulness to get to the bottom of my issues and see where that leads me for now.

 

 

 

[Marblehead]

Hi Goldleaf,

 

I speak often of knowing our capabilities and capacities.  I think this speak to what you have spoken to above.

 

Within our capabilities and capacities we have power,  Outside those limits we have no power.

 

Leave the pills alone so you can find your true nature.

 

 

[manitou]

I am feeling the only thing I have no power over.  The death of my spouse of 35 years.  He has been gone for a month, and just yesterday I found myself hollering in the forest 'BUT I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO!!'.  There is absolutely nothing I can do to bring him back.  I cry from my soul daily, I wake up with red and swollen eyes.

 

Every other thing in life that I think I have felt powerless about, I was not powerless.  I always had a choice, even if I couldn't see it at the moment.  Usually lack of courage was the problem.  I see that so clearly from this position today.  To feel powerless at the death of someone you have spent half your life with, every single day, is to feel like you are laying on the ground, flat, with absolutely no power.   I have no options but to accept this.  Which apparently I haven't done yet.  Total surrender is my answer, and yet I fight it still.  I don't want to believe he's gone.  I feel like half of me has been amputated.

 

Yes, I know there are Buddhist answers.  and yet I still wallow in the pain of loss.

[rene]

40 minutes ago, manitou said:

I am feeling the only thing I have no power over.  The death of my spouse of 35 years.  He has been gone for a month, and just yesterday I found myself hollering in the forest 'BUT I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO!!'.  There is absolutely nothing I can do to bring him back.  I cry from my soul daily, I wake up with red and swollen eyes.

 

Every other thing in life that I think I have felt powerless about, I was not powerless.  I always had a choice, even if I couldn't see it at the moment.  Usually lack of courage was the problem.  I see that so clearly from this position today.  To feel powerless at the death of someone you have spent half your life with, every single day, is to feel like you are laying on the ground, flat, with absolutely no power.   I have no options but to accept this.  Which apparently I haven't done yet.  Total surrender is my answer, and yet I fight it still.  I don't want to believe he's gone.  I feel like half of me has been amputated.

 

Yes, I know there are Buddhist answers.  and yet I still wallow in the pain of loss.

 

dearest manitou, I have been where you are, for the same reason. Yes, you are powerless in this. All you can do, now, is to choose and decide to keep breathing. Others' words of comfort or advice, though appreciated, have little affect. Just know you are loved, and still loved by Joe. For me, sinking into the grief was the way through it and it will last as long as it does, then it changes into something else; fighting that flow, or trying to control it, is harmful, ime. Take best of care, love rene

[manitou]

45 minutes ago, rene said:

 

dearest manitou, I have been where you are, for the same reason. Yes, you are powerless in this. All you can do, now, is to choose and decide to keep breathing. Others' words of comfort or advice, though appreciated, have little affect. Just know you are loved, and still loved by Joe. For me, sinking into the grief was the way through it and it will last as long as it does, then it changes into something else; fighting that flow, or trying to control it, is harmful, ime. Take best of care, love rene

 

Thank you, Rene.  Spoken by one who truly understands, which shines through your words.   The choice is, truly, to breathe or not to breathe.

[cold]

Manitou you are in a very special position. As rene points out recalling that you remain loved by Joe will help some.

As the days pass the pain will recede and return with increasing regularity.

Acceptance then denial, and back and forth between them is to be expected in the coming days, weeks, and months.

 At least that was what occurred to me...

best wishes and warmest regards

[s1va]

Edit:  Removed, since my response and suggestion was entirely to the OP and I did not pay attention to the timeline of this entire thread (starting from 2014) and the recent posts in the past few days.

Edited October 28, 2017 by s1va

[s1va]

Manitou, I feel terrible for your loss.  I was responding to the OP on my reply above and not to your post.  I should have paid closer attention to the timeline and recent posts.  Coincidentally, I used the word 'grief' on my original reply above to indicate the sadness expressed on the original post, without reading your post or responses after that.   I am glad I came back and checked this post today and realized the mistake I made.  I apologize if you felt the response I typed above was for your post.  Once again sorry for your loss.  My best wishes and regards.

 

 

[oak]

On 27/10/2017 at 5:07 PM, manitou said:

I am feeling the only thing I have no power over.  The death of my spouse of 35 years.  He has been gone for a month, and just yesterday I found myself hollering in the forest 'BUT I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO!!'.  There is absolutely nothing I can do to bring him back.  I cry from my soul daily, I wake up with red and swollen eyes.

 

Every other thing in life that I think I have felt powerless about, I was not powerless.  I always had a choice, even if I couldn't see it at the moment.  Usually lack of courage was the problem.  I see that so clearly from this position today.  To feel powerless at the death of someone you have spent half your life with, every single day, is to feel like you are laying on the ground, flat, with absolutely no power.   I have no options but to accept this.  Which apparently I haven't done yet.  Total surrender is my answer, and yet I fight it still.  I don't want to believe he's gone.  I feel like half of me has been amputated.

 

Yes, I know there are Buddhist answers.  and yet I still wallow in the pain of loss.

Sending you an heartfelt hug Manitou. No words would do better at this time I feel.