mental fog

[sunchild]

Try to look into yourself and figure out how you feel about everything. What do you enjoy most in life? I don't mean on Earth. I mean what do you enjoy most in life, period, at all? What do you like about yourself the best?

 

 

 

Well, tell me what you like the most in life. Tell me what you like about yourself. Tell me what interests and intrigues you. Tell me what bores you and why. Tell me things you dislike and why. Tell me something about your dreams. Basically just tell me that which you think the world should know about you. Don't think of me as a person. Think of me as a representative of the universe. If you want to say something to the universe, what would you say?

all i really have to go on right now are things of the past i used to enjoy, past life interests. the main interest i used to have was writing- mostly poems/lyrics with the occasional short story.

 

i decided to quit making music and writing some of my 'darker' stories because i saw how a few felt about my art, and i didn't want it to affect people negatively. but i found that regardless of the way i choose my wording, or what colors of the human experience i incorporate, people will interpret my art however they want.

it really hurt a big part of me trying to do 'right', i quit doing much at all in fear of doing 'wrong'/'bad'

to me it seems that through most of our mediums of expression, we chose to convey a suffering, a struggle, a sadness, a caricature of our pain. a vein of alienation runs through the majority of our works as a collective. it seems to me that we for the most part feel the need to express these pains not so much out of fear of loneliness/separation, but out of fear that someone else feels as we do- that we aren't alone in our suffering.

for the better part of the last few years i've been suffering, sprinkled with peak perception shattering experiences(non-dual/non-judgemental). i have lost interest in so much, i find it very difficult if not just impossible to give you a solid answer as to what i enjoy doing. i don't really enjoy much anymore. its sad, but i've been kind of beyond sad for a while.

people like asking me for advice, my input on various artistic endeavors. i don't like much about myself. i don't think i really like myself at all anymore, it's not like i dislike myself, i'm just indifferent to myself if that makes sense.

nothing really intrigues me anymore, i've accepted a lot of things as being possible within the last few years than i probably have my entire life.

being alive bores me. people tell me to let go of everything i used to be, well all it does is just leave me a sad/indifferent pile with no worth or meaning. restart life at 25. 25 year old existential crisis.

i don't remember pretty much any of my dreams, i just fade to blackness, awake from blackness.

the only dreams i recall a bit are nightmares. one a few months ago was the world flooding, it was really vivid. i was in some city i don't know of and it was flooding, apocalyptic.

a dream i had a few weeks ago aliens came into my room and were ripping stuff out of my back, it was terrifying i screamed in my sleep and scared my mom. sleep paralysis. my back/body felt better the next day though.

to the universe i want to say, why am i still here? i appreciate having a chance at life and i fully realize how beautiful it is and how amazing people are and the nature they inhabit, i just don't care for it anymore. i'm not interested in much of anything anymore. waiting to die to be honest. i am not suicidal, i'm just done with it. i love life, i just don't want one anymore.

[sunchild]

people have recommended i 'let go'. i'm not sure what else i have to let go of. i don't even know who i am anymore.

 

my ex talked with me today and we worked through a lot of our problems. but i don't even feel like 'me' anymore.

 

one thing that burned my brain was when she said "people get in relationships to get something, everyone wants something from what they're doing". i felt that emptiness inside me when she said that, i don't really want anything at all anymore- besides being able to leave.

 

i'm tired of feeling like i'm retarded and all these people constantly staring at me, it was really bad a couple months ago. my friends even noticed it, recently when i went to the mall he was like 'why is everyone staring at me?!?!" but then i felt him notice they were looking at me and he grew quiet- now he's very distant i don't hear from him. a year ago another friend mentioned that he felt like he was in the movie inception with me "in my subconscious", he was scared how people around us were staring at me walking around.

[sunchild]

i asked to be able to help people about two years ago, i didn't like the way my life was going and i really wanted to make a change. i regret ever asking that.

