mental fog

[sunchild]

i've really struggled with mental foginess these last couple years, and recently it only seems to be getting worst. i'll have moments of extreme insight, intuition wise or recalling a very distant memory, only to be followed by a heavy mental fog. at times it feel like i am, although i detest the term, 'mentally retarded'. most of the time i'm not thinking of anything at all, rather i'm just being 'present' i guess.

 

it irritated my girlfriend dozens of times-

"what are you thinking about?"

"nothing."

"yes you are, its impossible to think about nothing"

 

at this point everything i took interest in in my personal life has sort of 'faded', there's a tangible detached feeling whenever i try to 'reignite the spark' in anyone of my past interests art, music, especially writing. as much as i miss it, i can't seem to 'care' for it anymore. i no longer have a burning desire, for anything really. it makes me sad because i was a decent writer/poet, but now it seems like my condition mentally/spiritually is in a state of decomposition. i can't seem to 'care' anymore.

 

i've seen how taken aback people are when i have a moment of clarity or if i have 'something to say', i think it has to do with me walking around in a fog all the time and never saying much besides short answers and odd noises, but then suddenly becoming articulate and spoken.

 

my interest in most 'worldly' things/my surroundings has completely disappeared. i wouldn't mind it so much, if that didn't sap the remaining meaning out of what i call my life.

 

i'm not suicidal, i'm very grateful, there's just nothing else i can see myself doing or wanting in this life and i am ready to die.

 

i don’t get sad anymore, if i do i have to be really swept away by it or thinking about it a lot which is rare for just about anything. throughout the day i’m for the most part indifferent unless someone really engages me mentally/energetically. music doesn’t even move me like it used to, it actually hurts my brain when i feel really 'clear'- especially music that has words, that is the worst.

 

the fog is so hard to describe, but every day i wake up its like a brand new day/like i was literally just born, i guess its because i don’t have stress/trivia/negativity on my mind all day anymore. i see the crazy passion for life/goals other people have and i overstand it, it’s just weird seeing it in others and not myself anymore. makes me feel like i’m missing a piece sometimes. my 'life' currently is very neutral, disimpassioned.

 

some people i know get mad at me for not constantly thinking bout them(obsession/'love') or not having ‘big goals’(circus acts) for myself anymore. but honestly i barely think anymore, most of what i do/write/say is pure instinct/intuition.

 

it really hurts sometimes. all the things i used to be excited for in life are gone(except jalpeno chips), all the things i was talented at i no longer care for, all of the old 'deep' thoughts i loved having rarely surface anymore. i feel so detached from almost everything around me. and it hurts worse than it ever has because im pretty sure this girl i love/(loved?) has gotten a taste of the emptiness inside of me, that makes me sad. her life has been hard enough without me in it slowly loosing touch with everything/everyone around me through our relationship.

 

i feel like i'm missing a piece of my soul. like i've escaped something i shouldn't have and it desperately wants me back.

 

something isn't right about this. i really feel like i'm being punished. this fog/empty headedness has gone on for so long now, its starting to scare me.

[sunchild]

all of this started happening around the time of my 'kundalini arousal', where i felt so many of my preconceived notions being lifted from my perception. i feel more sensitive about things i never have before, and i know that has to do with my self-imposed isolation. but i also feel the isolation further stripping my ability to cope with life.

 

when i meet people who at least have an idea what is going on with me, i'm a little relieved, but most of the time they try to make out what's happening to be some sort of blessing or 'special power', but i honestly think its something i've been cursed with. i don't see the good in something thats destroyed my life.

 

i'm glad i didn't get the 'full service'.

[3bob]

Sounds like you could use a real expert - that are not to easy to come by! Have you read some of the Kopi Krishna material?

 

(it's on the web)

Edited July 8, 2014 by 3bob

[C T]

You are not alone.

 

Im like this almost all the time too.

 

The only difference is that i have learnt to enjoy it, and why not... every aspect of life, from the professional to the personal, has been exceeeedingly amazing because when something demands my attention, there is nothing there to obstruct me giving a 110% of it. And when its over, its over -- no loose ends anywhere.

 

The only thing i can suggest is to change the way you are responding to this, and to learn how to snap out of this non-state when you have to. For example, when you are with your girlfriend, BE with her fully... try not to go all hazy on her... there are other more appropriate moments for that. If you cannot do this, then it becomes an obstacle. If you can, then it becomes a blessing. When you are walking, let the walk be everything

 

With the right attitude, you will master yourself and learn how to switch on and switch off at will. Its really fantastic cos after you put this into practice, gradually your worries will fade away, you can fall asleep within seconds while others usually struggle with it, you can be present, aware and alert, whatever you will be doing you will notice a heightened attentiveness, and last but not least, you will get to drop that sense of self-absorbed, spaced-out, over-indulgent concept of who and what you are by way of directing attention out towards whatever your senses happen to tap into. For example, when you are eating, or when its warm, or perhaps when you are being drawn away from being aware, be present to all of that, and so on. Its an exercise to draw attention and focus back from 'there' back to 'here'.

 

Actually, 'here' and 'there' has no separation at all, but if we confound ourselves with imaginings, then the separation becomes real, and we find ourselves thinking that we are screwed. Happily, that is a flawed premise built by the ego. Nothing is ever flawed nor not flawed -- until we learn to put a stop to our conditioned mind performing juggling acts all the time, it will be quite a task to see this clearly.

[GrandmasterP]

Hi Sunchild.

What you describe is far more common than you maybe imagine so please don't be 'down' on yourself for it.

In mindfulness that 'brain fog' type of thing we call 'autopilot' and more people have it than don't.

Some more than others butbrecognising it is half way to addressing it.

Med school student blog piece here on 'autopilot' and there's more on the Mindfulness sites.

https://sqonline.ucsd.edu/2014/04/mindfulness-and-the-dangers-of-autopilot/

Hope that helps and all good wishes to you for every success.

Edited July 8, 2014 by GrandmasterP

[Andrei]

Men's brains have a little box that has 'nothing' in it. So tell your gf not to be concerned about, all men have it,

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qvu0J-gaJ50

[sunchild]

Sounds like you could use a real expert - that are not to easy to come by! Have you read some of the Kopi Krishna material?

 

(it's on the web)

no i have not. i have heard extremely brief summations of what he writes about his kundalini experience, namely the agonies. do you think i would benefit from his writings? i thought most of them would be non-applicable as according to most people who've commented on it, i haven't had a 'full' awakening- no spontaneous kriyas or anything like that.

[Marblehead]

I have a very big "nothing" box.

[BaguaKicksAss]

The fog part of that I used to get too. It was allergies. It's gone now. It was for many years. Same with some others I have talked with.

 

The other bits just sound like you have mellowed and are more neutral about life .

[3bob]

Sunchild,

 

His descriptions of things gone crazy could be of use if any of those symptoms ever kick in... there is also a lot of other material there (an in an organization) to see what may interest you. Besides - more chances of finding someone to talk with that might be able help in some way?

 

Good luck man

Edited July 8, 2014 by 3bob

[sunchild]

You are not alone.

 

Im like this almost all the time too.

 

The only difference is that i have learnt to enjoy it, and why not... every aspect of life, from the professional to the personal, has been exceeeedingly amazing because when something demands my attention, there is nothing there to obstruct me giving a 110% of it. And when its over, its over -- no loose ends anywhere.

 

The only thing i can suggest is to change the way you are responding to this, and to learn how to snap out of this non-state when you have to. For example, when you are with your girlfriend, BE with her fully... try not to go all hazy on her... there are other more appropriate moments for that. If you cannot do this, then it becomes an obstacle. If you can, then it becomes a blessing. When you are walking, let the walk be everything

 

With the right attitude, you will master yourself and learn how to switch on and switch off at will. Its really fantastic cos after you put this into practice, gradually your worries will fade away, you can fall asleep within seconds while others usually struggle with it, you can be present, aware and alert, whatever you will be doing you will notice a heightened attentiveness, and last but not least, you will get to drop that sense of self-absorbed, spaced-out, over-indulgent concept of who and what you are by way of directing attention out towards whatever your senses happen to tap into. For example, when you are eating, or when its warm, or perhaps when you are being drawn away from being aware, be present to all of that, and so on. Its an exercise to draw attention and focus back from 'there' back to 'here'.