[goldisheavy]

all i really have to go on right now are things of the past i used to enjoy, past life interests. the main interest i used to have was writing- mostly poems/lyrics with the occasional short story.

 

The past is completely irrelevant. I am asking you about your current state. I don't want to talk to your memory of you. I want to talk to you directly.

 

 

i decided to quit making music and writing some of my 'darker' stories because i saw how a few felt about my art, and i didn't want it to affect people negatively. but i found that regardless of the way i choose my wording, or what colors of the human experience i incorporate, people will interpret my art however they want.

it really hurt a big part of me trying to do 'right', i quit doing much at all in fear of doing 'wrong'/'bad'

Aha. So you don't want to hurt people. When you were making your art, was it your intention to hurt people? Do people have the option to ignore your art? Or did you shove your art into people's faces?

 

to me it seems that through most of our mediums of expression, we chose to convey a suffering, a struggle, a sadness, a caricature of our pain. a vein of alienation runs through the majority of our works as a collective. it seems to me that we for the most part feel the need to express these pains not so much out of fear of loneliness/separation, but out of fear that someone else feels as we do- that we aren't alone in our suffering.

Why is it scary to contemplate that we might not be alone in fearing alienation?

 

for the better part of the last few years i've been suffering, sprinkled with peak perception shattering experiences(non-dual/non-judgemental). i have lost interest in so much, i find it very difficult if not just impossible to give you a solid answer as to what i enjoy doing. i don't really enjoy much anymore. its sad, but i've been kind of beyond sad for a while.

Keep digging. People always have the capacity to enjoy something. That "something" doesn't have to be conventional or specific. It can be something abstract too, or something ineffable.

 

people like asking me for advice, my input on various artistic endeavors. i don't like much about myself. i don't think i really like myself at all anymore, it's not like i dislike myself, i'm just indifferent to myself if that makes sense.

Exactly. If you don't consider yourself to be worthy of attention, you must have some idea of what is worthy. Because without a definite idea of worth, why not pay attention to your current situation? In other words, if you had nothing to compare it to, how would you know your current situation was not joyous?

 

nothing really intrigues me anymore, i've accepted a lot of things as being possible within the last few years than i probably have my entire life.

Aha.

 

being alive bores me. people tell me to let go of everything i used to be, well all it does is just leave me a sad/indifferent pile with no worth or meaning. restart life at 25. 25 year old existential crisis.

You can always return to some reasonable semblance of how you used to be if that's what you want.

 

i don't remember pretty much any of my dreams, i just fade to blackness, awake from blackness.

the only dreams i recall a bit are nightmares. one a few months ago was the world flooding, it was really vivid. i was in some city i don't know of and it was flooding, apocalyptic.

a dream i had a few weeks ago aliens came into my room and were ripping stuff out of my back, it was terrifying i screamed in my sleep and scared my mom. sleep paralysis. my back/body felt better the next day though.

OK, so if you were terrified it means you still had something to lose. That means you still care about and love some aspect of yourself. That means you're not indifferent toward yourself, unlike what you said ealier. This probably needs to be investigated carefully.

 

to the universe i want to say, why am i still here? i appreciate having a chance at life and i fully realize how beautiful it is and how amazing people are and the nature they inhabit, i just don't care for it anymore. i'm not interested in much of anything anymore. waiting to die to be honest. i am not suicidal, i'm just done with it. i love life, i just don't want one anymore.

 

Aren't you lying a little bit? You love life but don't want one? Seriously? You can't fool the universe. Try again.

[sunchild]

and while im ranting what is up with all of these white lights i've been seeing for the last couple years?

 

i've noticed they appear more frequently when i'm relaxed and closer to 'the fog'.

 

sometimes they're flashes, other times they'll stick around in my field of vision for a while until i try to focus on them intently. especially the blue light, there's like this little light blueish light that appears right in the middle of my vision and tends to stay there- this light is more common when i'm meditating/praying/being absent from stress/the world.