 

Actually, 'here' and 'there' has no separation at all, but if we confound ourselves with imaginings, then the separation becomes real, and we find ourselves thinking that we are screwed. Happily, that is a flawed premise built by the ego. Nothing is ever flawed nor not flawed -- until we learn to put a stop to our conditioned mind performing juggling acts all the time, it will be quite a task to see this clearly.

thank you for these words. i've had the 'right attitude' towards it before when i was practicing candle gazing/trataka, life was very beautiful/vivid- it still is unusually vivid. it's just hard to feel like i'm living most of the time, the contrast between my thoughts/lifestyles and that of my peers/surroundings is stark, or even want to live any longer.

 

i just don't see the point anymore. i can't bring myself to feel as passionately for anything as i have in the past, like you stated 'when its over its over', as soon as i finish something i'm interested in i suddenly go back to being detached from it. oftentimes the small bit of excitement i can muster burns itself out Quickly. i've lost every interest/hobby i had in the past, my life has no meaning anymore, there's simply nothing else i want to do here.

 

i know life is beautiful and i see it all around me, i just do not care for it anymore.

 

thank you again, hopefully i'll wake up tomorrow with a new positive outlook on life.

[sunchild]

Hi Sunchild.

What you describe is far more common than you maybe imagine so please don't be 'down' on yourself for it.

In mindfulness that 'brain fog' type of thing we call 'autopilot' and more people have it than don't.

Some more than others butbrecognising it is half way to addressing it.

Med school student blog piece here on 'autopilot' and there's more on the Mindfulness sites.

https://sqonline.ucsd.edu/2014/04/mindfulness-and-the-dangers-of-autopilot/

Hope that helps and all good wishes to you for every success.

thank you, but this does not apply to my current situation.

[sunchild]

i used to be so worried about being 'a jack of all trades, master of none', that i would spend pretty much all my spare time on writing. now i can't even muster that kind of passion for anything.

 

people think i should be more 'upbeat' when i'm literally living for no reason.

 

inventing reasons to live every day becomes very problematic

[sunchild]

Sunchild,

 

His descriptions of things gone crazy could be of use if any of those symptoms ever kick in... there is also a lot of other material there (an in an organization) to see what may interest you. Besides - more chances of finding someone to talk with that might be able help in some way?

 

Good luck man

i hope they don't. having the top of my head open up to space and 'falling into' other people was a bit overwhelming at times. not to mention the whole perception shift deal. thank you, i hope they can help

[nestentrie]

May I ask how: old are you? This fog you speak of happened with me also. From as far back as about 24 years old the feeling ever so gradually layered on top of me until hitting a peak at 29.

 

In the beginning it was on and off. Over a few weeks or a month I'd be depressed and had all the same feelings of indifference you describe. However I'd often get a few months reprieve and feel almost normal. At times I could tell myself it was just situational. I had at 24 come out of a dysfunctional relationship and failed in university studies a year or two prior to that. It was just me getting over a hump.

 

But at 25 and 26 it got heavier, and lasted for longer each time (with shorter and shorter times of reprieve). I tried again to tell myself it was situational. I never held jobs and I was lonely. Yet there was always hope I told myself. I was just waiting for something.

 

27 and 28 were really no different. I think I'd just like to tell myself they were worse years because of what happened at 29 (and that I'd spent another couple of years with it not changing).

 

When I reached 29 I came to acceptance. I realised I'd never have the fancy job I'd wanted since youth (or at least that I'd never just snap my fingers and have a degree and fine job applications quickly lined up). I realised that most people I knew were dissapointed in me. I also knew that there was nothing I could really do about it. Better put, I realised that no amount of wishing could change it. The job would come when I found the motivation to do the underlying work and if people were to respect me, sure I could feel confident with that, but I neither needed that respect to feel confident or even particularly wanted to jump through hoops to get it. The fog had kind of morphed itself into calm.

 

Shortly after I turned 30 there was a transformation. A euchatrastrophe. I don't really feel inclined to talk much about it (the point in sharing this was to let you know you're not alone in the mental fog you have). But basically that calm I had was challenged. I had mental disturbance and outbursts of anger. Deep anger (but punctuated anger). What happened with that anger and that mindset was what I'd basically describe as a spiritual death. It was a pronlonged and varied experience with many mental and phsyical symptoms.

 

I can pinpoint to the 'death' to one afternoon that I layed on the couch having visions, but really it has been a 3 year affair. I'm still dying now at 33.