 

then the last one is this yellowish/amber light that occupies the center of my field of vision for most of the day. it always there. its like a mini sun, i don't notice it as much as i did a year ago because i've went through steps to better 'ignore it' ha. whenever its 'more yellow'(mostly when i have more energy/higher energy) and it affects people i look at? if that makes sense

[sunchild]

The past is completely irrelevant. I am asking you about your current state. I don't want to talk to your memory of you. I want to talk to you directly.

 

Aha. So you don't want to hurt people. When you were making your art, was it your intention to hurt people? Do people have the option to ignore your art? Or did you shove your art into people's faces?

Why is it scary to contemplate that we might not be alone in fearing alienation?

Keep digging. People always have the capacity to enjoy something. That "something" doesn't have to be conventional or specific. It can be something abstract too, or something ineffable.

Exactly. If you don't consider yourself to be worthy of attention, you must have some idea of what is worthy. Because without a definite idea of worth, why not pay attention to your current situation? In other words, if you had nothing to compare it to, how would you know your current situation was not joyous?

Aha.

You can always return to some reasonable semblance of how you used to be if that's what you want.

OK, so if you were terrified it means you still had something to lose. That means you still care about and love some aspect of yourself. That means you're not indifferent toward yourself, unlike what you said ealier. This probably needs to be investigated carefully.

 

Aren't you lying a little bit? You love life but don't want one? Seriously? You can't fool the universe. Try again.

my current state? i do not care enough about anything to engage it.

i no longer have any interests.

 

no i didn't make art to hurt others, a lot of my art was imbued with negative connotations/emotions. i didn't force it on anyone, i posted it on a website for posting/sharing music- soundcloud.

 

i didn't say it was scary. i was simply stating a realization about people and art that i had arrived at a while ago.

 

dig for what? i don't have a personality anymore.

 

i'd know my current situation was not joyous from lack of feeling anything and my dissatisfaction with life.

 

returning to a semblance of what i once called life goes against pretty much all spiritual advice i've recieved pertaining to my 'situation', so i think i'll hold off on that. i'm in limbo anyway.

 

so once i learn to be chill about aliens/spirits with low vibrations playing with my organs, i will have completely 'let go'?

 

lying? about what? i don't overstand where you are coming from

 

i love life i really do, its beautiful. everything around me is beautiful. i see it, i know it.

i just don't care for any of it anymore, its grown to be very trivial or mundane as some users here like to say.

i'm not trying to fool anyone. i'm over life, it isn't that great to me anymore. you act like you can't realize how amazing something is or see how beautiful something is and just leave it as it is. if you love a flower, don't pick it up out of the ground.

even these energy masters and qigong guys just meditate all the time and explore their inner headspace 24/7, besides 'heal' people. and no one seems to have a problem with that. they for the most part isolate themselves from society/life in general but they're 'cultivating'... whatever. i'd rather not lie to myself about it and admit i've just fallen out of love with life.

 

the truth.

[goldisheavy]

my current state? i do not care enough about anything to engage it.

i no longer have any interests.

 

This can't be true because you're still in the converstion. You still discern fogginess.

 

 

no i didn't make art to hurt others, a lot of my art was imbued with negative connotations/emotions. i didn't force it on anyone, i posted it on a website for posting/sharing music- soundcloud.

 

So it sounds like you had no ill will, and yet you allowed people nearly complete control in how you define yourself and your art.

 

i didn't say it was scary. i was simply stating a realization about people and art that i had arrived at a while ago.

 

So it's scary to them. Did you ask them about it?

 

dig for what? i don't have a personality anymore.

 

Then why are you still recognizable and distinguishable to me?

 

i'd know my current situation was not joyous from lack of feeling anything and my dissatisfaction with life.

 

Right. So you know what would be joyous.

 

returning to a semblance of what i once called life goes against pretty much all spiritual advice i've recieved pertaining to my 'situation', so i think i'll hold off on that. i'm in limbo anyway.

 

I see. You're "advice-driven." What a shame. No wonder you are indifferent to yourself. If you always go by advice, it means it's the job of the other people to care about you, and you no longer need to care about yourself. Then you become indifferent to yourself as a result.

 

So what you're teaching me, is that if I want to become indifferent and joyless I just need to follow the spiritual advice of the others. Good to know.

 

so once i learn to be chill about aliens/spirits with low vibrations playing with my organs, i will have completely 'let go'?

 

No, not even then. You're still clinging to your false idea of what "letting go" means. If you're always trying to let go, how can it be said that you've let go?

 

lying? about what? i don't overstand where you are coming from

 

Nice Rasta reference, but no, sorry, I don't buy it.

 

i love life i really do, its beautiful. everything around me is beautiful. i see it, i know it.

 

Bullshit.

 

i just don't care for any of it anymore, its grown to be very trivial or mundane as some users here like to say.

 

Make your life extraordinary.

 

 

i'm not trying to fool anyone. i'm over life, it isn't that great to me anymore. you act like you can't realize how amazing something is or see how beautiful something is and just leave it as it is. if you love a flower, don't pick it up out of the ground.

 

OK, but you're talking about leaving life as it really is as if you're going to go some other place. Where are you going to? If you have nowhere else to go, how can you say you've left life as it is?

 

Being indifferent to a flower is not the same as enjoying it. And of course enjoying it is not the same as picking it up.

 

even these energy masters and qigong guys just meditate all the time and explore their inner headspace 24/7, besides 'heal' people. and no one seems to have a problem with that. they for the most part isolate themselves from society/life in general but they're 'cultivating'... whatever. i'd rather not lie to myself about it and admit i've just fallen out of love with life.

 

the truth.

 

Love is not an emotion. Love is participation.

[idiot_stimpy]

Relax into the fog.

 

Don't be so hard on yourself.

 

Edited July 11, 2014 by idiot_stimpy

[4bsolute]

Easy, clean your gut. Eat fresh greens and fruit. Get fresh air, breath deeply and reduce your stress to 0.

 

Greater clarity should come very fast.

 

Next step: Clean your thoughts and rephrase / reprogram what thoughts reach you. Write them down if possible. Next to no thoughts is achieved with meditation once a day, starting with 10minutes in the evening before you go to bed. Increase time as you like. Then of course reduce your daily input of information to a bare minimum. Be selective what information you want to process and expand. It is like eating food. Your being then contains of the food you ate and the thoughts that reach you (and the creation you put out). Make an effortless effort in removing all negative thoughts. Since they Also cause stress = more eating, unbalanced lifestyle. Thoughts must have priority #1 even though I write this nearly in the mid to end here.

 

Also keep in mind that often people do not get the results they want because 1.) they have some imaginary results in their head and when they should happen. Meaning removing all expectations. Forget "stages" and 2.) because they are not consistent with their practice. Everything works in cycles and if you miss cycles.. you miss cycles. Every child knows what that means

Edited July 12, 2014 by 4bsolute

[sunchild]

This can't be true because you're still in the converstion. You still discern fogginess.

 

 

 

So it sounds like you had no ill will, and yet you allowed people nearly complete control in how you define yourself and your art.

 

 

So it's scary to them. Did you ask them about it?

 

 

Then why are you still recognizable and distinguishable to me?

 

 

Right. So you know what would be joyous.

 

 

I see. You're "advice-driven." What a shame. No wonder you are indifferent to yourself. If you always go by advice, it means it's the job of the other people to care about you, and you no longer need to care about yourself. Then you become indifferent to yourself as a result.

 

So what you're teaching me, is that if I want to become indifferent and joyless I just need to follow the spiritual advice of the others. Good to know.

 

 

No, not even then. You're still clinging to your false idea of what "letting go" means. If you're always trying to let go, how can it be said that you've let go?

 

 

Nice Rasta reference, but no, sorry, I don't buy it.