 

What happened with the experience was that the fog didn't dissipate, but dramatically lift (it rose to higher energetic levels). I could talk longer about this lift than I could about the lethargy and depression of the dark years... To try and give a meaning to all this I would quote the following:

 

Between his birth and his latter end, man passes through four chief stages-infancy, adolescence, old age and death. In infancy, the vital force is concentrated, the will is undivided, and the general harmony of the system is perfect. External objects produce no injurious impression, and to the moral nature nothing can be added. In adolescence, the animal passions are wildly exuberant, the heart is filled with rising desires and preoccupations. The man is open to attack by the objects of sense, and thus his moral nature becomes enfeebled. In old age, his desires and preoccupations have lost their keenness, and the bodily frame seeks for repose. External objects no longer hold the first place in his regard. In this state, though not attaining to the perfection of infancy, he is already different from what he was in adolescence. In death, he comes to his rest, and returns to the Absolute.

I am now already different from what I was in adolescence. I already seek for repose. However unlike what it was for me in my 20s, now I can actually achieve it. Where lethargy would dull me, repose now energises me. Not wildly, exuberantly, or really anything like the passion of a teenager or 20 something, but calmly, deeply and meaningfully. I guess I'm slightly more sentimental now. However not wishing for anything.

I could probably talk more, but then it'd just be me boasting. If you are a young person, then I hope what I've said can be an encouraging story. If you're not, well maybe it's of some use anyway.

EDIT: er, i said i was 33 and it that it was a 3 year affair. oops. i'm 32 (33 in 6 months)... So only 2 and half years so far (they feel both short and long)

Edited July 9, 2014 by nestentrie

[Spotless]

I hit this some years ago along with a profound falling away of my former "story".

It still is taking some getting use to having a life which is other than me.

 

I am not deflated by this as it comes with a long practice but I was not prepared for the suddenness and if I had not stumbled upon some teachings and a teacher and practice and books and podcasts and videos (perhaps stumbled is a bit mild), I would have been adrift in a fairly lonesome isolation while oddly less isolated than before but in a very flipped about way.

 

I don't really sleep in the same way now - their is no end to the change - but getting up in the morning is no different than going to bed at night and my body is much lighter.

 

My relationship with my wife completely changed - good but completely different.

For relationships this has got to be very difficult.

 

I think you have taken a very positive jump but were not prepared for the sudden non- identification with so much of what was you. You still have all of the abilities, but they are no longer ornaments on your chest plate and you are no longer interested in your coat of arms - it's a bit like looking at a past life as a goat herder - that life is somehow dusty and foreign.

 

I have found Qi Gong to be immensely enjoyable and helpful and a whole pile of other wonderful things!

 

You also may enjoy listening to the interviews at www.batgap.com (start from the first interviews not the latest ones)

These are interviews of people who have awakened, and what it was like before, during and just after.

it sounds very much like you have entered a phase in which hearing these interviews would be helpful.

 

I listened to them for 6 or 8 hours at a time - what would be sleep time - they were real eye openers and they also worked to soften my heart and bring its light to bare.

 

Vitalii - a member here - seems to have some good heart practice in that regard - you may wish to reach out to him or look at his postings.

 

Your note about music with voice is something I noticed long ago - if I knew how to put a smily face here now I would.

Edited July 9, 2014 by Spotless

[sunchild]

 

May I ask how: old are you? This fog you speak of happened with me also. From as far back as about 24 years old the feeling ever so gradually layered on top of me until hitting a peak at 29.

 

In the beginning it was on and off. Over a few weeks or a month I'd be depressed and had all the same feelings of indifference you describe. However I'd often get a few months reprieve and feel almost normal. At times I could tell myself it was just situational. I had at 24 come out of a dysfunctional relationship and failed in university studies a year or two prior to that. It was just me getting over a hump.

 

But at 25 and 26 it got heavier, and lasted for longer each time (with shorter and shorter times of reprieve). I tried again to tell myself it was situational. I never held jobs and I was lonely. Yet there was always hope I told myself. I was just waiting for something.

 

27 and 28 were really no different. I think I'd just like to tell myself they were worse years because of what happened at 29 (and that I'd spent another couple of years with it not changing).

 

When I reached 29 I came to acceptance. I realised I'd never have the fancy job I'd wanted since youth (or at least that I'd never just snap my fingers and have a degree and fine job applications quickly lined up). I realised that most people I knew were dissapointed in me. I also knew that there was nothing I could really do about it. Better put, I realised that no amount of wishing could change it. The job would come when I found the motivation to do the underlying work and if people were to respect me, sure I could feel confident with that, but I neither needed that respect to feel confident or even particularly wanted to jump through hoops to get it. The fog had kind of morphed itself into calm.

 

Shortly after I turned 30 there was a transformation. A euchatrastrophe. I don't really feel inclined to talk much about it (the point in sharing this was to let you know you're not alone in the mental fog you have). But basically that calm I had was challenged. I had mental disturbance and outbursts of anger. Deep anger (but punctuated anger). What happened with that anger and that mindset was what I'd basically describe as a spiritual death. It was a pronlonged and varied experience with many mental and phsyical symptoms.

 

I can pinpoint to the 'death' to one afternoon that I layed on the couch having visions, but really it has been a 3 year affair. I'm still dying now at 33.

 

What happened with the experience was that the fog didn't dissipate, but dramatically lift (it rose to higher energetic levels). I could talk longer about this lift than I could about the lethargy and depression of the dark years... To try and give a meaning to all this I would quote the following:

 

Between his birth and his latter end, man passes through four chief stages-infancy, adolescence, old age and death. In infancy, the vital force is concentrated, the will is undivided, and the general harmony of the system is perfect. External objects produce no injurious impression, and to the moral nature nothing can be added. In adolescence, the animal passions are wildly exuberant, the heart is filled with rising desires and preoccupations. The man is open to attack by the objects of sense, and thus his moral nature becomes enfeebled. In old age, his desires and preoccupations have lost their keenness, and the bodily frame seeks for repose. External objects no longer hold the first place in his regard. In this state, though not attaining to the perfection of infancy, he is already different from what he was in adolescence. In death, he comes to his rest, and returns to the Absolute.

I am now already different from what I was in adolescence. I already seek for repose. However unlike what it was for me in my 20s, now I can actually achieve it. Where lethargy would dull me, repose now energises me. Not wildly, exuberantly, or really anything like the passion of a teenager or 20 something, but calmly, deeply and meaningfully. I guess I'm slightly more sentimental now. However not wishing for anything.

I could probably talk more, but then it'd just be me boasting. If you are a young person, then I hope what I've said can be an encouraging story. If you're not, well maybe it's of some use anyway.

EDIT: er, i said i was 33 and it that it was a 3 year affair. oops. i'm 32 (33 in 6 months)... So only 2 and half years so far (they feel both short and long)

honestly, i find that possibilty to be pretty terrifying considering what's already transpired.

i'm 25, 33 has been appearing quite a bit in my life these last few months.

 

with the quote are you suggesting that my brain has just gotten older/matured?

 

people my age are usually fully immersed in the passions of life

[sunchild]

I hit this some years ago along with a profound falling away of my former "story".

It still is taking some getting use to having a life which is other than me.

 

I am not deflated by this as it comes with a long practice but I was not prepared for the suddenness and if I had not stumbled upon some teachings and a teacher and practice and books and podcasts and videos (perhaps stumbled is a bit mild), I would have been adrift in a fairly lonesome isolation while oddly less isolated than before but in a very flipped about way.

 

I don't really sleep in the same way now - their is no end to the change - but getting up in the morning is no different than going to bed at night and my body is much lighter.

 

My relationship with my wife completely changed - good but completely different.

For relationships this has got to be very difficult.

 

I think you have taken a very positive jump but were not prepared for the sudden non- identification with so much of what was you. You still have all of the abilities, but they are no longer ornaments on your chest plate and you are no longer interested in your coat of arms - it's a bit like looking at a past life as a goat herder - that life is somehow dusty and foreign.

 

I have found Qi Gong to be immensely enjoyable and helpful and a whole pile of other wonderful things!

 

You also may enjoy listening to the interviews at www.batgap.com (start from the first interviews not the latest ones)

These are interviews of people who have awakened, and what it was like before, during and just after.

it sounds very much like you have entered a phase in which hearing these interviews would be helpful.