 

 

Bullshit.

 

 

Make your life extraordinary.

 

 

 

OK, but you're talking about leaving life as it really is as if you're going to go some other place. Where are you going to? If you have nowhere else to go, how can you say you've left life as it is?

 

Being indifferent to a flower is not the same as enjoying it. And of course enjoying it is not the same as picking it up.

 

 

Love is not an emotion. Love is participation.

i dont want to be here anymore because of this bullshit dualistic reality and the myriad of trivialities and people i have to put up with/accept every day. why not just not do any of it. i really enjoyed it to a point. but now the fun has been had. theres literally nothing that holds my interest anymore, there's nothing important to me- maybe because life is meaningless anyway!! that could be it. maybe because no matter how hard i try i will always fail- the pendulum just wings back to the other polarity and then boom square one.

 

it's not about where i'm headed after i die, it's about where i'm leaving. i don't care if i just fade to black and rot in the earth after this. i just don't want to be doing this shit next year. there's only so much to do here. i am bored/jaded on it honestly.

 

yet you sit here and try to roast me for some fool because i no longer see any reason to want to participate in this circus any longer. life is beautiful, just not something i care for any longer. you can only beat your favorite game so many times before it becomes 'old'. and since this is a game you can't 'win' at all, you just kind of mindlessly wander through it for decades- doing the exact same shit with people who are exactly alike- for decades. if you think i'm bullshitting you when i say i'm over life here, then you can fuck off.

 

i don't care about life anymore. i don't know why it's so hard for you to grasp.

i'm sick of being stuck here with these endless herds of intellectual mammals damned who flail around blindly as they are dragged through life by their egoistic character/wants,needs,whatever. hopping trains through tunnels of self-centered selfish pursuit.

 

if love isn't an emotion and is a action to you. then love is no different from hate.

 

i'm glad you're enjoying life friend

[GrandmasterP]

That's the spirit Sunchild.

Keep smiling.

Turn those lemons into lemonade dude.

Edited July 14, 2014 by GrandmasterP

[manitou]

Masters do reach a High Indifference, but without the judgment. This is most likely part of your progress.

 

Be One with the task, as CT said in his magnificent post earlier. It's like it says in the TTC - we can integrate fully with the action by choice; or we can transcend the situation and see it in its entirety. Sounds like you may need to engage the task (like being with your girlfriend) in a more Be Here Now way.

[sunchild]

it's weird.

 

i feel more numb than i ever have, but i feel more than i ever have.

[idiot_stimpy]

it's weird.

 

i feel more numb than i ever have, but i feel more than i ever have.

 

When you stop fighting it, it will stop fighting you.

[Stosh]

^{I dont know you all that well , but that which you are describing is as old as the hills ,}

^{and it may seem cliche' but the nature of men is still the same..}

^{You must go on a worthy quest .}

^IMO

 

^{"Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people's hats off - then, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can." ”Moby Dick}

Edited July 20, 2014 by Stosh

[hagar]

i dont want to be here anymore because of this bullshit dualistic reality and the myriad of trivialities and people i have to put up with/accept every day. why not just not do any of it. i really enjoyed it to a point. but now the fun has been had. theres literally nothing that holds my interest anymore, there's nothing important to me- maybe because life is meaningless anyway!! that could be it. maybe because no matter how hard i try i will always fail- the pendulum just wings back to the other polarity and then boom square one.

 

it's not about where i'm headed after i die, it's about where i'm leaving. i don't care if i just fade to black and rot in the earth after this. i just don't want to be doing this shit next year. there's only so much to do here. i am bored/jaded on it honestly.

 

yet you sit here and try to roast me for some fool because i no longer see any reason to want to participate in this circus any longer. life is beautiful, just not something i care for any longer. you can only beat your favorite game so many times before it becomes 'old'. and since this is a game you can't 'win' at all, you just kind of mindlessly wander through it for decades- doing the exact same shit with people who are exactly alike- for decades. if you think i'm bullshitting you when i say i'm over life here, then you can fuck off.