 

I listened to them for 6 or 8 hours at a time - what would be sleep time - they were real eye openers and they also worked to soften my heart and bring its light to bare.

 

Vitalii - a member here - seems to have some good heart practice in that regard - you may wish to reach out to him or look at his postings.

 

Your note about music with voice is something I noticed long ago - if I knew how to put a smily face here now I would.

yea.

 

i saw what i think is the last half of this movie called 'the edge' with anthony hopkins and there's a scene where he and i think one of the baldwins is emerging from the forest, after a 'long story', and they say to eachother something along the lines of people always wanting to change what is but rarely so they just start over completely. i felt like that was very applicable to my current situation.

 

how has your sleep changed?

when i was having a peak experience and i had a lot of energy, the 'sleep' was pretty unnerving. to an extent it was as if i was still 'conscious' while sleeping. i noticed probably for the first time the silence that arose between the thoughts i had, it was like my words would echo- so i very quickly learned how to block out 'interference' because it was imperative to have a decent 'sleep'.

when you sleep are you still conscious of yourself/thoughts/surroundings? i've heard that being the case when one's 'third/heavenly eye' has opened, especially visually

 

yes, i hear you. our relationship became troubled, at times i had a very hard time expressing to her exactly what was going on.

 

the non-identifying factor didn't really 'hit' me until i came from out of my self-imposed isolation

 

qigong has come recommended to me a number of times but there aren't any teachers near me and transportation is a bit of an issue.

 

do you think Vitalii would have a problem with me private messaging them?

i've heard there are some sufi practices that are decent for heart oriented work/progress

 

i'll check out the website

 

 

thank you,

 

[Spotless]

yea.

 

i saw what i think is the last half of this movie called 'the edge' with anthony hopkins and there's a scene where he and i think one of the baldwins is emerging from the forest, after a 'long story', and they say to eachother something along the lines of people always wanting to change what is but rarely so they just start over completely. i felt like that was very applicable to my current situation.

 

how has your sleep changed?

when i was having a peak experience and i had a lot of energy, the 'sleep' was pretty unnerving. to an extent it was as if i was still 'conscious' while sleeping. i noticed probably for the first time the silence that arose between the thoughts i had, it was like my words would echo- so i very quickly learned how to block out 'interference' because it was imperative to have a decent 'sleep'.

when you sleep are you still conscious of yourself/thoughts/surroundings? i've heard that being the case when one's 'third/heavenly eye' has opened, especially visually

 

yes, i hear you. our relationship became troubled, at times i had a very hard time expressing to her exactly what was going on.

 

the non-identifying factor didn't really 'hit' me until i came from out of my self-imposed isolation

 

qigong has come recommended to me a number of times but there aren't any teachers near me and transportation is a bit of an issue.

 

do you think Vitalii would have a problem with me private messaging them?

i've heard there are some sufi practices that are decent for heart oriented work/progress

 

i'll check out the website

 

 

thank you,

 

Vitalii and Ya Mu would both be open to you and probably will jump in here at some point.

Ya Mu has all sorts of online stuff and he seems to be very good at teaching and presenting the various practices.

Vitalii is very technical and may well have some good tips for you.

 

Often here we skim over the subtle stuff but it is not necessary - the subtle stuff is the important stuff even if it is simple.

 

Regarding sleep - I am pretty much not sleeping - but my body sleeps. It is taking time to get used to and sometimes I move into a dreamy awareness like im watching a movie. I dont feel tired anymore - and I don't go through a waking process in the morning where I need a cup of coffee or tea to "wake up".

I a aware of my wifes sleep, the dogs movements and if my son jumps into bed.

 

Sometimes I get up and practice or workout or look at this site to see what is up.

Edited July 9, 2014 by Spotless

[nestentrie]

honestly, i find that possibilty to be pretty terrifying considering what's already transpired.

i'm 25, 33 has been appearing quite a bit in my life these last few months.

 

with the quote are you suggesting that my brain has just gotten older/matured?

 

people my age are usually fully immersed in the passions of life

 

Hmm. Perhaps it would sound terrifying for one who might have to go through it. What I'd like to emphasise is the peace that comes after.

 

To the question of maturity I'm not really sure. It just seemed that for me there was a physical process that I went through, and that any lethargy, disinterest or general dullness lifted, as if i'd been given a drug to clear a headache. (Also, as if I was going through an enlightening process).

 

I don't hold that I did becomes enlightened: I hold that the buddha was talking of this process when he talked of enlightenment, that enlightenment, however glorious is not merely, but all the same just a part of growing...

 

Buddha said: "I consider the positions of kings and rulers as that of dust motes. I observe treasures of gold and gems as so many bricks and pebbles. I look upon the finest silken robes as tattered rags. I see myriad worlds of the universe as small seeds of fruit, and the greatest lake in India as a drop of oil on my foot. I perceive the teachings of the world to be the illusion of magicians. I discern the highest conception of emancipation as a golden brocade in a dream, and view the holy path of the illuminated ones as flowers appearing in one's eyes. I see meditation as a pillar of a mountain, Nirvana as a nightmare of daytime. I look upon the judgment of right and wrong as the serpentine dance of a dragon, and the rise and fall of beliefs as but traces left by the four seasons."

[goldisheavy]

sunchild,

 

What you describe sounds like on some level you no longer care about this phenomenal world, you know, the world you can see and touch.

 

It's not that your soul is missing, but your soul basically left this realm to some extent. Things here probably bore you, and your appreciation for whatever you experience here migtht be pretentious rather than genuine. Does this ring any bells?

 

If I am correct, you're starting to experience the natural ambiguity of phenomena. Since phenomena are not obliged to appear clearly delineated, it may seem like "fog" because in the fog everything is less distinct and less obvious.

 

When appearances do not interest you, then the distinctions between appearances become less interesting. This makes things more indistinct, more ambiguous. It's a necessary stage on some paths, depending on the path.

 

It's hard to say a lot more without knowing you personally.

[sunchild]

sunchild,

 

What you describe sounds like on some level you no longer care about this phenomenal world, you know, the world you can see and touch.

 

It's not that your soul is missing, but your soul basically left this realm to some extent. Things here probably bore you, and your appreciation for whatever you experience here migtht be pretentious rather than genuine. Does this ring any bells?

 

If I am correct, you're starting to experience the natural ambiguity of phenomena. Since phenomena are not obliged to appear clearly delineated, it may seem like "fog" because in the fog everything is less distinct and less obvious.

 

When appearances do not interest you, then the distinctions between appearances become less interesting. This makes things more indistinct, more ambiguous. It's a necessary stage on some paths, depending on the path.

 

It's hard to say a lot more without knowing you personally.

i don't know how to describe it, but i wouldn't flat out say i don't care about the 'physical' world. i don't know, it's like a jadedness, it's illusory anyway right?

 

so you're saying my soul actually left? that would make a lot of sense. is there any way to 'ground' or try to regain that piece? it's quite awful having to live here without it.

 

you really think this is necessary? sometimes i'm not even sure of what 'path' i'm walking.

 

 

most of what you've said so far rings fairly true. what would you need to know about me to paint a better picture?

[sunchild]

this ruined my relationship. it's absolutely heart wrenching to reminisce over times past, especially those times when it was foggy. i can see where it got progressively worse. it is horrible. she cries so much, even now as we're separated. it feels like something took that warm love feeling away from me, forever. i feel 'evil' sometimes, i've grown so detached. it feels like i'm a world away from her even when she's right in front of me. i'm unsure as to whether i can even have a 'working/normal' relationship again.

[goldisheavy]

i don't know how to describe it, but i wouldn't flat out say i don't care about the 'physical' world. i don't know, it's like a jadedness, it's illusory anyway right?

 

so you're saying my soul actually left? that would make a lot of sense. is there any way to 'ground' or try to regain that piece? it's quite awful having to live here without it.

 

Well, it's just a manner of speaking. I wouldn't go so far as to insist that your soul actually left, lol. But it seems I got my message across. You seem to get what I am talking about. So that's what matters.

 

Thing is, you must have found the world either awful or boring to leave it in the first place. So can you fool yourself into thinking the world is really good or really interesting? Probably not. Trickery only goes so far.

 

It may be possible to reconsider certain things and to then change one's opinion genuinely, but that's not trivial. There is no generic process for it because your reasons for disliking the world are individual and specific to you, and so to turn that around it would need to be honest in a way that speaks to you and that is specific to your views. A bunch of sappy "happy happy joy joy" bullshit will not make you like the world. If you've deparated to such an extent that you experience fog, it's probably because something very non-trivial is going on, so it would be silly to expect a trivial intervention to fix it all back up how it was.