 

i don't care about life anymore. i don't know why it's so hard for you to grasp.

i'm sick of being stuck here with these endless herds of intellectual mammals damned who flail around blindly as they are dragged through life by their egoistic character/wants,needs,whatever. hopping trains through tunnels of self-centered selfish pursuit.

 

if love isn't an emotion and is a action to you. then love is no different from hate.

 

i'm glad you're enjoying life friend

 

Having K or other energy or spiritual openings more often than not leads to some form of lingering depression, because it undermines your sense of existential equilibrium.

 

My own "openings" left me unmotivated, unengaged, aloof, sad, longing, unrealistic and quite dishonest with myself.

I felt special, spiritual, and even indulged in my sense of disenchantment with the world. Most importantly, I did not realize I was avoiding an immense amount of unprocessed baggaged that my "opening" literally bypassed.

I did not realize that I was ruining my life, so life sent me a curveball. I became a parent.

Suddenly not so unengaged anymore.

 

Regarding the fog; K may induce alot of neurochemical imbalance and also other issues might be causing what I read as a sort of depression. If you look up K - syndrome and depression, you might get some insights. Brainfog may also be grounded in dopamine imbalance or hypersensitivity.

 

Life is really difficult, and until you are able to be detached and be aloof in the most challenging and painful situations while still being completely without self-consiousness, I might hear you on your urge to leave this place.

 

Just my 2 øre

[z00se]

Sure you could go along with it, but it seems there is something you don't like about it, so why try to like something you don't like. You wouldn't have taken the time to post if you didn't care about this. This seems something you DO care about. So you could probably go along with it and drift deeper so that then you don't care about it and continue on until you have lost everything. Sure it is spiritual but you have eternity to be spiritual, you only have this body and THIS part of life for 90 odd years if your lucky. -- Grab it by the balls, squeeze hard and live it every moment how you would want to. Make your mark on this earth.

 

I used to be the opposite to you, i took a more high energy approach to my practice where i had unlimited energy, couldn't sleep (well not sleep like i used to, body slept but i was always aware) and i didn't like it either. I cared about whatever i put my mind to and had energy to do anything, but i couldn't just turn off, even though i was more rested in peace than i ever was before, there was something i still sorely missed. I could do while not doing, but sometimes i just wanted to be. It's not i didn't like it, even though i had it all, still something was lacking. Seems to me you are be'ing but want to be doing too. Once i relaxed into the moment all the problems faded and then there was no sense of anything lacking. But life twists and turns things don't stay the same.

 

Anyhow, I think you need some ompf, it's like you are a spinning top balanced perfectly in the centre that is slowly spinning (or perhaps it is the things that are spinning around you) where i was a spinning top spinning fast so that i sat perfectly balanced. Now i find it's that time when the spinning top starts to slow down and gets a wobble that is the best. You get to lean out in all directions which gives balance still but gives life too.

 

Anyway what i think you need is energy and drive. This is incoming energy more than outgoing energy. Qigong and especially MCO is good (not macrocosmic, keep the energy inside your torso and head, instead of your arms & legs), or even just trying to bring energy into your dantien. It's basic and simple and will give you energy, and give energy to your emotions and give you drive. Don't 'let go', all the time, thats what makes you not care. Find something you care about, bring in some energy from qigong and put your awareness on what you want to do. If you don't know qigong and can't muster the desire to learn, do mantak chia's iron shirt III (you will easily be balanced enough to do it). Massage your balls / ducts and pull the energy inwards and upwards towards your head. Hanging weights from your balls / penis will boost your oompf, it strengthens your balls, the glands that produce testostarone. It makes me want to have lots of sex and steamroller the guys in the way of my goals. You need a little bit of this. Just remember to massage after or you can get blood clots. You can read the book on the net, but just massage alone without weights will start to help. Do it daily and don't ejaculate and in a few days you will see your energy, power and ambition growing. You can do it with any other suggestions people make. This will certainly see results very quickly.