 

What I would suggest for you is not so much trying to return to how you used to be, but find a new way to have clarity and well-being that honors the new you, together with your sensibilities. Go forward. Don't try to return or go backward.

 

I'll tell you what I know of grounding. You can try it and see if it helps. Basically I know two ways how to ground. One is symbolic and one is let's say contemplative.

 

So the symbolic method is to use the meanings or connotations of certain perceptions to your advantage.

 

Try putting your attention at or below foot level for a time, and do this as a kind of meditation. I prefer sinking my attention say 100 meters into the Earth toward the center of the Earth, basically deep below the ground. But just moving your attention any significant amount downward can have a grounding effect. This is especially helpful if you tend to be in your head a lot or up in the clouds and you deliberately want to reverse that airy feel.

 

Another similar method is visualizing velvety blackness, and then resting in it, but in your case it may not help much, because blackness subdues excitation, which is grounding, but probably not the kind that you need, since being overly excited is probably not your problem.

 

If you feel dullness (this is different from fogginess), low excitation, then you can try visualizing brilliant white and resting in that.

 

A contemplative way of grounding is to understand what "ground" means and then to use that understanding to your advantage.

 

"Ground" means "conventionality." So increase your participation in convention. Convention is anything physical or social. So going to the gym, watching movies with friends, going out to dinner with friends, playing sports, gardening or farming, reading a newspaper, and similar can ground you in a conventional sense.

 

Another way you can become more conventionalized is if your sleep pattern is weird, make it normal again. Wake up in the morning. Sleep at night. Open your windows in the day. Let the sun and the air in. Take a cold shower in the morning. Go for a jog. This kind of stuff will conventionalize you. If your sleep pattern is already normal then this advice doesn't apply to you. But a lot of people who have departed convention will also have strange sleep patterns.

 

But whether or not these things can help you strongly depends on the state of your soul. If your soul is seriously wanting to depart for what appear like very weighty and non-trivial internal reasons, then doing the above with the hopes of grounding will just feel phony to you and it won't work. So you can try some of the suggestons that seem like they might help, and if you feel phony, then you will know what's up. Or they might just work.

 

you really think this is necessary? sometimes i'm not even sure of what 'path' i'm walking.

 

 

Maybe you really don't care either way. That's a path of not giving a fuck. It's not an official path, but it's a path.

 

If you seriously don't care, can something force you to care? Can you force yourself to care?

 

I tell you what though. Regardless of whether you're in the world or out of it, regardless of whether things seem foggy or clear, you can always love yourself. So maybe you should start there. Try loving yourself as you are. Are you trying to "ground" yourself just to fit in, or is it a very genuine personal desire for you? Are you trying to match how other people feel? As in, how do you arrive at an idea of how you should feel? Maybe how you are feeling right now is exactly how you should be feeling right now? I'm not saying you should feel as you do. I am just saying, consider it as a possibility and don't automatically assume you need be like everyone else.

 

Try to look into yourself and figure out how you feel about everything. What do you enjoy most in life? I don't mean on Earth. I mean what do you enjoy most in life, period, at all? What do you like about yourself the best?

 

 

most of what you've said so far rings fairly true. what would you need to know about me to paint a better picture?

 

Well, tell me what you like the most in life. Tell me what you like about yourself. Tell me what interests and intrigues you. Tell me what bores you and why. Tell me things you dislike and why. Tell me something about your dreams. Basically just tell me that which you think the world should know about you. Don't think of me as a person. Think of me as a representative of the universe. If you want to say something to the universe, what would you say?

Edited July 10, 2014 by goldisheavy

[allinone]

You have brain, but its not your brain. Its like a partner without you can't do a thing, but your partner is believeing in things what aren't really there.

Its like trying to tell something but its not reaching to the listeners.

Subtle wrong ideas are like illusions but as long we don't know the trick they are truth.

 

Start really investigating motives of your brain. The fog is surely created by some unconscious idea how life should be.

 

also it could be a some kind of depression, you have changed but you are still holding to old.

Edited July 10, 2014 by allinone