 

You don't need to lose the good aspects of what you have cultivated, you just need energy to do the things you what while keeping the old.

[z00se]

Regarding the fog; K may induce alot of neurochemical imbalance and also other issues might be causing what I read as a sort of depression. If you look up K - syndrome and depression, you might get some insights. Brainfog may also be grounded in dopamine imbalance or hypersensitivity.

 

Life is really difficult, and until you are able to be detached and be aloof in the most challenging and painful situations while still being completely without self-consiousness, I might hear you on your urge to leave this place.

 

Just my 2 øre

 

Do you mean K - kundalini or K-ketamine?

[hagar]

Do you mean K - kundalini or K-ketamine?

 

The first.

 

h

[marcus2013]

My own "openings" left me unmotivated, unengaged, aloof, sad, longing, unrealistic and quite dishonest with myself.

I felt special, spiritual, and even indulged in my sense of disenchantment with the world. Most importantly, I did not realize I was avoiding an immense amount of unprocessed baggaged that my "opening" literally bypassed.

I did not realize that I was ruining my life, so life sent me a curveball. I became a parent.

Suddenly not so unengaged anymore.

 

I feel so much related to your experience. I kind of have felt the same before the "openings" but in a much lesser degree, after the "openings" they are much worst.

 

How does one heal that ? (besides being a parent which I don't think is going to happen anytime soon)

 

Or does it have to be healed at all ? At this point I don't know.

[GrandmasterP]

it's weird.

 

i feel more numb than i ever have, but i feel more than i ever have.

 

Henceforth I ask not good-fortune, I myself am good-fortune,

Henceforth I whimper no more, postpone no more, need nothing,

Done with indoor complaints, libraries, querulous criticisms,

Strong and content I travel the open road.

 

The earth, that is sufficient,

I do not want the constellations any nearer,

I know they are very well where they are,

I know they suffice for those who belong to them.

 

(Walt Whitman: Song of the Open Road).

[hagar]

I feel so much related to your experience. I kind of have felt the same before the "openings" but in a much lesser degree, after the "openings" they are much worst.

 

How does one heal that ? (besides being a parent which I don't think is going to happen anytime soon)

 

Or does it have to be healed at all ? At this point I don't know.

 

My own path has showed me that there is no way around the hand you are given. Actually, my greatest life lesson after 15 years of daoist practices is this; the problems, chaos, issues and baggage you have in and around your life IS the practice. Do not fall for escapism nor asceticism! Those are also common when you have an experience, and everything you thought was true dissappears.

 

If you think a spiritual experience will evaporate your issues, read "After the extasy, the laundry" by Jack Kornfield.

 

I´ve started to relax around my shortcomings. But before I could do that, I had to be honest.

 

I think that is pretty much what it´s all about; knowing myself instead of trying to feel good, or improve my life.

After that, meditation became quite nice. Even if I was in pain.

[sunchild]

My own path has showed me that there is no way around the hand you are given. Actually, my greatest life lesson after 15 years of daoist practices is this; the problems, chaos, issues and baggage you have in and around your life IS the practice. Do not fall for escapism nor asceticism! Those are also common when you have an experience, and everything you thought was true dissappears.

 

If you think a spiritual experience will evaporate your issues, read "After the extasy, the laundry" by Jack Kornfield.

 

I´ve started to relax around my shortcomings. But before I could do that, I had to be honest.

 

I think that is pretty much what it´s all about; knowing myself instead of trying to feel good, or improve my life.

After that, meditation became quite nice. Even if I was in pain.

so there isn't a point.

[sunchild]

i appreciate all of your responses. your efforts are noted and appreciated, thank you for trying

[GrandmasterP]

i appreciate all of your responses. your efforts are noted and appreciated, thank you for trying[/

Abraham Lincoln — 'Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be.'